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I'm Back!
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: I'm Back! 5781 Views

Re: I'm Back! 21 Feb 2021 19:28 #363885

  • DeterminedtoWin
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B"H had a great Shabbos and today will make it 40 days be"H!!

Looking forward to another super week be"H as I head towards my first goal of reaching Purim b'kedusha v'tehara. Stay tuned for new plans next week as I update my journey to work towards a new goal.

In the meantime, same story. Committed to staying away from anywhere on my computer that I would not want my wife to see and to stay connected and keep posting daily. Also, I would like to add to bl"n not watch any of the GYE videos or any "kosher site" videos this week for the sake of passing time. As inspirational as they may be, I simply can not afford the time. 

Have a super freilichen week chevrah!!
Determinedtowin!!

Re: I'm Back! 23 Feb 2021 01:58 #364007

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B"H another great day today!
Onwards to a super busy and geshmaka week be"H!

Re: I'm Back! 24 Feb 2021 01:06 #364096

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Yay! Another super day! 
Thank you everyone who has been following me along as I continue living! It means a lot knowing that others are in on my journey.

Re: I'm Back! 24 Feb 2021 19:23 #364170

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Just wanted to check in with the oilam...

B"H doing well these days, but I'm noticing that as the weather gets nice and sunny I'm starting to feel a little "itchy". It's both, people are starting to dress in ways that may be a little more triggering, and also the weather itself seems to have a triggering affect for me. As I start to feel the sunshine and feel lighter in my own body, more active, and more energized, it comes together with more "feelings".

Not sure that there is anything to do about it other then to acknowledge the reality of it. My gut reaction is to panic and imagine the worst and tell myself that I will ultimate fail in the face of the ramping up of the nisyonos. This would likely cause me to slowly inch my way off the beautiful path of kedusha that I am on these days and head back to the dark path of lust since, "I anyways know I can't do this and it's too hard, so why even bother. Let me just go for it..."

With this realization and acknowledgment, I am working on allowing myself to let these feelings and thoughts come and go as they please without reacting to them and stay connected with my true values of living this beautiful life of kedusha v'tahara which is ultimately so rewarding and fulfilling. 

May Hashem please continue to help me stay true to His path and continue winning!!

- Determinedtowin

Re: I'm Back! 24 Feb 2021 23:13 #364193

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DeterminedtoWin wrote on 24 Feb 2021 19:23:
Just wanted to check in with the oilam...

B"H doing well these days, but I'm noticing that as the weather gets nice and sunny I'm starting to feel a little "itchy". It's both, people are starting to dress in ways that may be a little more triggering, and also the weather itself seems to have a triggering affect for me. As I start to feel the sunshine and feel lighter in my own body, more active, and more energized, it comes together with more "feelings".

Not sure that there is anything to do about it other then to acknowledge the reality of it. My gut reaction is to panic and imagine the worst and tell myself that I will ultimate fail in the face of the ramping up of the nisyonos. This would likely cause me to slowly inch my way off the beautiful path of kedusha that I am on these days and head back to the dark path of lust since, "I anyways know I can't do this and it's too hard, so why even bother. Let me just go for it..."

With this realization and acknowledgment, I am working on allowing myself to let these feelings and thoughts come and go as they please without reacting to them and stay connected with my true values of living this beautiful life of kedusha v'tahara which is ultimately so rewarding and fulfilling. 

May Hashem please continue to help me stay true to His path and continue winning!!

- Determinedtowin

Thanks for posting this! I experience the same feelings and this keeps me on my toes!

Thanks for the reminder!

Re: I'm Back! 25 Feb 2021 22:20 #364264

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Chasdei Hashem!!!!! I reached my first goal and am be"H making it to Purim bkedusha vtahara!!!! (44 days!)

Thank you Hashem and all of GYE and the GYE chevrah!!!!

A super freilichen and elevating Purim to everyone!!!!!!!!!!

