Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest

Back again for another try
(0 viewing) 
A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Back again for another try 1034 Views

Re: Back again for another try 29 Jan 2021 04:00 #362226

  • Hashem Help Me
  • Current streak: 1581 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 2629
Maybe try to designate Internet usage for necessity; not for entertainment and relaxation. It will be tough at first, but it keeps us away from the "slippery slope".
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Back again for another try 29 Jan 2021 13:10 #362255

  • Striving Avreich
  • Current streak: 84 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 141
  • Karma: 12
Hashem Help Me wrote on 29 Jan 2021 04:00:
Maybe try to designate Internet usage for necessity; not for entertainment and relaxation. It will be tough at first, but it keeps us away from the "slippery slope".

I really struggle with this. I really enjoy relaxing on the internet (obviously I'm not talking about watching pornography or looking at inappropriate/suggestive material). Limiting internet usage is a huge help, but rewiring myself to do other things when I have free time or want to relax is very important.

Re: Back again for another try 29 Jan 2021 13:55 #362261

  • Hashem Help Me
  • Current streak: 1581 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 2629
100 years ago, yidden came to America. Hashem gave them a challenge. shmiras Shabbos presented a possibility of not having food on the table by Monday. Tough matzav indeed. 

In our generation Hashem is simply asking us to inconvenience ourselves. Not to have everything accessible all the time. Is that so tough? We can all find other ways to relax. Maybe they will cost more or involve more preparation. Nu nu. What do you think?
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Back again for another try 29 Jan 2021 14:49 #362267

  • Striving Avreich
  • Current streak: 84 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 141
  • Karma: 12

100 years ago, yidden came to America. Hashem gave them a challenge. shmiras Shabbos presented a possibility of not having food on the table by Monday. Tough matzav indeed. 



In our generation Hashem is simply asking us to inconvenience ourselves. Not to have everything accessible all the time. Is that so tough? We can all find other ways to relax. Maybe they will cost more or involve more preparation. Nu nu. What do you think?


It's not tough. I just have to work on it. The YH keeps me busy with good things that when the time comes that I time to relax/have free time I spend time on the internet doing kosher things, well relatively speaking.

Suggestions and tactics are graciously accepted
Last Edit: 29 Jan 2021 14:51 by Striving Avreich.

Re: Back again for another try 29 Jan 2021 18:15 #362273

  • Lou
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 289
  • Karma: 20
Striving Avreich wrote on 29 Jan 2021 14:49:


100 years ago, yidden came to America. Hashem gave them a challenge. shmiras Shabbos presented a possibility of not having food on the table by Monday. Tough matzav indeed. 



In our generation Hashem is simply asking us to inconvenience ourselves. Not to have everything accessible all the time. Is that so tough? We can all find other ways to relax. Maybe they will cost more or involve more preparation. Nu nu. What do you think?


It's not tough. I just have to work on it. The YH keeps me busy with good things that when the time comes that I time to relax/have free time I spend time on the internet doing kosher things, well relatively speaking.

Suggestions and tactics are graciously accepted

This is not a solution,but just a first aid immediate solution. Setting up a white list may be the best idea.To be realistic, aside from necessities include your favorite few Kosher recreational  sites. This way you can have that feeling that you are getting what you want but you are still limited in the time and energy spent on this.As I said,this is just a stop gap measure but a pretty good one.
Disclamor: I had this for quite a while and it was a big help.Currently, for practical reasons I don't have one but rather a very strict filter. But,if your issue is just wasting hours online on "Kosher" stuff,it is a great first step.
Hatzlocha!

Re: Back again for another try 15 Feb 2021 18:17 #363431

  • fr33et
  • Current streak: 3 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 34
  • Karma: 3
Hello friends,
Baruch Dayan HaEmet.
I was thinking of a reply to the recent discussion, but a close relative of mine died recently so I have not had a chance to post. I'll make another post with my thoughts about "kosher" time wasters later. For now, I just want to report that I am still on the path, I'm still fighting the fight, and I'm still clean. It's never been so clear to me how precious it is to spend my time with friends and loved ones in real life, when they could be gone so easily.
Last Edit: 15 Feb 2021 18:19 by fr33et. Reason: Less specific

Re: Back again for another try 15 Feb 2021 19:43 #363437

  • DavidT
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 787
  • Karma: 55
fr33et wrote on 15 Feb 2021 18:17:
Hello friends,
Baruch Dayan HaEmet.
I was thinking of a reply to the recent discussion, but a close relative of mine died recently so I have not had a chance to post. I'll make another post with my thoughts about "kosher" time wasters later. For now, I just want to report that I am still on the path, I'm still fighting the fight, and I'm still clean. It's never been so clear to me how precious it is to spend my time with friends and loved ones in real life, when they could be gone so easily.

