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Shteeble's Close Range Firefight
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 7723 Views

Re: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 17 Jan 2016 20:03 #274610

  • Markz
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Shteeble wrote:
I'm trying to grow this list. I need your help.
Please reply with your top 3 actions that you take when confronted with a lust attack, to keep from acting out.


Shteeble wrote:
  1. Ask Hashem for help.
  2. Reflect on the fact that Hashem can help you through this, no matter how you feel.
  3. Bathroom - There is often a connection between the need for a bowel movement, and the onset of a sudden lust attack. How interesting...
  4. Identify what you did that brought about the desire. Establish for yourself, beyond any doubt, that such action is very detrimental to you.
  5. Drink Water You may be slightly dehydrated, which can cause RID.
  6. Eat something. - Being hungry is often a source of RID.
  7. Feelings - Identify your feelings of RID and address your true needs rather than covering them up with lust.
  8. Emergency Turn Off Button - the big red button found 40% down the page on your GYE Personal Homepage
  9. Call a friend in recovery.
  10. Imagine that today is your last.
  11. Read - the GYE Handbook, white book, big book, etc.
  12. Walk - Take a walk around the block.
  13. Funnies - Read something that will make you laugh. GYE Funny Pages
  14. Delay acting out. - Tell yourself, "I can always act out a little later."



Shteebs - I'm still a relative newbie here, but I'd think maybe some targets may not work well in time of lust attack, eg red panic button - I wonder if it has helped anyone yet - it didn't for me

Shlomos ideas have helped him, and sound practical

The following is what I have posted on the Free Towing Assistance page
It's not final - Id like to add your gems there

markz wrote:
ABOUT TO FALL?
.....
1- My favorite quick fix
2- Post what tools you have begun, perhaps those can help now.
3- You go to B&H!! Brilliant Humor section, and see if you find anything interesting there. No pressure - you don't have to laugh at every joke found there, Its funny - I don't either.
4- Take a break, listen to some music or the iPhone song
5- Chat with a friend / sponsor who knows about the addiction
6- Checkout my signature
7 - You need approval from one of the guys. You wanna take drugs? Don't do it!! Want to go to some dirty website? Just post it HERE first.


All the best!!!
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Re: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 17 Jan 2016 20:19 #274611

  • Shteeble
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markz wrote:

Shteebs - I'm still a relative newbie here, but I'd think maybe some targets may not work well in time of lust attack, eg red panic button - I wonder if it has helped anyone yet - it didn't for me


markz, thanks for replying.

You just found your first "red button" 'nik.

I haven't always found it to work.
But sometimes, it did the job of distracting me enough to move on to a better place.
The list in this thread is my own personal list.
Some tactics will work for many people, some for some people, and some for none.
These are what I have found thus far to work best for me in the prioritized order.
It's not enough though.
That's why I'm asking the oilam for more ideas.

I really appreciate your contribution, and I ask anyone who has ideas that work for them to please contribute.

Yasher Koach.
Last Edit: 17 Jan 2016 20:20 by Shteeble.

Re: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 17 Jan 2016 20:24 #274613

  • Shteeble
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Thank you Shlomo for your reply.
I have some of that in my list too.

Re: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 18 Jan 2016 16:13 #274718

  • eslaasos
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I don't have a lot to offer for your specific question because what works best for me is the ounce of prevention rather than the pound of cure. My issue is escapism, not lust per se, so I need to head off the beast by fighting it while it's still at the stage of escape before it turns into straight lust.
To accomplish that, I need to remember how important it is to me not to start slipping. I do that by browsing these forums. By keeping it in the forefront of my mind, it trains me so the knee jerk reaction to the escape urge is aversion. Every second I entertain the idea of escape makes it exponentially harder to regain that lost ground.
I also attend one of the phone conferences which is actively working on changing my mindset so I don't need to escape as much.

There are times when I am in a close range firefight to escape. When that happens, this is what works for me.

1. I setup my daily schedule to have no down time. If I'm lucky enough that the timing is right, when the mood hits I might have a shiur/chavrusa or some other activity that is already habitual that will get me out of myself.

2. Reaching out to GYE buddies, poor guys.

3. Music! I have a large collection of favorites, and have found music to be a great mood changer. Only Jewish music, the other stuff would work against me as it has hashpo'os of tumah and makes me despise myself. Some of the Jewish singers have the same nauseating effect as non-Jewish singers - just saying.

