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Going Strong Now for Over a Week
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Going Strong Now for Over a Week 6769 Views

Re: Going Strong Now for Over a Week 02 Sep 2008 16:30 #180

  • Elya K
  • Gold Boarder
  • Use your energy to love yourself
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my private email address is
Former moderator of the Jewish Healing Group phone conference and presently one of the GYE hotline moderators.
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Re: Going Strong Now for Over a Week 02 Sep 2008 17:45 #181

  • me
Ahhh, the Yetzer Harah.  Yes, this shmendrick IS stronger than us, and yes, without Hashems help, we have NO chance of overcoming him. He knows this truth, and I personally have experienced this over many many years. I had realized that the ONLY chance I would have, would be to get closer to Hashem, and to find things that would bolster my ratings in Shemayim so that I would merit extra heavenly assistance.
  As the Michtav M'Eliahu says, you cannot fight the y.h. head on, you will lose. He compares it to a spring. The more you push down on a spring, the stronger will be  it's tension to spring back on you. So, it is almost like a no-win situation. You try to fight him by facing him straight on, you are finished. He is too strong.
  So, what did I do to deserve the heavenly assistance that we need?  I took it upon myself to tovel in the coldest mikveh in E.Y. (even colder than the Arizal's.)  Every Erev Shabbos I went to this mikveh will all of the kavanos of the Arizal, and even in the winter, no matter how cold it was, no matter how rainy or windy, I would enter this Mikveh. It was so cold that I felt as if my legs were being crushed, until finally, after about 2 minutes, they became completely numb. I welcomed this numbness. But, to dunk my head this was difficult. I had to do it so quickly without thinking about. Then, when I dunked my head for the 4th time, it felt like it was being squeezed in a vise. I thought my skull was going to crack. 
  I told Hashem, that to cause myself physical discomfort, this I was able and willing to do, just please don't let me have to fight the y.h. with my mind. I did this the entire winter, and what happened?
  IT DIDN'T HELP!!!  As soon as I thawed out, the menuval was there.
    So, I gave this up, and came to the conclusion, that there is no way out, we are obligated to fight him with our machshavos. No kitzur derech. So, this brings us to menachem's climbing the ladder with no rungs.  I saw in a sefer by the shomer emunim Rebber, that avodas hashem is like being far down under ground. You look upward, and you can see light....the way out. So,you try to climb up the sides of your pit, carefully fitting your feet into the crevices, and little by little you get closer to the light...the way out. You carefully watch your footing, and then...all of sudden, you slip, and fall all the way down again. Once again you start all over again, seeing that light up above. And again, just as you get closer, and closer, you lose your footing, and you fall all the way down again, and again, BUT, then he says, after NOT giving up, then min hashamayim, they lower down a ladder to you, (one with rungs), and you climb all the way up.
  What is the point?  Yes, we cannot possibly defeat the y.h.  Hashem wants us to be moser nefesh for him. I have learned that being moser nefesh is not a choice, it is the only way, that we can win, that we will get the heavenly assistance that we need. So, after we continue to try and try, then...they will lower down a ladder for us.
  ON another topic, as soon as Elul came in. Mr. y.h. came to visit me on the first day of Rosh Chodesh. Actually for the past several years, he comes to visit me in the beginning of Elul. He knows what Elul is, and he does not want us to utilize it. So, here at my computer, he began to confuse my mind, and I actually started to go somewhere on my computer. To one of the loop holes of my filter. But, B"H, the filter gave me enough time to sober up, and escape his clutches.
  Rabbi Nachum says, It is not enough to understand the "Ani L'dodi", we must also be responsible for the second part, V'ledodi Li, we must also take the steps to get closer to meet him half way.
  I am shortly going to make a post on an unbelievable Torah from the L'kutei Moran, which can change all of our lives.  This is the time friends. It is Elul, do all of your meseiros nefesh now. Don't wait. This is the time.
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Re: Going Strong Now for Over a Week 03 Sep 2008 03:24 #186

  • Mevakesh Hashem

what a great post!
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Re: Going Strong Now for Over a Week 03 Sep 2008 10:40 #190

  • crakerjak
Good Morning Friends,

Thank you Me for your fabulous post and Mevakesh for your wise words. I look forward to the life changing Dvar Torah.

