Guard Your Eyes - Forum Kunena Site Syndication Mon, 28 Sep 2020 23:45:42 +0000 Kunena 1.6 Guard Your Eyes - Forum en-gb Subject: Tips on how to resist an unfiltered device. - by: Zivug Break Free Fri, 25 Sep 2020 14:28:25 +0000 Subject: Filter Trouble - by: Im Tevakshena Kakasef
I've got some trouble with my filter. I mean, it works fine, but I can easily bypass it. I purposely don't want to go into the how's or any specific detail, in case I accidently make it easier for someone to fall, cv. (Although I'm not talking very tech savy stuff, its really kind of simple and basic internet knowledge.)

Anyway, if anyone thinks they may be able to help, can you please send me a private chat or something? I've contacted my local TAG but not received an answer yet.

Thanks, gemar chasima tova.]]>
Break Free Thu, 24 Sep 2020 11:45:51 +0000
Subject: I'm an 80 widower. Does it still apply? - by: marci212 My question is whether or not the prohibition even applies to me?
I am 80 years old. I am widowed. I was married for 45 years. I have wonderful children and grandchildren. I have no interest in marrying again and even if I did it is physically unlikely that my spouse could conceive.

Thus, if you contend that this prohibition applies to me and my circumstances I would appreciate receiving explicit halachic authority (citations please) which proclaim that this prohibition applies to me AT MY AGE and under my specific circumstances.

I understand why it applies to the life cycle of maturing boys and unmarried younger men. However, I have found NO authority whatsoever of its application to men in my circumstances and at my stage of life as a widower. Perhaps because it no longer does apply to me?

I have fulfilled the required mitzvot of a man, in that regard. So I am reaching out to you for confirmation or clarification.

Thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation and support.

    Break Free Wed, 23 Sep 2020 16:52:32 +0000
    Subject: Wrestling theYH - by: 90days4ever
    It occurred to me that there is a strong comparison  between the fight of a professional wrestler and the struggle with the YH  in terms of lust and p&m . Im listing just a few that have affected my perspective on this journey to break free from the YH chokehold, maybe this can be of help to others to.

    1) It's unheard of a wrestler being killed in the ring whilst fighting his opponent.
    so to no one will die from abstaining from p&m or fighting lusts. We have the inbuilt strengths to fight back, albeit they might need perfecting and fine-tuning over time with access to the right tools skills and training. Remember Rome wasn't built in a day

    2) The cardinal rule for every wrestler is to get right back up as quick as possible after a fall
    So to in our fight dont get discouraged from falls just get right back up in to the fight, you can't fight lying down. The way to the championship is only through the fight and inevitable falls slips etc.

    3) Never ever let your guard down that's when the opponent will attack . Being haughty and over confident in your abilities spells disaster.

    4) The opponent will look for your weakest points and will attack you where your most vunrable. Wrestlers do lots of research on their opponents and follow them closely during matches to learn the others faults weekpoints style of fighting and previous injuries, so they can stratagise accordingly. Be aware the YH does exactly the same he is a professional champion wrestler, however with the right tools hashem gives us the strength to overcome him.

    5) The first wrestler to become dominant over his opponent will likely ware down his opponent and win.
    So be warned not to let the YH become dominant in the first place, everything should be done to prevent it controlling you, otherwise you don't get time to breathe or think rationally it will just throw everything it has at you leaving you exausthed.

    Signing of for now, maybe I will conjour up some more lessons to be learnt some other time, but for now this is enough to swallow. ]]>
    Break Free Mon, 14 Sep 2020 20:41:08 +0000
    Subject: Embarrassed & Disgusted - by: Swift Eagle
    I keep having a situation which I find extremely disturbing to myself. I hate any physical touch with my adorable 3 year old son . I know or believe that he needs to be hugged and kissed, held on my lap etc - healthy affection and love & I do my utmost to give it to him despite the difficulty to me in it. I often feel absolutely repulsed by the feeling of touching him in any way and at the same time occasionally get an erection from the very touching that I am repulsed by. I feel so confused and disgusting . I feel like a monster, an ogre, a rotten fly & maggot infested moldy spoiled carcass. 

    Please help!!!!!!]]>
    Break Free Mon, 14 Sep 2020 01:45:46 +0000
    Subject: Daily work recovery tips - by: DavidT Please share your "recovery work" tips here as well.

    1. Focusing on getting through today. Prioritizing recovery work first before other things that were a high priority for me in the past.

