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Starting Again...
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Starting Again... 4184 Views

Re: Starting Again... 30 Apr 2021 18:22 #367722

  • Grant400
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Lou wrote on 30 Apr 2021 17:48:

Grant400 wrote on 30 Apr 2021 15:35:

Lou wrote on 29 Apr 2021 19:36:

Grant400 wrote on 28 Apr 2021 20:04:

Lou wrote on 28 Apr 2021 19:45:
Unfortunately I had what I will term as a slip last night. This can not continue. BH it did not end in actual fall,but a slippery slope down there...

Hey Lou, I guess that was you slipping in the dark next to me. I was wondering who it was. Unfortunately I did fall. I actually hate the term fall, it makes it seem benign, like it wasn't my fault. So I didn't "fall" I jumped.

Wanna restart together? Whoever loses must donate $150 to GYE (or a tzedaka of choice). Let me know if you accept the challenge. 

R Grant,
I am in....starting from today. I had a fall (fail) last night as well. Just to make it more realistic this is only binding  until 90 This is bli neder!
If we both hit 90 then of course IMG will be giving $300!

Thank you!

Awesome! I too am unfortunately starting from yesterday. Just one clause. NO BLI NEDER! With a neder. All it is is $150. Game on!

Let is not use pity on IMG's wallet as an excuse

Sorry, I will only do bli neder

Ok ok

Re: Starting Again... 30 Apr 2021 22:08 #367730

  • Lou
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Very excited about this....
Have a great Shabbos!
Thank you R Grant and R IMG
Everyone is welcome to join in!

Re: Starting Again... 30 Apr 2021 22:55 #367731

  • Ish MiGrodno
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BTW I am struggling to understand why so many of my dear friends are falling. It is certainly not because I am more disciplined; they are faaaarrr better people than me....

Perhaps it's one of 3 reasons:
1) I am an old guy so less taavah.
2) I am too macho to bear facing the oilam if I fall.
​3) I consider this forum to be more "real" (i.e., I am more embarrassed of falling; whereas perhaps others feel more anonymous)?

I'm sure that there are a million other possibilities....but L'maaseh it's none of my business.

Also, can the oilam please daven for Ish MiGrodno to have more children (Bli ayin hara we have a wonderful family but really davening for more children who are happy, healthy and ovdei Hashem BEZ"H).

And yes, you can just say Ish MiGrodno in your tefillos; I am certain that Hashem actually calls me that cuz that's the איני אותו האיש name that created my new persona : )

Signing off before the heilige Shabbos in Grodno; with yearning that Klal Yisrael finds some nechama from our deep pain - בביאת גואל צדק

IMG

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: Starting Again... 02 May 2021 01:48 #367739

  • Grant400
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Re: Starting Again... 02 May 2021 06:49 #367778

  • Lou
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Ish MiGrodno wrote on 30 Apr 2021 22:55:
BTW I am struggling to understand why so many of my dear friends are falling. It is certainly not because I am more disciplined; they are faaaarrr better people than me....

Perhaps it's one of 3 reasons:
1) I am an old guy so less taavah.
2) I am too macho to bear facing the oilam if I fall.
​3) I consider this forum to be more "real" (i.e., I am more embarrassed of falling; whereas perhaps others feel more anonymous)?

I'm sure that there are a million other possibilities....but L'maaseh it's none of my business.

Also, can the oilam please daven for Ish MiGrodno to have more children (Bli ayin hara we have a wonderful family but really davening for more children who are happy, healthy and ovdei Hashem BEZ"H).