Re: I'm Back! 02 Mar 2021 01:14 #364488

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B"H I had a really nice and uplifting Purim and am so grateful that I was able to reach my goal of making it to Purim b'kedusha v'tahara.

Here is my next goal and plan going forward....

I am still committing bl"n to continue avoiding anything on my computer that I would not want my wife to see. (This is obviously not something that can change, but I like to keep it as a weekly reminder otherwise I can easily forget my resolve.) However, now instead of posting daily on this thread with daily updates, I would like to start reaching out and helping others as well. So, I still plan on sending out weekly check ins at the beginning and end of the week to keep the oilam posted on my progress but to make my daily connection more through posting on other threads.

B'kitzur,  I will now bl'n post twice weekly on my thread and at least one response to other threads on the days that I did not post on mine (unless something specific comes up that I want to share). I am still planning on keeping up with daily posts.

My next mile marker is to make it to leil seder b'kdusha v'tahara.
Be"H we will be there soon!!

Re: I'm Back! 05 Mar 2021 18:52 #364816

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B"H had a great week! 51 days so far!!!

Have a great Shabbos!
Determinedtowin

Re: I'm Back! 10 Mar 2021 17:07 #365188

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There's good news and bad news....

Good news is that I made it to 54 days which has been really great b"H!
Bad news is that I fell on Monday.

I'm back and ready to continue forward be"H. Not looking at this as blowing the whole thing and having to start all over again. Rather going to get right back up and continue forward from where I left off on this beautiful journey of a life of kedusha.

Practically, I am bl"n going to return to daily posts on my thread since I found that to have been really helpful. Also, renewing my commitment to not going anywhere on my computer that I would not want my wife to see. 

Thanks for being there!!
Last Edit: 10 Mar 2021 17:59 by DeterminedtoWin.

Re: I'm Back! 10 Mar 2021 17:36 #365189

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DeterminedtoWin wrote on 10 Mar 2021 17:07:
There's good news and bad news....

Good news is that I made it to 54 days which has been really great b"H!
Bad news is that I fell on Monday.

I'm back and ready to continue forward be"H. Not looking at this blowing the whole thing and having to start all over again. Rather going to get right back up and continue forward from where I left off on this beautiful journey of a life of kedusha.

Practically, I am bl"n going to return to daily posts on my thread since I found that to have been really helpful. Also, renewing my commitment to not going anywhere on my computer that I would not want my wife to see. 

Thanks for being there!! 

Your user name says it all!
Determinedtowin
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: I'm Back! 10 Mar 2021 19:29 #365191

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How are we celebrating 54 days!?

Grease those wheels cuz it's about to start running again.

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: I'm Back! 11 Mar 2021 01:17 #365206

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Chasdei Hashem, it's great to be back in the game!

I am so grateful to Hashem for GYE and for all of you. Having GYE to come back to is a tremendous bracha.  Ashreinu matoiv chelkeinu!!

Onwards in truly living it up! 

Re: I'm Back! 11 Mar 2021 23:11 #365273

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B"H had a great day today!
See you tomorrow be"H!

Re: I'm Back! 12 Mar 2021 19:58 #365310

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B"H I was able to get back in the game after the fall and continue on to a great rest of the week. Thank you Hashem and GYE!! (The zechusim of GYE is unfathomable, definitely helping bring Moshiach!)

In the beginning, I had to make room for thoughts about how "everyone else" is so far ahead of me and I'm  way down here at the bottom and maybe there's no point really and why bother etc... but B"H I was able to sit with those thoughts and focus my attention on living my life they way I truly want to be regardless of all that. B"H it worked and have been feeling checked in again and feeling good about it. 

Looing forward to a beautiful Shabbos and another great week! Leil seder as yid living of a life of kedusha and staying true to my family here we come!
Last Edit: 14 Mar 2021 17:41 by DeterminedtoWin.

Re: I'm Back! 12 Mar 2021 20:10 #365312

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Positive perspective!
Have a good shabbos!

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

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