    2. Prayer: verbally and meditation throughout the day.

    3. Being brutally honest when it's hard/embarrassing & looking for ways to humble myself.

    4. Recovery from this struggle/addiction/obsession requires removing 2 words from our thoughts - FEAR and GUILT. This obsession feeds itself on those feelings

    5. Phone calls and surrendering when feeling deregulated for any reason. Lust is never a good option.

    6. Setting alarm reminders on the phone etc to think about connection to Hashem.

    8. Fellowship. Interacting with the fellows in person and in chat.

    9. Staying away from any possible triggers. Consciously not looking when out in public. 

    10. Steer away from getting any highs - in order to avoid the lows that follow.

    11. Helping others and in general looking for acts of chesed, in recovery and out.

    12. Recognizing the goodness of Hashem, the miracles and the joys of life and sharing them publicly.

    Break Free Thu, 10 Sep 2020 19:19:02 +0000
    Subject: my struggle - by: TG
    Hi, I am TG and I am a P-Aholic and relapser. Since I was a teen I felt an insatiable need to look/watch P ending in Z. Over the years, once I met my wife I got better, usually no Z, with some clean periods, but inevitably still falling after a certain time needing to see the pictures (usually not videos or Z as result). I stumble and fall a lot, sometimes 30 days clean, one time much longer, usually weeks at most. I once told my wife I used to in the past (until college) but it's still with me and I once tried to broach the idea of a struggle with shemiras which she nearly left me. Hence, the struggle is my own and can't be given to her. I love my wife with all of my as well as my children and this site I hope can help me. I try to be a great husband and father, and there's no chisaron between me and my wife, I feel very taken care of in all aspects by her and think she's the most beautiful woman. This happens to be a beast inside me, that needs to be satiated, needs to see the things when it wants and makes me fall for a while each time. I hope im not a rash gamer and can still be seen as a good guy who has a very bad evil inside. I give podcasts/shiurim/ am an OT and try to make the world a better place as much as I can, and feel so bad about how evil lives in me. Feel free to chat, as my wife often uses my phone so I can't do emails/whatsapps/texts/calls. Thanks for listening!]]>
    Break Free Thu, 10 Sep 2020 19:18:29 +0000
    Subject: The Truth - by: wilnevergiveup
    The truth is however that I really do struggle, even now at 140+ days clean. I Don't struggle as much and I have pretty much figured out (for the most part) what my "triggers" are, but when they come they can still freaks me out.

    It's not a far fetched idea in my mind that I will someday have a full relapse and this too freaks me out. I don't expect it anytime soon but I don't imagine it as a non-possibility. This may be good or may not be, this thought process may keep me focused or it may give me ideas that I really don't want to think about.

    Basically I want to use this thread to post only my struggles and all other inspiration and stuff I will post on my original thread. This way I hopefully will be able to be more aware of myself and my struggled and wont be hiding behind a mask of "oh I'm doing great, just look at my count..."

    The other thing is that I never really opened up about what I actually am going through and over the next little while, hopefully I will be able to do a little of that.

    Your thoughts and input are welcome.

    All the bast,
    Break Free Wed, 09 Sep 2020 19:13:46 +0000
    Subject: Just fell - by: bjo Break Free Fri, 04 Sep 2020 22:39:37 +0000 Subject: Had a fall after more than 90 days clean - by: shmuel83
    This has taught me a few things:
    • We cannot defeat the yetzer hara now. Forget it, it can't be done. B"H when Moshiach comes, he will remove it from the world, but until that time comes, we just have to learn not to engage with it. As we say each day when reciting the Shema, we must learn to not follow after our heart and after our eyes by which we go astray. If Hashem commanded us to do it, then we are capable of doing it.
    • Filters do work. I installed some accountability software on my main computer and I found it did help me to stay on track.
    • The environment is a huge source of temptation. I found it much easier to stay clean while I was working from home, though I did have some lustful thoughts as I am single and live alone. But because I had fewer distractions around me, I found I was less prone to entertain those thoughts.
    • My biggest challenge has been reducing the time I spend on secular entertainment (music, TV, sport), as this can also lead to sin if allowed unchecked. I used to listen to music a lot to unwind, and I still do sometimes, but now I am trying to replace the time I used to spend on entertainment with Torah study (listening to kosher speakers only, like Rabbi Yosef Mizrachi, Rabbi Yaron Reuven, Rabbi Alon Anava) and davening. Strong mussar (for those who are not so addicted) is like an antibiotic for the yetzer hara.
    • Being at home has actually helped me to daven with more intention, even if it is usually in my own language. Making time to talk to Hashem has helped me a lot, as has reciting tehillim.
    • When I was trying to get to 90 days, I updated my count on GYE regularly, and the rewards for reaching each level really helped me to keep going. Each time I made it to a new level, I felt really great and it inspired me to continue. I did fall a few times trying to get to 90 days, and I donated $50 to GYE each time. This was another motivator for me to stay away from things that might lead me to sin.

    In a way the experience of falling has given me a reality check as I now understand that I cannot defeat the yetzer hara on my own, but rather I must establish and maintain systems that reduce the risk that I will fall. This is the battle of our generation and we cannot win it unless we equip ourselves with the weapons that we know are proven to work in the fight against the yetzer hara. But it can be done.]]>
    Break Free Wed, 02 Sep 2020 04:57:44 +0000