And yes, you can just say Ish MiGrodno in your tefillos; I am certain that Hashem actually calls me that cuz that's the איני אותו האיש name that created my new persona : )

Signing off before the heilige Shabbos in Grodno; with yearning that Klal Yisrael finds some nechama from our deep pain - בביאת גואל צדק

IMG

Rabeinu,
I have my own theories about perhaps why I am struggling so much these days. Maybe not why I fell but why I can't seem to get back up.
However, regarding your post... I disagree with your whole premise. Can it be  the reason you are doing better than other is because you are...better!(gasp). Yes,pat yourself on the back for being strong enough to be holding past 150 days. You are incredible! Don't think so much about who fell and why (unless you are helping them ,of course). Just keep on flying as you are.. I wish I could be the rock that others are relying on for the inspiration. Currently,I am not. But you are! and we need you!
Hatzlocha and Hashem should send you Zeara shel kayama
Lou

Re: Starting Again... 02 May 2021 14:50 #367784

  • Ish MiGrodno
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... I disagree with your whole premise. Can it be  the reason you are doing better than other is because you are...better!

Ummmmm.. Last night I came close...I simply cannot bear to face my chaveirim with an ugly "1 day clean" by my profile. Oy, the ko'ach of gaavah!

                .......Don't think so much about who fell and why (unless you are helping them ,of course)
I know, I know! My post was a bit of a boundary crossing; I was speaking my mind without the appropriate filter...

.............Hatzlocha and Hashem should send you Zeara shel kayama
Amein! Your bracha feels very special. Perhaps even greater than from a Rebbe or famous gadol : )

With deep feelings of friendship and achdus ~ IMG

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: Starting Again... 02 May 2021 16:07 #367795

  • Lou
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I know, I know! My post was a bit of a boundary crossing; I was speaking my mind without the appropriate filter...


Please always speak your mind!! I don't think you crossed any boundaries at all. I just meant that I can imagine myself seeing others fall and getting discouraged. In fact it is more than imagination. It happened to me! 

Re: Starting Again... 02 May 2021 16:19 #367797

  • Lou
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Just wanted to share some thoughts on my current struggles...
I had a pretty decent streak and fell within a matter of minutes. Since then it has been an uphill battle. Why?
I already chalked off the initial fall to a temporary lapse of judgement and then losing control temporarily.(in other words, normal ups and downs of life!) But why so hard to get back on track? I think this is because,after my initial week or 2 (with some struggling)of being on GYE I made the switch from being a guy that was involved in Shmutz to being a GYE guy. So, in my mind I was changed and if I wanted to remain here I just couldn't touch the garbage. I really did not have any major struggles other than  normal temptations during that time.
Then I fell. After I fell, I still remained here.At that point I realized,hey I can have both! I can come here and get chizuk etc and when I feel like it I can wallow in the garbage. The two can exist together. That is where I keep failing. What is the solution? Not sure as in truth they do exist together and that is what life is all about. So that is what I am currently working on.
Of course this an overly simplistic analysis as I wasn't exactly exclusively involved with shmutz before either,but this my current thought process.
Thank you for listening
Lou

Re: Starting Again... 02 May 2021 17:09 #367805

  • EvedHashem1836
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Only one way to get back to where you were holding before - how good did it feel to be on top?

We're all rooting for you
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Starting Again... 02 May 2021 17:21 #367808

  • Ish MiGrodno
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Lou wrote on 02 May 2021 16:19:
Just wanted to share some thoughts on my current struggles...
I had a pretty decent streak and fell within a matter of minutes. Since then it has been an uphill battle. Why?
I already chalked off the initial fall to a temporary lapse of judgement and then losing control temporarily.(in other words, normal ups and downs of life!) But why so hard to get back on track? I think this is because,after my initial week or 2 (with some struggling)of being on GYE I made the switch from being a guy that was involved in Shmutz to being a GYE guy. So, in my mind I was changed and if I wanted to remain here I just couldn't touch the garbage. I really did not have any major struggles other than  normal temptations during that time.
Then I fell. After I fell, I still remained here.At that point I realized,hey I can have both! I can come here and get chizuk etc and when I feel like it I can wallow in the garbage. The two can exist together. That is where I keep failing. What is the solution? Not sure as in truth they do exist together and that is what life is all about. So that is what I am currently working on.
Of course this an overly simplistic analysis as I wasn't exactly exclusively involved with shmutz before either,but this my current thought process.
Thank you for listening
Lou

Wow, very well put....The struggle is unimaginable (especially late at night)!

