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This time I mean business!
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: This time I mean business! 30455 Views

Re: This time I mean business! 19 Apr 2017 06:14 #310790

  • Hashivalisesonyishecho
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Goot voch!

Some new thoughts. I have been not too bad (I should say quite good, although not perfect) with the plan of not looking where I shouldn't, and also not listening to inappropriate radio. But I have been thinking, allowing myself to be entertained by impure thoughts. Although about my own wife, it's still wrong, because those thoughts are just as much in the category of ...אל תהרהר ... ותבוא לידי  as thinking about a stranger. So that needs to be a no no. May Hashem help me keep this halacha. 

Also I need to daven for Hashem to give me other ways of fulfilling myself so I don't have the urge to resort to these things. How nice it would be if he would give me the חשק to learn בהתמדה, but anything will do. 

Also I am working on having emunah in connection to all of my difficulties, and I am making some positive headway with this. Baruch Hashem!

Re: This time I mean business! 19 Apr 2017 06:45 #310791

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Another thought.

I don't know how to define addiction. But from reading the posts of other members, I think I am not what would be considered an addict. I think therefore that my ideas are maybe not relevant for someone who is an addict. But they may be very relevant for someone else like myself. I think it is  important to present ideas which are for people at the level that I'm on with these issues, because there probably are many such people. 

I'm saying this to excuse myself for sharing my thoughts. I know that sharing isn't considered here to be something that needs to be excused, but I feel that I do need to.

Re: This time I mean business! 19 Apr 2017 18:24 #310859

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Thanks for sharing! I too (think) I fall in this category of 'have a problem but not addicted'
good luck in your journey!!!

Re: This time I mean business! 20 Apr 2017 00:45 #310887

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Now that I mean business, I'm trying to be realistic as well. I used to have a fantasy of being 'derhoiben' in marital relations. At this point I've cast that aside for the foreseeable future. Wife = Mutar, Other = Assur. Truth, honesty, and clarity is worth everything.

Again, this approach is probably relevant only for people who aren't really addicts.
Last Edit: 20 Apr 2017 01:29 by Hashivalisesonyishecho.

Re: This time I mean business! 23 Apr 2017 04:48 #311133

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My son was chutzpadik to me, as he thought I treated him unfairly, and I was very pained by the cutzpa. I saw the Alshich this parsha that he says that when a person has a difficulty he should try to find how he does a similar bad thing, making his problem mida keneged mida. So I realized that sometimes I complain about how Hashem is giving me such difficulties, and it is disrespectful, and probably not good for the person who listens to me. So I decided not to do that any more, but rather to accept and be matzdik with the utmost respect. My son subsequently apologized. 

Re: This time I mean business! 23 Apr 2017 04:50 #311135

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I still can't get myself to learn. May Hashem help me.

Re: This time I mean business! 23 Apr 2017 05:03 #311138

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Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote on 23 Apr 2017 04:48:
My son was chutzpadik to me, as he thought I treated him unfairly, and I was very pained by the cutzpa. I saw the Alshich this parsha that he says that when a person has a difficulty he should try to find how he does a similar bad thing, making his problem mida keneged mida. So I realized that sometimes I complain about how Hashem is giving me such difficulties, and it is disrespectful, and probably not good for the person who listens to me. So I decided not to do that any more, but rather to accept and be matzdik with the utmost respect. My son subsequently apologized. 

I hoped you were gonna say you saw it in Rabbi Twersky on the Parsha of this week 
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Re: This time I mean business! 23 Apr 2017 08:47 #311149

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Markz wrote on 23 Apr 2017 05:03:

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote on 23 Apr 2017 04:48:
My son was chutzpadik to me, as he thought I treated him unfairly, and I was very pained by the cutzpa. I saw the Alshich this parsha that he says that when a person has a difficulty he should try to find how he does a similar bad thing, making his problem mida keneged mida. So I realized that sometimes I complain about how Hashem is giving me such difficulties, and it is disrespectful, and probably not good for the person who listens to me. So I decided not to do that any more, but rather to accept and be matzdik with the utmost respect. My son subsequently apologized. 

