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war of many battles
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: war of many battles 7862 Views

Re: war of many battles 10 Jul 2009 07:11 #8500

  • me
To be thrown back down in to 50 shaarei tumah is not what we normally expect to happen. That's what some people find scary about my story.


I spoke with someone several weeks ago. He works in kiruv, and he is successful with the difficult cases. One day he told me, "Do you know what it is like hugging, and embracing a bochur who has earings, pins in his lip, tongues, eye lids, and nose etc....?"

"But, sometimes we need to be ready to go down even to the most deepest depths of tumah in order to pull out the nitzitzim shel kedusha."

This why sometimes hashem sends us down there. When we (with his help) come back up, we bring with us many sparks of holiness. The nidachim.
Last Edit: by shabbosiscoming.

Re: war of many battles 10 Jul 2009 10:28 #8504

  • 7yipol
  • Current streak: 3 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • YES HE CAN!
  • Posts: 4686
  • Karma: 9
Battleworn,

I feel so small. Without knowing details of your nisyonos, it is clear that they have been soul wrenching; the kind reserved for no less than tzaddikim, or tzaddikim in the making.

Throughout the recent ups and downs here on the forum, the one thing which stood out very clearly to me, was that your responses were based on tremendous anguish and pain. Your unworded cries from a wounded neshama really pierced my heart. I daven with all my being that Hashem Himself should comfort and heal you, and shower you with His love very clearly. May all future nisyonos be only via smachos, with all the kaylim needed to make them truly moments of true ruchnius joy.

With wishes for a restful, rejuvenating and ruchnius shabbos.
7up
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by Chai.

Re: war of many battles 10 Jul 2009 12:33 #8506

  • battleworn
7up and everyone. I want you to know that your words mean so much to me. They give me great chizuk which I could always use. Thank you so much! Hashem should give everyone the greatest Shabbos!!!
Last Edit: by iwillguardmyeyes.

Re: war of many battles 10 Jul 2009 13:51 #8513

  • chl
bs"d

Gut Shabbes everybody!
Last Edit: by Pleasehelp4321.

Re: war of many battles 12 Jul 2009 10:03 #8558

  • battleworn


"But, sometimes we need to be ready to go down even to the most deepest depths of tumah in order to pull out the nitzitzim shel kedusha."

This why sometimes hashem sends us down there. When we (with his help) come back up, we bring with us many sparks of holiness. The nidachim.

In the "Baal Shem Tov al HaTorah" the second piece in parshas Acharei, this yesod is explained from a few angles (mostly in the foot-notes). Although most of them refer to Tzadikim and I'm not at all a Tzadik of any sort, I do feel very connected to every lost soul and I desperately want everone to return to Hashem just as I want myself to. Whenever I daven to Hashem to bring me back (at least 3 times a day) I always include everyone in my Tefilah. To me there's no other way.
Last Edit: by sally.

Re: war of many battles 12 Jul 2009 12:58 #8564

  • me
...and I'm not at all a Tzadik of any sort,


Hashem knows who his tadikim are. who knows, in this Dor...you might be surprised to learn that you are in fact one of the pillars.
Last Edit: by Trg.

Re: war of many battles 15 Jul 2009 12:53 #8823

  • battleworn
A Tzadik is someone who makes the most of what Hashem gives him and in that, I feel like I have a very long way to go. But I would prefer to discuss what Hashem has given me.

I just noticed that I went over the 500 post mark and the forum crowned me a hero member. In 3 days it will be the 1st. birthday of the forum and 2 weeks later is the date that I was given one of the greatest gifts of my life when I discovered the forum. So I'd like to take the oppertunity to reflect a little on some of Hashem's great gifts to me.

The Gemoro in Berochos 5a says: כל שהקב"ה חפץ בו מדכאו ביסורין שנאמר וד' חפץ דכאו החלי. When Hashem wants to bring someone close to Him he gives him "yisurim".

When I got married I had a plan A and a plan B. Plan A was to stay in Yeshiva and become a big Talmid Chochom; I had all the right ingredients and I felt ready to really get going in that direction. Plan B was to find my place in a nice easy-going community somewhere in America.

But Hashem had plan C. Hashem wanted my heart, תנה בני לבך לי. So in His great mercy He kept on turning my life upside down again and again. Among everything else, the falls that I've had, were of course a very central part of the yissurim. Halevai I would make the best of it, but even as is, it's unbelievable what all the yissurim did for me.

There's no question in my mind that lifetimes of work would not have gotten me anywhere near this far. The clarity that Hashem has given me in Emunah and Bitachon is beyond anything I could have imagined. The way I learned to look at each Mitzvah and each Tefiloh is likewise. It's becoming totaly natural for me to do every mitzvah and every "sur merah" בשם כל ישראל . I have trouble explaining what that means, but I can tell you that it's a completely different life.

And please don't give me that "you're so special" talk. Every Yid is a chelek Eloka mimaal, everyone can get there and much more if you just go along with the flow that Hashem sends you, instead of going along with the flow of the world.

If you c"v find yourself acting like an animal, it doesen't mean you're a sick lowlife. Quite the contrary, it means that Hashem is reminding you what happens when you forget how holy you are.
Yes, you may have caught the terrible disease called addiction, but no, it's not c"v you. YOU are HOLY, and Hashem wants you. Hashem wants you to cut the chains of katnus, to cut the chains of gashmius and lust, to cut the cains of thinking that you can run your own life.

A YID IS LIKE A HELIUM BALLOON, ONCE THE CHAINS ARE CUT, YOU KEEP RISING HIGHER AND HIGHER!

I know that it's hard to except this. That's why Hashem tells us: אנכי ד' אלוקיך המעלך מארץ מצרים הרחב פיך ואמלאהו - I am Hashem your G-d that takes you up from the land of Egypt, OPEN YOUR MOUTH WIDE AND I WILL FILL IT UP!!! In Egypt we were steeped in 49 shaarei tumah to the point that the angels couldn't see any difference between us and the Egyptions. And Hashem raised us up in 7 weeks to the highest level that mankind has ever reached.

And HE"S BEGGING US TO TAKE THE LESSON FROM THERE AND APPLY IT TO OURSELVES; TO STOP THINKING SMALL AND START ENJOYING LIFE!

That's the very essence of Klal Yisroel, like Hashem told Avraham Avinu: ואעשך לגוי גדול

Last Edit: 15 Jul 2009 17:45 by yosf271.

Re: war of many battles 15 Jul 2009 15:54 #8851

  • chl
bs"d

wow, you just gave me so much chizuk!!! I am going to daven Mincha now extra-freylach! Thank you! 
Last Edit: by maxi.

Re: war of many battles 15 Jul 2009 17:30 #8862

  • TrYiNg
It's so amazing to have reached a madreiga where you thank hashem for your yissurim.



A YID IS LIKE A HELIUM BALLOON, ONCE THE CHAINS ARE CUT, YOU KEEP RISING HIGHER AND HIGHER!


I love it!
Last Edit: by .

Re: war of many battles 15 Jul 2009 20:20 #8885

  • me
It's so amazing to have reached a madreiga where you thank hashem for your yissurim.


Like I said....could be a tzadik after all.
Last Edit: by agoodguydeepdown.

Re: war of many battles 16 Jul 2009 03:38 #8915

  • bardichev
battleworn that was so honest
the only not honest part is the worn

your koach is so great

you were a hero before you hit 500

bardichev

Last Edit: by hvac4321.
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