I am writing to say that I am feeling really good this morning. Yesterday was a good strong day B’H. I pummeled the Y’H right where it hurts and he slunk away a beaten man. He tried so many times to entice me throughout the day in so many different guises. B'H each time I knocked him for six. I devised several different ways of controlling my eyes and thoughts one of which I find particularly helpful. When I reach the traffic lights and stop for the red signal I invariably used to look/gaze at the drivers to my left and right and make eye contact with them. I would do this after shul on the way into the city to my office. The good Hashba'os from Shacharis would be obliterated by my careless looking at women in their cars. It would practically set the tone for the day and was a perfect kick start for the Y'H. Now he had me on a roll and then it was plain sailing for him once I got into work (with the thoughts of what I had seen on the way in) and before my PC in my private office. Now, whenever I reach the lights, I look down at my tzitzis, count the strings and fiddle with the knots. I think of the reason why I'm wearing these and what they signify. I recall the words for which these holy strings were instituted - 'veloi sosuru acharei levavchem ve'acharei eineichem asher atem zoinim achareihem'. I only move off once the fellow behind me sounds his horn. I don't care making him mad at me for not moving the second the lights turn green. 'I am engrossed in my private battle that I'm determined to win so you behind me can wait 2 more seconds before moving off’ The best nachas is the fist he waves at me when he overtakes me! That’s the Y’H's fist saying 'I’ll get you next time'!

I don't think so sonny, have a rotten day and I hope you’re unsuccessful in everything that you do!!

Where did I get the strength from? I never used to have the strength to be so powerful in my self-defence. Never before did I think that I would be able to beat him with such ease.

I'll tell you where I got the strength from; from the likes of ME, ELYA K, MEVAKESH, NICEGUY and all the other wonderful fellow warriors. I tell you, I'm not kidding - if it were not for this forum, I would never have had the ability to make a start on my missile defence programme!

I am not under any illusions. I am no fool and I fully appreciate that the all empowering and conquering feeling may not last forever and there are possibilities that the defence system will be on the blink. However, I can draw strength from the fact that there are others that are willing me to survive and fight on and that they themselves are stuck right in there on the same battlefront fighting the same enemy. Not only that, they are happy to share and discuss their tactics and ideas in how to ultimately rid themselves of this cancerous evil entity. Bless you all.

Elya K, I have had a look at the books you mentioned and am pursuing the option of purchasing them. I know it’s probably a little confusing but I have spoken to you on Skype and emailed you several times. I think the confusion is that most people here (me included) on the forum use fake names to protect their privacy.

So as you Americans awake I write to wish you all hatzlacha today and I look forward every day to hearing from you. Regards from an overcast and windy (duh!) Britain!

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Re: Going Strong Now for Over a Week 03 Sep 2008 11:02 #191

  • crakerjak
Hi All,

Just want to share an amazing thing with you that just happened.

During the summer holidays, I withdrew ?100 from my Visa Card at the cash machine at the petrol station for intention to use it for a terrible aveirah. I battled with the YH for several hours, I even drove all the way to the place of the nisayon and got out the car. To cut the long story short, B'H I withstood the test and overcame the temptations. I got in the car and drove all the way home. I gave the ?100 to my wife and told her to buy herself something nice.

I called the bank this morning to make a Visa Card payment. They told me that the account was cleared and there was no money outstanding?!! I insisted that I had withdrew the ?100. I gave them the date and they said that I couldn't possibly have done so seeing as my card was inactive on that day!! He said that even if I did (he didn't believe me), there was no record of it anywhere on the system!!

I'm astounded beyond words....

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Re: Going Strong Now for Over a Week 03 Sep 2008 14:19 #192

  • Mevakesh Hashem

First of all, let me say that reading your two latest postes gave me incredible chizzuk.

Knowing that we are indeed giving each other strength to battle the lousy Yetzer Hara is a very good and fulfilling feelng. What you did with your Tzitzis is right on target! In fact the Sefer Chareidim as well as the Chofetz Chaim write to do exactly that every time you think of doing an Aveira!

The fact that you thought of that on your own, without knowing that the seforim say that is a good and healthy sign of your recovery.

Regarding the story with the money from the bank, all I can say is wow! Hashem is really proud of you, and gave you a sign that you should know it!

Truth is, Hashem always gives us signs, sometimes hundreds of signs a day. The problem is that most of the time we don't realize that they are signs, and we don't realize they are from Hashem. You are fortunate that Hashem sent you a clear sign, that you understood clearly.