4. Lastly, let's say it's Shabbos, no music, no chatting with friends online, no shiur or chavrusa scheduled, I play through an imaginary conversation in my mind. (This would be more embarrassing if it wasn't anonymous). I talk through the situation exactly the way I would if I was sharing it with a friend. Sometimes I even imagine the response!
Years ago, when I was very close to the mashgiach in yeshiva, I often held imaginary conversations with him. I knew him well enough that I felt I could predict his response.

Hope this helps. In my experience, even the close range strategies work best if you invest time in them before they're put to the test.
Quotes that speak to me
What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy)
My Thread    My Other Thread
Last Edit: 18 Jan 2016 19:37 by eslaasos.

Re: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 18 Jan 2016 16:19 #274719

  • Bigmoish
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eslaasos wrote:
2. Reaching out to GYE buddies, poor guys.


foghorn.jpg
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 18 Jan 2016 19:12 #274751

  • cordnoy
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eslaasos wrote:
I don't have a lot to offer for your specific question because what works best for me is the ounce of prevention rather than the pound of cure. My issue is escapism, not lust per se, so I need to head off the beast by fighting it while it's still at the stage of escape before it turns into straight lust.
To accomplish that, I need to remember how important it is to me not to start slipping. I do that by browsing these forums. By keeping it in the forefront of my mind, it trains me so the knee jerk reaction to the escape urge is aversion. Every second I entertain the idea of escape makes it exponentially harder to regain that lost ground.
I also attend one of the phone conferences which is actively working on changing my mindset so I don't need to escape as much.

There are times when I am in a close range firefight to escape. When that happens, this is what works for me.

1. I setup my daily schedule to have no down time. If I'm lucky enough that the timing is right, when the mood hits I might have a shiur/chavrusa or some other activity that is already habitual that will get me out of myself.

2. Reaching out to GYE buddies, poor guys.

3. Music! I have a large collection of favorites, and have found music to be a great mood changer. Only Jewish music, the other stuff would work against me as it has hashpo'os of tumah and makes me despise myself. Some of the Jewish singers have the same nauseating effect as non-Jewish singers - just saying.

3. Lastly, let's say it's Shabbos, no music, no chatting with friends online, no shiur or chavrusa scheduled, I play through an imaginary conversation in my mind. (This would be more embarrassing if it wasn't anonymous). I talk through the situation exactly the way I would if I was sharing it with a friend. Sometimes I even imagine the response!
Years ago, when I was very close to the mashgiach in yeshiva, I often held imaginary conversations with him. I knew him well enough that I felt I could predict his response.

Hope this helps. In my experience, even the close range strategies work best if you invest time in them before they're put to the test.


Perhaps just say you will act out after you count to 4.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 27 Jan 2016 15:47 #275633

  • eslaasos
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Hi Shteeble (that name seems to stick),
The thoughts percolating in my head earlier today seemed like they might be helpful to you.
I've been having interfering thoughts and temptations for the last few days. I've surrendered them privately and also with friends by email and chat which has helped but they keep coming back.

First, I was reminded of AlexEliezer's mantra of surrendering, and then surrendering again, and again, and again, as many times as necessary until you're out of the moment.
Then when I was getting frustrated that I'm seemingly stuck in the mud, I recalled the lessons of acceptance I learnt in therapy. I accept the fact that for this week (I can't think further ahead right now) this is who I am and where I'm at. I am not going to be finishing Shas, winning the lottery (to be able to give mammoth amounts of tzedakah of course) or solving the world's problems. I'm going to be just little me being mind-blasted by negative thoughts and tempted to escape in stupid ways. I'm going to be the best I can be at keeping my head above water.

Do I want to take the easy road to give in and end the struggle? Heck, yes.
Is it worth it? HELL, NO!
Will I? I hope not, and I have a small plan to keep me from it. Not perfect but so far still clean, thank G-d.

Hope this helps, and wishing us all hatzlacha.
Quotes that speak to me
What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy)
My Thread    My Other Thread

Re: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 27 Jan 2016 15:49 #275636

  • cordnoy
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eslaasos wrote:
Hi Shteeble (that name seems to stick),
The thoughts percolating in my head earlier today seemed like they might be helpful to you.
I've been having interfering thoughts and temptations for the last few days. I've surrendered them privately and also with friends by email and chat which has helped but they keep coming back.

