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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Tryin' 182330 Views

Tryin' 23 Jun 2013 09:41 #210029

  • cordnoy
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Shalom
I am in my 40s married with children
Recently, I decided to get help on a serious level with my addiction .

My mind wanders and the tayva builds.
It would be easy to blame this on the lack of excitement in marriage intimacy, but I had done this at times before marriage, and at times, when marriage bedroom was good, id still fall. Perhaps it still is the reason, but marriage stuff is probably not getting better anytime soon.
I have more to write, but as this is my first post, id like to hear some suggestions first please.
Thank you so much
C
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 04 Nov 2014 12:11 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 23 Jun 2013 11:11 #210036

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Welcome Cordnoy,

My name is Eli (real name)

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry to here that there is a difficult family situation. May Hashem give the the strength you need to deal with it.

Sounds like you are very frustrated.

The good news is that you are not alone.

There are some very wise people on this forum who have gotten themselves out of some really sticky situations. They will be able to help you find a path toward sanity (yes, sanity).

You started posting. That's good.

I would suggest at this point to forget the religious aspect of this problem. Whatever you know obviously isn't stopping you from masturbating and doing who knows what else. Save the frumkeit for later.

The reason to get a handle on this problem is that you probably have no life. I too had no life before I had a handle on this problem. Every spare second I had I was masturbating to porn in the bathroom, so I never had time for my wife, I never had time for kids, I was always late for everything - including work. This terribly strained all my significant relationships.

Why do you want to get help?


Eli
Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up!

No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie

The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards

Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: tryin 23 Jun 2013 17:20 #210041

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Thank you eli
I appreciate all your words and chizuk

Lateness is not my problem, but I do get behind in work because of all these things.

Why do I want to stop?
Here is the short answer, and I plan on elaborating.
1 god
2 marriage
3 family
4 self


Tysm
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:29 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 24 Jun 2013 02:03 #210118

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don't worry about "teshuva" or seriousness of the aveira.

I'll be honest: its good you're seeing a therapist. excellent. However, if you want to know the religious side, se a Rav. It is a serious issur. Can you kill someone if they are going to die in a year anyway?

its the y"h speaking.

with that being said, the "issur" side of it isn't why you are going to stoo--the concept is too vague.

Who have you opened up to about this?

The addiction fills a void in your life. What void is that? do some soul searching or 12 steps. The main point in recovery is to start living.

also, are you prepared to give up lust to Hashem DURING RECOVERY? Talk to Dov about that, or see Gibbor120's Dov quotes page (most recent) for clarification.

Be prepared to attain a genuine relationship with Hashem while living one day at a time and not worrying about what happened yesterday or might happen tomorrow.

my name's Robert. Nice to meet you "tysm" (?) and good luck! Hashem loves you more then you can imagine.

Re: tryin 24 Jun 2013 02:22 #210122

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Thank you robert
Tysm
Thank you so much

I do not understand your analogy
You can't kill someone that will die
My zera, however, al pi derech hateva will not produce another child

Unless you are saying that every zera has potential child, and hotzaah is killing that child
Seems weird though

My relationship to god is not the strongest right now
I am extremely frum however

I have told all to frum therapist
Told all to a rav via email

Don't know the void
Will need to look at those ideas you sent

Tysm
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:30 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 24 Jun 2013 06:12 #210129

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I'm not a Rav, so I don't know. However, the issur is said to be extremely serious, and the sefarim talk a lot about the seriousness and negative consequences. see briskodesh.org for more info (but again, I don't find negative reinforcement helpful b'sha'as ma'a'seh.

Assuming you are correct, its still a king Shlomo type of thing.

the point also: determine whether or not u are an addict. We all are to some extent. An alcoholic wouldn't even take a sip of wine in recovery, whereas a person can.

I'll be frank with you: do you want to be happy or instead self Medicare your issues. no amount of religion can make that choice for you.

Re: tryin 24 Jun 2013 06:26 #210133

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Yes, I wanna be happy
One slip up ruins an entire month
Its like it never happened
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 01 Jan 2014 02:14 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 24 Jun 2013 19:49 #210163

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Have you read the GYE handbook? It's also on a page called "21 principles" somewhere on this website, which is a yesod in recovery:

Your past gains are not ruined by one fall.

You see, the point of recovery is to not measure your progress on a 90-day chart or to see how big of a streak you can get.

If that were the point, then you would be right, that one slip or fall that gets you back to day 0 would ruin everything.

I don't like the 90 day chart for that reason. Because 90 days is a means to an end, not an end in and of itself. If it motivates you to continue a streak, great! But the point is to take things one day at a time.

Let's say you are climbing up a mountain in the winter. God forbid you trigger a small avalanche that sets you back 100 feet. Has it taken you to the base of the mountain? Of course not! A slip does not set back your entire recovery.

I fell this morning (I was in a half-sleep state). I'm kind of mad at myself for falling in that manner. But does that mean I've lost all my progress because my streak now says "0"? Of course not! I've made tremendous progress in the last year.

The point of recovery is to start living, and to surrender all lust to Hashem. All-too often on our streaks, we don't surrender our lust to Hashem. If you are underwater, you can only hold your breath so long. If you are above-water, you don't need to hold your breath.

From that perspective, a fall doesn't ruin anything. It can in fact be sent from Hashem as a thing to make you more humble (see "sonoftheking" for more of the Torah on that if you are interested).

We all get improper thoughts. It's how you deal with them. Getting frustrated just because you get them is counterproductive.

Make sense?

Re: tryin 24 Jun 2013 21:30 #210181

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Thank you for the analogy
It is putting it into practice that is difficult
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 24 Jun 2013 21:54 #210187

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Very much so. I go around posting all of this stuff on the forum, but I don't know if I always practice what I preach. However, I figure that I will eventually listen to what I am saying lol.

It's natural to be upset after a fall or slip. Here's the litmus test:

If that feeling of being upset or mad at yourself enhances your avodas Hashem, then it is from the yetzer Hatov.

if the feeling just gets you depressed and detracts from your avodas Hashem, then it is the yetzer hara.

it is okay to be upset sometimes--just make sure that you channel that feeling in the proper direction.

Re: tryin 25 Jun 2013 00:20 #210207

Shalom, and welcome.

In one of your posts you said:


Oh, I am an addict - of that I know
Yes, I wanna be happy
One slip up ruins an entire month
Its like it never happened


From what I have come to understand, an addict cannot view his drug as something that is a minor set back only when he slips. Rather it is something that will eventually kill us. Not necessarily literally, but living enslaved to something which has the ability to suck the life out of you at its will, cannot be called truly living. On your list of reasons to be sober, I think that your life should be number one. because even if you are sober for a long period, you may still be enslaved to the lust, to the images and fantasies in your mind, not just the acts themselves. a person enslaved is not living the life he should or could, and that is his main responsibility. A secondary result of not being the you you are meant to be is that others suffer, but once you are the you that you can be, then you can be the tool that Hashem wants you to be to do good in the world including to those that He put in your immediate surrounding (wife and kids). So, why stop, because you are worth it, because your life has infinite value, because with it you can do much good, the good you were meant to do. - I hope that makes sense.

The other thing that I noticed was that you have told a lot of people. Let me share with you a little something I read recently in the white book,


I see now that in all my religious striving and psychotherapy I was waiting for the miracle to happen first, that I should somehow be zapped or "fixed," unable ever to fall or be tempted again. I thought that if a person just had the right religious belief, he was automatically "a new creature; old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." That all thought of lust would be removed, much as a tumor would be excised by a surgeon. The "religious solution" was one of the subtlest strategies in my arsenal of denial.
I didn't realize that the essence of being human is to have free choice. God doesn't want to remove from me the possibility of falling; he wants me to have the freedom to choose not to fall. I'd been praying self-righteously all along, "Please God, take it away!" not realizing my inner heart was piteously whining, ". . . so I won't have to give it up." There was belief in God without surrender. That belief availed nothing! I had never died to lust.


To me this rang such a bell, I tried many things, all the time hoping that that would be the magical step that would take the lust away from me, but they didn't and never would. not until I was really willing to give it up. and to tell you the truth I am not, but I know it, and that is the goal I am working towards.

Either way, what I think I am trying to say, is that its not about who or how many people you tell that necessarily reflects sincere motivation to stop, but rather willingness to actually give up the drug that has been a crutch keeping one afloat all these years, which when I actually think about it actually scares me half to death.

Oh and by the way, don't get the wrong idea, way to go on one week, the first step to RECOVERY is SOBRIETY.

MAY G-D HELP

Re: tryin 25 Jun 2013 00:40 #210220

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Wow!
Tysm
Very insightful
In short, you are saying:
1. Focus on living - that is me; meaning taking control of life 9this is what I called "self"]
2. Resolution to give it up (not tiptoeing around the issue in various ways)

[I sorta felt that way about the taphsik method; except that it is a way to help become clean]

Tysm

A lot what to think about
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 08 Jul 2013 20:47 #211497

Hi Cordnoy,
I have read your entries and realize that I am in a very similar situation to yours, both in age and in the scope of my problem.
The only thing that has helped me was connecting with people like you who are facing a similar struggle to mine.
As I am typing, I am also listening in on Duvid Chaim's phone conference. This is also extremely helpful. I will be doing my 5th step call with my sponsor shortly and I am quite afraid of it. The thought of opening up my life to a total stranger and disclose all the despicable things I have done, completely disarms me and scares me.
The lure of the "clubs" and the warm feeling I get when I go and approach the Y"H, seems so impossible to resist while I am away, alone and isolated.
When I talk about it or write about it here, the sanity that the spotlight of the public discussion shines and illuminates on my lustful desire, vaporizes the lust. Discussing this rationally, exposes the irrationality of indulging and helps to dissipate an itch before it progresses to urge, desire and overwhelming wave of a free fall.
We can change our lives or rather reclaim our lives, one day at a time, together with all our wonderful friends here.
I have all my friends in mind when I daven every day because I want to change as a group.
Please daven for me as well. To me changing is nothing short of a nes, a miracle. I need your teffilos to help me merit this ness I so desperately need for my sake, the sake of my wife and children and all my descendants, and all of Klal Yisroel.

Re: tryin 08 Jul 2013 21:28 #211511

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thank you
very well put

I have basically opened up to therapist on phone and to all my buddies here.

if you know of some way we can help each other more, please let me know

I am available in all sorts of ways

thank you
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:32 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 28 Jul 2013 08:00 #213811

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reflections
happy and ecstatic about life
streak will go on, and on iy"H

marriage and intimacy....nu nu, so so

why ruin a good thread?
lets stick to being clean!

Onwards!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:33 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 28 Jul 2013 08:59 #213815

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Halfway to 90!

Mazel tov.

You're definitely a nice addition to gye, I'm glad you made it here.

Re: tryin 28 Jul 2013 11:30 #213817

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inastruggle wrote:
Halfway to 90!

Hi Cordnoy,

It sounds like you are doing well. As others have posted, the important thing is not to "beat" your addiction. No addict can beat the addiction. I certainly can't and I constantly have to remind myself of this. What works for me is surrendering before the fight begins, because once I step into the battleground I have lost, and then trying to the best of my ability with the help of friends and my sponsor to live just today according to G-d's will.

The 90 days goal is nice and admirable, but for me after being clean for 90 days + another couple of months, I started falling again. Today I am thankfully aware that for me no amount of inspiration, goals or chizuk will ultimately help me stay clean if i do not work on changing myself.

May G-d be with you

Re: tryin 28 Jul 2013 11:42 #213818

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whay does surrendering mean to you?
how have you changed
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 28 Jul 2013 22:14 #213852

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Surrender to me means accepting that I am up against something much more powerful than myself. It means raising the white flag before the fight, not first getting triggered and then whining that I am powerless (which is what I used to do). Surrendering means staying away from lust not because I don’t want to, or because of the aveira, but because I cannot afford to; because if I do, then at best I will suffer emotionally and at worst get into very messy situations.
This acceptance was not something that came to me overnight, and even today I prefer to deny that I cannot handle lust on my own. I learnt it the hard way; years of lusting was one thing, but it took me a year and a half in SA to finally admit that I cannot touch lust, and to admit defeat. No, it was not a pleasant realization, and to this day I don’t know why I am different to people who CAN enjoy sex without going crazy (yes, there are such people); but slowly I was able to accept it and with it to admit defeat and to surrender.
Practically this means, taking whatever measures I can to stay away from lust and to share with others any fantasies or anything else which I am powerless over and which I know that I cannot deal on my own.

The big question is of course: without lust, how do I deal with a mind and body which are screaming for their fix?
This is where I learnt that G-d can help me; that I can talk to Him about the little things in my life and that He cares. And yes, for someone who had been through Yeshivas and Kollel, who (I hope) had always genuinely searched for meaning, had learnt gemoro, mussar and hashkafa for years, to have to learn how to have a basic relationship with HaShem, my Abba, from a bunch of Alcoholics, was a hard one to swallow. It has been a process, which did not happen overnight, but one which I am very thankful for.

Re: tryin 28 Jul 2013 22:24 #213857

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thanks for the explanation

I think when you say surrender, I say numb
meaning...I am not allowing lust to start at all...not for anything else and sadly not for wife
I cannot control it
I am defeated, so I will not enter the cage with it

I am succeeding with first half, but second half is tough

your second part about G-d and praying and little things and Him helping, I am not there yet. I am not connected in such a way.

thanks so much
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 01 Jan 2014 02:16 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 29 Jul 2013 11:30 #213930

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It comes. It really does. With HaShem our Abba, there is no such thing as "being there" yet. He is there for us all the time. It is a matter of practicing talking to Him like we would talk to a father. It may seem weird at first (I only ever daavened to HaShem for "big" issues. not for trivialities!)and it may even seem phoney, but with openness and willingness (and practice) it comes.

As far as surrender is concerned. I definitely identify with the feeling. It feels like we are cutting part of ourselves off, we may even have withdrawal symptoms, but it is really the addiction convincing us. Eventually it gets better.

A life changing line from Dov for me was: Clarity does not bring sobriety, sobriety brings clarity
Last Edit: 29 Jul 2013 11:37 by chesky.

Re: tryin 29 Jul 2013 17:18 #213955

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thanks

that line from dov (sobriety brings clarity) is precious (all of his lines...at least those that I understand...hit the nail on the head).

Regarding first half (of your comment), I don't have that connection with our Father (yet); its not even at the weird stage. yes, when I remember by davening (which is not too often sadly), I ask Him to help me out with wife, but ultimately it is our thing...some of it the wife's. I am not laying blame...mostly it goes to me, and that is why im here workin my tail off to fix that issue as well. you are right though...I should be including Him much more. Step 2...knowing that in all or many of these issues, we are powerless without a higher source (although on this one, there is another being involved...my wife).
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:37 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 29 Jul 2013 20:22 #213981

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I can only share with you my experience and what has worked for me so far.

I spent many years searching for spiritual connection. Sometimes i felt that i had gotten it but most of the time I felt that I was not connected.

Coincidentally (or not)during all that time, I chased lust as well.

When i came to SA i was sure that there was nothing more fitting for a spiritually conscious person like myself. Slowly i discovered that my lifelong search had been for nothing more than a search for emotional high's. This may not necessarily be a bad thing for a normal person, but for me as an addict, it was catastrophic. It meant that i was constantly searching for that high, and when i did not have it i would replace it with lust.
This was a very hard reality to face that I had been practicing "emotional religion".

The critical point about this is that I WAS CONNECTING TO HASHEM ON MY TERMS, according to MY expectations, and my definition of connection.

Although accepting this was very painful, it was the first step in realizing that I can talk to HaShem all the time, and I don't need to feel anything.

