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Journey of life
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Journey of life 54218 Views

Re: My sorry state... 01 Feb 2018 12:18 #326284

  • tzomah
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my question was do you have an illusion of what a connection with god is?

i used to think there was supposed to be fireworks coming from his end 
when that wasn't happening and when i stopped fooling myself that it was
i thought that the fireworks gotta come from me when those died out
oy vey i found porn
now i started to realize aint know need for fireworks it's about creating an honest open relationship that is sometimes good and sometimes bad but it can always be a relationship 

imho the fact that you can be open and honest about this is a great first step and shows your core that is huge 
if you feel this is irrelevant to you just ignore it (i don;t want to be like that friend i understand that feeling)

like a bridge over troubled waters


my stuff

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 02:10 #326317

  • lifebound
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Singularity: I'm not against the idea of getting married in general. It definitely has appeal, and the idea of growing old and dying alone is...unpleasant. But I just don't see how it can be compatible with my current state. Aside from the SA problems, I don't consider myself mentally healthy for the commitment of marriage. And of course the fact that I feel like I'm living a lie. Can't imagine telling someone on a date, "yeah, so life has no meaning for me, I don't care about God, and I'm frequently depressed. Oh, and I'm a porn addict. Wanna spend the rest of our lives together?" It just wouldn't be fair to the poor girl...

Now, that isn't to say that I need to be perfect before getting married. But I need a lot more work. And that's why I'm here.

On a more mundane note, I wish I could run it sounds amazing but I'm too overweight for that, my knees would probably pop after a block...I've been stationary-biking for the last few weeks but it's not the same as getting fresh air. I should just go walking.


tzomah: I don't think I have that illusion as you describe but that's an interesting thought. I never expected fireworks from either end. God is just there but...hidden. I don't really doubt that He exists. I just never built that relationship as you describe. That worked fine for ~15 to 20 years when I was on autopilot but eventually you're gonna run out of steam and ask, what's the point?

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 05:19 #326325

  • HakolMilimala
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Hi lifebound,
just read your feed. I feel your pain. I don’t know you, but I do know that there is a very intelligent, well-meaning fellow yid in his mid-20s that is really letting potentially amazing years slip away, and that hurts me.
you started out saying how you’re uncomfortable sharing and being open, and then you left GYE for a couple months and now you’re back. have you made progress with the idea of opening up?
i really really think that you have to get yourself some real-person help.
let me ask you a question: if you were in a situation of pikuach nefesh and the only way you could survive was by doing something very painful? Would you not do it?
i really think that this is how you should be viewing this situation.
youre young! And you have a whole life ahead of you! 
You have to just close your eyes and walk into a therapists office, pretend you’re the only one in the room, and let it spill out. It sounds like there’s so much more going on underneath the surface that you have to uncover. 
I wouldn’t worry about not having a connection/believing in Hashem.
it sounds to me like you’re in a place that you’re really unhappy about. Unhappiness leads to depression. And when depressed it is extremely extremly hard to connect to anything.
i don’t know the exact lashon, but the Seforim say that Avodas Hashem can only come out of simcha.
you have to get that simcha back into your life.
and I think a great way to do that is to find a real person to sit down with and talk about your past, uncover your pain.
by doing this, you’ll hopefully be able to set a perspective on where you’re holding right now, build a more positive perspective for your future and set some goals: such as lose weight with exercise, get involved with healthy things that give you enjoyment, improve relationships with friends and family, start being open with the people you care about
and then iyh I really think this path could lead to a place where in a year from now you’re in a place where you’re happy with yourself and ready to date.
yes, you have to take some concrete steps in working with lust: filters, gye, perhaps a partner
but I think the key is to sit down with someone who you can work some things out about your past that are inevitably weighing you down.
please fellow yid, we want to see you get this turned around.
we want to see you start taking positive steps for the better.
we want to see you be happy.
we want to see you be in a place where you feel you’re ready to build a home.
 You have to take the step and get help. There’s just too much at stake here.
Dont let us down