First, I was reminded of AlexEliezer's mantra of surrendering, and then surrendering again, and again, and again, as many times as necessary until you're out of the moment.
Then when I was getting frustrated that I'm seemingly stuck in the mud, I recalled the lessons of acceptance I learnt in therapy. I accept the fact that for this week (I can't think further ahead right now) this is who I am and where I'm at. I am not going to be finishing Shas, winning the lottery (to be able to give mammoth amounts of tzedakah of course) or solving the world's problems. I'm going to be just little me being mind-blasted by negative thoughts and tempted to escape in stupid ways. I'm going to be the best I can be at keeping my head above water.

Do I want to take the easy road to give in and end the struggle? Heck, yes.
Is it worth it? HELL, NO!
Will I? I hope not, and I have a small plan to keep me from it. Not perfect but so far still clean, thank G-d.

Hope this helps, and wishing us all hatzlacha.


I like the writin' style, the content and the thought process.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 27 Jan 2016 15:57 #275638

  • Bigmoish
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eslaasos wrote:
Hi Shteeble (that name seems to stick),
The thoughts percolating in my head earlier today seemed like they might be helpful to you.
I've been having interfering thoughts and temptations for the last few days. I've surrendered them privately and also with friends by email and chat which has helped but they keep coming back.

First, I was reminded of AlexEliezer's mantra of surrendering, and then surrendering again, and again, and again, as many times as necessary until you're out of the moment.
Then when I was getting frustrated that I'm seemingly stuck in the mud, I recalled the lessons of acceptance I learnt in therapy. I accept the fact that for this week (I can't think further ahead right now) this is who I am and where I'm at. I am not going to be finishing Shas, winning the lottery (to be able to give mammoth amounts of tzedakah of course) or solving the world's problems. I'm going to be just little me being mind-blasted by negative thoughts and tempted to escape in stupid ways. I'm going to be the best I can be at keeping my head above water.

Do I want to take the easy road to give in and end the struggle? Heck, yes.
Is it worth it? HELL, NO!
Will I? I hope not, and I have a small plan to keep me from it. Not perfect but so far still clean, thank G-d.

Hope this helps, and wishing us all hatzlacha.

Before I even saw cordnoy's comment, I was going to say it's clear he's been makin' an impression on you.
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 27 Jan 2016 16:18 #275644

  • eslaasos
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Bigmoish wrote:

Before I even saw cordnoy's comment, I was going to say it's clear he's been makin' an impression on you.


I'm not sure what specifically you're referring to but it was indeed he who recently reminded me of the AE line.

Thanks for being one of the aforementioned friends.
Quotes that speak to me
What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy)
My Thread    My Other Thread

Re: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 27 Jan 2016 16:19 #275645

  • cordnoy
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Bigmoish wrote:
eslaasos wrote:
Hi Shteeble (that name seems to stick),
The thoughts percolating in my head earlier today seemed like they might be helpful to you.
I've been having interfering thoughts and temptations for the last few days. I've surrendered them privately and also with friends by email and chat which has helped but they keep coming back.

First, I was reminded of AlexEliezer's mantra of surrendering, and then surrendering again, and again, and again, as many times as necessary until you're out of the moment.
Then when I was getting frustrated that I'm seemingly stuck in the mud, I recalled the lessons of acceptance I learnt in therapy. I accept the fact that for this week (I can't think further ahead right now) this is who I am and where I'm at. I am not going to be finishing Shas, winning the lottery (to be able to give mammoth amounts of tzedakah of course) or solving the world's problems. I'm going to be just little me being mind-blasted by negative thoughts and tempted to escape in stupid ways. I'm going to be the best I can be at keeping my head above water.

Do I want to take the easy road to give in and end the struggle? Heck, yes.
Is it worth it? HELL, NO!
Will I? I hope not, and I have a small plan to keep me from it. Not perfect but so far still clean, thank G-d.

Hope this helps, and wishing us all hatzlacha.

Before I even saw cordnoy's comment, I was going to say it's clear he's been makin' an impression on you.


Not sure that's a good thin'.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 27 Jan 2016 18:07 #275653

  • Shlomo24
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LOL
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 12 Feb 2016 13:54 #277634

  • Shteeble
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Shteeble wrote on Unknown:
Please, Hashem, protect me from lust.
Please, Hashem, help me out of this situation.
Please, Hashem, provide me with the proper thoughts and actions.
Hashem, I surrender my desire for tempting pleasures; over to You.
Please, Hashem, help me to desire to be close to You, rather than desiring these temptations.