I am truly sorry for your loss and I would like to offer you and your family our deepest and most sincere condolences and may the soul of your close relative rest in peace - you should only know of simchos from now on.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Back again for another try 18 Feb 2021 01:49 #363628

  • fr33et
  • Current streak: 3 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 34
  • Karma: 3
Hashem Help Me wrote on 29 Jan 2021 13:55:
100 years ago, yidden came to America. Hashem gave them a challenge. shmiras Shabbos presented a possibility of not having food on the table by Monday. Tough matzav indeed. 

In our generation Hashem is simply asking us to inconvenience ourselves. Not to have everything accessible all the time. Is that so tough? We can all find other ways to relax. Maybe they will cost more or involve more preparation. Nu nu. What do you think?

I'm not trying to criticize if this works for others, but I don't think this is so helpful for me, for two reasons. First, Shabbat is clearly required in halakha, but as far as I know listening to a political podcast is allowed as long as it's clean and doesn't interfere with other commandments. So it seems like a different situation. Also, this seems like a way to dismiss the "pros" list without examining them too carefully: it's not as bad as what our fathers went through, so stop complaining. It's counterintuitive, but when I admitted all the reasons to watch porn and masturbate, such as it feels amazing and I really feel a sense of connection, it was much easier to stop. Since I included all the reasons in my decision, I was more confident that stopping is really right. So I think the next step for me is to make a pro/con list for the internet in general.

For me it's not so much about entertainment and relaxation. It's more like there is some commentator and if I don't hear what he says I'll miss some big insight. Also, when I'm stuffing info or words into my head I feel like I'm learning and "getting something done." I often feel more tense afterwards, not relaxed at all! Maybe it would help to take on a more structured and useful learning project. I've been thinking about taking a course that would help with my work, and starting to attend more study events at shul. It also helps to think of other activities that are more worthwhile, like house maintenance, working out, etc.

Re: Back again for another try 19 Feb 2021 15:55 #363775

  • fr33et
  • Current streak: 3 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 34
  • Karma: 3
Ok, that's it. Shabbat starts tonight, and after that the internet is for necessity only for one month. To clarify, I can use the internet to help me learn about an immediately applicable skill (e.g. working on my car) or buy something I will use in real life, but no learning about abstract philosophy or politics. Even for Torah and Halakha I will avoid learning on the internet without a specific plan as to what book to read. If I have a question and I don't know where to find the answer, I will ask my Rabbi instead of using the internet. I am still allowed to go on this site, but I will avoid browsing, and just come here to post.

The half measures I try aren't working. I always end up spending too much time on the internet. It's time for a stricter response. Yes, I will have to face reality and that terrifies me. But it is easier than trying to partially limit my internet use.

I will use my personal notebook to keep track of this, so that it doesn't interfere with the 90 day chart. This is because I don't want to feel like I might as well watch porn if I were to go on the internet and then reset my counter. So I have two separate counters now, one on this site for porn and masturbation and one on paper for the internet.

After thirty days I'll see how I feel and decide whether to reintroduce any exceptions.

Re: Back again for another try 23 Feb 2021 02:19 #364008

  • fr33et
  • Current streak: 3 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 34
  • Karma: 3
I had a rough day. I was feeling very lonely in the afternoon, and I was starting to think I wanted to masturbate that evening. I felt dry like a desert no matter how much tea I drank. I told myself, not until tomorrow, then see what you think. Baruch HaShem, after I did some work and went to minyan I felt better and the urge has passed. I didn't keep my plan about not reading blogs though. It's much harder than I thought. It turns out that my brain can generate crazy arguments running in circles that are even more distracting and time consuming when I don't read blogs. I am putting that plan on the back burner for now. Instead, I am planning to be more selective about what and when I read, and pay for it with cash. Also I want to prioritize more important things, like minyan, personal relationships, etc.

Re: Back again for another try 23 Feb 2021 18:34 #364070

Hi. I just quickly perused your thread and I really feel for you. I'm also single and the fear that I won't get married is one of temptations best strategies. It makes me feel that it's justified to give in. Something that has helped me is to remember that it's wrong no matter what God's plan is for me, and that if I don't give in to my temptations, even in this circumstance of being lonely and never knowing when I'm going to get married, then that is a HUGE sanctification of God's name. Also, I don't know if you're actually dating, but there is someone out there for you. I know it's so cliché, but being yourself is the best thing you can do on dates. If you don't click with some people, there are others out there that you will click with. 

