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Starting Again...
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Starting Again... 2505 Views

Re: Starting Again... 21 Jan 2021 04:32 #361661

  • Hashem Help Me
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Mazel tov! Keep it up!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Starting Again... 21 Jan 2021 05:46 #361665

  • starting
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Mazel tov 
That's amazing!!  You're amazing!! 

Keep on trucking 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: Starting Again... 26 Jan 2021 03:15 #361957

  • Lou
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2x Chai Be"H
Thank you Hashem and thank you all!

Re: Starting Again... 26 Jan 2021 04:45 #361966

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Lou,

I never cease to be inspired by your honesty and clarity.

And I get pleasure watching the joy that you have in your great accomplishment of 36 days.

I believe that a mere few months ago - both of us would have never imagined being where we are at...

Boruch Hashem! 

IMG

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: Starting Again... 26 Jan 2021 20:39 #362007

  • Lou
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@ Ish

Thank you for your kind words!

I would like to correct you though... I think a few months ago I (and possibly you) did imagine this. The problem was that I had imagined it a few months before that too and a few months before that etc etc

Now it is finally not just imagination!

LChaim!

Re: Starting Again... 26 Jan 2021 21:09 #362013

  • Ish MiGrodno
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Correct; it was imagination - albeit with a HUGE dose of cynicism...

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: Starting Again... 01 Feb 2021 04:29 #362435

  • Lou
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R Avigdor Miller taught that one should find ways to thank Hashem in all situations. His Talmidim have been known to thank Hashem for things that many overlook.
In this spirit, I would like to thank Hashem publicly that I am only tempted to masturbate with external (verbal or visual etc) stimulation. Meaning, in plain English without the pic,voice ,video etc it aint happening. This is completely a Chessed from Him. This makes my battle half of what I have seen others going through. Thank you Hashem.

Re: Starting Again... 02 Feb 2021 05:50 #362528

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I have been thinking...
This an idea in formation and I am not really sure how much practical application there is of it anyway,but just wanted to share my thoughts.
I believe there are 2 types or actually 2 stages of people that end up on GYE.(There are probably hundreds of types but I just want to split into 2 groups for this purpose.)
One stage is someone that in his teens,twenties,perhaps even thirties. Either a Bachur or somewhat newly married. The levels of Taiva are very strong. The urge to masturbate and watch porn or even Kosher outlets of lust is always strongly on their mind. They are fighting an uphill battle all the time.
The other stage is one who is usually 40s or above,and possibly went through all of that without GYE.Failed here and there. Was successful here and there.Ended basically holding onto himself for the most part and has moved on a bit.The Aish Hataiva is not consuming him on a daily basis.However,he has a new issue. This issue can possibly be just as bad. That is habit.Bad habits are very hard to break. When he was in his peak it was all about the lust/Taiva. Now, it is just a terrible habit that he is just so used to that he can't break it. (I am specifically not using the term addiction because that is possibly a different level,not sure but just staying away from that debate).
I don't know what is more challenging and if there really is a different way to treat either issue. However, I do think that being on here will work for both people. It may just work in different ways.
The 90 days may be just the perfect fit for the one who is not on a high level of daily lust. He just has to break the habit and that will do the trick. However, one who is consumed by lust can break it and then easily fall because the lust of a young man is a huge battle.
Posting all one's intense struggles on the forums may be just the thing someone in that stage needs as that gives him an outlet to share his feelings of Taiva and have it deflated by his loving friends on here.
Most probably many people are hybrids of both,but one of these is the primary issue,and the other secondary.
Just my thoughts...Any comments welcome.
Thanks

Re: Starting Again... 02 Feb 2021 06:22 #362529

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Lou wrote on 02 Feb 2021 05:50:
I have been thinking...
This an idea in formation and I am not really sure how much practical application there is of it anyway,but just wanted to share my thoughts.
I believe there are 2 types or actually 2 stages of people that end up on GYE.(There are probably hundreds of types but I just want to split into 2 groups for this purpose.)
One stage is someone that in his teens,twenties,perhaps even thirties. Either a Bachur or somewhat newly married. The levels of Taiva are very strong. The urge to masturbate and watch porn or even Kosher outlets of lust is always strongly on their mind. They are fighting an uphill battle all the time.
The other stage is one who is usually 40s or above,and possibly went through all of that without GYE.Failed here and there. Was successful here and there.Ended basically holding onto himself for the most part and has moved on a bit.The Aish Hataiva is not consuming him on a daily basis.However,he has a new issue. This issue can possibly be just as bad. That is habit.Bad habits are very hard to break. When he was in his peak it was all about the lust/Taiva. Now, it is just a terrible habit that he is just so used to that he can't break it. (I am specifically not using the term addiction because that is possibly a different level,not sure but just staying away from that debate).
I don't know what is more challenging and if there really is a different way to treat either issue. However, I do think that being on here will work for both people. It may just work in different ways.
The 90 days may be just the perfect fit for the one who is not on a high level of daily lust. He just has to break the habit and that will do the trick. However, one who is consumed by lust can break it and then easily fall because the lust of a young man is a huge battle.
Posting all one's intense struggles on the forums may be just the thing someone in that stage needs as that gives him an outlet to share his feelings of Taiva and have it deflated by his loving friends on here.
Most probably many people are hybrids of both,but one of these is the primary issue,and the other secondary.
Just my thoughts...Any comments welcome.
Thanks

