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Striving for Excellence
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Striving for Excellence 836 Views

Re: Striving for Excellence 06 Apr 2021 09:57 #366399

  • excellence
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This post is a continuation of my earlier post (part b)in this thread.
Part c

After reading part b one may feel that even though it does help to some extent to keep reminding ourselves the correct perspective, however it is still not a solution in its own right. This is correct and the reason for this, is that most often the reason why perfectionism is so deeply ingrained in our sub-conscious is because over the course of growing up our brains received wrong messages that subsequently fueled perfectionism. For example: instead of receiving recognition when due, or support when we made mistakes, instead we taught our brains that we are not deserving of recognition unless we are perfect, and only when we reach that fleeting moment of perfection do we feel good. This aspect has been explained at great length in earlier posts.

So in order to deal with this we need to rewire our brains, by consciously finding those moments in our day (there are many many such moments) where perfectionism is about to kick in, and precisely at that moment give yourself the correct messages your brain should have been told as you were growing up. E.g tell yourself, "your ok, your great just the way you are, just the way it is" e.t.c, and eventually we rewire our subconscious that imperfection is fine and things are supposed to be that way, as only G-D is perfect.

A very good way of implementing this technique is that when we find ourselves in a situation where were slipping into perfectionism, begin to imagine this situation/ scenario as if it were an outsider, coming to you for help and they describe to you the exact situation you are now in, what would you tell them? Imagine it was your child, what would be the correct messages you would want them to hear? Well take those exact messages and tell them to yourself. Tell yourself 'it's ok to make mistakes, it means your normal, it means your human', 'wow, it's amazing that you keep trying' e.t.c.

With time this should eventually rewire our subconscious to react differently to imperfections.

I've not found it so easy to express this point clearly. I hope it can be understood.

With love,


"The pain after giving in is so much greater than the pain of not giving in"
You may find some Chizuk here:

A must read:

Re: Striving for Excellence 15 Apr 2021 17:06 #366889

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@Excellence have you thought about doing some research into SA? 

Ask yourself these questions:Test Yourself - 20 Questions

  1. Have you ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking and behavior?
  2. That you would be better off if you didn't keep "giving in"?
  3. That sex or stimuli are controlling you?
  4. Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?
  5. Do you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can't cope?
  6. Do you feel guilt, remorse, or depression afterward?
  7. Has your pursuit of sex become more compulsive?
  8. Does it interfere with relations with your spouse?
  9. Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?
  10. Does an irresistible impulse arise when the other party makes the overtures or sex is offered?
  11. Do you keep going from one relationship or lover to another?
  12. Do you feel that the right relationship would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?
  13. Do you have a destructive need — a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone?
  14. Does pursuit of sex make you careless for yourself or the welfare of your family or others?
  15. Has your effectiveness or concentration decreased as sex has become more compulsive?
  16. Do you lose time from work for it?
  17. Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?
  18. Do you want to get away from the sex partner as soon as possible after the act?
  19. Although your spouse is sexually compatible. do you still masturbate or have sex with others?
  20. Have you ever been arrested for a sex-related offense?

Re: Striving for Excellence 15 Apr 2021 21:35 #366901

  • excellence
  • Current streak: 1 day
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Dear Reach stars
Thanks for taking the time to post on my thread. What made you think I may need SA?

"The pain after giving in is so much greater than the pain of not giving in"
You may find some Chizuk here:

A must read:

Last Edit: 15 Apr 2021 21:36 by excellence.
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