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 05:39 #326326

  • Hashem Help Me
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Hakol said it all. Lifebound, we care about you and want to see you relieved from your pain. If you are not ready for a therapist do you have a rebbi, rav, or close friend you can share with? And one point - if you are concerned with the embarrassment - doesn't being on this site prove to you that large segments of our community struggle with pornography, depression, and everything else related to this parsha?
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 05:48 #326328

  • lifebound
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Hey HakolMilimala, thanks for taking the time to write this big dose of encouragement. I read your thread and though you are actually apparently a bit younger than me it sounds like you have way more real-world experience in this. Reading your story really drove home your point of the power of therapy. As I've been saying all along I totally agree with everything you're saying. Logically it makes perfect sense and it's going to have to happen.

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 05:52 #326329

  • lifebound
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 02 Feb 2018 05:39:
Hakol said it all. Lifebound, we care about you and want to see you relieved from your pain. If you are not ready for a therapist do you have a rebbi, rav, or close friend you can share with? And one point - if you are concerned with the embarrassment - doesn't being on this site prove to you that large segments of our community struggle with pornography, depression, and everything else related to this parsha?

No, I don't really have anyone to share with. But like you say it's obvious how widespread an issue this is. The stigma is strong though.

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 05:54 #326330

  • HakolMilimala
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Ok great. 
Yes im young. You caught me lol.
It’s actually one of the things I’m self-conscious about quite often. Many times I feel that I may have what to say, but perhaps it’s not my place to give input to someone older than me.
but one thing that I’ve learnt.
Don’t look at young old, big or small, chashuv not chashuv.
We can all learn a lot from each other.

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 05:57 #326331

  • lifebound
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HakolMilimala wrote on 02 Feb 2018 05:54:
Ok great. 
Yes im young. You caught me lol.
It’s actually one of the things I’m self-conscious about quite often. Many times I feel that I may have what to say, but perhaps it’s not my place to give input to someone older than me.
but one thing that I’ve learnt.
Don’t look at young old, big or small, chashuv not chashuv.
We can all learn a lot from each other.

Of course. I hope it's ok that I wrote that, I did NOT mean to make you self-conscious. By the time we're past a certain age, it's just a number. It's the experience that counts.

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 05:59 #326333

  • HakolMilimala
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lifebound wrote on 02 Feb 2018 05:52:

Hashem Help Me wrote on 02 Feb 2018 05:39:
Hakol said it all. Lifebound, we care about you and want to see you relieved from your pain. If you are not ready for a therapist do you have a rebbi, rav, or close friend you can share with? And one point - if you are concerned with the embarrassment - doesn't being on this site prove to you that large segments of our community struggle with pornography, depression, and everything else related to this parsha?

No, I don't really have anyone to share with. But like you say it's obvious how widespread an issue this is. The stigma is strong though.

You are assuming that it needs to be someone who you have a history of opening up with. Well being that you have never opened up before, how exactly would you have that?
Well that’s not who it has to be. All you have to do is choose someone who is experienced with life and are comfortable shmuzing with. Then you have to make one of the hardest decisions by deciding you’re going to speak to this guy without boundaries and call him and ask him to talk.
i can promise you, there is literally few better feelings in the world of opening up to someone. It is literally like taking a thousand pounds off your shoulders. It is very liberating.
You’d be surprised how often rabbanim are approached by someone that hasn’t opened up to them before who just lets it all out to them. Most of them are very very used to this, and super caring and eager to help.
Its up to you.
You have to take the step.

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 06:07 #326334

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Hashem Help Me wrote on 02 Feb 2018 05:39:
Hakol said it all. Lifebound, we care about you and want to see you relieved from your pain. If you are not ready for a therapist do you have a rebbi, rav, or close friend you can share with? And one point - if you are concerned with the embarrassment - doesn't being on this site prove to you that large segments of our community struggle with pornography, depression, and everything else related to this parsha?


No, I don't really have anyone to share with. But like you say it's obvious how widespread an issue this is. The stigma is strong though.


