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Return to Walmart - A short story from an FFBBT
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: Return to Walmart - A short story from an FFBBT 2413 Views

Re: Return to Walmart - A short story from an FFBBT 27 Jul 2009 17:53 #9845

  • Pintele Yid
Hi Ben-Moshe,

Very much enjoyed your post.

I agree with those that voiced displeasure with the "fuzzball" description but I surmissed that you were utilizing poeting license.

Irrespective of the merits of your description, the point that you were trying to make - namely that your wife is oblivious to your struggles, and sometimes adds to them by sending you on these errands (and possibly in other ways) is very common.

I have had a continous battle with my wife in the area of bringing materials into the house that has pictures of women (not even sensual - but anything is, especially for bochurim which I have several in the house)

Tznius in the house is also an issue. I am very machmir because of my bochurim and she just doesn't get it. She claims I overreact. For most people, it would be "normal" behavior. Boruch Hashem tznius outside of the house is not an issue.

I haven't found a solution to it yet but I read in an awesome Shalom Bayis sefer, "B'Gan Hasholom, from Rav Shalom Arush, that you should just Daven for her every day for 10 minutes to see the light. He says in , that Haaros - giving Musar, is poison to your wife and doesn't help anyway.

He also says that your wife is a mirror image of yourself and that if you see something in her that needs fixing, the Pagam is really in us!  

You might also be interested in something I posted to combat "the street". Unfortunately my Shmiras Einayim has gone down the tubes over the last 2 weeks and I am struggling with it right now. This has caused my davening to go down with it as well. I almost feel like a hypocrite for referring you to the post, but it was written when I was pounding the Y"H, not like now when I am the one taking a pounding.

Pintele Yid wrote on 01 Jun 2009 20:13:

In response to "be-holy" in Chizuk e-mail 492, I would like to say the following....
One issue you brought up the comparison between your wife and other women. I totally understand your feelings. After several kids and my wife not wearing high heels…The best way to combat this is obviously to stop looking. There are several things that have aided me in this respect:

1. I say a short Tefila before I leave the house that Hashem should help me with Shmiras Aynayim.
2. I am lucky to need glasses so I remove them when I am walking in the street.
3. I try to keep my eyes down and when I see a female approaching, I close both eyes or at least the eye that is closest to her until she passes (provided that I am not in the gutter).  I found that I have no problem waking several steps with my eyes closed.
4. I learned in a wonderful sefer called Bakodesh Chazisicha by Rav Shaul Vidger that even if you are trying to watch your eyes,  the Samach Mem deliberately pulls your eyes to where they shouldn’t be. I therefore laugh it off and telling myself “he’s doing it again”.
5. I give myself chizuk after every time I pass a women without looking at her.
6. While I am walking in the street I am talking to quietly to hashem. It is not noticeable to others. You can understand how it is much harder to sin against hashem if you are in the middle of talking to him.  If you have problems talking to Hashem I recommend that you learn the sefer Bsdai Hayar by Rav Sholom Arush who has a sefer on Tefilo and Hisbodidus. He also has an awesome sefer called BGan Hasholom on Shalom Bayis which I recommend.
7. Regarding your feelings about your wife, one of the things I say to hashem, is to thank him for allowing me to get married and the fact that I am married to a women with so many mailos. Again the Hisbodedus sefer will help you out on what to speak about.
8. The last thing is that even if I fall I never get depressed since I know that this  constant battle against the samach mem and is one of the reasons for my existence on this world. I once learned in the Tanya that one who gets depressed because he can never eradicate his taivos is a Ball Gaveh because he thinks he is on the madraiga of a tzaddik. I also remember that my overall batting average is pretty good -----much better than it used to be.

Hashem should help you and all of us in this battle! Hashem gave us this web site as a Rocket Propelled Grenade to help us blow away the Samach Mem



Pintele Yid
Last Edit: 27 Jul 2009 17:58 by נחוםתקום.

Re: Return to Walmart - A short story from an FFBBT 27 Jul 2009 18:07 #9848

  • the.guard
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Ben Moshe didn't mean "fuzzball" as in superficial. He just meant it in a "cute and lovable" way... I really like that word!!

Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by Growinggirl17.

Re: Return to Walmart - A short story from an FFBBT 27 Jul 2009 19:10 #9858

  • kutan
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R Guard, you are definitely a gilgul of Aharon Hkahen. Bardichev could not have been more on the mark. At least, a nitzutz!

Pintele Yid, start fresh from NOW! The past is gone, both the shteiging and the nefilos.

We know your strengths you definitely can do it!

Check out Jerusalem Addicts aka Uri's post. He's fighting tough. If he can do it, we have GOT to follow!

kutan
Rashi, Breishis (10:25)
Last Edit: by harriet.

Re: Return to Walmart - A short story from an FFBBT 27 Jul 2009 20:24 #9869

  • Pintele Yid
guardureyes wrote on 27 Jul 2009 18:07:

Ben Moshe didn't mean "fuzzball" as in superficial. He just meant it in a "cute and lovable" way... I really like that word!!