Regarding the problem that you mention ("the chevra is just as much behind me when I fall etc."), ​I try to avoid that by envisioning each of you rooting for me - together with the shame of having to answer to you the next day (as per Sota 36b)...

WE ARE IN YOUR CORNER R' LEIZER : )

IMG

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Last Edit: 02 May 2021 19:47 by Ish MiGrodno.

Re: Starting Again... 02 May 2021 21:21 #367818

  • Looking_to_improve
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Ish MiGrodno wrote on 30 Apr 2021 22:55:
BTW I am struggling to understand why so many of my dear friends are falling. It is certainly not because I am more disciplined; they are faaaarrr better people than me....

Perhaps it's one of 3 reasons:
1) I am an old guy so less taavah.
2) I am too macho to bear facing the oilam if I fall.
​3) I consider this forum to be more "real" (i.e., I am more embarrassed of falling; whereas perhaps others feel more anonymous)?

I'm sure that there are a million other possibilities....but L'maaseh it's none of my business.

IMG

I'm going to hazard a guess and say that it might be because we are all unique and in unique, different situations. I think it would be more of a suprise if everyone on GYE all struggled at time X, had a strong urge at time Y and all fell at time Z. (Although there can be shared times which can be difficult.)
Just my $0.02 

Re: Starting Again... 03 May 2021 07:29 #367848

  • Lou
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Failed once again
Moving on
Hatzlocha to all

Re: Starting Again... 03 May 2021 19:32 #367877

  • Sapy
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Hi lou, I just looked threw your history here, and this is what I came up with: you joined end of Nov/beginning Dec. You were clean from Dec 22 which is when you started your thread, until your recent first fall, and your struggling since. Correct?

I may be wrong, but when I joined, i also had a 65 day streak, and it went pretty smooth, but after that first fall, that's when my real work began. The GYE forum magic pill didnt work anymore, and I needed to examine myself, and my pattern of behavior. Can it be that something similar is happening by you?

For someone who's done these stuff for years, what changed that you should stop except seeing yourself as "someone that just doesn't do it anymore"? That obviously flies out the window after a fall or two.

I tried looking threw your posts, and as far as I can tell you never posted why/how you fell, what triggered you etc maybe you need to take a closer and deeper look on these stuff?

It seems like you need something deeper than just a push or try harder etc If your 150 bucks didnt do it...

Again... I might be wrong... just sharing my experience, and raising the possibility.

Re: Starting Again... 03 May 2021 20:06 #367886

  • Ish MiGrodno
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For someone who's done these stuff for years, what changed that you should stop except seeing yourself as "someone that just doesn't do it anymore"? That obviously flies out the window after a fall or two.

Very well put....I guess you are describing what can be termed as a "GYE sophomore jinx." (I am pretty scared of this as well but BH still holding strong)

Lou, we need you back! ~ IMG

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: Starting Again... 03 May 2021 20:15 #367888

Sapy makes a great point. Once the initial euphoric boost that comes with the commitment to recovery fades away, then the real commitment to change is tested. What's your why? Why will this time be different? What will you DO differently? And I don't believe you're moving on, Lou. Sure, you might move on from GYE, but you won't move on from trying to be free. I've quit hundreds of times if not thousands, as have probably most people here. You won't stop quitting this stuff. Because if you're anything like me, you're sick of it already. Been sick of it. It's the worst. But my brain tells me that I love it, because I have pron amnesia, and I forget how it destroys my life and makes me miserable. Every. Time.

As Dov says quoting an AA member, "the problem isn't quitting, the problem is living sober!"

Try switching something up. Filter, kosher phone, 12 step, accountability partner, your environment, therapy, new hobby, new chavrusa/seder, etc. Focus on your process, it gives you something objective and tangible to work with.

Wanting to stop suffering will only last as long as the current crisis brought about by your compulsive behaviors lasts, i.e. maybe a month or two at most, usually less. When you want to make changes, then you start to have something real and tangible to build on. Write out what you're going to do different, and even if it doesn't work, then you can try changing something, anything.

Stay strong!
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