Guard Your Eyes - Forum Kunena Site Syndication Mon, 22 Jul 2019 15:47:47 +0000 Kunena 1.6 Guard Your Eyes - Forum en-gb Subject: Thank You! - by: Inspired
Thank you! I joined GYE 19 days ago and B"H I am still clean! The forums are what keep me going. Just reading about and knowing other experiences provide tremendous chizuk. Koach Harabim!

In the back of my mind a small voice is saying to me "You know this won't last, right?!". And truthfully that little voice scares me.

Being clean for an extended period of time poses the risk of becoming complacent and overconfident. I know this to b true of myself and therefore my little voice is overcompensating in the other direction, which is also very detrimental.

Any advice?!]]>
Break Free Mon, 22 Jul 2019 03:46:04 +0000
Subject: Its 2019 - access is everywhere - by: Yidyidyid Here it goes....time to tell my whole story. Hopefully merely putting it into words will give me some strength and/or insight into my struggles. And hopefully others will have some insight to share as well...

Im in my early 30's, married, overall successful in my life endeavors. If you knew me, I think you'd think Im a regular, successful normal guy. However, Ive unfortunately been struggling with porn and mzl since childhood (maybe 10 years old). I have had streaks, on and off, good times and bad, but here I am 20 years later, still struggling. 
Long story short - I got involved with GYE about a year and half ago and it has been super helpful. It is nice to not be alone in this struggle and its helpful to share ideas and strategies. With the help of some people I met here, Ive had multiple nice streaks of 50-60 days...but inevitably I fall again. 
I have found that the best thing to get me to those 60 day streaks is to simply remove all access to open internet. Now this is very tricky in 2019 - internet is needed for job, school, banking etc etc. I installed good filters on all my computers at home as well as on my phone. However the phone thing always seemed to get me. Even with filter and all, spending so much time (unfortunately) with my phone would somehow allow me to find "loopholes" for getting around the filter. 

I finally came up with a pretty good plan: I deleted the internet app from my phone and just left my email app, WhatsApp, and any other apps that I felt I would need for work. This was perfect - I still technically had internet connection on my phone so I could stay up to date on my emails etc, but in practice I had no way to search for anything that I shouldn't be searching for. 
​I also had to do 1 more thing --- I went into the settings on my phone and removed the App Store (locked it up with a password that I dont know) so that I could not download an internet browser app (Firefox, safari etc) onto my phone. 
This was a good plan - and it worked for a while. 
​However recently, my work required me download a messaging app that all the employees use (similar to WhatsApp, but different app). I have discovered that this app has a "built-in" internet browser. In other words - even without safari, chrome, Firefox etc, I have been able to access internet straight through this messaging app. Needless to say, it has not been good for me. Im in a really bad place and need some help.

It is 2019 and Im beginning to worry that simply removing all access to the internet (the method that has been helpful for me over the past year) may simply not be feasible?
I am scared...I honestly dont think I can overcome this struggle as long as I have on the device in my pocket...

One final thought: my understanding is that people who do 12 step programs learn to control their addiction even when the material may be avaialble (as opposed to my recent method of trying to remove all access). Is that a true statement? 
Could it be time for me to join 12 step meetings and learn how to control myself...even with access sitting there in my pocket?

If you are still reading this...thanks...
any help is greatly appreciated.

Break Free Wed, 17 Jul 2019 01:09:00 +0000
Subject: GREAT HANDBOOK TO BATTLE TAYVA/Understanding Life - by: Johnny]]> Break Free Tue, 16 Jul 2019 13:16:16 +0000 Subject: Frustrated - by: seinayim Break Free Sun, 14 Jul 2019 19:52:22 +0000 Subject: I'm Back! - by: DeterminedtoWin
It's been a very long time since I've posted or even looked at the forums. The time has come that I've decided I must get involved again if I want to really break free from the addictive and destructive behaviors that keep returning no matter how much better I think (or wish) I am doing. 

I joined the GYE program almost a year and a half ago and have grown tremendously from it. I was zoiche to experience the taste of freedom with a streak ending in the 150's. However, once I broke my streak a bunch of months ago it has been off and on ever since. I think that I've been telling myself, "Look, now I know that I can stay clean if I want to and that this doesn't count. I will go back to leaving it all behind one day again, but for now just this once." I still tried to stay clean but would keep falling every few weeks and began to care less and less, always telling myself that I can get clean again and that one day I'll go back to it for real. I've been suffering from a serious case of doing these things so often "na'asa lo k'heter".

I'm not sure what clicked, but now I finally decided that I want to go back to it for real. I very much want to go back to really making it happen and working hard on getting and staying clean for good. I know that when I was involved on the forums it was much easier. I didn't feel as alone. Yes, I do have a partner and a sponsor but I have been feeling too ashamed to give them the full picture of where things are holding (now you know ) and I've come to realize that at the end of the day, "ein hadavar talui elah be." 

The problem is that life is so busy and it's not easy to find the time. I am now determined to find the time at least once a week or every other week to visit the forums and get involved again. Also, now that I am being more open with my partner and sponsor it can be easier to stay more in touch with them. It's not easy to admit that I haven't managed to really stop these behaviors but I think it's worth the embarrassment. I also feel bad and hope that I'm not making them meshuga with all my updates and check ins. Life is busy for all of us.

Bottom line - I hereby am reigniting my determination to get clean and be"H will be zoiche to kick the destructive habits once and for all!!

Thank you all for being there,
Break Free Thu, 04 Jul 2019 23:25:48 +0000
Subject: Anyone else? - by: littlebylittle

anyone else had such experiances? ]]>
Break Free Sun, 30 Jun 2019 11:58:13 +0000