Hashem can help me through this, no matter how I feel right now.
I am not running the show.
All I want is the ratzon Hashem.

  1. Ask of Hashem, the bakoshos listed above.
  2. Reflect on the points listed above.
  3. Bathroom - There is often a connection between the need for a bowel movement, and the onset of a sudden lust attack. How interesting...
  4. Identify what you did that brought about the desire. Establish for yourself, beyond any doubt, that such action is very detrimental to you.
  5. Read the Big Book.
  6. Drink Water You may be slightly dehydrated, which can cause RID.
  7. Eat something. - Being hungry is often a source of RID.
  8. Feelings - Identify your feelings of RID and address your true needs rather than covering them up with lust.
  9. Rest - Ask yourself if you would benefit from a 10 minute nap on the couch, and if the answer is "yes," go for it.
  10. Emergency Turn Off Button - the big red button found 40% down the page on your GYE Personal Homepage
  11. Call a friend in recovery.
  12. Imagine that today is your last.
  13. Read - the GYE Handbook, white book, etc.
  14. Walk - Take a walk around the block.
  15. Funnies - Read something that will make you laugh. GYE Funny Pages
  16. Delay acting out. - Tell yourself, "I can always act out a little later."



I'm trying to grow this list. I need your help.
Please reply with your top 3 actions that you take when confronted with a lust attack, to keep from acting out.

Re: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 12 Feb 2016 14:03 #277638

  • eslaasos
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Shteeble wrote on Unknown:


Please, Hashem, protect me from lust.
Please, Hashem, help me out of this situation.
Please, Hashem, provide me with the proper thoughts and actions.
Hashem, I surrender my desire for tempting pleasures; over to You.
Please, Hashem, help me to desire to be close to You, rather than desiring these temptations.

Hashem can help me through this, no matter how I feel right now.
I am not running the show.
All I want is the ratzon Hashem.

  • Call a friend in recovery.


  • I'm trying to grow this list. I need your help.


    The goal here is to get out of isolation, so maybe take it to the next step. Head over to the nearest vibrant Beis Midrash or pizza store, whichever will be more helpful and get involved in conversation. If you don't have buddies available in a public setting, call the aforementioned friend but not from your couch or bed. Call him from a public place, even in your car in the middle of 13th Ave (or the Wichita equivalent).

    May Hashem be mekabel your tefillos b'ratzon.
    Quotes that speak to me
    What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy)
    My Thread    My Other Thread

    Re: Shteeble's Close Range Firefight 06 Jun 2016 22:07 #289746

    • stillgoing
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    Shteeble wrote on 12 Feb 2016 13:54:

    Shteeble wrote on Unknown:
    Please, Hashem, protect me from lust.
    Please, Hashem, help me out of this situation.
    Please, Hashem, provide me with the proper thoughts and actions.
    Hashem, I surrender my desire for tempting pleasures; over to You.
    Please, Hashem, help me to desire to be close to You, rather than desiring these temptations.

    Hashem can help me through this, no matter how I feel right now.
    I am not running the show.
    All I want is the ratzon Hashem.

    1. Ask of Hashem, the bakoshos listed above.
    2. Reflect on the points listed above.
    3. Bathroom - There is often a connection between the need for a bowel movement, and the onset of a sudden lust attack. How interesting...
    4. Identify what you did that brought about the desire. Establish for yourself, beyond any doubt, that such action is very detrimental to you.
    5. Read the Big Book.
    6. Drink Water You may be slightly dehydrated, which can cause RID.
    7. Eat something. - Being hungry is often a source of RID.
    8. Feelings - Identify your feelings of RID and address your true needs rather than covering them up with lust.
    9. Rest - Ask yourself if you would benefit from a 10 minute nap on the couch, and if the answer is "yes," go for it.
    10. Emergency Turn Off Button - the big red button found 40% down the page on your GYE Personal Homepage
    11. Call a friend in recovery.
    12. Imagine that today is your last.
    13. Read - the GYE Handbook, white book, etc.
    14. Walk - Take a walk around the block.
    15. Funnies - Read something that will make you laugh. GYE Funny Pages
    16. Delay acting out. - Tell yourself, "I can always act out a little later."



    I'm trying to grow this list. I need your help.
    Please reply with your top 3 actions that you take when confronted with a lust attack, to keep from acting out.


    Hi Shteeble. How's the list going?
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