But today for me i am able to accept that HaShem is with us if I want, in everything and that includes my addiction.

May G-d be with you
Last Edit: 29 Jul 2013 20:24 by chesky.

Re: tryin 30 Jul 2013 16:42 #214099

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He is with us..in the addiction??
what does that mean?

Yes, like nefesh hachayim and others say, He lets us breath while we are sinning (sometimes I wonder what would be bshaas maaseh if we would get short of breath), but is He together in the addiction?

Please explain; I look forward.

thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 01 Jan 2014 02:21 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 30 Jul 2013 18:25 #214118

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This is my first post! what should I tell you cordnoy you came a far way!

keep it up don't let your self fall!!

Re: tryin 30 Jul 2013 18:55 #214125

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Shalom Aleichem mcpropboy

We are happy to have you here!

Why don't you start a new thread in the "Introduce yourself" section and tell us about yourself?
"ויעזור ויגן ויושיע לכל החוסים בו ונאמר אמן" -- ArtScroll Gabbai's Handbook

Re: tryin 30 Jul 2013 21:47 #214175

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WELCOME mcpropboy! Nice to hear from you. Don't be a stranger.

Re: tryin 30 Jul 2013 21:51 #214177

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Thanks Chesky for some really great posts!

Re: tryin 30 Jul 2013 22:21 #214188

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Hope Chesky answers me on the "He is there in the addiction" thing; he definitely is good
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 31 Jul 2013 02:38 #214234

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Cordnoy,
I thank you for sharing your feelings so openly and honestly.
I feel that I need to clarify something.
I started posting on the forum again (after nearly three years), not because I have what to teach people here but because I lusted for many years and tried to stop without success. Even after I found this website and was clean for five months, once I started falling again, I could not do anything to stop acting out. Even after I started SA, for a year and a half, I could not stay clean for more than a few days at time. (In SA people like me are called chronic-fallers). No, I am no big shot, I am a failure. But the more I accept that on my own I can never win, that I am up against something way more powerful than me, the more I realize that I have to turn to my Abba for help.
And I learnt that he CAN help me. First and foremost I saw this at meetings with other addicts. As frustrated and confused as I was, I knew many other addicts had recovered and they claimed that He had helped them.
Slowly I discovered that he could help me too, and today I am thankful for every day of sobriety, because today I know that I cannot take sobriety for granted at all.
So, I am here to share the hope that if a failure like me can recover then so can others here.

cordnoy wrote:
He is with us..in the addiction??
what does that mean?

I don’t answer for G-d.But I can identify with your resentments and frustrations towards G-d.
With me before recovery, since I knew all the answers or at least felt that I was supposed to, when things did not go the way they should have, that was the perfect reason to act out. After all, clearly He either is not interested, or does not care, and anyway if He cared then why doesn't he punish me....
In recovery I learnt to communicate with HaShem, no differently than I would with anyone else I know. I try to share with Him everything; my frustrations, my fears and my resentments and my gratitude. After all He is my Abba. If I cannot talk tell my Abba that something is bothering me, then there is a problem. Yes, I can be angry with him too. There is nothing wrong with telling Him that I cannot understand why something happened to me; it is the truth. Neither do I accept the answer to come to me in some miraculous or inspirational or divine way. Things don’t get better just because I feel they ought to.
I finally was able to talk to Him about lust too; about the women who have such power over me, about my fantasies which have such power over me and everything else.
And I found that when I have an Abba who cares, then I can switch off from worrying and obsessing. Neither do I have expectations nor disappointments.I don’t need answers because when I have an Abba who is watching me, then I don’t have to worry.
Yes, He is there with me and he is there for everyone. We just have to talk to Him about it.
Last Edit: 02 Jan 2014 01:37 by chesky.

Re: tryin 31 Jul 2013 23:47 #214369

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so He is with me, for He is everywhere?
He is with me, for I can talk to Him?
Heis with me in the addiction, for He cares about me?

sorry that im a bit slow, and definitely not as connected as you are.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 01 Aug 2013 01:28 #214399

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cordnoy wrote:
so He is with me, for He is everywhere?
He is with me, for I can talk to Him?
He is with me in the addiction, for He cares about me?

sorry that im a bit slow, and definitely not as connected as you are.


Yes. The One Above is all of the above.

"With me" sounds like He bichvodo u'vatzmo was there in a spacial sense in the bathroom when I last wanted to feel good. Or, with you in parking lot number 4. (I doubt this is the forum for discussing tzimtzum and the various ways of understanding מלא כל הארץ כבודו - maybe in the GYE Beis Medrash there's a thread on it already?)

Instead, let's say Hashem is available to me at all times. I am constantly in a relationship with Him, whether I feel "connected" or not. (Don't give that word too much meaning. You are always connected to Him.) He is always there to draw strength from, to enlist into your fight. He expects us to conscript Him into battle, so to speak. He is much more than that, obviously, but at the very least I need to see Him as the One I can speak to and call on at every moment of my life.

In the context of "where was He then?", I would say G-d helps those who help themselves. If we help ourselves by calling on Him, He will help. Not always in the most apparent way, but He will answer us somehow.

It seems to me that if He wasn't with me, then where could He have been?
If He isn't with me now, where then is He?

Letting him in, as the Kotzker said, is like being powerless, no?
אלא יש לו לייחד כל מעשיו לשמו הגדול לבד, ולא ישתף עמו דבר אחר
That's the goal. The key to everything. Working on it, bs"d.

Re: tryin 01 Aug 2013 04:31 #214421

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thank you

I know I am powerless without Him
I know He is everywhere
My innerself is always interested in what He wants
I just don't hear Him tellin me to stay clean
Perhaps He is and my ears are stuffed

Either way, onward is the name of the game
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 04 Aug 2013 12:27 #214888

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been davening better the last several days

shiva shavuos gotta count for something!!!!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:39 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 04 Aug 2013 13:41 #214894

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cordnoy wrote:
been davening better the last several days

shiva shavuos gotta count for something!!!!




Amazing!!!

Kol hakovod!
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:39 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 04 Aug 2013 20:08 #214922

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doc,
your posts and others give me tremendous chizuk
for some reason, my struggle now is not as tough as it was before, and not as fierce as you and some of the others are relating.
I don't know what remedies are

I do know that telling therapist (two of 'em) all, and I mean all....must help for something

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 05 Aug 2013 00:07 #214950

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for some reason, my struggle now is not as tough as it was before, and not as fierce as you and some of the others are relating.


BARUCH HASHEM!!! Thrilled to hear that. As obvious as this is, i find it helpful to always remember not to become complacent. Some ppl never have an issue with that; they are so scared stiff that they always know how close they are to sliding back into old patterns. But, for me, when I find myself not struggling so much, I make a big point, bs"d, of refocusing on humility and gratitude that things have gotten easier. Its a huge beracha that we must never forget to be thankful for.

I know this isn't a chidush to you. Just saying what helps for me.

KTTR (Keep that tank rolling) and KOKO (Keep on keepin' on)!!!
אלא יש לו לייחד כל מעשיו לשמו הגדול לבד, ולא ישתף עמו דבר אחר
That's the goal. The key to everything. Working on it, bs"d.

Re: tryin 05 Aug 2013 00:29 #214955

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thank you mendel

how well I know

my two issues are forefront in my brain

issue with wife, I must tread carefully at every moment and turn
she is under tons of stress, and I cannot afford to make a wrong move (for her sake, not for mine).

Tayvos...I cannot afford to let that happen...stakes are too high...life is too precious....I have not been in control of my life ..... ever! I cannot leave go of the reins!

thank you, and please....keep remindin me

b'hatzlachah

Avrom
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 01 Jan 2014 02:23 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 08 Aug 2013 17:27 #215428

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status.... goin' strong
no problems at all b"H

keep on tankin along
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:40 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 12 Aug 2013 06:48 #215773

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remember that quote (possibly from zemiros, or Hashem's soldier):

[b] YOU'RE ONLY AS CLEAN AS YOUR WEAKEST DAY [b]

(or something like that).

Gotta always be on guard!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 12 Aug 2013 06:49 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 20 Aug 2013 19:19 #216641

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life's good!

had a slightly stressed morning
mentioned to a chaver here that in da past, I would revert to other stuff
had somewhat of a desire to do that again today
didn't
I wish I would know why I didn't
cant put my finger on it

main thing is that I didn't, but it sure would help (me and others perhaps) if I knew why.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:41 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 20 Aug 2013 19:53 #216647

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Perhaps it's because you have a different, more mature attitude now.

Keep growing!

Re: tryin 20 Aug 2013 20:06 #216649

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you might be right
just cant pinpoint the steps

thank you

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 20 Aug 2013 20:15 #216652

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sixties.jpg
"ויעזור ויגן ויושיע לכל החוסים בו ונאמר אמן" -- ArtScroll Gabbai's Handbook

Re: tryin 20 Aug 2013 20:20 #216654

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why da "60's"?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 20 Aug 2013 20:50 #216660

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cordnoy
why da "60's"?


cordnoy
in da 60's!!
dat's good!

Re: tryin 20 Aug 2013 20:58 #216661

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my goodness!
i was on a few threads and lost my own flow.

yes b"H!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 25 Aug 2013 10:14 #217128

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I was perusing thru old posts from years before and came acrood a kitzur of the 12 steps from Dov.

It is probably on the Dov posts as well.

Thought it was well worth reposting.

b'hatzlachah

Dov wrote:


1st step is admitting all the truth about the extent of our problem. Sobriety grows out of knowing and admitting we cannot afford to act out - or bring ourselves to it by enjoying lust - and all that hurts. But the steps do not bring us to stop acting out. Our pain does. But Pain will not keep us sober. For our real problem is not our lusting, yetzer horas, porn or any of that - our problem is living without them. Real, clean, normal life is unacceptable to us. And the steps are about bringing us the sanity and serenity that enables us to stay sober in real, clean, normal life. It's a miracle. And we hate to admit that.

2nd is admitting that my very best thinking (for years) is precisely what got me here in this mess such as it is and that I lack the power to gain sanity. So I need a Power greater than me to give me the sanity I seek. That has nothing necesarily to do with our sex or lust problem - it is about sanity in general - our crazy thinking that leads us to resent, fear life, G-d, our spouses and families, and run away from good living. Those who twist the 2nd and 3rd steps into the way to fight 'falling' are shortchanging their program and themselves. "Kafui tova"

3rd is to agree to begin growing along truly honest spiritual lines and accept that my G-d knows exactly what is best for me. Again, not just about not acting out our lust - but about being real people again. Life with a capital "L".

4th is to admit that though I want #3, I have too many sick middos and goofy expectations to really live that way fully, so I write out all my complaints with this life He is giving me and clarify what my part in the pain in me is - what my defects are that make the life He is giving me unacceptable or painful.

5th is to admit that openly to another person so I can then begin to finally get honest with myself and with my G-d.

6th is to decide whether I am ready to actually live without the coping mechanisms I have chosen and learned (my defects of character) and really abandon myself to G-d's Will for me in guiding my life and caring for me.

7th is to let my defects go and sincerely ask my G-d to remove them from me by helping me learn a new way to deal with each situation and person that used to vex me.

8th is to face what and how I have wronged others and make a list of that in writing.

9th is to take responsibility and directly apologize for anything I did that hurt them.

10th is to keep that cheshbon up as a daily practice.

11th is to ask G-d to help me mevatel myself to Him and His Will for me and actually join in His plan every day.

12th is to use all these principles/tools as they come up through the day and through my life, as though I were a newbie, never sitting on laurels and never fantasizing that "I've made it", and to freely share these tools with anyone who wants them.

What's goyish in any of this?

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 27 Aug 2013 18:12 #217411

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"bent but not broken"

slippin a bit

lookin at stuff (not "boruch learns alef beis" )

have avoided a "second look" at women i wanted to look at again 

have not avoided that "second look" at times as well

that is good news and bad news

focus on one; i know (and yes, i know you didn't mean i should focus on one of those women; thank you).
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:45 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 27 Aug 2013 19:39 #217430

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quit playing with fire

no women

Re: tryin 27 Aug 2013 19:43 #217431

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so what do you suggest?
no walkin the streets?
takin glasses off?
no computer?
heck, i even had to mention to my wife about the way she was sittin in the car, and her skirt was almost ankle-length!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 27 Aug 2013 21:29 #217442

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Are you seriously counting the number of times that you took a second look and didn't take that 2nd look. Please tell me that 27 and 20 are just WAGs.

Also I can understand how in your present situation it may make you uncomfortable to see your wife looking desirable, I would caution you to not reprimand her for it.

I know the slipping feeling. (I like to call it circling the drain.) Find what is causing that feeling and try to deflect it if you can.

Maybe I am off base, if so please correct me, but if you are really to the point that you are counting successes and failures of the "2nd look" perhaps you are putting WAY to much pressure on yourself, and that is probably not a healthy attitude either.

My $0.02
My Story
Only when we make our real lives sweeter than our fantasies will we reap the emotional rewards, the happiness of recovery. - AlexEliezer
Focus on making the right choices as they come up. - Skeptical
When I start to literally accept G-d's Will as guiding my life today, things start to change. - Dov

Re: tryin 27 Aug 2013 21:33 #217445

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firstly, thank you.
Secondly, yes...accurate numbers.
3. whats a wag?
4. shemiras einayim is an issue by me....I am competitive...I gotta change my success rate.
5. I didn't reprimand her; I asked nicely; she knows I am workin on my lust issue.
6. it's not pressure, but it could be backfiring, due to the emphasis.
7. thank you again
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:46 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 27 Aug 2013 21:42 #217450

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A wag is a "wild a$$ed guess"

Shemiras eynayim is also a huge struggle for me. 20/27, is not 5 days for me but probably one day. (Yes that was a WAG.)

I also understand the competitive thing, that is what kept me going in my first long streak half the time. BUT, you really have to be careful. You don't want the bad feelings you are generating from the 20/27 split to feed your desperation.

Listen man, I like you. You seem really sincere, and you seem like you are taking your addiction very seriously and you really want to get better. Maybe it is just me, but with the lesser things, maybe you just have to keep working, but give yourself a little bit of a break if you fall short of the expectations that you are setting for yourself.
My Story
Only when we make our real lives sweeter than our fantasies will we reap the emotional rewards, the happiness of recovery. - AlexEliezer
Focus on making the right choices as they come up. - Skeptical
When I start to literally accept G-d's Will as guiding my life today, things start to change. - Dov

Re: tryin 27 Aug 2013 21:49 #217453

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thank you
I hear you
with my big issue(s), I have been good. 
As Pidaini is want to say, just moveon(.org)
don't worry about teshuvah and past; just do da right thing now!

my concern was that I was still lookin inappropriately in street; would that catch up with me and bite me? I figured, "lemme see if I can even try this thing." I never really truly (words I cant stand) made a legitimate attempt to stop taking dat "second look." Should I leave it go for a while? should I get to 120 first? should I wait till my wife does a 180?

you (or others) tell me.

thanks, and I like you too.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:47 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 27 Aug 2013 21:53 #217454

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Do you like me as well? pleaaaase, pretttty pleeaase...
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: tryin 27 Aug 2013 22:01 #217456

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I'll tell you my approach. Is it right? Heck I don't know. Is it working for me, sort of mostly, but it is all I have to give.

Shemirat Eynayim is a huge issue for me. I did not realize just how huge until I tried to cut down. But porn and masturbation was also a huge issue for me, and that is much more under control.