Re: Back again for another try 17 Mar 2021 00:06 #365565

  • fr33et
  • Current streak: 3 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 34
  • Karma: 3
Thanks to everyone for your encouragement. I passed ninety days now. There have been ups and downs but I'm pleased to look back and see that I've been clean for three months.

Going forward, first I will need to keep my guard up. The longer I'm clean the longer it will be since the last time I fell, so I won't remember as clearly how I felt afterwards. So I have to be extra careful.

I'm also still working on spending less time on other internet content. When I tried to commit to a month with the internet only for necessities, I failed almost immediately. I want to set smaller goals and work up to it. For example, I'm trying to limit the time per day on the internet and go for a few days at a time with the internet only for necessities. When I avoid the internet, I sometimes become preoccupied with thoughts that don't end up anywhere and take up my time, so this is something else to work on.

I also am struggling with waking up with strong motivation to daven and get to work. This is something else that I need to focus on improving.

Many of these difficulties are a way of dealing with loneliness. The good news is that I have started to shift to another shul that is a better fit for me. Starting to form friendships there is a big help. Perhaps the most important goal is focus on taking care of my own life and my relationships with the people around me, rather than distracting myself with content on the internet.

Re: Back again for another try 17 Mar 2021 00:40 #365568

  • Striving Avreich
  • Current streak: 84 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 141
  • Karma: 12
Wow great to hear!
Another Bochur crushing it! I can't imagine (let's just say I struggled hopelessly for way to long and didn't manage to get my act together for long enough0. Kol Hakavod (as they say in Israel). כבוד as in מכבדי אכבד
Last Edit: 17 Mar 2021 00:41 by Striving Avreich.

Re: Back again for another try 11 Apr 2021 21:09 #366679

  • fr33et
  • Current streak: 3 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 34
  • Karma: 3
I fell on Thursday night. I was watching some questionable videos, then I realized I wanted to visit a site I hadn't been on for a while. Because I spent so long clean without peeking at the site, there was lots of new smut to tempt me. I didn't have access to it so I went on another site and masturbated. After that, I thought of the scene in the Godfather where someone asks Don Corleone for a favor because the police won't help, and Don Corleone says that he should've gone to him first. When I have desires and I'm lonely, why do I turn to the "police," meaning the comforts of the material world, when I could turn to the Ribbono Shel Olam?

Nevertheless I did not immediately feel regret. I was still overwhelmed with desire to gain access to the site I mentioned. I planned to put off accessing it for a month, but instead, today, I once again turned to another site and masturbated. Thank G-d, the disappointment that did not follow the first fall has arrived after the second fall. G-d willing I can put that site behind me now and forget about it for good . . . but there is still a seed of curiosity in the back of my head that wants to see all that fresh new garbage.

What are my plans going forward?
  1. Limit my time on the internet much more strictly. For the time being I will treat any unproductive use of the internet as a fall. I don't want to spend time on this site either, except to update my chart and use my own thread. Other threads are currently more dangerous than helpful to me because they remind me of temptations.
  2. Daven and focus on kavanah.
  3. Learn two texts with chevrutim.


A while ago I said that I wanted to focus on this struggle so as not to take on too many challenges at once. Now I am entering a new phase. My goal is to build avodat veyirat HaShem so that I can have the strength to resist without directly thinking about the temptation. Focusing on "not watching porn" or even "not peeking" is too much of a reminder of the delicious temptations out there.

May HaShem help all of us in our struggles.
Last Edit: 12 Apr 2021 12:22 by fr33et. Reason: Remove specifics

Re: Back again for another try 11 Apr 2021 21:20 #366680

  • Striving Avreich
  • Current streak: 84 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 141
  • Karma: 12
Hey!

Thanks for keeping us updated. IYH continuing to greater and better things.

Do you have a filter? Could you block that site? Has previous efforts of "putting that site behind you" worked? Will it be different this time?
By saying that you will limit you time, will you? Is saying that I won't speak loshon horoh a measure that will stop me speaking loshon horoh?

I'd highly recommend getting a mentor/therapist/rov. It's very helpful to have someone lead us out of something that we are completely engrossed and stuck in.
Time to create page: 0.49 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes