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making the silent battle...not.
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: making the silent battle...not. 83650 Views

Re: making the silent battle...not. 15 Mar 2017 16:10 #308272

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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See the Rambam in Sefer Hamitzvot (Aseh 189)


rambam189.jpg


The time to erase them has not yet come. Meanwhile we need to keep reminding ourselves of what they did so our hatred of them and the evil they represent will not be dulled by the passage of time.
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: making the silent battle...not. 16 Mar 2017 08:37 #308348

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They chopped our boys in the desert. So some died. We still exist.
The Nazis, now, yemach sh'mam. Remember that evil, that horror. But maybe in hundreds of years people will have it dulled down through the passage of time as well. 

I saw my neighbour had some toy/game based on the disaster of the Titanic. I wondered if in a hundred years time there will be a board game / toy entitled "9/11".

And now (to those who are unsure of my linkage here), what if my brain dulls down the scourge and horror of my addiction so in ten years I don't even remember why it was so bad in the first place?

It's scary, what time can do.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread
Last Edit: 16 Mar 2017 08:38 by Singularity.

Re: making the silent battle...not. 16 Mar 2017 09:31 #308353

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Why would that be scary (referring to your last line)
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: making the silent battle...not. 16 Mar 2017 10:17 #308360

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well if I know something's bad for me, I should always know.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: making the silent battle...not. 16 Mar 2017 11:59 #308382

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You can also look at it that recovery is working/helping
But maybe for an addict that is a bad mindset
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: making the silent battle...not. 22 Mar 2017 04:07 #308788

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Singularity wrote on 16 Mar 2017 08:37:
And now (to those who are unsure of my linkage here), what if my brain dulls down the scourge and horror of my addiction so in ten years I don't even remember why it was so bad in the first place?

It's scary, what time can do.

Ten years? How about 2 weeks? Our disease constantly tries to remind us of the fleeting, good sensations, while making us forget the consequences, the way we felt afterwards

Re: making the silent battle...not. 22 Mar 2017 07:39 #308799

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True.

This is why a Step 1 as a refresher is always potent.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: making the silent battle...not. 22 Mar 2017 11:55 #308816

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silentbattle wrote on 22 Mar 2017 04:07:

Singularity wrote on 16 Mar 2017 08:37:
And now (to those who are unsure of my linkage here), what if my brain dulls down the scourge and horror of my addiction so in ten years I don't even remember why it was so bad in the first place?

It's scary, what time can do.

Ten years? How about 2 weeks? Our disease constantly tries to remind us of the fleeting, good sensations, while making us forget the consequences, the way we felt afterwards

How true that is.

My second sponsor drilled that into me. Our disease (or whatever you call it) makes us forget everythin'. Which is why logic is not a prerequisite for recovery, and it, in fact, can be a detriment as well.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: making the silent battle...not. 11 Sep 2017 23:00 #320119

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Just checking in...actually still working on my first step, but loving recovery. It's a scary fact that the damage I caused by acting out lives on even as I work on my recovery. but I can't change that. What I can change is myself, and I continue to work on that, one day at a time, with a lot of help from God.
Last Edit: 11 Sep 2017 23:00 by silentbattle.

Re: making the silent battle...not. 18 Sep 2017 11:52 #320399

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Hey SB! Keep on working .
Hope you are well. Shana tova!!

Re: making the silent battle...not. 07 Jun 2018 03:52 #331837

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Hi sturggle and silentbattle! Two of my favorite guys and and their fake names that bring back lots of memories from Years Gone by, here on this great forum!!

Stay in touch 
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: making the silent battle...not. 09 May 2021 21:08 #368251

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Hi all, just wanted to drop by and say hello. With a lot of help from God, I've been sober for about 4.5 years. And I'm sober today, thank god, which makes my life so much better. I'm enjoying life so much more than I ever did while acting out.

Re: making the silent battle...not. 09 May 2021 22:17 #368255

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silentbattle wrote on 14 Dec 2009 14:20:
Thank you, Noorah...more and more, I'm starting to realize what an honor it is to be part of this brigade of holy warriors...and truth be told, we're ALL fighting a silent battle, in a way, but that doesn't make it any less vital.

And I love the phrase "the guardani brigade." Makes me smile every time I see it.

B"H Hashem is still helping me be strong, I'm moving forward, going back and saying final goodbyes, even to people that I haven't spoken to in a while, so I know that it's over and done with. Deleting emails by the hundreds (sometimes, by the thousands), as I clear out this part of my life.

Can you imagine if all those emails would still be there, plus from 2009? Thanks for stoppin' in with your latest count!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: making the silent battle...not. 10 May 2021 17:39 #368286

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silentbattle wrote on 09 May 2021 21:08:
Hi all, just wanted to drop by and say hello. With a lot of help from God, I've been sober for about 4.5 years. And I'm sober today, thank god, which makes my life so much better. I'm enjoying life so much more than I ever did while acting out.

Hi. Great to hear from you, and so happy to hear about your living in recovery.

If I understand correctly, you're working the steps? I seem to remember you had a "Torah Approach" back in the day... Can you share with us your story? I'm sure it could be very interesting and helpful to a lot of our members... 
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.

Re: making the silent battle...not. 11 May 2021 03:39 #368331

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Sure - nutshell - I got married, didn't fully disclose my addiction to my wife. My therapist had advised me to disclose, my rebbe, not realizing how sick I am, recommended I not disclose.

I told her I was on GYE, but was vague about the issues. 

I had a really rough shana rishona, and if I posted on GYE and left the browser open, my wife would be worried, and go on the attack. So I started going on GYE less and less. I know, kinda counter-intuitive - giving away my support system when I need it most.

Long story short, had a baby, things got even rougher in my marriage, I was in a tremendous amount of pain, and not taking the steps I needed to improve my situation in a healthy way. I started escaping more and more - first to online games, then to fantasy, browsing online, chatting with women online, developing what I imagined were relationships with women online...then taking those relationships offline, as well. This went on for a number of years.

Eventually my wife found out, causing tremendous destruction and pain. I called my rebbe back, who sent me back to the same therapist, who in turn recommended SA at that point. I joined, and it's been really helpful.

I wasn't particularly focused on the 12 steps back in the day, but if I need SA to keep me sober, then clearly that's what Hashem wants for me. There's a part of me that wants to make sure I can understand how every part of the 12-step program fits with torah hashkafa, but then I take a deep breath and accept that for today, I don't need to understand everything. I can accept that this is my medicine, and this is what Hashem wants me to do today. I still can and do enjoy bringing Hashem and Torah into the picture, but I also enjoy the other messages that hashem sends me from other sources, and I'm just so grateful to be sober today.

I have so many wonderful things in my life today that I would never have without my sobriety and recovery, and therefore I need to place a high value on sobriety. 

I was talking to another SA member today, and commented that although "SA does not have any dues or fees," we tend to pay our own entrance fee - we pay it in money and shame and pain, and we keep paying until we decide the price is high enough, and then we come into recovery and start taking the steps we need to take because we cannot afford to act out anymore.
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