I have in my mind a threshold level that I am not willing to cross. That threshold is flexible based on my current state of mind, but whatever. That threshold can be crossed by either looking way to often, or looking way to intently. I have previously written about the difference between seeing a pretty girl on the street and enjoying it, and seeing a pretty girl on the street with your tongue hanging out, your eyes popping out of you head, your neck craned in horrible angles and the only brain really working is the one in your pants. Obviously that kind of looking is completely unacceptable and I slap myself in the face (sometimes metaphorically, sometimes not) when I get to that point. But the other type of seeing is to some extent human, just as long as it doesn't start pulling you in the wring direction. For each and everyone of us that threshold is going to be different. You have to be the judge.

So to make a long story short, yes you should try to work on this aspect of your character, but not make yourself insane working on it, at the expense of more serious issues.
My Story
Only when we make our real lives sweeter than our fantasies will we reap the emotional rewards, the happiness of recovery. - AlexEliezer
Focus on making the right choices as they come up. - Skeptical
When I start to literally accept G-d's Will as guiding my life today, things start to change. - Dov

Re: tryin 27 Aug 2013 22:03 #217457

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Pidaini wrote:
Do you like me as well? pleaaaase, pretttty pleeaase...


eh
My Story
Only when we make our real lives sweeter than our fantasies will we reap the emotional rewards, the happiness of recovery. - AlexEliezer
Focus on making the right choices as they come up. - Skeptical
When I start to literally accept G-d's Will as guiding my life today, things start to change. - Dov

Re: tryin 27 Aug 2013 22:03 #217458

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Pidaini wrote:
Do you like me as well? pleaaaase, pretttty pleeaase...


eh

My Story
Only when we make our real lives sweeter than our fantasies will we reap the emotional rewards, the happiness of recovery. - AlexEliezer
Focus on making the right choices as they come up. - Skeptical
When I start to literally accept G-d's Will as guiding my life today, things start to change. - Dov

Re: tryin 27 Aug 2013 22:27 #217462

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cordnoy wrote:
so what do you suggest?
no walkin the streets?
takin glasses off?
no computer?


I suggest you do whatever it takes to keep this monster starved.

Walking in the streets is full of hazards. I read in a chizuk email once that we need to walk in the streets with the attitude that we are only permitted to put ourselves in this spiritually dangerous situation to get where we need to go. The candy store isn't suddenly open just because we need to walk to shul. We need to humbly keep our eyes on inanimate objects. I hold that looking at women is the single most powerful fuel that keeps this addiction going. (The other is entertaining fantasies). Conversely, vigilantly guarding our eyes is the most powerful tool in our hands to overcome it.

So yes, if there's no other way to avoid the view, I will take my glasses off in the street. I will close my eyes for a few seconds as she passes. I will look at a tree, the clouds, the ground. My very sanity is being threatened if I take in her image. The only way I know is to avoid it. If I look because it's still habit to take a first look, I BOUNCE my eyes off her in an instant. This has become a learned reflex. If I look long enough to enjoy her, or even discern her features, that's way too long. I haven't done it in 4-1/2 years, and coincidentally, have been sober the same time.

And yes, no computer. If computer means entertainment or random surfing out of boredom. Hello! You've been on this forum long enough to know how much personal destruction the internet is causing.

Stop listening to your addict.

Commit fully and live!

Re: tryin 28 Aug 2013 01:09 #217504

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Ditto to AE.

I think the point made above is - don't obsess about not looking. DON'T Look, but if you are constantly obsessing about not looking, that is not good either. I think of it as "back burner". In the back of your mind, you realize you need to keep your eyes where they belong, but you don't focus on it constantly. Maybe before you leave the house, you think to yourself "I am going to a dangerous place, and I will guard my eyes", and maybe even find something engaging to think about so you are not distracted by your surroundings.

But keeping count, sounds like it is on the front of your mind.

You mention being competitive. I can relate. I think for me, it is a product of low self-esteem. If I win, I'm a winner - right? It's more about being afraid to lose (and feel like a loser) than a desire to win.

Are you a perfectionist like me? Did you read the Dr. Sorotzkin stuff on perfectionism?

I highly recommend it.

Re: tryin 28 Aug 2013 01:14 #217505

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thanks
im not mamash a perfectionist, but close
i read it before, but i can read it again
is it in your link?

thanks again
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 01 Jan 2014 02:26 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 28 Aug 2013 01:19 #217508

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Deleted
Last Edit: 01 Jan 2014 20:11 by gibbor120.

Re: tryin 28 Aug 2013 01:30 #217510

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thank you


and as a great man said before signing off today, "Tonight is more important than R"H and Y"K (staying clean), for tonight is today and there is nothing more crucial that staying clean today!

thanks again
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 01 Jan 2014 02:27 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 28 Aug 2013 10:54 #217542

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Just read through this thread, and Im inspired. Keep on the good work!
I am only on day 4, but I intend this streak to go on forever.
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. /Mishlei 25:28

Re: tryin 28 Aug 2013 13:50 #217552

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cordnoy wrote:

all my stupid own fault
just havin a few yuchy days
in one way, tryin to work even more on myself, and at the same time, feeling around for triggers

how stupid and dumb can i get!

Avrom,

A big part of recovery is acceptance; acceptance that we are addicts and acceptance that we are human and make mistakes.

If we except our limitations (powerlessness) then we will find it easier to let go and let HaShem help us.

May He grant us all a sober and SANE day.
Last Edit: 28 Aug 2013 13:53 by chesky.

Re: tryin 28 Aug 2013 13:51 #217553

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chesky wrote:
cordnoy wrote:

all my stupid own fault
just havin a few yuchy days
in one way, tryin to work even more on myself, and at the same time, feeling around for triggers

how stupid and dumb can i get!

Avrom,

A big part of recovery is acceptance; acceptance that we are addicts obsessive over lust, and acceptance that we are human and make mistakes.

May Gd grant us all a sober and SANE day.

Re: tryin 28 Aug 2013 17:19 #217575

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thanks for all the chizuk
today seems like a better one

(guess I made a good choice...yuch). I will every day, moment make the right choice. I did it for so many days; I can continue...not for another so many days, but just for right now, and now now, and now....now.
thanks for getting me thru this

Onward.....till...NOW!!!!!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:49 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 28 Aug 2013 18:59 #217587

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cordnoy wrote:
(guess I made a good choice...yuch)

Ah denial, precious denial! Arn't our addicted heads wonderful things!

The luxury of posting everything is that you don't even have to remind yourself, you can just go back and read what you wrote.

Are you sure that you want to go back to where you were about five or six posts back?
Last Edit: 28 Aug 2013 19:00 by chesky.

Re: tryin 28 Aug 2013 19:17 #217591

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chesky:
i am not one hundred percent sure your point.
Can you spell it out for me?
i am thick-skinned, and I can handle it.

thank you so much
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 28 Aug 2013 21:00 #217611

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I wasn't trying to be tough that you need to be thick-skinned. I am sorry if it sounded that way. It was probably because I related so much to what I perceived as your reaction.

Your post reminded me of the guy who was desperately looking for a parking spot. In desperation he cries “HaShem please help me find a spot!” and in front of his eyes someone pulls out. To which he replies “It’s ok HaShem I found one already”.

So that is how I am. I am confronted with a situation and I say “powerless, powerless, powerless…..!!!!” “HaShem, HaShem!” and when I pull through, I say “maybe I did have the right judgment after all” or “I survived a day of lusting without acting-out, so maybe I CAN handle it!”

Thank you for reminding me.

I hope this clarifies my point.

Re: tryin 28 Aug 2013 21:40 #217623

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thanks for clarifying.

i think you did not understand my line.

i was not writing that i made a good choice by stopping; yes, i know God plays a big role in all of this....although i'm not a "powerless, powerless" type of guy...i understand it, feel it at times, but i don't write it and feel it in every post.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 01 Jan 2014 02:30 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 29 Aug 2013 01:49 #217692

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Thanks for clarifying and your honesty.

May HaShem grant us a clean and sane day.

Re: tryin 29 Aug 2013 17:46 #217747

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Good morning
I thank Hashem for another clean (and good) day.

I will not be updating the site, the numbers.
You will see 90 on Yom Kippur; no doubt!
That I know.

More than that, who cares?
We will not think about it.

Guard, you can put it to 90 right now.
This way, at least we can take out the Woodford now. On Y"K, its kinda a problem.

b'hatzlachah to all
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:50 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 29 Aug 2013 17:48 #217748

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seventies70s.jpg
"ויעזור ויגן ויושיע לכל החוסים בו ונאמר אמן" -- ArtScroll Gabbai's Handbook

Re: tryin 29 Aug 2013 17:59 #217750

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"ויעזור ויגן ויושיע לכל החוסים בו ונאמר אמן" -- ArtScroll Gabbai's Handbook

Re: tryin 29 Aug 2013 21:38 #217804

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thanks tons

although to get from the "70" to the "90" one neads to travel on the "80," we are flyin' over it; no need for any drivin' there; no roads, no ez pass, no lights, no traffic.

As long as there aint no incomin' missiles flyin' thru the air

we can always duck!

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 29 Aug 2013 21:39 #217805

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and that tank has anti missle equitment
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: tryin 30 Aug 2013 18:48 #217951

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and besides, the "80" is basically only a means to get from one chashuve place to another. Who lives off the "80"? Who remains on the "80"?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 30 Aug 2013 19:12 #217962

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cordnoy wrote:
although to get from the "70" to the "90" one neads to travel on the "80," we are flyin' over it; no need for any drivin' there; no roads, no ez pass, no lights, no traffic.

Just wanted to point out that if you travel on I-80, you will NOT be able to get from get from I-70 to I-90, they are parallel! In reality, you need to cross I-80 to get from 70 to 90. Please don't jaywalk.

All 2-digit, even numbered highways are east-west, and the odd numbers are north-south. Also, the round numbers are usually cross country highways.

If you wanted to get from the 70 to the 90 you could take, to name a few examples, I-55 (from St. Louie to Chicago), I-65 (from Indianapolis to Gary, Indiana), or I-75 (from Dayton, OH to Toledo, OH)

I should also point out that there is a long stretch (Most of the Indiana Toll Road and Ohio Turnpike) where the 80 and 90 are actually merged together into one road!


(The above contain deep yesodos related to our recovery. Maybe I should have put it in the Kabbalah thread.)
"ויעזור ויגן ויושיע לכל החוסים בו ונאמר אמן" -- ArtScroll Gabbai's Handbook

Re: tryin 30 Aug 2013 19:24 #217966

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Kabbalah aint my thing, but if youre on da "70" and wish to go north with the "75," wouldn't you hit the "80" and then continue west, it will merge as 80/90?

perhaps I am incorrect.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 30 Aug 2013 19:32 #217968

Yeso"d is gematria 80. I.m not sure, is that a kabalistic term, or Brisk/Yeshivish?

Re: tryin 30 Aug 2013 19:36 #217971

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עיין שם בספר גוגל מפס, ושם מבואר שבמתא טולידו אצל פגישת כביש 75 עם 90, הכבישות 80 ו90 הם בגדר "יחד כולם הודו" וזהו יסוד דזעיר אנפין
"ויעזור ויגן ויושיע לכל החוסים בו ונאמר אמן" -- ArtScroll Gabbai's Handbook
Last Edit: 30 Aug 2013 19:37 by tryingtoshteig.

Re: tryin 01 Sep 2013 07:34 #218023

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I succeeded in not taking the "second look" seven or eight times in a row! It is a good feeling. I actually never thought that I'd be able to let go even once or twice. It was so natural for me to take a second, third and fourth look at any woman who caught my attention. I am not saying this cheshbon is good for anybody; it might not even be good for me, but it is making me more aware of it, and it is inspiring me to chizuk. And as other wrote here many times, this is an important trigger to avoid.

and the continued update is we are still not updating chart. we shall see you at 90 on Yom Kippur.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:54 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 01 Sep 2013 09:54 #218034

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KOMT!!!!!
Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up!

No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie

The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards

Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: tryin 25 Sep 2013 13:55 #219842

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Onto day 101! [Is there such a Highway?]

feels like years ago

lookin back at this thread, there were some posters who helped me in beginning, and I have not heard from them since...dor holech v'dor ba.

Be it what it may; I still here...truckin' on, or lately, limpin' on, but at least...still on da same road.

Scorecard....first one ended 74 for 100.
Second one started 6 for 6.

Just wanted to thank ya' all for all your words of chizuk, encouragement and all your gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) proddin'. Both are very good for me.

Thank you and may we all be zoche to a good kvittel, a year of success in all our worthy endeavors, shnah shelo tapil isha pri bitna, shana shel aliyah b'ruchniyos, shanah sheyereid geshem b'ito ubzmano, etc.

A gutten kvittel
A gutten Moed
A gutten Yom Tov

Avrohom
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 25 Sep 2013 13:56 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 25 Sep 2013 16:20 #219849

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cordnoy wrote:

lookin back at this thread, there were some posters who helped me in beginning, and I have not heard from them since...dor holech v'dor ba.

Ooops! I plead guilty.

Avrohom,

i am very happy for you. You are a real inspiration, another living proof that HaShem can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. All we need to do is genuinely ask Him.

May He grant you, me and everyone else here another day of sobriety and sanity.

With respect and love

Chesky

Re: tryin 25 Sep 2013 19:30 #219854

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cordnoy wrote:
Onto day 101! [Is there such a Highway?]


15543469-famous-highway-101-entrance-freeway-us-101-south-transportation-photography-collection.jpg
"ויעזור ויגן ויושיע לכל החוסים בו ונאמר אמן" -- ArtScroll Gabbai's Handbook

Re: tryin 25 Sep 2013 19:36 #219855

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oy!

South?!?

thanks though
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 25 Sep 2013 21:38 #219867

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cordnoy wrote:
South?!?


It was just for you, Cordnoy...

וַיִּסַּע אַבְרָם הָלוֹךְ וְנָסוֹעַ הַנֶּגְבָּה

Towards Yerushalayim, like Rashi says.
"ויעזור ויגן ויושיע לכל החוסים בו ונאמר אמן" -- ArtScroll Gabbai's Handbook

Re: tryin 29 Sep 2013 10:29 #219905

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nice place to be headin'

might get a bit wet though stayin' on that highway all the way
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 07 Oct 2013 01:47 #220371

Mazel Tov to you. 104 days. Like the ketores. Dakka min hadaka. Dak is gematria 104. You inspire me. Please daven for me so that I can also be gebenshed with sobriety.

Re: tryin 31 Oct 2013 18:31 #222432

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people (bachurim) were askin me regarding my progress....B"H I am doing well. I did have a fall after 115 days. Has been now 21 days since then. Doing well with wife. B"H again, for over 200 days. The chizuk everyone gives is great. Working with therapist to sort out my emotions, and progress is happening. Halevay veiter!

b'hatzlachah to all
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:56 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 19 Nov 2013 19:24 #223594

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Not really counting; just updating.
Doing well...thanks.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:57 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 19 Nov 2013 19:34 #223601

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שלום עליכם ידידי הרב Cordnoy
keep it up
keep us posted
keep on being a sample to us
keep up the bringing of Mashiach

p.s. Missing u
...וְאִם גַּם אֶתְאַמֵּץ בְּעֵצוֹת וְתַחְבֻּלוֹת וְכָל יוֹשְׁבֵי תֵבֵל יַעַמְדוּ לִימִינִי לְהוֹשִׁיעֵנִי וְלִתְמֹךְ נַפְשִׁי, מִבַּלְעֲדֵי עֻזְּךָ וְעֶזְרָתְךָ אֵין עֶזְרָה וִישׁוּעָה...‬

מתוך תפילה נפלאה שחיבר הרה"ק רבי מאיר מאפטא זצוק"ל, בעל מחבר ספר "אור לשמים", ונדפסה בתחילת ספרו.