I still think the issue is still an issue. Women don't appreciate the struggles we go through and therefore we are faced with Nisyonos on account of this. :'(

kutan shel hachabura wrote on 27 Jul 2009 19:10:


Pintele Yid, start fresh from NOW! The past is gone, both the shteiging and the nefilos.

We know your strengths you definitely can do it!

Check out Jerusalem Addicts aka Uri's post. He's fighting tough. If he can do it, we have GOT to follow!

kutan


Thank you Kutan for your vote of confidence. It gives me strength to know that the heiliga chabura is in my corner rallying for me

It is Hashgacha Pratiyos that you gave the advice of Hischadshus. I was just learning about it in Rav Arush's sefer B'Gan Hachochma. I"Y"H when I get some victories under my belt, I will hopefully post on what he said. Right now in my situation, I don't feel it is appropriate until I am back on track.

Pintele Yid
Last Edit: by joek.

Re: Return to Walmart - A short story from an FFBBT 27 Jul 2009 20:26 #9870

  • 7yipol
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kutan shel hachabura wrote on 27 Jul 2009 16:30:

Ben-Moshe,
Thanks for the story, and even more, for the mareh mekomos... especially the kehilla.org site that I never was aware of before.
About Chaim's objections, I can relate to his being uncomfortable with the description of the wife. I personally have his type of relationship with my wife, basically her fault, but she discusses a lot of ruchniyus with me. She knows about my nisyonos, although not from me personally, and I really wish she knew more but am also too embarrassed to tell her openly.
She did find the GUI handbook (the attitude one) recently....

But, Chaim, a lot depends on the wife. I think that some are indeed the 'fuzzball' type and should not be involved. (Rebetzin 7Up, is this true?) I have several daughters b"H, and one is deep, one is superficial (a fuzzball), one is pure logic etc. They are little children... no issue of bechira, just their nature.

And the men's attitude towards the wife is also a cultural thing. I personally know several men from a country 'down under' who all have this macho attitude toward women, so I assume that that is the norm in those countries, and most likely the women there are ok with it.



I will add my 2 cents just because its been requested.
Personally, I have no problem with the 'fuzzball'. I honestly feel that it was said as a sign of affection and not as a put-down.

Having said that, I think the Bardichever ( not "our" Bardichever, sorry) must be racing to Hashem in shamayim, singing the praises of the men of GYE. "Look Hakadosh Baruch Hu; the very men who have been immersed in the filth of SA are the ones standing up for the kavod of Your holy daughters! Instead of seeing them as sexual objects, like the rest of the world does, they rush to the defense of even a ficticious Bas Yisroel! How holy and special are Your sons Tatte!

Affectionately,
a Bas Yisrael
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by Shalom3.

Re: Return to Walmart - A short story from an FFBBT 27 Jul 2009 20:37 #9871

  • kutan
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Our Bardichever would have done the same. but his mazel, he seems to be offline today.

Pintele, waiting for your feedback tomorrow!
Knowing that your back and up and fighting will help me too!

Best wishes,
Kutan
Rashi, Breishis (10:25)
Last Edit: by Karnerb.

Re: Return to Walmart - A short story from an FFBBT 27 Jul 2009 21:13 #9876

  • Ben Moshe
7up:

Fictitious?
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Re: Return to Walmart - A short story from an FFBBT 27 Jul 2009 21:15 #9877

  • 7yipol
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Ben Moshe wrote on 27 Jul 2009 21:13:

7up:

Fictitious?


Oops; I didnt mean to insult your fuzzball!
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by mans4m.

Re: Return to Walmart - A short story from an FFBBT 27 Jul 2009 22:14 #9891

  • Uri
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what a debate!only in a jewish sa forum do u see this stuff
is she a fuzzball?is she not a fuzzball?what is a fuzzball?did he mean affectionate?did he mean she really is a ball of fuzz?you know how the saying goes:One frum shmiras einayim website,200 opinions on the meaning of the word "fuzzball"
(thats actually not a saying yet,but im working on it  ;D)
Last Edit: by crytoh.

Re: Return to Walmart - A short story from an FFBBT 27 Jul 2009 22:28 #9893

  • Efshar Letaken
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Fuzzball Shmuzzball! lol
Last Edit: by tovmeod.

Re: Return to Walmart - A short story from an FFBBT 27 Jul 2009 23:34 #9896

  • 7yipol
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Uri,

That was really funny. You're not allowed to make me laugh out loud at 2:30am! Besides, I'm just too exhausted to use the energy.

And you're the one who wants to put a stop to 'silly' posting and get serious??!
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by Mosh111.

Re: Return to Walmart - A short story from an FFBBT 27 Jul 2009 23:57 #9899

  • Uri
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;D dont make me out to be a killjoy mom.i just liked the serious posts in your threads and it was quick becoming a three stooges movie full of one-liners.sheesh ive never before been accused of being too serious lol.
Last Edit: by newyear5775.
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