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Mental Health and Marriage
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Mental Health and Marriage 13456 Views

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 14 May 2021 14:02 #368589

  • bego
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Disclaimer - Of course it is far from geshmak to masturbate while on the phone with the kallah. Meeting and shmuesing as chassan and kallah is very teasing and challenging. I would dare say that it is quite common that things like that happen with many guys. Of course i am not saying "it is ok", but you are normal buddy. Maybe next time shmuess while outdoors... or come up with some other practical deterrent.

I strongly second this. being engaged was VERY hard. Still remember it well. Would have loved to have this website and the ideas here to guide me through. 
Sex is a Thneed
A Thneed is something that everyone needs.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 25 Jun 2021 13:44 #370200

  • Captain
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Hey HY613, how's it going?
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 20 Jul 2021 18:17 #371086

Check out my thread The Easy Peasy Method

Or just read the book. Based on Alan Carr's Easyway.

"All porn ever does is relieve the withdrawal symptoms that it causes, and it ceases to relieve them completely."
Last Edit: 09 Sep 2021 20:55 by ihadstringsbutnowimfree.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 20 Jul 2021 18:19 #371087

Check out my thread The Easy Peasy Method

Or just read the book. Based on Alan Carr's Easyway.

"All porn ever does is relieve the withdrawal symptoms that it causes, and it ceases to relieve them completely."
Last Edit: 09 Sep 2021 21:18 by ihadstringsbutnowimfree.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 06 Aug 2021 02:49 #371470

  • FighterWithFire
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@HY613, you're incredible. I'm a 20 year old Bochur in the States who has been struggling with pornography (no masturbation whatsoever, B"H) for 3 years. I long to be with a girl constantly. Your story is truly inspiring (especially since you're dealing with much rougher situations than I am, B'li Ayin Hara). Feel free to read my story here (and I should add to it that right now, the Wi-Fi in my house is filtered on ALL devices, so I have almost no access whatsoever, B"H): guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/366231-I-want-a-girl-so-badly

Again, thank you so much for the inspiration. Wishing you continued Hatzlacha, and may you and your Kallah know nothing but Bracha, Simcha V'shalom, and be zocheh to build a Bayis Ne'emon B'Yisrael!
"A Yid never breaks
and a Yid never bends
and a Yid never gives up in the night
A Yid perseveres
through the deepest despairs
his Emunah strengthens him for the fight"
Last Edit: 06 Aug 2021 02:50 by FighterWithFire.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 10 Aug 2021 03:25 #371533

Hi everyone. It's been a while. Baruch Hashem things are going very well, but the story of Mental Health and Marriage still continues. I am really busy and I don't know when I will post next. All the best.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 10 Aug 2021 10:57 #371535

  • supremeone
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Hey there,

I am new but I just wanted to say I have read your story and honestly it's amazing how much I related to it. Thank you, it gives me some hope that maybe I can find someone myself.

I wish you only success. God speed.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 14 Sep 2021 05:17 #372427

Hey everybody. Baruch Hashem life has been busy. These past three months of marriage have been very good. My wife is wonderful, and going on the journey of life with someone else is really amazing. But subjectively, it's been very difficult. The two topics of my thread, mental health and marriage, have merged into one huge obstacle. While I was engaged, I was barraged by nervousness about having a broken engagement, or if I was making the right choice. Now, those anxieties have increased. I wonder if I made the right decision. I wonder what the future has in store for us. I wonder if our bond is strong enough to last a lifetime. I wonder if she really loves me. Sometimes these thoughts totally disappear, but when I am not my best self, they haunt me. Sometimes it seems so real. When I don't feel like I love myself, it is so hard to trust in her love. Only a strong sense of self can be the receptacle for someone else's love. I don't mean to say that I'm never successful, but it is taking some time to adjust. And now it's not just me in the picture. I do share what I'm going through with my wife, but for the most part I try to keep the struggle contained. I really make an effort to put aside my thoughts and to be a positive presence in our home.  As always, I'm speaking to my therapist who is guiding me through this. Overall, I am very grateful to Hashem for getting me to this incredible stage in life, and I am looking forward, with His help, to overcome these challenges.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 14 Sep 2021 05:21 #372430

  • YeshivaGuy
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I have no good eitza besides keep it up with the therapist and may you have Hatzlocha.
It may be a good idea to learn when you can, the מערכת האדם in חלק ב׳ of עלי שור…

Im hoping all your devices are secure and that you’ve discussed already with your wife about having filters in the house… if not, then now would be a great time.

Take care,


Re: Mental Health and Marriage 14 Sep 2021 14:50 #372441

  • Yoina mutzhoo
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I’m in marriage therapy besides individual therapy. That helps a lot in both aspects interpersonal and individual.

Last Edit: 14 Sep 2021 14:50 by Yoina mutzhoo.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 15 Sep 2021 00:23 #372472

  • gettingthere9
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I can relate to a lot of those insecurities and second guessing. Therapy helped me tremendously. 
It can be brutal when you are second guessing the love of the person you are so close with and the person that loves you so much. (Deep down we know we made the right decision... and I know she loves me just my low self esteem and insecurities get in the way)  Its almost like you are constantly testing and testing the relationship and cannot believe that it can be...

That was what it was like for me. And again, therapy was a life changer.

I feel your pain
Hope for the best Prepare for the worst

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 12 Oct 2021 01:14 #373189

Many times I doubt myself and my marriage. I'm learning that the energy I use obsessing is better used for self-love and forgiveness. Forgiveness and acceptance of not being perfect. When I get into a good state of mind everything seems much brighter. I try to remember that my doubts are just a result of my state of mind.

The times that we can't touch are very difficult. It feels like there is something between us. It's not just the lack of touching. It feels like the relationship is different. I realized how much I rely on my wife acting affectionately towards me. When I would obsess about if she really loves me, those small signs of love would put my anxiety at ease. It became a crutch of sorts. During the off-weeks, I lose that lifeline. It's making me search for self-love and a source of independent security, so ultimately it's amazing that we have these two weeks. It's also forcing me to believe in our relationship, even though I can't see it as well. I also have to find different ways to express my love. The ways of the Torah are pleasant. I'm happy that I'm able to see it so clearly with these restrictions. 

By the way, I'm 19 days clean. It's the longest streak since I started posting on GYE one year ago. Besides for two back to back slip-ups, I am pornography free. Thank you everyone!!!!
Last Edit: 12 Oct 2021 01:16 by hashemyeracheim613.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 12 Oct 2021 01:21 #373190

  • MottehPoisansky
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You might like the book "insecure in Love".
If i recall it deals with exactly what you are describing

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 12 Oct 2021 11:27 #373208

  • Hashem Help Me
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Beautifully written! You express what many of us experience. Let me reassure you it is normal. What works for many is finding ways to "get to know each other" in non intimate ways that are presently off limits. A hug may be a very powerful validation and reassurance of love, but one can learn to realize that simply spending time together and smiling a bit can accomplish the same. A phone call during the day checking on each other and interesting ourselves in our spouse's goings on is somewhat "intimate" and can accomplish a lot. Hatzlacha.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 28 Nov 2021 03:38 #374602

Hi everybody. I'm clean 39 days. This is probably the longest streak I've ever had since I was 13.
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