Re: tryin 29 Dec 2013 10:16 #225752

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some quick hitters:

1. day 80 second time
2. not sure 100 % why im a bit awol
3. some have made suggestions
4. I am workin' with some people on "not fallin'"
5. it is now 200 days without bad sights....that is after thousands days of lustin' ...perhaps with some breaks in between.... my goodness; those coals will be damn hot!
6. ksa"hm has been a good thing for me...not perfect in it yet, but tryin' every night
7. I thought I knew why I went awol a bit, but im not sure any longer...I know I am a bit calmer because of it
8. hatzlachah to us all!!!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:58 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 29 Dec 2013 10:45 #225754

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thanks for the update

Hatzlacha Rabbah in doing the right thing for you!!
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: tryin 29 Dec 2013 13:33 #225755

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cordnoy wrote:

2. not sure 100 % why im a bit awol
3. some have suggested it is because I plan on fallin' in second week of January


That's fine. So long as TODAY we stay clean. One day at a time!

I thought we had given up calculating the temperature of hell! Didn't we agree to leave that to G-d.

But if you want my opinion, I definitely think that the 200 days, are going to get you some very sweet Gan Eden.

But lets forget it. The main thing is that we stay clean and connected to G-d TODAY.

Chesky
Last Edit: 02 Jan 2014 01:39 by chesky.

Re: tryin 29 Dec 2013 18:50 #225759

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thanks

I had given up, but when I wrote thousands, and during this ongoing process of sliding, 'hot coals' is what I thought of
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 01 Jan 2014 02:36 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 29 Dec 2013 21:17 #225770

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if you atr focusing on numbers, focus on the 200 not on the 11,000

Re: tryin 29 Dec 2013 21:17 #225771

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if you are focusing on numbers, focus on the 200 not on the 11,000

Re: tryin 04 Mar 2014 19:02 #228444

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Third time around...haven't thought about the 11,000 for several weeks now.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 23:58 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 05 Mar 2014 04:29 #228474

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g
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: tryin 05 Mar 2014 06:58 #228483

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?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 06 Mar 2014 02:16 #228524

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I figgered you can always use some extr g's handy
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: tryin 06 Mar 2014 02:17 #228525

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a
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 06 Mar 2014 02:23 #228527

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extra.

Sheesh! thnks
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: tryin 09 Apr 2014 08:03 #230160

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90....for the third time!

b'hatzlachah to all
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 10 Apr 2014 03:14 #230236

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KOT (Tankin')

Re: tryin 10 Apr 2014 19:53 #230270

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Mazel tov Cordnoy!
you da man!
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ

Re: tryin 02 May 2014 12:11 #231076

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GYE has just obtained an exclusive interview with HaRav Chaim Kanievsky shlit"a:

TZ: How is it that the R"Y shlit"a can add a new miktzoa to his seder halimud every year, and still find the time to complete kal hatorah kulah (bavli, yerushalmi, safra, sifri, tzetel katan, chumash mit da ohr hachaim hakadosh, divrei chaim, etc.)?

HCK"s: Same

TZ: The R"Y shlit"a is answerin' that it is the same way he was able to do it all these years?

HCK"s: Nods his head in agreement.

TZ: So then, perhaps I can ask: How did the R"Y shlit"a accomplish this feat the first year? Did the R"Y shlit"a actually think that he would complete Talmud Bavli in one year (besides all of his other sedorim)?

HCK"s: Humming

TZ: The R"Y shlita is referrin' to my song?

HCK"s: Nods his head in agreement.

TZ: One day?

HCK"s: Nods his head in agreement.

Tz: at a time?

HCK"s: Nods his head in agreement.

And in another exclusive of GYE, our London correspondent recently caught up with Adele, and asked her as follows:

PY: "Rumour has it" that you have been dietin' for the past year, so tell me: Why is that you can't lose weight? You need to "Set fire to the rain!" Don't you realize that this is what's holdin' you back from joinin' stardom like those other brooms? Why can't you "turn the tables"?

Adele: That's exactly the point.

PY: What is?

Adele: I keep thinkin' of becomin' one of those broomsticks and I keep fallin'. I will not be able to completely and forever stop eatin' chocolate cake with icing. It will not happen forever. I find myself "rollin' in the deep." Sometimes it lasts for a week; sometimes for three days, but forever!? I cannot do it. It just won't work. All I will be doin' is "chasin' pavement."

Amazin'!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 02 May 2014 13:55 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 02 May 2014 17:51 #231084

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Reb Chim Kanivesky singing One Day! That was really something, do you hear Nitzotz? It's way better than some chassidish dude swinging Matis on a hammock...

But Cordnoy! you left out the main part of the interview! He also told me:
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: tryin 02 May 2014 19:28 #231092

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lovin' it!
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ

Re: tryin 21 Jun 2014 01:12 #233885

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A quick update from someone who's not really here.

1. I have now been on GYE for over a year.
2. I have now been in recovery state for over a year.
3. I have fallen three times.
4. three falls in a year is an accomplishment.
5. I have not decided about returnin' to groups or here for that matter on a constant basis.
6. My week was numb, but the lust issue wasn't on my mind.
7. Someone is tryin' to get me to see a marital professional.
8. My marriage is really swell Thank God....this is huge!
9. While I have no desires this minute, I know I am addicted and I know I can fall any minute.
10. I have the tools not to take the "second look," and most of the time, I use them.
11. I wanna thank all the chevra here for all their support, especially when I am in the reachin' out stage.
12. I'd especially like to thank the chevra who reach out to me durin' hibernation time....like now.

Thanks

Good Shabbos

b'hatzlachah to all
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 19 Feb 2016 00:04 by cordnoy.

Re: tryin 22 Jun 2014 07:31 #233901

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Thank you for the update, it's good to see you here even if it's not definitive!!!

Would you mind sharing the pros and cons are regarding coming here consistently? I understand that SA is an hour each way, are there other tz'dadim?
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: tryin 23 Jun 2014 01:16 #233935

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WOW!!!!

And i know you're not even "hoping" to be clean!
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: tryin 23 Jun 2014 23:27 #233986

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Guard Your Eyes is affiliated with the following program for teens.

FORTIFY

They say it's a great program for teens and free if you are under 20 (drats! Missed that by a few.)

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 24 Jun 2014 00:00 #233991

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they told me that in an email.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 24 Jun 2014 00:57 #233995

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hello cordnoy,
i don't have any good advice to give. but i want you to know that i'm davening for you.
your friend lavi.
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 25 Jun 2014 16:39 #234119

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An update from a strugglin' yesterday:

I still was fightin' this numbness and not carin' attitude from my fall last Sunday, and as the numbness wore off, I was tiltin' or turnin' but in the wrong direction....mindset that it.
I still had connection with Romanian in pocket.
Then, several things happened at one time.

1. A GYE friend was on the phone with me. He has struggles in marriage and made a connection with an old female friend from years ago. We spoke for a while how our issues are similar, yet different, but perhaps the "addiction" is an underlyin' similarity. I wasn't givin' or offerin' advice; just sharin' my recovery and what works for me and what doesn't and how my mindset is presently confused....unlike the past six months when my lustful thoughts and fantasies would have been shut down.

2. Frum local aspirin' therapist friend (I will leave out the word woman, so you don't get confused and that you don't jump all over me) is applyin' pressure that I should take this to the next level. Yes, I am in SA, but I am not really workin' the program and steps and it is not religiously. She (oops) wants me to go to a local specialist, one who deals with these types of issues on a full-blown scale. I am scared, petrified and in general, hesitant....all types of reasons. Ultimately, it is probably for my benefit, but I was shakin' (literally) with concerns.

3. At the same time, Romanian clicked in....didn't realize (yea...sure?) that yahoo messenger was on and active, and she said: hello. She is also a therapist and I explained to her again my confusion. She asked me: What would be my scenario of a perfect life? I listed her a few things: Good marriage (which I basically have now....very content); family stuff (but who doesn't have); a bit more parnasah (usual); and most importantly.....no cheatin' on wife; sexual sobriety; no dual life (death) livin'. She responded: So....to reach those goals, what is dependent on you (meaning 'me')? I replied with the only possible answer (and one that she knew I would provide) that we must part ways again; it is the only way. I didn't say goodbye this time, for my goodbye's are worth diddly and who knows, but I did delete yahoo messenger from phone (again) and in the process of blockin' the reinstallation process.

As I am wont to say: So there!

Feelin' better today.

What will be tomorrow?
Who da @#$% cares?

Today, I'll be ok.

Thanks

b'hatzlachah to all
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 25 Jun 2014 17:19 by cordnoy.

Re: Tryin' 25 Jun 2014 18:28 #234123

cordnoy wrote:

... Who da @#$% cares? ...


If it's not worth spellin' out, it's not worth hintin' about.

Re: Tryin' 25 Jun 2014 23:31 #234138

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Thank you for sharing!!!

All I can say is Keep on reaching out, isolation is numbness's sustenance!!

KUTGW!!
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: Tryin' 26 Jun 2014 01:05 #234147

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Just wanna report regardin' point # 1 above.....da fellow told her as well that suicide is not an option at the present moment, and therefore it would be best if they part ways....he's a strong guy....kudos to him! Bravo!

hatzlachah to all
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 04 Jul 2014 07:38 #234637

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There were two issues that were layin' heavily on my mind regardin' my last fall.

1. How could it take a mere few minutes of givin' in to lust to fall backwards in to the filth I was into from over 13 months beforehand (granted that there were another two falls in between)? Haven't I learned enough with therapist and SA group to be a bit smarter than that? Have I zero control? Ok...lust, but so low (and sorry that I'm not delineatin' here).

2. Why was I in such emotional pain this time? Why did it hurt so much? Last time (after 115 days of bein' clean), it was an enjoyable week with three falls? Why was this time (after 158 days) so short and nauseatin'?

After speakin' with an expert today, it seems that there is one answer to both. Yes, I am in recovery (I have not recovered - ain't that the truth?...I am in the recovery process), but recovery does not mean "free from lustin'." That can be an outcome if one is workin' the steps or whatever way he is recoverin', but the definition of recovery is not free of lust. Recoverin' means to understand and accept that I am an addict. It is the understandin' that I know and realize that this poison will make my life unmanageable (as it has in the past, and as it will do in the future). Recovery means the comin' to grips that the female body and sex in general is not to be worshipped and sought after, and if I can't have my fill then it affects my entire life. A woman on the street is merely that...she is a woman on the street, and she has nothin' to do with me. Relations with my wife is not my business! if it happens, it happens. [We take this station break to point out and emphasize that I am nowhere near thinkin' like this all the time and not even most of the time, but sometimes....and I am comin' to terms that this is the way I should be thinkin'.]

Accordingly, when these realizations don't play a roll, and I succumb to my old style of thinkin', I am immediately transformed back into the crazy porn addict low life I always was and always will be (without recovery), and no action is deemed too low, for why should it be? Life is about indulgin' in pleasures and this right now is what excites me and turns me on. And my friends, there is a drawback (a minor one) of bein' somewhat in recovery. I have become sensitized to lust like I never was in my life. In my previous three decades, the lust was part of my life and enjoyment. I could "go" for five hours, three days, a week and a half until "givin' in (so to speak)," for there was no thought process behind the pleasure. But now, I know precisely what it is I am doin'. I am not livin' life; I am throwin' it away. This break aint no party; it is nauseatin' and bitter. Nobody stays overtime at a funeral. It ain't pretty and it's over as soon as it started.

I know that I have a certain style of writin' and perhaps here it may even come out that I know what I'm talkin' about. Fellows, I don't really. Some of what I wrote makes sense to me; some of it is bangin' around inside of me and it may have merit. Parts (that I made up) may even be shtussim gemmurim.

I write for myself and for whoever might get somethin' from it.

b'hatzlachah to all
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 04 Jul 2014 17:12 #234654

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From Pidaini (via email): yeah, knowledge isn't the answer.


it's the knowledge that is supposed to bring the action that is the answer.


I can know from today until tomorrow that I have strep, and exactly what it does and how it works and what will cure it and how to avoid it...but if I don't go take anti biotics, it ain't gonna go away.


I feel the same here, we know exactly how it works, even where and when we are going wrong. but we just don't have the mindpower to turn it around ourselves, we need to take the actions to really stay safe.

From Gevurah (via email): Makes a lot of sense. As we work through recovery we become more aware of both the good and the bad and the conflict inside us between what we feel we want and what we know we ought to think hurts more.


Thank you
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 10 Jul 2014 00:43 #234928

  • cordnoy
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Just to let you know that things are very well here...Baruch Hashem!

On all fronts.

b'hatzlachah to all
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 14 Jul 2014 03:08 #235074

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cordnoy wrote:
There were two issues that were layin' heavily on my mind regardin' my last fall.

1. How could it take a mere few minutes of givin' in to lust to fall backwards in to the filth I was into from over 13 months beforehand (granted that there were another two falls in between)? Haven't I learned enough with therapist and SA group to be a bit smarter than that? Have I zero control? Ok...lust, but so low (and sorry that I'm not delineatin' here).

2. Why was I in such emotional pain this time? Why did it hurt so much? Last time (after 115 days of bein' clean), it was an enjoyable week with three falls? Why was this time (after 158 days) so short and nauseatin'?

After speakin' with an expert today, it seems that there is one answer to both. Yes, I am in recovery (I have not recovered - ain't that the truth?...I am in the recovery process), but recovery does not mean "free from lustin'." That can be an outcome if one is workin' the steps or whatever way he is recoverin', but the definition of recovery is not free of lust. Recoverin' means to understand and accept that I am an addict. It is the understandin' that I know and realize that this poison will make my life unmanageable (as it has in the past, and as it will do in the future). Recovery means the comin' to grips that the female body and sex in general is not to be worshipped and sought after, and if I can't have my fill then it affects my entire life. A woman on the street is merely that...she is a woman on the street, and she has nothin' to do with me. Relations with my wife is not my business! if it happens, it happens. [We take this station break to point out and emphasize that I am nowhere near thinkin' like this all the time and not even most of the time, but sometimes....and I am comin' to terms that this is the way I should be thinkin'.]

Accordingly, when these realizations don't play a roll, and I succumb to my old style of thinkin', I am immediately transformed back into the crazy porn addict low life I always was and always will be (without recovery), and no action is deemed too low, for why should it be? Life is about indulgin' in pleasures and this right now is what excites me and turns me on. And my friends, there is a drawback (a minor one) of bein' somewhat in recovery. I have become sensitized to lust like I never was in my life. In my previous three decades, the lust was part of my life and enjoyment. I could "go" for five hours, three days, a week and a half until "givin' in (so to speak)," for there was no thought process behind the pleasure. But now, I know precisely what it is I am doin'. I am not livin' life; I am throwin' it away. This break aint no party; it is nauseatin' and bitter. Nobody stays overtime at a funeral. It ain't pretty and it's over as soon as it started.

I know that I have a certain style of writin' and perhaps here it may even come out that I know what I'm talkin' about. Fellows, I don't really. Some of what I wrote makes sense to me; some of it is bangin' around inside of me and it may have merit. Parts (that I made up) may even be shtussim gemmurim.

I write for myself and for whoever might get somethin' from it.

b'hatzlachah to all



Then you wrote:


I still had connection with Romanian in pocket.
Then, several things happened at one time.

