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Back again for another try
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Back again for another try 3487 Views

Re: Back again for another try 08 Jul 2021 02:29 #370602

  • fr33et
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I've been back at work and facing some changes and worries. I haven't watched porn or masturbated but time-wasting has been creeping back in. I want to think of a plan for when I want to start browsing the internet at work. Maybe take a walk instead.

Re: Back again for another try 09 Jul 2021 00:20 #370636

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Still some time wasting but I was more focused at work today, BH.

Re: Back again for another try 15 Jul 2021 01:30 #370875

  • fr33et
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These past few days I've been having a big struggle with time wasting reading political stuff at work. I also missed morning minyan twice, one time I stayed in bed and the other time I was pacing and thinking. With porn and masturbation you can tell what actions are forbidden and not do them, but when the taiva is just to think about something, and it's not a forbidden topic except that it's time wasting, it's so easy to slide into it. It's like I just have to figure out the solutions right now, plus I'm procrastinating from all the things I should do. Still no porn or masturbation though, thank G-d. And after Tisha B'Av with G-d's help I can have seventy days. Plus that's the same time last year I started a pretty good run until the end of Tishrei. So I'm hopeful about that part.

Re: Back again for another try 16 Jul 2021 00:53 #370931

  • fr33et
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I was far from perfect but I did better at work today, BH. However I noticed that I am starting to pay attention to my day count more and feel impatient to increase the number. This is not a good sign as I am generally most successful when I am thinking about holiness and staying clean and taking it one day at a time, without watching the number of days too much. When I start getting impatient staying clean can seem more like a chore instead of the great blessing that it is.

Re: Back again for another try 19 Jul 2021 21:41 #371038

  • fr33et
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I've been very focused today without wasting time on the internet. Since time wasting is such a big challenge for me, I'm planning to spend less time on here too, since that is part of spending time on the internet. However, I'll still come here if I'm thinking about wasting my time with something worse.

Re: Back again for another try 22 Jul 2021 11:20 #371121

  • fr33et
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Monday and Tuesday after Tisha B'Av were very good in terms of time wasting but yesterday my time wasting started to creep back up. I'm having a hard time fighting this aspect.

Re: Back again for another try 28 Jul 2021 01:24 #371257

  • fr33et
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My time wasting has been pretty limited these past few days and still not porn or masturbation. However, today I had more lust than normal. I had a taiva to visit a particular audio site (not the same one that was giving me trouble earlier), and then I saw some iffy pictures that turned me on. I have to watch out! Baruch HaShem, I feel the drive to stay clean again. None of that is really what I want. I hope and pray that I can keep this up.

Re: Back again for another try 11 Oct 2021 13:06 #373156

  • fr33et
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I've been staying away from this site for a couple of months, which I think has been beneficial. This site is a big help but it can also keep me in the mindset of struggling. Time wasting has increased and decreased and sometimes it's a very big problem. Last night, I ending up looking up some inappropriate content for the first time in many months. I was even tempted to masturbate. However, I didn't. Also in a short amount of time it dawned on me what a sham that content is. Because I turned away from it, I'm not counting it as a fall. But this is a warning that I am not so safe.
This time is difficult for a few reasons.
  1. I met the goal I set for myself of 150 days, and I'm starting to think, "Ok I did it. Can I just forget about this challenge now?"
  2. I have never been this long without porn and masturbation, so I am in uncharted territory.
  3. This time last year was very hard. I was stuck at home and there was not much sunlight, and there are not so many holidays to keep me energized. I have more opportunities to socialize this year, but the other two concerns will be here again

So what will I do from here? Avoid time wasting, concentrate on davening. Also remember that the challenge is still present, and I must be on my guard. Each day is precious, it is very dangerous to take one day for granted.

Re: Back again for another try 13 Oct 2021 04:18 #373237

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First thing is celebrate the amazing accomplishment. It will give you iyh a boost for the future.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Back again for another try 13 Oct 2021 14:36 #373245

Maybe call another addict and tell him what you want to do. Depending on the details of the conversation it should help with the urge, maybe you'll get another 150 days!
Last Edit: 13 Oct 2021 14:36 by anonymous.lost.everything.

Re: Back again for another try 07 Nov 2021 02:56 #374002

  • fr33et
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Bad news: I had another slip/close call on Thursday. Good news: I stopped myself in time before I fell. I am now past 180 days for the first time.

Re: Back again for another try 11 Nov 2021 13:21 #374198

  • fr33et
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I fell. After having some close calls and peeking at what I shouldn't see, as I posted recently, I'm not too shocked.

Still, the pattern of the last two years is positive. I'm staying clean for longer each time and when I fall I get back on the horse faster. I want to push this pattern to the extreme by never falling again!

I think that regular internet use causes a lot of weakness and can eventually lead me to fall. When I habitually rely on Netflix, blogs, and news for emotional escapism it's much more likely that I will eventually turn to the internet for sexual escapism.

Trying to completely reconfigure my relationship to the internet all at once seems daunting, so I am breaking the problem into four parts:
  1. Mornings before work
  2. At the office
  3. Evenings after work
  4. Sundays

Baruch Hashem, I have already just about eliminated the internet before work. Watching Netflix in the evenings is the biggest danger, since there is some content that can trigger lust. So I will start by working to cut out the internet from my evenings after work.

Re: Back again for another try 15 Nov 2021 12:04 #374286

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So have you done anything yet about Netflix? In addition to what you wrote, there has become a sort of mistaken tolerance level - for non pornographic re'ios assuros. When the Torah commands us "V'lo sassuru.. acharei eineichem", that does not forbid just pornography at its worst. Hashem forbids us to focus on much more than that. Any secular video produced today is replete with people dressed way below the acceptable tznius standards, as well as suggestive scenes. What we have to unavoidably see on the street is b'geder onais. To purposely bring that stuff into our homes as entertainment and relaxation seemingly has no heter.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Back again for another try 29 Jun 2022 02:13 #382579

  • fr33et
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Although I have not been posting, I have still been working on this. No more Netflix, and I got a filter with accountability partner. This has been working well so far. Plus, I have better things to do than Netflix! However, I am still wasting time with blogs and twitter, especially at work.
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