If we channel all our energies to seeing the signs for what they are. we would notice them more often and become even better people and climb to evenhigher heights.

One more point which I think is important, now that you brought up Tzitzis. If anyone reading this does not have their Tzitzis displayed on the outside of their pants, and rather has them tucked in, hidden from view and dangling on the skin, near the Bris: PLEASE CHANGE THAT! PLEASE REALIZE THAT THE SEFORIM ARE VERY CLEAR THAT ONE WHO HIDES HIS TZITZIS IN HIS PANTS IS NOT DOING  A GOOD THING. DISPLAYING YOUR TZITZIS PROUDLY AS A JEW WILL DO WONDERS FOR YOUR BATTLE AGAINST THE YETZER HARA IN MANY AREAS ESPECIALLY IN THE ARE OF SEXUALLY ORIENTED SINS AND SINS OF LOOKING AT IMPROPER THINGS!

Chazak V'Ematz!

Keep up the good work, and
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Re: Going Strong Now for Over a Week 04 Sep 2008 12:52 #195

  • crakerjak
Thank You Mevakesh,

As always, your message was uplifting.

I am feeling really good today B'H. Hashem is giving me the strength to battle.

I daven that the strength lasts and that the battle becomes less arduous....

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Re: Going Strong Now for Over a Week 08 Sep 2008 08:18 #203

  • crakerjak
Hi All,

Shabbos passed by uneventfully. Then came Motzi Shabbos. I met an old friend and talked about the good old days. We spoke about the girls we used to chase as kids and the fun we would have.....

One thing led to another and that night I slipped.

I woke up sunday morning feeling dreadful and once again deflated and let down. I was so close to making it a record for myself.....

I renewed my resolve and implemented a neder.

Last night (sun night) I woke up in the middle of the night having had the mother of all nightmares. I awoke in a cold sweat shaking. I dont remember the last time I had a nightmare such as this one. Needless to say it involve death and in particulat to members of close family.

A sure sign from G-d? I dont know and dont care. It shook me to the core that as a direct result of my actions, I was killing off my offspring.....

I'm 100% committed to a clean, pure and strong week ahead.

Gut Voch all,

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Re: Going Strong Now for Over a Week 08 Sep 2008 08:24 #205

  • the.guard
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You seem to be having a lot of help from heaven! Haba Letaher Mesayin Lo.

You know, sometimes because Hashem has given a person such a difficult job and he knows how hard it is for them, he gives them special heavenly help in the form of signs and dreams. The fear you felt last night was helpful in your struggle now, but even more than that, I would feel committed simply because Hashem is showing you how much he loves you and wants to help you.

Talk to him every day. Tell him how your day went before you go to sleep, and ask him to hold your hand tomorrow as well.
Webmaster of - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: Going Strong Now for Over a Week 08 Sep 2008 13:23 #206

  • me
"Haba Letaher Mesayin Lo."

    This may be helpful:  I saw in the L'Kutei Halachos, the Torah of Rabbi Nachman, compiled and put into halacha format by Rabbi Nosson zt"l.

    In Hilchos Rosh Hashonah, he states that when in fact one wants to do tshuva, It states:  "Habah L'taher... Mesayin Lo......Omrim Lo L'Hamtin"  (To Wait).

When someone is doing tshuvah, they come to help him from above.(M'sayin Lo), How do they help him?  They say  "Hamtin"....WAIT!!!

Here is the understanding:

  When we have fallen down into the low spiritual levels, we try to get back up, BUT, we are unfortunately not spiritually able to withstand the light of the higher madrega,i.e. the previous madrega that we were holding by. This light can be very dangerous to us,and burn us right up. So...Min Hashamyim they help those who come to purify themselves by making us wait....L'hamtin.
  This "waiting" is all of the unexpected things which get in our ways, like when  I am on the way to a new shiur, and my car brakes down. I am prevented from going to the shiur because I am climbing upwards too quickly, and this can be dangerous for me.
  So, just when I have taken upon myself to do tshuvah, to take on all kinds of new tikkunim etc, don't be surprised that there will be many things to get in our way... to slow us down in order to protect us.
  This is the meaning of "M'sayin Lo"

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Re: Going Strong Now for Over a Week 11 Sep 2008 09:50 #216

  • the.guard
  • Current streak: 487 days
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Menachem, I added your story to our "Determined to Quit" section of our Stories. Here's the page:

Keep up the good work!
Webmaster of - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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