1. A GYE friend was on the phone with me. He has struggles in marriage and made a connection with an old female friend from years ago. We spoke for a while how our issues are similar, yet different, but perhaps the "addiction" is an underlyin' similarity. I wasn't givin' or offerin' advice; just sharin' my recovery and what works for me and what doesn't and how my mindset is presently confused....unlike the past six months when my lustful thoughts and fantasies would have been shut down.

2. Frum local aspirin' therapist friend (I will leave out the word woman, so you don't get confused and that you don't jump all over me) is applyin' pressure that I should take this to the next level. Yes, I am in SA, but I am not really workin' the program and steps and it is not religiously. She (oops) wants me to go to a local specialist, one who deals with these types of issues on a full-blown scale. I am scared, petrified and in general, hesitant....all types of reasons. Ultimately, it is probably for my benefit, but I was shakin' (literally) with concerns.

3. At the same time, Romanian clicked in....didn't realize (yea...sure?) that yahoo messenger was on and active, and she said: hello. She is also a therapist and I explained to her again my confusion. She asked me: What would be my scenario of a perfect life? I listed her a few things: Good marriage (which I basically have now....very content); family stuff (but who doesn't have); a bit more parnasah (usual); and most importantly.....no cheatin' on wife; sexual sobriety; no dual life (death) livin'. She responded: So....to reach those goals, what is dependent on you (meaning 'me')? I replied with the only possible answer (and one that she knew I would provide) that we must part ways again; it is the only way. I didn't say goodbye this time, for my goodbye's are worth diddly and who knows, but I did delete yahoo messenger from phone (again) and in the process of blockin' the reinstallation process


1- Way too much thinking for me here....the main problem with thinking too much is that it ALWAYS means there will be less doing. Always. Funny how that works (but don't bother figuring it out. Smarter people than you and I have done that already. And many of them are probably masturbating right now...)

2- So the Romanian sex-talk person you have been struggling with for some time now, is a therapist?

I wonder if a really good 'relationship-ender' to put you out of your misery could be simply that you are calling up the Romanian Psych board to tell them she has been a willing phone sex partner for years with you (which will destroy her career) if she ever talks to you again. She won't like that.

And it's not nice, I know.

How 'nice' did Hashem want us to play to the Midyanite women?

It would work, no? Have you thought of that before? Have you done it?

Why not?

[Sorry if I got the facts wrong - if so, ignore all I just wrote and accept my apologies for screwing it all up.]

3- And do you think there is not going to be another lust woman you hook up with in a similar way you did with her after she is really, really gone? Say, next year?

Seriously, this is a question. And I would like to know what the ramifications are either way, if you can wrote them out.

Just suggestions for a friend.

- Dov
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: Tryin' 14 Jul 2014 12:28 #235095

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DOV!!!!!!!!



dov.jpg




I take this opportunity to welcome you back to the GYE forum. I - we - really missed you here and in particular I missed your priceless words of "TOUGH LOVE" which I have come to learn to appreciate so much!
May you be zoche to strength and time to continue helping your "troubled brethren" through the gift of wisdom bestowed on you from Hashem.
K O P !!!!!!!
Last Edit: 14 Jul 2014 12:34 by shivisi.

Re: Tryin' 14 Jul 2014 13:47 #235098

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Thanks so much!

1. Yes; thinkin' ain't no good...just gotta do what's right for that moment.
2. nice idea.....
3. I'm not sure where you goin' with this one....another one!? Firstly...no; I don't think so. Secondly, way too much thinkin'.

Thanks again
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 23 Jul 2014 20:02 #235747

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I will not make this long for i hate religion and philosophy on this site.

I don't like usin' the word "yetzer" on this site when referrin' to my desire.

Why?

There was a different thread where the poster felt that the lust issue was not his real self...it was removed from him.

the "yetzer" has that connotation as well; it is not me...it is the yetzer's doin'.

Well...hear ye, hear ye (at least to me)! My lust, desire, selfish, addictive behavior, fantasy craved mind, etc. is all ME! Nobody else; nothin' else!

So Cords/Avrohom...deal with it!

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 23 Jul 2014 22:11 #235763

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Hey Cordnoy,
Did Hashem just add a "ה" to your name?
What's next- are the "G"'s just around the corner? (-:

Re: Tryin' 24 Jul 2014 10:09 #235846

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i love religion and philosophy.
but my religion says not to annoy others, so i also will be short
the yetzer is NOT me. yet i take responsibility for listening to him.
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 24 Jul 2014 13:02 #235858

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cordnoy wrote:


There was a different thread where the poster felt that the lust issue was not his real self...it was removed from him.
the "yetzer" has that connotation as well; it is not me...it is the yetzer's doin'.

Well...hear ye, hear ye (at least to me)! My lust, desire, selfish, addictive behavior, fantasy craved mind, etc. is all ME! Nobody else; nothin' else!




lavi wrote:
the yetzer is NOT me. yet i take responsibility for listening to him.



BTW - Cordnoy prefaced his post with "I will not make this long for i hate religion and philosophy on this site."

In other words -
"נישט אויף שבת גירעדט" BUT...

So I''ll be accommodating to him and take his example, and I'll also say nisht philosophy geredt but -

בא הכתוב השלישי ויכריע ביניהם
I have once seen written in a sefer long ago, [I don't remember which, maybe R' Dessler, or R' Eliyahu Lopian], How can a person know if something he is considering doing is being encouraged by the Yetzer tov or by the Yetzer Horah? [surely there are choices where it's obvious, but sometime there are pros and cons].
The way to recognize it is, if the feeling is "I" think this is what I should do", then it probably is coming from the Yetzer Hora.
If the feeling is, as if an outside force is telling him "This is what "YOU" should do" then it's coming probably from the Yetzer Tov.
He explains this by the fact that Hashem created the Yetzer Harah in the form of the "Nachash Hakadmomi" - The serpent which enticed Adam and Chava to partake of the fruit of the "Eitz Hadaas. The Midrashim explain, that through their consuming the forbidden fruit, The Nachash was הטיל בה זוהמה. The power of the "venom" of the serpent/the yetzer Hara, became an INTERNAL part of the person. That is, as opposed to the power of the Yetzer Tov, which remains an EXTERNAL inclination.

So as to the מחלוקת between רב אברהם קורדנוי & רב לוי, what this tells us is that the YH is BOTH me and not me. It is not me per se', it is a serpent, a power/inclination which tempts us, but which has attached itself - [עץ הדעת - Daas=Chibur/connection] - to function as part of our internal selves, thus it is me.

but הלכה למעשה as far as responsibility is concerned, there's really no difference because, as Lavi stated, I must except full and complete responsibility for whatever pitfalls I fall into as a result of not acting correctly in the face of the challenges.
Last Edit: 24 Jul 2014 13:22 by shivisi.

Re: Tryin' 24 Jul 2014 13:28 #235859

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Addition to previous post:
Through being diligent in following in the way of the Yetzer Tov, We Make The YT also INTERNAL, as we see from the words of the Tefilla of Shabbos, ותן בנו יצר טוב לעבדך ...
We ask Hashem for סיעתא דשמיא in following the YT until it also becomes בנו, an Internal part of us.
Last Edit: 24 Jul 2014 13:34 by shivisi.

Re: Tryin' 24 Jul 2014 20:48 #235906

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i love it.
you see i was going to write what you wrote, but i had rachmonos on cordnoy,so i just pointed out the other way of looking at things.
and my dear shivisi, a bissel derech eretz, this is cordnoy's thread, and it isn't nice to write religion and philosophy, if he doesn't invite you to. only b'kitzer.
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 24 Jul 2014 20:54 #235908

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Everyone is invited to write whatever they want on any of my threads....as long or as short as they want.

Please don't have rachmanus on me, for very often, I do not display rachmanus myself.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 25 Jul 2014 00:13 #235947

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so...!!! because you don't display rachmanus, so we shouldn't also????
but thanks for the invitation.... i hope you won't regret it...anyway it is a pleasure to hear from you!
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 25 Jul 2014 00:18 #235949

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Good point

but....

I am not sayin' to do anythin' wrong; all I am sayin' is you can take the gloves off a bit....if you don't agree with somethin' I say, go for it!!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 28 Jul 2014 01:16 #236140

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and soon enough "mellow" will be my middle name.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 28 Jul 2014 11:10 #236160

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well if you're gonna name yourself corduroy OF COURSE your gonna be mellow
Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up!

No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie

The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards

Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: Tryin' 28 Jul 2014 16:37 #236172

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cordnoy wrote:
Good point

all I am sayin' is you can take the gloves off a bit....if you don't agree with somethin' I say, go for it!!


Reb Avraham,
In order for someone to rightfully and truthfully correct someone else, he must not only not "take off his gloves", but if he's not wearin' gloves, he gotta put on a pair.
Becuz if there's anythin' but soft silky love in that criticism then it is false!
So everybody - put your gloves on and get into the ring and "Go for it"!

Re: Tryin' 29 Jul 2014 02:34 #236249

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Or do as Noad Lahat did.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 29 Jul 2014 13:04 #236279

All,

What advice would you offer to a teenager who wrote this:

Since I'm unable to be as 'distracted' as usual, and I have to look her in the face and speak to her, my mind would wander more than usual. I think one of the main issues is objectification of women, but I don't know how to address that.

Thank you
Last Edit: 29 Jul 2014 13:05 by WhenZaidyWasYoung.

Re: Tryin' 29 Jul 2014 17:52 #236285

Dov or Gibbor once wrote as follows:

The more I think of a women as an object, the more I am really thinking of myself as less of a person and more of an object: A sexual pleasure-being rather than a real human-being.

Re: Tryin' 29 Jul 2014 17:58 #236287

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Found this gem from the Blind Beggar Shlit"a:

I just realized that I objectify all women. The pretty ones are no chiddush, but when I see a fat or old woman and write her off as worthless I am also objectifying her. Fat women and old women are also people, I know some personally and they are real. Lots to learn.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 30 Jul 2014 03:14 #236362

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Skeptical sent me this a while back: "If I notice a girl, I will tell myself something like, "She's a person, just like I am. She deserves the same kind of respect I do. She's not there for me to enjoy. If I don't have to interact with her, I don't need to look at her. Life was just fine before I noticed she was there, I can survive without looking again. I could live just fine without soaking in the view. Hashem decides what pleasures are good for me to get and I need to surrender that entirely into His hands. When I truly believe that Hashem is running my life I won’t feel the need to take anything extra for myself”
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: Tryin' 30 Jul 2014 20:40 #236432

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WhenZaidyWasYoung wrote:
Dov or Gibbor once wrote as follows:

The more I think of a women as an object, the more I am really thinking of myself as less of a person and more of an object: A sexual pleasure-being rather than a real human-being.
It was dov. I really like the quote.

Re: Tryin' 30 Jul 2014 21:03 #236435

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Yep; I like it too; that's why I quoted it.

and I think I saw you write it one place....perhaps it was b'sheim R' Dov.

Thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 31 Jul 2014 17:41 #236513

Yep; I like it too; that's why I quoted it.

and I think I saw you write it one place....perhaps it was b'sheim R' Dov.

Thanks

Re: Tryin' 01 Aug 2014 16:38 #236601

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It is important for me to write that while my key and crucial areas of strugglin' in the past has been tempered and in-check - thru the help of God, the chevra, the professionals, etc., I have not been good with my eyes the last several days...takin' second and third looks...not fourth and no fantasies thankfully.

Just wanted to get that out there and will double my efforts today.

Thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 03 Aug 2014 05:01 #236660

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cordnoy wrote:

Just wanted to get that out there and will double my efforts today.
Thanks

I asume you don't mean just to 'try harder'?

Re: Tryin' 03 Aug 2014 07:27 #236667

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actually that is what I mean.
By tryin' harder, I mean to realize that it is not just a peek that I'm givin' in to, but it is rather the antithesis of livin' life the way I should....somethin' that I referred to as 'death' in the past.
With that in mind - I should prevail.
We will let you know.

Thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 08 Aug 2014 14:40 #237050

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I am findin' that between the first and second looks there is more time in between than before.
It used to be instantaneous; now there is time to think.
I am assumin' that comes with some type of practice and it develops into instinct.
Now, the Kuntz is to think the right thoughts in between.
The two thoughts lately (obvious ones):
1. What da hell am I gonna gain by lookin' again?
2. Life or death?

Most times we can report success. I remember one time vividly answerin' the first question with, "whad'ya mean I'll gain nothin'....I will gain the knowledge of determinin' if she is as good lookin' from the frontal view as from the rear view." aha.....that is a true benefit. What will I then do with that knowledge? Where precisely will that pertinent piece of information be stored?

don't answer that.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 08 Aug 2014 21:16 #237064

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I was going to ask you right when you started writing about the looking thing, but I thought that it was just a passing thing, but now that you bring it up again, I was wondering the following. I find that there are two reasons that I become lax in a certain thing that I had been following religiously. One is become it was a geder, something that should keep me away from something and I felt complacent enough to take the risk. The second is that I didn't have patience for doing it anymore, I want to live "normally" again.

Do you relate to those? or is it something entirely different? or would you rather not think about it?

(I think there are different tools that need to be used for those, for the first, we just need a quick reminder that it's not worth it and life is great without it. For the second I need a more direct surrendering of my "rights" and my expectations of how my life is supposed to look.)
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
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Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: Tryin' 10 Aug 2014 21:38 #237087

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I relate to those, but my me, at least now, it is neither, and that is because I am not into the thinkin' like you know...it is simply because it feels good. If I would think about it, it probably would be a combination of the two ideas you mentioned.

Thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 11 Aug 2014 12:05 #237150

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Pidaini wrote:
I find that there are two reasons that I become lax in a certain thing that I had been following religiously. One is become it was a geder, something that should keep me away from something and I felt complacent enough to take the risk. The second is that I didn't have patience for doing it anymore, I want to live "normally" again.


I'm not sure if this is relevant in the case of Gedarim against lust, but it can be food for thought.
One of my Rosh Yeshivos once told us that if a person makes a Geder for himself, and after a short time dcides that he's not interested in keeping the geder anymore, it's USUALLY because originally when he made the geder he "bit off MORE than he could chew!"
Only Chazal could make Gedarim which were EXACTLY the right strength for the relevant nisayon. When we make our own Gedorim we have to keep trying until we find what works for us, but the key is LITTLE BY LITTLE or you wont be able to keep it and it will defeat the purpose.
Thanks for being with us בקירוב לב מריחוק מקום.
COME BACK SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!

Re: Tryin' 11 Aug 2014 12:59 #237153

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I got the feelin' many times that Chazal's gedarim were somewhat to the extreme in order to 'cover all the bases,' and to ensure that the particular issur or whatever wasn't violated at all - in any circumstance.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: I am Just Curious about......I am not Lustin' 11 Aug 2014 19:05 #237167

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Due to several emails and conversations and threads, i was thinkin' about startin' a new thread for this upcomin' topic, but decided against it.

Consider here a thread titled: I am just Curious about.......I am not Lustin'

This mornin'.... I was curious about.....

....how the woman in her joggin' suit looked in the rain
....how my wife looked as she was gettin' dressed
....how the singer singin' on the radio 'on and on and on and on' appears on youtube
....how the camp counselor walks in her slinky long skirt
....a different singer - if she ever sang in her birthday suit

Now, each of these thoughts lasted less than 3 seconds (Skep...is that ok?), and only one of the five did I actually attempt to actualize.

That lead to my conclusion.....I was only curious....I wasn't lustin'.

:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!


[Ed. note: to be fair to Skep - even though I was jokin'....Skep means (I think) that if one simply notices a woman and his notice lasts less than three seconds - that is simply the way us men are wired, and one should not take stock of that; one should not klap al cheit and go to Arizal's mikvah and do the 40 kachalim - that is ok (certainly for the non-addict, whomever that may be); if he looks more, he is lustin'. Additionally, if one turns to look at a sight he would find pleasure in - even if it is less than three seconds - that also constitutes lustin'.]
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 11 Aug 2014 19:52 by cordnoy.

