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How are we different?
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: How are we different? 3226 Views

Re: How are we different? 22 Apr 2019 17:02 #340704

  • Workingguy
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Joseph1 wrote on 17 Apr 2019 13:44:

whats more of an interesting topic for me is why God created something that he hates but I think it’s easy to chalk that up to the awesomeness of free will and bechira 

I have the same question if someone can explain it please come in.....

There are so many things in life you can ask taut about. How about food? It’s delicious, but overdoing it, people become obsessed with it, and literally kill them selves eating it. And they get diabetes, reflux, etc. 

Here’s a few simple ideas. First, the more powerful a thing is, the more destructive it can be as well. The more positive it can be, the more misused as well. 

Second, they did study after study and found that the people with the highest level of sexual satisfaction were married couples. Another study of 16,000 people found that the optimal number of sexual partners was ONE.

So how’s this for an idea- if you actually watch your eyes, and work on your relationship, and keep your mind in the right place, and focus your desire on your wife in a way that she appreciates (so many conditions!!), you will see that desire is wonderful, that intimacy can be fantastic, and that you feel like a supremely powerful human being in that you keep your sexuality focused and not all over the place.

And then, maybe G-d says, I’m so glad that you get to enjoy this natural and wonderful thing I put into the world. 

The alternative- let your Lust run wild as you look at everyone and everything, get triggered all the time, feel distracted by sexual thoughts all day, act out and hide it and feel like a liar, and always feel frustrated because your wife doesn’t look like all the girls out there, and she doesn’t do what they do in the movies and videos.

And then, maybe G-d says, “Wow, that wasn’t what I had in mind. I feel so bad that he’s going to be so frustrated.”

Does that make any sense? 

Re: How are we different? 25 Oct 2019 00:18 #344432

  • higher
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see the qoute below to relate to this.
this ones an oldie but a goodie.
1. Non Jews are brought up in mixed sex environments and are encouraged to have girlfriends, and there is def. a large mass of non jews that think it is fine and even healthy to masturbate. (go ahead and google it, my filter wont allow me to give you links but im sure you can get a dozen or so ''respected sources''.)

2. I recently heard on a major public news network the anchor interviewing a religious non jewish activist who was trying to advocate against the dangers of porn. the anchor asked him "but wouldnt even you agree that thats JUST a ''religious'' problem"? (meaning its ok in the non jewish world to say that) as for the activist, he stammered and hemmed and came up with a very PC comment that didnt hammer home how it can destroy marriages and relationships. (something about how addictions are not healthy....uh...hello?!)
p.s. this ''major activist"s (religious nuch!) response further solidified how he has to be pc and tread thin ice on this topic-it seems like they both felt that this attitude (if you can call it that) is accepted in the non jewish world! 
so in terms of ''reality''.
the social, religious, and general community standards of yidden are against porn.
on an intellectual level.
on a spiritual level and on a common sense level.
our societies operate diametrically opposed to the 2 points mentioned above.
the non jews-i dont think so. the info doesnt lie. (and im not even talking about the massive lman sfos harava es hatzmeiah, see ramban, thats going on as a result of all this splurging n tayvah in terms of to'eva and what not-ya gotta be living in a cave to say that THATS as accepted by jews as is by non jews...)
do WE have porn addicts?
unfortunately, yes.
do we have a Y''H? since adam and eve!
are yidden more mesugal to chet? could be. zeh leumas zeh. (see maharal netzach yisroel twords beginning).
will the media celebrate when they finally get thier hands on a sex scandal or some yid that nebach was busy going to dungeons and stuff? sure. (thats pathetic by the way. FAKE NEWS! in terms of what they are trying to portray...)
but i think our societies have a definite advantage over the outside world and what goes on in SA rooms, or spoken by (A.A.?) speakers (see qoute) (which i have no blasted idea what but....) it def. isnt promoted in the outside world. (rather its demoted...)
and i dont think that Hashem hating lust period has anything to do with whether it makes sense that its more common amongst non jews or not.
Im proud to be a Jew and I like that as a society we are more sensitive to inyanei kedusha.
I dont think thats a generalization.
i think
and breathe
that reality
​because it surrounds me day in and day out.  
this might not have so much relevance to this thread (i think it does) but the topic was dead for a while anyway...
p.s. i wanted to add one point (in an edit).
it was recently discussed on the forum how people that are extremely spiritual zealots (in this regard) can be found acting out in many, even extreme ways. im not going to discuss that here but im not talking about extremities here. im talking about someone growing up within the general influence of the frum community.
Last Edit: 25 Oct 2019 04:58 by higher.

Re: How are we different? 25 Oct 2019 00:21 #344433

  • higher
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GrowStrong wrote on 16 Apr 2019 11:46:
There are a couple of things i would like to address on this thread
Firstly I have heard a few A.A. speakers talk against porn and masturbation as not being spiritual behavior and a form of infidelity against their wives - these are non Jews talking about something that they’re not addicted to.
its an assumption to say that 99 percent of non Jews do it just like I wouldn’t say that 88 percent of Jews do it.
another point i would like to raise is that my experience with SA has shown me that those chronic porn masturbators who disclose this addiction to their wives have just as hard a time with their goyishe wives as the Jewish ones do
so really I feel there are a lot of generalizations in this thread which have little to do with reality.
as my sponsor told me once God hates lust whether it’s a Jew or a non Jew who is lustin’
whats more of an interesting topic for me is why God created something that he hates but I think it’s easy to chalk that up to the awesomeness of free will and bechira 

This is relevant to the above post (i think)

Re: How are we different? 11 Nov 2019 07:29 #345057

  • simchastorah
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Hello, I see that you posted this question some time ago, but even so, I would like to respond because I think that the topic is quite fundamental.

I think that the answer is that if 99% of non-jews masturbate and watch porn regularly, which may or may not be the accurate number, but is probably not so far off, then yes, 99% of non-jews are incredibly unhealthy.

From your question it sounds like you would find this hard to believe. Why? 

Is it because if that were the case, then we would expect that society would cease to function normally? If so, I think that we can say that society has ceased to function normally. Yes, there is still food in the grocery stores, they're keeping the roads in good shape, etc. But things about sexuality/gender etc that would have been looked at as absolute insanity less a single generation ago are now considered the sophisticated perspective. Furthermore, even if that weren't the case, I don't think that we can judge someone's mental health based on whether he's able to hold a job, or refrain from spouting foolish opinions publicly. Do you? What is the measuring-stick for mental health? Doesn't it have more to do with how we feel about ourselves? 

Is it hard to believe that they're all unhealthy for some other reason, like a sense that it's just to extreme of a statement to declare that a whole society has lost their marble? I personally identify more with this.
But.... I think that it's wrong. The founder of our religion, Avraham Avinu was called HaIvri, Chazal tell us that this is because he stood apart from the entire world, on the other side, so to speak. This tells us that we can expect that for all of our history, we will be standing on the "other side" from the rest of the world.  Standing on the other side doesn't end with believing in one God, it doesn't end with wearing t'fillin in the airport. It means that the entire world can have an opinion that something is normal, is healthy, and we can say, "you're a bunch of liars, you're lying to yourselves, you have lost your minds, and we're holding on to the truth." 
Without getting in to what exactly is wrong with pornography etc, it is clear to anyone who has been entrenched in it, even minutely that it profoundly impacts your sense of being. So if they're all watching it, they must be profoundly impacted.

I hope that my answer hasn't been too dogmatic or preachy, this is the first time that I'm responding to a question on the forum, and when I saw the question, I was excited because I think that it really opens up an important door.
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