That's the beauty of GYE. There is no stigma. Amongst us we RESPECT those who have come here, spilled the beans, shared all the gory details, and humbly asked for help. We believe these are from the best people in the world - focused on recovery - becoming better people, giving people, G-dly people. We look at each others pasts in awe - and inspire each other. Join us. Let out the big dark monstrous secret, study it, and find out it is a definable challenge that can be conquered.



Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 06:10 #326337

  • lifebound
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 02 Feb 2018 06:07:

That's the beauty of GYE. There is no stigma. Amongst us we RESPECT those who have come here, spilled the beans, shared all the gory details, and humbly asked for help. We believe these are from the best people in the world - focused on recovery - becoming better people, giving people, G-dly people. We look at each others pasts in awe - and inspire each other. Join us. Let out the big dark monstrous secret, study it, and find out it is a definable challenge that can be conquered.


Oh, I know there's no stigma here. This is the best place on earth. If there was any stigma here I'd be looooong gone.

I'm talking about the great big outside world, where people can't help but be judgmental. Not saying that as an excuse to not get help. It's just another mental hurdle for me.

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 06:17 #326338

  • HakolMilimala
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Ok. So With these mental hurdles, you have to figure out what exactly is scaring you about it
in your case, “I am scared of being judged”

now, ask yourself, why am I scared of being judged? What is the worst case scenario? Can I even be sure that I will be judged? Can I even be sure there will be a bad scenario? What am I so scared of? what do I even have to lose?

really think about it for a few minutes, and think about it honestly, and let us know.

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 06:21 #326339

  • lifebound
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HakolMilimala wrote on 02 Feb 2018 05:59:
You are assuming that it needs to be someone who you have a history of opening up with. Well being that you have never opened up before, how exactly would you have that?
Well that’s not who it has to be. All you have to do is choose someone who is experienced with life and are comfortable shmuzing with. Then you have to make one of the hardest decisions by deciding you’re going to speak to this guy without boundaries and call him and ask him to talk.
i can promise you, there is literally few better feelings in the world of opening up to someone. It is literally like taking a thousand pounds off your shoulders. It is very liberating.
You’d be surprised how often rabbanim are approached by someone that hasn’t opened up to them before who just lets it all out to them. Most of them are very very used to this, and super caring and eager to help.
Its up to you.
You have to take the step.

You are correct that I don't have a history of opening up to anyone, but my point is I don't really have anyone who is as you say, "experienced with life and are comfortable shmuzing with."

I've been thinking for the last few months actually that the only person there might be is a rebbi of mine from Israel, and that I should go visit and speak to him. If I'm going to speak to him I think it would be better in person. He's an amazing person and has a heart of gold, and I know he would be eager to help. He just doesn't always have the right responses...but you say it's the act of opening up that's liberating, so that shouldn't be a concern I guess.

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 06:21 #326340

  • Hashem Help Me
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lifebound wrote on 02 Feb 2018 06:10:

Hashem Help Me wrote on 02 Feb 2018 06:07:

That's the beauty of GYE. There is no stigma. Amongst us we RESPECT those who have come here, spilled the beans, shared all the gory details, and humbly asked for help. We believe these are from the best people in the world - focused on recovery - becoming better people, giving people, G-dly people. We look at each others pasts in awe - and inspire each other. Join us. Let out the big dark monstrous secret, study it, and find out it is a definable challenge that can be conquered.


Oh, I know there's no stigma here. This is the best place on earth. If there was any stigma here I'd be looooong gone.

I'm talking about the great big outside world, where people can't help but be judgmental. Not saying that as an excuse to not get help. It's just another mental hurdle for me.

So start with people from GYE. They, you agree, wont look down at you when you open up and share.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 06:26 #326341

  • lifebound
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 02 Feb 2018 06:21:
So start with people from GYE. They, you agree, wont look down at you when you open up and share.

Absolutely, that's why I'm still here talking to you guys, soaking up the genuine empathy.
From my first post on this thread until now, there's definitely a difference in how I feel sharing on here.  
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