Re: I am Just Curious about......I am not Lustin' 11 Aug 2014 23:12 #237176

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i am curious if skep really meant that.
maybe one has to make a conscious effort not to notice women even if there is no attempt to actualize.
and the wire is a lust wire, just maybe a very thin wire
i love you all
Last Edit: 11 Aug 2014 23:14 by lavi.

Re: I am Just Curious about......I am not Lustin' 11 Aug 2014 23:16 #237178

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The mechaber leibt shoin....so he can answer for himself.
But after I posted, he looked and approved.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: I am Just Curious about......I am not Lustin' 12 Aug 2014 01:03 #237187

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lavi wrote:
i am curious if skep really meant that.

so you can put that on YOUR curiosity list.

Re: Tryin' 12 Aug 2014 16:24 #237221

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Hey Cordnoy,
I believe that the lusting causes the curiosity.

Re: Tryin' 12 Aug 2014 17:19 #237230

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unanumun wrote:
Hey Cordnoy,
I believe that the lusting causes the curiosity.


I believe they are one and the same.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 12 Aug 2014 19:08 #237248

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There was a lot of positive feedback on the highway signs; the oilam wanted more.

Here is the initial post, and below are the additions.

I would like to encourage you to KOT (keep on truckin'); I'm just not sure which highway you're on.
There are many roads here; most of them lead to the same direction.


route1.jpg

is the Godly way. Hashem is here; Hashem is there; He will protect me from any second stare.


route12.jpg

Then there is the "12 - steppers" and those who like parables dealin' with steak and sushi. Are you an addict? This might be for you? But then again; do you like raw fish; well-done ribs? Perhaps not then.


90.jpg

There are those who say the JDI approach (Just Do It); Get to 90 days and you'll be ok.


lifeordeath.png

This is my personal favorite. Which direction you wanna go?

So bottom line; let us know more and each one of us will tell you what worked for us and what didn't.

First things first though....Get on da damn truck!

b'hatzlachah

additions:

No 'falls,' 'slips,' or 'accidents' on da road!
accidents.jpg


This one doesn't need a caption; we just need the rig up in front.
dms1234.jpg


Who relates to this?
godsway.jpg


ya' think anyone is so haughty about his opinions? not on this site!
myway.jpg


Scare tactic!
heavenhell.jpg


Bottom line; get on da freakin' road!
truckshighway.jpg
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 12 Aug 2014 19:12 by cordnoy.

Re: Tryin' 12 Aug 2014 19:09 #237249

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There was a lot of positive feedback on the highway signs; the oilam wanted more.

Here is the initial post, and below are the additions.

I would like to encourage you to KOT (keep on truckin'); I'm just not sure which highway you're on.
There are many roads here; most of them lead to the same direction.


route1.jpg

is the Godly way. Hashem is here; Hashem is there; He will protect me from any second stare.


route12.jpg

Then there is the "12 - steppers" and those who like parables dealin' with steak and sushi. Are you an addict? This might be for you? But then again; do you like raw fish; well-done ribs? Perhaps not then.


90.jpg

There are those who say the JDI approach (Just Do It); Get to 90 days and you'll be ok.


lifeordeath.png

This is my personal favorite. Which direction you wanna go?

So bottom line; let us know more and each one of us will tell you what worked for us and what didn't.

First things first though....Get on da damn truck!

b'hatzlachah

additions:

No 'falls,' 'slips,' or 'accidents' on da road!
accidents_2014-08-12.jpg


This one doesn't need a caption; we just need the rig up in front.
dms1234_2014-08-12.jpg


Who relates to this?
godsway.jpg


ya' think anyone is so haughty about his opinions? not on this site!
myway.jpg


Scare tactic!
heavenhell.jpg


Bottom line; get on da freakin' road!
truckshighway.jpg
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 13 Aug 2014 03:38 #237294

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awesome.
thanks for the visualization of our journey.
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 13 Aug 2014 22:18 #237358

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This was posted on my Mikvah thread (which is reserved for b"b).

I am in close contact with many singles on this site, and I felt it necessary to post this here as well:

Title
FREE AT LAST (without bein' overconfident)

My wife goin' away
brings back memories
of all that i'd plan
on how I would please

my lustful desires
which knew no limits
what would I start with
and how would I finish?

Several days beforehand
the fantasies would have begun
and nothin' else would matter
no work or learnin' would get done

Mind focused intensely
on fulfillin' (ha...like that's possible) my lust
Slowly buildin' up
for that (slowly) was a must

The porn and the clothin'
plus my object of desire
my blood would be racin'
excitement pulsin' higher

The freedom in the house
the bedroom especially
everythin' would be perfect
the ultimate ecstasy

in my olden days I'd get graphic
every detail I would share
but now that's no longer my focus
so we'll leave the past right there

suffice it to say
that when it was over and it reached closure
a dream come true of lust and sex
and a 'hope' for a 'next time' in the near future

And now I am free again
the wife is away
and im busy at work
there's no time to play

entered my mind
not a thought of fantasy
should I pinch myself
is this sobriety?

In a mode of recovery
there is no room for a stray thought
for there will only be one endin'
death or doom will be brought

So, do I have control?
Am I an addict?
Addicted, I am
I know that I'm sick.

There is just one thin' that I own
and that is the ability
that when that urge invades
I can stay in reality

Acceptance and surrender
Whatever you call it
Is it God or twelve steps
Who gives a @#$%?

I never had time after desire would strike
couldn't hit a button to snooze
Now, there are precious seconds
and it's my life to choose

Do I wanna choose death
where I will be spiralin' outta control
Or will I do the smart thin'
and choose life instead?

Will this freedom always last
so long as this poem does rhyme?
I'll leave that for the thinkers
I'm one day at a time.

thank you all
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 14 Aug 2014 06:53 #237397

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Some of the White Book is just 'mumbo-jumbo' to me; I can't wrap my thick head around it. Some examples (although I still think it should be daily readin' for us):

1. "Most difficult for us to see was that being obsessed with self meant we had become the Source of our own livesour own god."

2. "Even though part of us knew the habit controlled us, it was often the one thing in our lives we thought we were controlling."

3. "Just as the Person-drive is the force driving us to connect with the best in us, others, and God, lust becomes the negative force connecting us with the worst in us and others and with what someone has called our negative god."

I did, however, find a paragraph that even a guy like me can understand:

"You don't have to understand any of this to recover. If it has parted the veil of obscurity and misinformation cloaking our condition for only a brief glimpse inside, it will have served its purpose. It should also help those of us in recovery to understand the radical nature of the change of heart and character that must continue if we are to live sober, joyous, and free."

Happy readin'
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 14 Aug 2014 11:31 #237401

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How about this?

"We began practicing a positive sobriety, taking the actions of love to improve our relations with others. We were learning how to give; and the measure we gave was the measure we got back. We were finding what none of the substitutes had ever supplied. We were making the real Connection.

WE WERE HOME "


The roadsign is attached. (I don't know how to put it into the post itself).

And Avrom, thanks for your posts!
Attachments:
Last Edit: 14 Aug 2014 11:34 by chesky.

Re: Tryin' 14 Aug 2014 20:37 #237439

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that is beautiful.

thank you and you are very welcome.

my pleasure

when I have more time, I will fix the signs; please remind me.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 20 Aug 2014 18:09 #237665

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sweet!!
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: Tryin' 20 Aug 2014 19:56 #237676

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Please have in mind in your tefillos today one of our own:

Esther bas Chayah l'refuah shleimah.

She has just been admitted to the hospital.

tizku l'Mitzvos!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 21 Aug 2014 05:57 #237701

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May Esther bas Chaya be sent a refu'ah sheleimah b'soch sh'ar cholei yisroel!!
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: Tryin' 21 Aug 2014 06:03 #237702

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Amen!
Thank you.

Last I heard she was restin', but somewhat uncomfortably.

I will keep you posted.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 24 Aug 2014 06:32 #237792

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Simple question-there are many couples whether in the case of a zivug sheni that having more children is simply not a possibility or that of a long married couple where the wife has reached menopause- what do you think that there is no desire for physical intimacy among such couples?

Re: Tryin' 24 Aug 2014 09:23 #237801

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I'm not sure if this question was directed to me or others.

I have no idea why.
What happened durin' the first 20/30 years?
Is old age creepin' in?
How is it outside the bedroom?
Do they have a harmonious marriage?

Is this a theoretical question?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 24 Aug 2014 10:44 #237809

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either way, not a reason to be scared,
every age has it's way for fitting in to the system,
there seems to be a lot of happy old couples,
and it is encouraging to see that.
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 24 Aug 2014 18:37 #237826

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I think that if you look at the gedarim , it helps to remember that Chazal and Rishonim viewed Greco-Roman hedonism and a monastic/celibate view of life, and especially marital intimacy , as equally mistaken .

Re: Tryin' 24 Aug 2014 19:14 #237831

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Reb SIB,

I do not know what you're respondin' to, or what you are sayin', but my hunch (puttin' your last two posts together, and skippin' the 'gedarim' comment, for I don't know how that fits) is that you're wonderin' as to how could it be that married Torahdike couples lose interest in intimacy after 30 years, where "unlike Puritans or monks, the Torah views marital intimacy as one of a husband's marital obligations. It is important to realize that the Torah views marital intimacy neither in the same way as Greco-Roman hedonism or puritanial Victorianism, but rather as the culmination of an emotionally healthy relationship." [a quote from one of your posts last year, for nobody should accuse me of knowin' who da hell Victoria or Mrs. Greconia were)? Is that your question? I will not offer an answer if this is not your question, so I will wait for your explanation.

Thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 25 Aug 2014 00:44 #237857

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Cordnoy-I think that a loss of interest in intimacy after 30 years cannot be isolated by itself and reflects some issues outside the bedroom door that lead to a lack of desire for physical intimacy. I think that if you look at how Chazal reacted to the Greco-Roman hedonistic view of sex, and how they viewed marital intimacy as a marital obligation, as opposed to how celibacy is viewed as the height of spirituality and sex is viewed as original sin, Chazal had a very healthy and normal view of marital intimacy which Rishonim wrote manuals on how to enhance marital intimacy.

Re: Tryin' 25 Aug 2014 00:51 #237862

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I am sorry, but I don't understand what youre gettin' at at all.
Are you referrin' to your marriage?
Is there a question here?
is there a disagreement?
Is there an issue?
I am not chappin' the flow.

If you want, please explain.

thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

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Re: Tryin' 25 Aug 2014 19:32 #237897

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cordnoy wrote:
Please have in mind in your tefillos today one of our own:

Esther bas Chayah l'refuah shleimah.

She has just been admitted to the hospital.

tizku l'Mitzvos!


Thank you all for your tefillos.

I was just told that she had a healthy boy B"H!

Mazel Tov!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 28 Aug 2014 20:10 #238188

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Was just on the phone with a dear chaver; he told me two meshalim.

If you place a cucumber in brine for a half hour, it can be washed off and you still have a cucumber.
If, however, you keep it immersed for a week, when you remove the brine, you will then have a pickle .... bye bye cuke!

This is what can happen to someone who immerses himself in p and m for a week, month or years.
[Has to do with addict/non-addict issue.]

Second mashal

The roller coaster is on the way up...guys like me can still get off (with minimal effort). Once it's on the way down, there ain't no stoppin' us. A non-addict, however, can even get off the roller coaster on the way down (don't try it, however!).

b'hatzlachah
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 28 Aug 2014 20:33 #238193

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point taken, thank-you for putting it in perspective.
i think that it may be debatable exactly what defines an addict,
and as well as the point of different levels of addiction,
and the good Lord should help us all.
(umm the last line is kinda like a blessing..and isn't up for debate)
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 29 Aug 2014 06:57 #238258

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I am not gettin' involved in what constitutes an addict or not...that has been hashed over here many a times.

and....Amen! thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 31 Aug 2014 22:49 #238391

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From Dov:
Perhaps it might help some:

To my friends, I want to say that of course masturbating compulsively is a bris issue, too. But my point is that there are a huge number of guys for whom seeing their struggle as what it is not, is the main thing holding them in the problem. I meet guy after guy who keeps using porn and sex with himself and does not get clean because he insists on seeing the entire thing as about kedushas haBris.

There are many sweet chassidishe guys and yeshivishe guys I can connect you with on the phone who will tell you that the big change came for them when they finally realized that their religious problem was actually not mainly a religious one. In other words, that their issue was not really that they are resho'im. Now, they may have indeed been resho'im (and may still be, depending on your definition of that)! But they came to see that this was not the issue, as I will be"H explain.

Now, for many sweet, good yidden, it sounds crazy to say that "being a rosho is not your main problem". It sounds like one is saying goodness doesn't matter, c"v. Not true.

Yes! Their (our) behavior was bad. Very bad sin. But once they realized that it was also crazy and stupid from a totally Derech Eretz perspective, they were able to quit and get into recovery. And in recovery they are. And life is amazingly changed. And they are clean - or at least cleaner than ever.

Until that conclusion, they could not stop sinning, at all, and were mostly getting worse.

And telling them that their recovery 'is really just Teshuvah dressed up in plain clothes' is just as silly as thinking that an addict says he or she is an addict just to kill the guilt that depresses them and makes them sin again. It's missing the point entirely.

Finally, a moshol:

There are many things that are ossur and also dangerous and unhealthy. But when Chaza"l say chamira sakanta me'isura, does that mean that there is no issur? No. There is surely still issur - but their point is that the sakonah is far more relevant than the issur, even though sakonah is a secular issue (and so it is distinct from 'issur').

Same thing here. There is vadai pure evil and hence issur itself in sex and lust addiction - unlike alcoholism. And for the normal Jew there is Teshuvah for the issur. But for the addict, there is is no Teshuvah, for Teshuvah will not work. For the addict there is sakonah. He is sick and will not get well. The illness overrides the issur aspect completely. Sakanta chamirah me'isura.

You may think this a stretch, but I don't: The Ba'al Shem Tov used an emphasis on simcha and kabolah to raise the downtrodden masses of his time. What about telling them to learn a little more Torah? What about "Hafoch boh v'hafoch boh dekula boh"? What about "ki heim chayeynu"? No, that would spell churban. He dealt with the sakonah of the times in his way. And see the rebirth that came from it.

Many addicts in recovery discover that the sakonah must be the only focus - for the addict has crossed into sakonah from issur. His sanity and future are in the balance, unlike the sinner. That is his 1st step.

I think it is a tragedy that some people in recovery tell non-addicts that "you must come to believe you are powerless and addicted". They are not. There is issur and non-addicts need to fight and fight! But addicts are the ones for whom that does not work. Their own stories - not the pontification of others - must tell them this. They (we) are failures, and eventually see that. They alone, need to depend on G-d and cannot. And that is all the 12 steps are for. Letting go and getting a G-d.

The drinker and masturabter both play G-d in their addiction and lifestyle, no matter how religious they may be, though they do not see it.

But a normal person just sins.

This seems like a very fine hair to split, but it is the difference between recovery and more of the same garbage, for so many I meet. And I have been meeting at least one new guy a week now, on the phone - just on GYE. And nearly all tell the very same sad story. I am not making this up.

'Chizzuk' will kill them, their families, and their future - if they are addicts.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 31 Aug 2014 23:42 #238405

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There is a famous (to those that have heard it) SA talk entitled 'crazy not evil'. The title says it all really.