I hoped you were gonna say you saw it in Rabbi Twersky on the Parsha of this week 

You're giving a knowing wink, but I don't chapp..
Last Edit: 23 Apr 2017 08:55 by Hashivalisesonyishecho.

Re: This time I mean business! 23 Apr 2017 11:14 #311151

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Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote on 23 Apr 2017 08:47:

Markz wrote on 23 Apr 2017 05:03:

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote on 23 Apr 2017 04:48:
My son was chutzpadik to me, as he thought I treated him unfairly, and I was very pained by the cutzpa. I saw the Alshich this parsha that he says that when a person has a difficulty he should try to find how he does a similar bad thing, making his problem mida keneged mida. So I realized that sometimes I complain about how Hashem is giving me such difficulties, and it is disrespectful, and probably not good for the person who listens to me. So I decided not to do that any more, but rather to accept and be matzdik with the utmost respect. My son subsequently apologized. 

I hoped you were gonna say you saw it in Rabbi Twersky on the Parsha of this week 

You're giving a knowing wink, but I don't chapp..

It was in his book this week
The wink is because Rabbi Twersky speaks things that are very relevant to us non addicts / addicts and is a great book worth every penny
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Re: This time I mean business! 23 Apr 2017 13:34 #311155

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Did he say it's from The Alshich? Honestly, I didn't know because I didn't see his book and I don't have it, but you're recommending that I get it. Maybe I will. Though it's hard t get me to read anything.

Re: This time I mean business! 23 Apr 2017 13:57 #311158

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Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote on 23 Apr 2017 13:34:
Did he say it's from The Alshich? Honestly, I didn't know because I didn't see his book and I don't have it, but you're recommending that I get it. Maybe I will. Though it's hard t get me to read anything.

At the Shabbos table 
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Re: This time I mean business! 23 Apr 2017 14:03 #311159

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Markz wrote on 23 Apr 2017 13:57:

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote on 23 Apr 2017 13:34:
Did he say it's from The Alshich? Honestly, I didn't know because I didn't see his book and I don't have it, but you're recommending that I get it. Maybe I will. Though it's hard t get me to read anything.

At the Shabbos table 

I don't learn at the Shabbos table just as I don't text during weekday suppers. I relate to my family. I hardly have much time, and when I do actually make time to learn, I tend to prefer older sefarim like The Alshich, or Gemara.

Re: This time I mean business! 23 Apr 2017 14:05 #311161

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Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote on 23 Apr 2017 14:03:

Markz wrote on 23 Apr 2017 13:57:

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote on 23 Apr 2017 13:34:
Did he say it's from The Alshich? Honestly, I didn't know because I didn't see his book and I don't have it, but you're recommending that I get it. Maybe I will. Though it's hard t get me to read anything.

At the Shabbos table 

I don't learn at the Shabbos table just as I don't text during weekday suppers. I relate to my family. I hardly have much time, and when I do actually make time to learn, I tend to prefer older sefarim like The Alshich, or Gemara.

It's not for the sake of learning
Its for sharing something inspiring at the table to uplift you and your family

Would your wife mind?
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Re: This time I mean business! 23 Apr 2017 14:16 #311162

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Oh, that might be a thought. Can you post something from there, so that I can see if I think it would make interesting listening and conversation for the family?

Re: This time I mean business! 28 Apr 2017 03:02 #311781

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Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote on 23 Apr 2017 04:48:
My son was chutzpadik to me, as he thought I treated him unfairly, and I was very pained by the cutzpa. I saw the Alshich this parsha that he says that when a person has a difficulty he should try to find how he does a similar bad thing, making his problem mida keneged mida. So I realized that sometimes I complain about how Hashem is giving me such difficulties, and it is disrespectful, and probably not good for the person who listens to me. So I decided not to do that any more, but rather to accept and be matzdik with the utmost respect. My son subsequently apologized. 

Today I had this nisoyon and I withstood it well, B"H. I am sure what happened is for the best, and I hope to see the good in it soon. I am also thankful for a good thing that I noticed today.
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