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Starting Again...
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Starting Again... 6321 Views

Re: Starting Again... 16 May 2021 05:13 #368621

  • Lou
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I have decided not to post my daily ideas for a number of reasons. Firstly,it is not always something so concrete so not really posting material. Secondly,it can get very personal.
Perhaps most of all is that as I was thinking over today's idea I realized that I was concerned with how it would be received on the thread. Would people like it etc? I really don't want that to play any role in choosing ideas to work on. I am trying to make this more real than last time around... I am still a work in progress,but this is what makes sense to me today.
A Gut Yomtov to all!
Hatzlocha
Lou

Re: Starting Again... 16 May 2021 22:59 #368645

  • silentbattle
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I think concrete actions of positive recovery are excellent. Even if you're not posting them every day, sharing them can help other people, as well.

Re: Starting Again... 20 May 2021 01:52 #368718

  • Lou
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silentbattle wrote on 16 May 2021 22:59:
I think concrete actions of positive recovery are excellent. Even if you're not posting them every day, sharing them can help other people, as well.

Point well taken. I guess a balance of both ideas is the way to go. BH Shabbos and Yomtov are not my time of nisyonos,so just focused on trying to enjoy Yomtov the correct way and didn't pursue any particular goals in the area.
Hatzlocha to all!

Re: Starting Again... 21 May 2021 16:59 #368804

  • Lou
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I had what i would describe as a big slip last night. The direct cause was something obvious that I won't get into here. However,the root cause was because I started coasting. As I have mentioned (maybe elsewhere?) that this time around I am not just "doing" the 90 days. That worked for me on my initial 100+ streak but I see now that I have to be striving to grow and not just keeping clean. I think I got complacent and that is a problem. Last time around I was able to just kinda coast at times,but I think that won't work for me anymore. I think this is something positive as this will hopefully lead to more growth than the just the 90 days or contests etc.
Thank you
Lou

Re: Starting Again... 23 May 2021 16:54 #368863

  • Lou
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I saw someone posted about crying babies getting in the way at times and how frustrating it can be. I can totally identify with that. However,last night I had the exact opposite. I have been slipping and sliding lately. (I hope I am not being too liberal with my definitions but I think it will be counterproductive for me to count falls unless they are really bad). As I was in the midst of slipping,my baby started crying. I went to take care of him so my wife could stay sleeping. By the time he was settled BH I was ok and did not fall.
This is obviously not good on my part but it shows Hashem is watching over me even when I don't stop acting really stupid.
Thank you Hashem!

Re: Starting Again... 24 May 2021 17:22 #368921

  • Lou
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Back to 0.
All my postings don't seem to mean all that much as I keep falling anyway. Think I am taking a break for a bit.
Hatzlocha to all

Re: Starting Again... 24 May 2021 17:35 #368922

  • HappyYid
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Please don't leave us for too long, we will miss you!
Hatzlacha!
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread
Last Edit: 24 May 2021 18:24 by HappyYid.

Re: Starting Again... 24 May 2021 17:46 #368925

  • DavidT
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There's a vort on יסוד סיומה דגופא אות ברית קודש  - פתיחת אליהו
In order to overcome the challenges on midas hayesod, it requires to put an end to the bodily desires for good!


This is where many people (including myself) get stuck. We must recognize the importance of this challenge and the strong commitment plus enormous effort that must be utilized in order to overcome the nisyonos.  

The nesivas sholom writes that it's impossible to overcome these nisyonos with 'sichlios' (intellect) alone, in order to really be able to overcome and stay strong we need to go through some real physical avodah and really work on recognizing our character defects in all areas of our life and working on becoming different, better people. 

All this does not happen overnight. It's a life-struggle and if we will engage it that way - Hashem will definitely help us succeed! 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Starting Again... 04 Jul 2021 07:02 #370452

  • Lou
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90 day counts are challenging and exciting.
Change, Real Change is hard. Really Hard.
Last Edit: 04 Jul 2021 07:03 by Lou.

Re: Starting Again... 12 Jul 2021 15:46 #370740

  • YeshivaGuy
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How’s it goin?

Re: Starting Again... 16 Aug 2021 01:23 #371632

  • YeshivaGuy
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Hope you’re doing well dear friend, please stop by some time and update us if you can.

With love,

 YeshivaGuy 

Re: Starting Again... 29 Aug 2021 06:39 #371979

  • Lou
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Hasheivanu Hashem alecha vnashuva....Chadesh Yamenu kikedem.

Re: Starting Again... 30 Aug 2021 01:13 #372002

  • Sapy
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Lou, we miss you here...

Re: Starting Again... 30 Aug 2021 02:11 #372003

  • YeshivaGuy
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Lou wrote on 29 Aug 2021 06:39:
Hasheivanu Hashem alecha vnashuva....Chadesh Yamenu kikedem.

״שובה אלי כי גאלתיך״
- ישעיה מד:כב

Re: Starting Again... 30 Aug 2021 22:07 #372024

  • Lou
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Hello all,
To make a long (looks like it has been almost 100 days since I updated my chart)story fairly short the past few months have not been going very well in the Kedusha/GYE department. BH,nothing drastic as may have been the case years back,but not good at all.   Flip flopping with some up and mostly down times. I would come on here once in a while but haven't really posted. Could be I am still a little burnt from some harsh words sent my way a while back or could just be I wasn't in the mood.
Either way,what is upsetting me now is that I recently (Ellul inspired etc)decided it is time to get a hold of myself. I davened to Hashem to please ,please help me as without him I am toast. The problem is that last night, I attempted to access various things that I have been able to smuggle past my filter lately. I was having a hard time accomplishing it this time. I tried something else and somehow couldn't get it done as well. Then,I was interrupted and had to care for my baby for some time. Then a different kid woke up etc. After all this I persevered and managed to accomplish what I wanted to accomplish. After all was over and some sanity reigned in my brain, I realized what a total fool I am. For months,I have been hefker. I finally asked Hashem to help and although I did not deserve it, He did! He "tried" multiple times to help me and I refused the help. Now, I know Hashem is an all merciful father that loves us more than we can comprehend,but still in rational thinking is there any hope for me?? If I beg Hashem to help and He does and then I completely ignore Him,why should He help me again?? And if He doesn't help me there truly is no hope.
A very dejected Lou
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