From the BB:

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

The question we all face at some point (maybe at several points) is the very question 'am I an addict?'


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Re: Tryin' 01 Sep 2014 00:34 #238413

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cordnoy wrote:
From Dov:
Perhaps it might help some:

To my friends, I want to say that of course masturbating compulsively is a bris issue, too. But my point is that there are a huge number of guys for whom seeing their struggle as what it is not, is the main thing holding them in the problem. I meet guy after guy who keeps using porn and sex with himself and does not get clean because he insists on seeing the entire thing as about kedushas haBris.

There are many sweet chassidishe guys and yeshivishe guys I can connect you with on the phone who will tell you that the big change came for them when they finally realized that their religious problem was actually not mainly a religious one. In other words, that their issue was not really that they are resho'im. Now, they may have indeed been resho'im (and may still be, depending on your definition of that)! But they came to see that this was not the issue, as I will be"H explain.

Now, for many sweet, good yidden, it sounds crazy to say that "being a rosho is not your main problem". It sounds like one is saying goodness doesn't matter, c"v. Not true.

Yes! Their (our) behavior was bad. Very bad sin. But once they realized that it was also crazy and stupid from a totally Derech Eretz perspective, they were able to quit and get into recovery. And in recovery they are. And life is amazingly changed. And they are clean - or at least cleaner than ever.

Until that conclusion, they could not stop sinning, at all, and were mostly getting worse.

And telling them that their recovery 'is really just Teshuvah dressed up in plain clothes' is just as silly as thinking that an addict says he or she is an addict just to kill the guilt that depresses them and makes them sin again. It's missing the point entirely.

Finally, a moshol:

There are many things that are ossur and also dangerous and unhealthy. But when Chaza"l say chamira sakanta me'isura, does that mean that there is no issur? No. There is surely still issur - but their point is that the sakonah is far more relevant than the issur, even though sakonah is a secular issue (and so it is distinct from 'issur').

Same thing here. There is vadai pure evil and hence issur itself in sex and lust addiction - unlike alcoholism. And for the normal Jew there is Teshuvah for the issur. But for the addict, there is is no Teshuvah, for Teshuvah will not work. For the addict there is sakonah. He is sick and will not get well. The illness overrides the issur aspect completely. Sakanta chamirah me'isura.

You may think this a stretch, but I don't: The Ba'al Shem Tov used an emphasis on simcha and kabolah to raise the downtrodden masses of his time. What about telling them to learn a little more Torah? What about "Hafoch boh v'hafoch boh dekula boh"? What about "ki heim chayeynu"? No, that would spell churban. He dealt with the sakonah of the times in his way. And see the rebirth that came from it.

Many addicts in recovery discover that the sakonah must be the only focus - for the addict has crossed into sakonah from issur. His sanity and future are in the balance, unlike the sinner. That is his 1st step.

I think it is a tragedy that some people in recovery tell non-addicts that "you must come to believe you are powerless and addicted". They are not. There is issur and non-addicts need to fight and fight! But addicts are the ones for whom that does not work. Their own stories - not the pontification of others - must tell them this. They (we) are failures, and eventually see that. They alone, need to depend on G-d and cannot. And that is all the 12 steps are for. Letting go and getting a G-d.

The drinker and masturabter both play G-d in their addiction and lifestyle, no matter how religious they may be, though they do not see it.

But a normal person just sins.

This seems like a very fine hair to split, but it is the difference between recovery and more of the same garbage, for so many I meet. And I have been meeting at least one new guy a week now, on the phone - just on GYE. And nearly all tell the very same sad story. I am not making this up.

'Chizzuk' will kill them, their families, and their future - if they are addicts.


thank you for very articulate and relevant post.
since you are speaking from you own experience and many others who you mention, it is very hard to argue with the facts you are presenting.
so i won't argue.
but allow me to voice a few points.
1) while it is wholely (and holy) understandable that recovery is based on getting away from danger, and the steps to recovery are purely logical, and are approachable from a secular point of view, this can be considered a step in teshuva, since teshuva involves leaving alone sin, recovery can cover this base. now don't get me wrong, the main focus of recovery, can be from a derech eretz point of view, but AT THE SAME TIME COUNT AS A BEGINNING of teshuva. i personally see it for myself that way. but if you say that telling people, that there is a religious aspect in recovery, will disturb their recovery, then so be it, i'm just saying from my experience a different angle.

2) note that the rambam is hilchos dai'os and many other places includes many health related issues even though, they are technically not religious laws, rather to be healthy itself is a requirement, because without health we can't serve Hashem. again, if someone would have told me at the beginning of my recovery, focus totally on logical steps in recovery, just know that even these are considered mitzvos or the beginning of teshuva, it wouldn't bother me.

3) even physical illness and sakana's have been known to be helped through religious means. no, i don't mean JUST religious means, rather as a supplement.

4) it is understandable to tell an addict, to focus on recovery, and not at all on religion, can really help them, because it may cause confusion to grab too much or the pressure is too much. however the reason why at all he should recover is because he eventially he should become a good jew, this i will prove soon. Just obviously one should not tell this to every addict, or one should not focus on this. but the truth must be told, that recovery without teshuva is a body without a neshama.

5) i think you'll agree, that as soon as one can handle more than recovery, it is urgent that he gets back on track spiritially, and i don't mean just the learning and davening and mitzvos, i mean teshuva and the neccessary haskafas to put everything in perspective, but being left for a long time without these, is comparable to a person lying in hospital wired up to all kinds of things, barely moving, is this life? well, technically he's breathing! but compared to what an active healthy person can experience, this poor fellow in hospital is not really living it, again we need to take it slow yadayada, (i'm not making fun), but for me life without my religion is not life. i would think that every addict is allowed sometimes, even for a moment, to hope that his future will not end with just being a recovered addict rather a recovered jew, but then again i can't argue if you tell me that it simply isn't possible.

6) i do really appreciate your post, thank-you for bringing it up.
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 01 Sep 2014 00:48 #238415

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lavi wrote:
4) the reason why at all he should recover is because he eventially he should become a good jew, this i will prove soon.

5) i think you'll agree, that as soon as one can handle more than recovery, it is urgent that he gets back on track spiritially, and i don't mean just the learning and davening and mitzvos, i mean teshuva and the neccessary haskafas to put everything in perspective, but being left for a long time without these, is comparable to a person lying in hospital wired up to all kinds of things, barely moving, is this life? well, technically he's breathing! but compared to what an active healthy person can experience, this poor fellow in hospital is not really living it, again we need to take it slow yadayada, (i'm not making fun), but for me life without my religion is not life. i would think that every addict is allowed sometimes, even for a moment, to hope that his future will not end with just being a recovered addict rather a recovered jew, but then again i can't argue if you tell me that it simply isn't possible.

6) i do really appreciate your post, thank-you for bringing it up.


# 4 I disagree with vehemently: the reason why one should recover is in order for him to live again!

# 5 is an eventuality; nothin' to do with GYE; once he is completely settled.

just my opinion
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 01 Sep 2014 08:31 #238457

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re #4
i don't know if the will to live is always for everyone, the reason for recovery.
definintely those who commit suicide don't think so.
and others may need a reason to live, a furfulling purpose.
look around at all the depressed people.
and a depressed addict has it doublely hard,
if he doesn't feel his life is worthwhile changing, he won't change.
and others simply don't feel that their life is threatened, so as long as they stay that way, they won't change.
i love you all
Last Edit: 01 Sep 2014 08:32 by lavi.

Re: Tryin' 01 Sep 2014 08:37 #238458

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Survey the people on this site.
Many of them, and perhaps most, are sayin' that their life with p and m is unmanageable and they wanna change.
Are some depressed? Yes...but they still wanna move forward.
Someone who wants to commit suicide...if you tell him that he should do teshuvah first...I don't think that would work too well either.
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 01 Sep 2014 08:42 #238459

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i didn't say he should do teshuva first, it wouldn't help anyway. i said he needs a reason to live
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 02 Sep 2014 22:57 #238533

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cordnoy: I recall reading numerous times on this forum that we shouldn't spend too much time trying to figure out if we are real addicts or not. Does the post you quoted from Dov seem to indicate otherwise, or am I misunderstanding something?
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Re: Tryin' 03 Sep 2014 02:48 #238554

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Cordy, you always talk about that you're not doing it for tshuva, to be a better yid, closer to Hashem, etc.

I maintain that deep inside those are your intentions.

It's must be some kind of humility, where you don't want everyone to know how great you are. Or maybe you don't realize, but deep within you, the most important thing to you is to fulfill the ratzon Hashem. And that's what bothered you about life having been unmanageable.

And I will prove it!

Re: Tryin' 03 Sep 2014 03:32 #238557

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For background, here's part of our conversation the other day from DD'S thread:

cordnoy wrote:
there is nothin' ever to apologize to me for.

I will not delve more into the tzadik gamur issue, except to say that I do not consider myself one; nor do I consider myself a baal teshuvah, and this part is actually important to me, for I have not done at all the charatah al ha'avar and I do not think too much about the kabbalah al ha'asid, although that is beginnin' to creep in. Azivas hacheit is there. Viduy also not.

thanks



cordnoy wrote:
Azivas hacheit means one thing and one thing only (and by the way, that's why there are four components and not just one).
I could give an example, but instead I will talk about myself (like others should as well, but that's their business):
I stopped or am stoppin' because my life was/is unmanageable.....that happens to be azivas hacheit.
I do not have charatah on the past, and I have not accepted to not sin in the future; so I am still missin' those two components.

Iy"H, that will fall into place one day.


ineedchizuk wrote:
Holy bruthu Cordy,

'My life was unmanageable' is charata. Charata is regret. Not guilt. When you truly are aware that it's ruining your life, as you constantly (and humbly) remind us, saying 'I couldn't go on like this- I don't want this', that's charata lichatchila!

Committed to being clean TODAY without getting overwhelmed by what the future will bring is true kabala al heusid- it's a solid plan. It also means I'm humble enough not to think the nisayon is gone forever. (The sketchy letting go is the opposite- what many share when they join as part of the vicious cycle: ie. 'I told Hashem I promise I'll never do it again')

Azivas hacheit- that you acknowledge.

So thanks for teaching me how to do tshuva!



cordnoy wrote:
While I appreciate what you wrote, it would seem to me that according to Rabbeinu Yonah, it is not correct (and I can't believe that I am bein' baited into this, or perhaps, I did it to myself): He writes that charatah is understandin' in one's heart that it's rotten and bitter that he left Hashem, and realize that there is punishment and vengeance from Hashem, and that one should say, "What did I do? how could I not have had the fear of God before me? Why did I not accept rebuke on this, and all for a momentary pleasure? what have I done to my pure soul?"

this is all included in charatah....all these things did not/does not enter my mind. Like I wrote before...iy"H it will, but realizin' that my life was unmanageable is not charatah al ha'avar that is an ikar component of teshuvah.

thanks again

Re: Tryin' 03 Sep 2014 03:49 #238558

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Now, you may have deliberately picked Rabbeinu Yona's wording over the Rambam and Ramban, and chose to take him literally that only all of that encompasses charata. Even according to your understanding of the Rabbeinu Yona, you're okay.

I came across this today on Skep's thread:

cordnoy wrote:
So, my answer why I'm stopping, or at least trying again, up until membership here was =od, low, family, lachar 120 etc.

However, now I know that there is only one reason.

The lust for tayvah replaced the lust for Hashem. I. NEED to get that back.

One cannot happen without the other.

To be cont...

Thank you skeptical and others

Re: Tryin' 03 Sep 2014 04:02 #238559

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'ריבונו של עולם גלוי וידוע לפניך שרצוננו לעשות רצונך'
-Even when we don't realize how well meaning we are, Hashem DOES know our true intentions.
Perhaps those words will take on new meaning this coming yamim noraim.

So again ר' קורדי, thanks for teaching me how to truly do tshuva- לכל הדעות!

Re: Tryin' 03 Sep 2014 08:50 #238576

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you forgot the shlita.
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 03 Sep 2014 17:30 #238605

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Bigmoish wrote:
cordnoy: I recall reading numerous times on this forum that we shouldn't spend too much time trying to figure out if we are real addicts or not. Does the post you quoted from Dov seem to indicate otherwise, or am I misunderstanding something?


im not sure.

there might be a difference to spendin' time thinkin' about it, or just figurin' it out.

there are differences between the two.

skep (and several others) are the authority on this one.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 03 Sep 2014 17:41 #238607

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ineedchizuk wrote:
Now, you may have deliberately picked Rabbeinu Yona's wording over the Rambam and Ramban, and chose to take him literally that only all of that encompasses charata. Even according to your understanding of the Rabbeinu Yona, you're okay.

I came across this today on Skep's thread:

cordnoy wrote:
So, my answer why I'm stopping, or at least trying again, up until membership here was =od, low, family, lachar 120 etc.

However, now I know that there is only one reason.

The lust for tayvah replaced the lust for Hashem. I. NEED to get that back.

One cannot happen without the other.

To be cont...

Thank you skeptical and others


That sure was eye-openin'!
I was even sure that it must have been a quote from someone else.
It wasn't.

And several posts later:


cordnoy wrote:
Skeptical

Ultimately every person has to decide what will cause him to improve

It seems you are saying that this sin is compared to anger, greed, ego etc and you need to work on that challenge

That is fine

I view it differently

I viewed it similar to arayos, especially owing to the manners in which I acted out

Since I joined gye, I now view it as a lust which distances ourselves from god, for we need to focus our lust after Him.

Thank you

Once I joined gye


So, there certainly was that feelin' on that day.

I will need to do some thinkin' before commentin'.

thanks so much
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 03 Sep 2014 18:13 #238613

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Thinkin'?
Sounds dangerous to me! :-)

Re: Tryin' 03 Sep 2014 18:18 #238614

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yeah, lotta thinking (or thinkin') going (or goin') on here
time for some thought-free cholent
index_2014-09-03.jpg
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ

Re: Tryin' 03 Sep 2014 20:06 #238634

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ineedchizuk wrote:
Thinkin'?
Sounds dangerous to me! :-)


But what choice do I have now?
simply forget about what I wrote over a year ago, or should I do some real soul searchin'?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 03 Sep 2014 20:15 #238637

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ZemirosShabbos wrote:
yeah, lotta thinking (or thinkin') going (or goin') on here
time for some thought-free cholent
index_2014-09-03.jpg





But what choice do I have now?
simply forget about what I wrote over a year ago, or should I do some real soul searchin'?

either way, have some cholent first. if it won't cloud your mind.
and if it does, so have it afterwards. (is it fleishik, by the way?)
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 03 Sep 2014 22:01 #238685

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If it's not fleishik. It ain't tcholent.

{Rule # 41, See Alice in WOnderland regarding "the oldest rule in the book"}
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: Tryin' 03 Sep 2014 22:17 #238689

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TehillimZugger wrote:
If it's not fleishik. It ain't tcholent.

{Rule # 41, See Alice in WOnderland regarding "the oldest rule in the book"}

i agree, although i think Alice would spell it "fleishig" (with a g, apologies to Cordnoy)
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ

Re: Tryin' 03 Sep 2014 22:22 #238690

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cordnoy wrote:
But what choice do I have now?
simply forget about what I wrote over a year ago, or should I do some real soul searchin'?


Cordy,

On the contrary, hopefully you now appreciate that you're more connected to Hashem than you think. (Not that there's anything wrong with making a cheshbon hanefesh in Elul.)

I think this is where we should take a pause, and be aware that when wonderful people like you and Dov focus on the 'simplicity' of recovery, and that we could (should?) learn from people who have nothing to do with judaism, that doesn't take away from the fact that each one of us have a very heilige neshama, that more than anything else, yearns to do the ratzon Hashem. It is content when it does, and when the opposite, it's (our) life on this world becomes unmanageable!