Amazing, very true.
Personnaly, I see that I’m in the “daily strong taiva”group, but I have become habituated in expressing that taiva in a certain way. So as you said, I think I have both.
My understanding of the mahalach here, which is the derech b’chlall in Avodas HaShem is to deal with the taiva in a constructive manner and not a destructive one.
Not to extinguish the aish of taiva, but rather to use it properly (be it through סור מרע or עשה טוב).

Re: Starting Again... 03 Feb 2021 23:05 #362661

  • Lou
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mikestrucking wrote on 05 Feb 2019 21:33:I think for many people here we have to open a new forum called "Internet Forum Addiction for Jewish Men"
That's a very important point Mike, but know that there IS a solution. I used to be completely powerless over my forum addiction. But with the help of my lusting I found pornography, and was completely healed of my obsession to post. I am now able to go over a week without posting on the forum. The best part is, that the posting desires disappeared immediately as soon as I started lusting, unlike other addictions in life where it is a process to get rid of.
I hope you have lots of hatzlacha.
just wondering, in light of the alternative if forum addiction is such a bad thing.... Mark, what do you say?


I saw this post on the depressed chill zone thread. It really hit the spot!

Re: Starting Again... 04 Feb 2021 02:53 #362689

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45 Days today BH!
This is half way towards my short term goal of 90 days. Most of the way towards my shorter term goal of 2 months.And a great start BeH towards my long term goal of a lifetime beH.
At this point I am really not facing any major urges for porn,MB or lust in general. Still alive BH so of course there are nisyonos. I am aware that it doesn't take a major urge to have a fall so I am still on guard.
My main struggle now is more with the spirit of the law,rather than the letter of the law. In other words, I am keeping all the rules,however my real goal is to be more present with family, davening ,learning ,working etc. BH,it is going well,but sometimes I feel like I am just replacing the garbage with kosher garbage. (I have mentioned this in the past). Included in this could be Taivas Achila, Jewish music videos,Even too much time on GYE.
I think I am ready to slowly dabble in advancing my levels to work on these inyanim. I hope to formulate a plan beH
Thank you Hashem for where I am holding now!
Thank you to all of my very dear brothers on here. Without you there is no way i would be up to this.

Re: Starting Again... 04 Feb 2021 07:49 #362713

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Congratulations on 45 days!
To many more clean days!

Re: Starting Again... 04 Feb 2021 12:12 #362719

  • wilnevergiveup
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Congratulations! Many more Iy"H!

Kosher outlets are good as long as they help you become better. 

Something that many people find really effective, myself included and is also proven in many studies is that actively working on developing and strengthening long term meaningful relationships really help fill the void and help us feel fulfilled and happy. 

Something that someone suggested to me that I found helpful is that whenever I have an urge (especially because often it's really an urge for connection in the first place) To try to do something special for someone that I love. So if I feel an urge when I am out shopping, I would try to find something that I could buy for special for my wife (like a small bar of chocolate) or I can send her a text or call her just to say that I love her. You can do this to your kids as well as to your parents and anyone really that you love. There are many ways to do this, these are just a few examples.

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup
Check out My thread

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Starting Again... 05 Feb 2021 00:52 #362764

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Lou wrote on 04 Feb 2021 02:53:
I feel like I am just replacing the garbage with kosher garbage. (I have mentioned this in the past). Included in this could be Taivas Achila, Jewish music videos,Even too much time on GYE.
I think I am ready to slowly dabble in advancing my levels to work on these inyanim. I hope to formulate a plan beH

Can't wait! Awesome!

Re: Starting Again... 07 Feb 2021 16:43 #362886

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@willnevergiveup
I love that idea of redirecting the actual urge to something nice for someone you love.
Thank you
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