What you were just reminded of does not change anything. It is a fact. Before you were sold on the (true) ideas that have been helping you recover, ie. 'I'm doing this for my relationship with spouse/ for my sanity just like any Harry', your neshama cried out 'I can't take it anymore. Being distant from my wife means I'm distant from the Shchina,' etc.
The point is that when stressing one truth, it is not at the expense of the other.
'Hitting rock bottom where still on top'.
If not for our heilige neshama, maybe we would have had to sink even lower before being prepared to surrender to Hashem!
Last Edit: 03 Sep 2014 22:37 by ineedchizuk.

Re: Tryin' 04 Sep 2014 06:24 #238764

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Your words are really heartwarmin'.....to such an extent that although my typin' fingers would like to argue, I will not allow them to.

thank you so much

it was a real special and meanin'ful post.

thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 04 Sep 2014 19:34 #238802

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cordnoy
That sure was eye-openin'!
I was even sure that it must have been a quote from someone else.
It wasn't.

So, there certainly was that feelin' on that day.

I will need to do some thinkin' before commentin'.

thanks so much

But what choice do I have now?
simply forget about what I wrote over a year ago, or should I do some real soul searchin'?


We are on a journey called life, riding the train, and as we move along we grow and develop. If you were to dig up really old posts of mine, a lot of them would be very different than what I write today.

If the old feelings you come across are ones you wish you still had today, then do something about it. Otherwise, don't worry.

Re: Tryin' 05 Sep 2014 13:54 #238879

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Two statements that I have looked at several times:

ineedchizuk wrote:
On the contrary, hopefully you now appreciate that you're more connected to Hashem than you think. (Not that there's anything wrong with making a cheshbon hanefesh in Elul.)


And then:

skeptical wrote:
If the old feelings you come across are ones you wish you still had today, then do something about it.


Fellows; keep on writin'.....your words can penetrate.....even to stubborn guys like me.

Thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 05 Sep 2014 18:11 #238902

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And if I keep writing,....maybe it'll even penetrate MY heart!

!!א גוט שבת
Last Edit: 01 Mar 2015 23:57 by ineedchizuk.

Re: Tryin' 07 Sep 2014 06:46 #238965

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Chazal say by yefas toar that the Torah speaks k'neged the yetzer hara.
The question is asked: who are we talkin' about here? it was already announced: mi ha'ish hayarei v'rach leivav, etc.? all the people who had aveiros left; only the tzadikim remained to fight the war....so what kind of yetzer hara would they have?

Reb Yankel Galinski zt"l answers that people mistakenly think that the tzadik's yetzer hara is smaller than that of the rasha. Wrong!!! It is just as strong (and perhaps stronger, accordin' to certain maimarei chazal). The difference is that the tzadik knows how to implement gedarim - fences, in order to protect himself from the constant battle. But, however, when the yetzer hara hits you square in the face (like durin' a war), the tzadik and rasha both have the same struggle.

Several lessons:

1. Make fences.
2. Don't get down if the y"h attacks.
3. Swat him away....just for the moment, for the moment before you is all that counts.

:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 07 Sep 2014 06:47 by cordnoy.

Re: Tryin' 08 Sep 2014 07:14 #239042

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I heard thru the grapevine that the Heliger Bardichever Shlit"a was spotted last week.
I was not zoche to see him or to hear his divrei Torah and mussar and insights, but I could have the zechus of readin' 'em.
The Rebbe had a minhag to post a remez for each week of Elul.

Here is his first from 2009

OK THE SUSPENSE IS VERY EXCITING

I HOPE I WILL NOT LET YOU ALL DOWN AND I PLAN ON BE"H BREAKING THIS DOWN IN 4 PARTS

(I USUALLY POST IN THE E"N ON WEDNESDAY)

TESHUVA '09 PART 1

THE MONTH OF ELUL IS THE MONTH OF TESHUVA

I WILL ATTEMPT BE"H TO EXPLAIN EACH WEEK ONE OF THE REMAZIM FOR CODESH ELUL

I WILL START WITH THE SECOND REMEZ (THE FIRST IS ANI LEDODI VDODI LI next weeK BE"H)

IN MIZMOR LESODAH (NOT YOU 7UP) WE SAY "DE-OOH KI HASHEM HU ELOKIM V'LO ANACHNU

THE WORD V'LO HAS A KRI AND A KSIV

KRI IS HOW IT IS READ AND KSIV IS HOW IT IS WRITTEN

THE KRI IS V'LO AND TO HASHEM

THE KSIV IS V'LO AND NO -WE ARE NOT

MY DEARST FRIENDS

THIS IS THE SECRET OF TESHUVAH

I DO NOT CARE HOW OLD YOU ARE AND IF YOU ARE HEARING THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME IT WAS WORTH IT!!

TESHUVA (IN ELUL)

(I DONT HAVE HEBREW FONTS IF ONE OF THE MODERATORS CAN EDIT I WILL APPRECIATE)

LO ANCHNU LO ANCHNU IS "LAMED ALEF" =NO "LAMED VAV"=TO HIM = ELUL ALEF LAMED VAV LAMED


OK MR.B CUTE REMEZ WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ME?MY LIFE? MY ADDICTION? SUHSHI? SOUP?

THE TERETZ DEAR FREINDS IS

TESHUVAH IS THESE TWO THINGS

#1 LO ANACHNU= THIS IS NOT THE REAL ME I DIDNT DO ALL THOSE SINS THE REAL REAL REAL REAL ME

IS NOT THE ONE WHO DID ALL THAT

VLO ANACHNU THIS IS NOT WHAT I "WANT" TO BE

#2 VLO ANACHNU =I BELONG TO HASHEM I AM IN LOVE WITH HASHEM CHAVUKA UDVUKAH BACH

EVERYTHING I DO REALLY "WANTS" YOUR CLOSENESS YOUR EMBRACE

I WILL LIVE MY MY LIFE WITH THIS "VISION" VLO ANACHNU I AM TO HASHEM!!!

NOW ONCE YOU INCORPORATE THESE VLO's

AT THIS POINT DO WHAT IT TAKES TO BRING YOU TO THAT CLOSENESS

IF IT IS A GUTWRENCHING MUSSARSHMMOOOZE OR A CUTE POST ON GUE
ASS THEY SAY IN NY DON'T MATTER (PRONOUNCED MADDIH)

SCREAM ON TOP OF YOUR LUNGS VLO THIS IS NOT THE REAL REAL ME

THEN EMBRACE THE CLOSENESS OF HASHEM!!!!

HUMBLE AND HAPPY
bardichev

I AM TO HIM!!!

[There once was a discussion here recently regardin' if the 'real me' is doin' this stuff; well, here you have the Bardichiver's opinion.]
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 08 Sep 2014 09:23 #239055

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מראה מקום: שפת אמת בשם החידושי הרי"ם זי"ע

Re: Tryin' 08 Sep 2014 14:14 #239058

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dd wrote:
מראה מקום: שפת אמת בשם החידושי הרי"ם זי"ע


Where, and for what?

thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 08 Sep 2014 14:39 #239059

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cordnoy wrote:
dd wrote:
מראה מקום: שפת אמת בשם החידושי הרי"ם זי"ע


Where, and for what?

thanks


the vort you posted about ellul is found many times in שפת אמת in the name of his grandfather the חידושי הרי"ם especially in his torah on ellul also in a letter about chodesh ellul found in the שפת אמת ליקוטים

Re: Tryin' 08 Sep 2014 21:23 #239096

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Speakin' about Elul, here is another old post from Uri, who is also a legend on this site: He describes his feelin's about Elul, and interestingly, many of the fellow posters on the thread agree with him and understand him totally, just like I do.

Here it is:

jerusalemsexaddict wrote:
Ok,I know people will probably yell at me for this post of mine,but what can you do?
I do not like elul.That's a serious understatement,but any word stronger would bother people so ill leave it at that.
I do not like selichos.
I do not like yom kippur.

The feelings of shame and regret and lowliness that I feel all year round are now magnified,multiplied,and seriously intensified.I don't want to look into myself.If I ever do,its always in my own unique way (alone,quiet,relaxed,with a gutiar,etc...).I really do not enjoy getting up every morning an hour earlier and saying along with the rest of my yeshiva "I have sinned,i have betrayed,i have stolen,i have wasted seed,i have looked at porn,i have looked at women,i have coveted my neighbors wife"
Even worse,i look around and everyone seems to be so into it,like theyve been waiting all year for this.
I just stand there,spaced out cause i cant bear spacing in,tapping my chest with my fist,wondering if i could sneak away for the next half hour.
I know what you all will say.
Uri,elul is not about feeling guilty.Its about getting closer to Hashem.Its an opportunity.You just go to too much of a litvish yeshiva.
Closer shmoser.
I know self introspection when i see it.I do not like it,unless it is on my very specific,unique terms.
I dread this time of year,and whatever you say,I think its for good reason.
Maybe thats even why ive been so down the past bit.Already people are begining to talk about elul and tshuva and other fun stuff.
Not for me.
-Uri


And then Efshar Lataken (yes...also a legend) responded with this: Efshar Letaken wrote:
Uri,

Watch this begining to end.

Very Funny & Entertaining. Highly recommend this shiur & all shiurim from Rabbi Dovid Orlovsky for everyone.

Will explain why you feel this way about Elul & what to do to change your attitude.

www.torahanytime.com/scripts/media.php?file=media/Rabbi/David_Orlofsky/2008-09-21/Slichos_Night/Rabbi__Dovid_Orlofsky__Slichos_Night__2008-09-21.wmv

Let me know what you think about it.

E.L.


My problem: I can't locate that shiur any more.
Can anyone help?

thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 08 Sep 2014 22:14 #239098

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Don't know if this is the same video, but it may have the same content.

Re: Tryin' 09 Sep 2014 03:01 #239139

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So, in my continued perusal for pearls of wisdom said by the legends of yesteryear, I first found somethin' from Mr. JDA211 (a non-legend, but a big leaguer just the same) who explained the concept of confusin' the Satan with the shofar durin Elul. He wrote: On of the famous ideas that is brought down about the shofar of elul is that it is l'arbev es hasatan. while there are a lot of questions, and answers on what this means, i thought of something yesterday which is similar to some of the opinions out there, but really relates to this struggle. the idea of the shofar, as the Rambam and many others point out, is to awaken ourselves to do teshuva. we hear it every day of elul, and we realize we must battle and improve everyday, all month. THIS IS WHAT STARTLES THE SATAN! he can deal with us saying one time, i wanna stop, or even a couple times, but to constantly wake up and say today i'm going to fight, and improve and do teshuva, then he has nothing! ein davar omed bifnay harazon, and what i see on my time on this site, is going to confuse and baffle the yetzer like crazy! he can't deal with committed teshuva, day in day out!
If that made sense, it was probably from other places, if not, sorry for the time waster.

Now, I can't say that I fully understand that or agree with that, but it's thought provokin' just the same. But then I found a masterpiece from taka a Legend (although he was never voted into the Hall of Fame), R' Kutan said as follows: Every year, the YH gets frightened from the Shofar, and thinks mashiach has come, and therefore does not do a good job being mekatrig on k'y, c'v.
But why doesn't he finally get it? Why doesn't he remember that last year and the year before and the year before etc it ended up being a 'false alarm'.
He is rather clever, we will all admit, so why is he so 'naive' on this point?

Answers R' Zelig, the YH has one weakness. He is a complete fake. He has nothing to offer. True, he knows how to 'pitz' things up and make them attractive, but they are nothing more than a mirage, and he knows it, better than anyone else.

So, to the degree that he is clever, he is at the same time insecure. Extremely insecure. Because he knows its all a ponzi scheme, and the game is going to end...

So, each RH, he hears the shofar and chaps a tzitter, Oy, the time has finally come, they are going to expose me as the Universes ultimate fraud.
We, sitting here and convinced (after GYE, less so, B"H) that the mirage is real, think what his problem, why doesn't he get it.
But the YH, who sees only how fake and un-real he is, sees only the ultimate end. Makes no difference that the past 3000 odd Rosh Hashana's were a false alarm. He knows that ultimately the end must come, so each RH he chaps a NEW tzitter... Oy, maybe this year is my end!

And may it takeh be so!

That is real good stuff!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 09 Sep 2014 06:29 #239149

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I came across the following D'var Torah earlier this year, and I liked it so much, I was going to post it closer to Rosh Hashana on my thread, but I'll post it now here.

Rolling Rabbi
I fondly remember a powerful thought from my great Rebbe, zt”l, in advance of Rosh Hashanah.

As we know, Hashem sits in judgment on the awesome day of Yom Hadin (the day of judgment). The fate of every human being for the coming year hangs in the balance. Prosecuting angels face-off against defending angels, and Hashem weighs every single action of each person. A most terrifying image.

Suddenly, as the prosecuting angel gets up to present his case – he stops short, paralyzed in fear. He hears the shrill sounds of the shofar on earth, and in a state of confusion he panics, rendered powerless to perform his job. He assumes that the shofar blow that he hears is the shofar blast announcing the coming of Mashiach – which triggers an end to his existence (Talmud R”H 26a).

The thundering question is: we blow the shofar every single year. And every single year this trick works to stymie the prosecuting angel. Assuming the prosecuting angel is incredibly adept at his job, how could he be so gullible year after year?

The simple but astounding answer is: true – the prosecuting angel is more wise then we could ever imagine. He could never be tricked twice, let alone thousands and millions of times. It is we who are jaded, lulled into a false security, believing that our redemption is unrealistic or far away at best. After all, if the repentance of our pious ancestors was insufficient to bring about the redemption, how ever could we contemplate doing such a thing?

The Chafetz Chaim addressed himself to this quandary. He taught that all the pain and suffering of our people throughout the ages, every drop of blood, sweat and tears, are cumulative. Each one is counted and weighed by Hashem. Therefore, it is specifically we who can tap into that enormous collective power, by telling Hashem that although our own merits may fall short to actualize the redemption, consider our meager efforts in combination with our entire history’s phenomenal efforts, for we are indeed one people – and finally bring an end to our exile!

Yes, indeed – the prosecuting angel has the proper perspective. He does understand just how close Mashiach is. So he gets flustered every single year when he hears the shofar blowing, understandably anxious that it spells his doom. It’s only because we lack the keen insight of an angel, we could never internalize on an emotional level just how imminent our redemption truly is.

That being the case, can you imagine the power of a little bit of extra effort on our part? It could actually tip the scales in our favour, and answer our prayers and hopes of final redemption in our days.
Last Edit: 09 Sep 2014 06:30 by skeptical.

Re: Tryin' 09 Sep 2014 08:58 #239155

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After all, if the repentance of our pious ancestors was insufficient to bring about the redemption, how ever could we contemplate doing such a thing?

The Chafetz Chaim addressed himself to this quandary. He taught that all the pain and suffering of our people throughout the ages, every drop of blood, sweat and tears, are cumulative. Each one is counted and weighed by Hashem. Therefore, it is specifically we who can tap into that enormous collective power, by telling Hashem that although our own merits may fall short to actualize the redemption, consider our meager efforts in combination with our entire history’s phenomenal efforts, for we are indeed one people – and finally bring an end to our exile!


thanks for the nice posts friends,
i quoted the above because i wanted to mention here another answer to the question asked, i merited to hear this answer from Harav Shimshon Pincus Zatzal personally.

what is very special in our generation is our options for gashmiyos, never was there a generation that has such an abundance with food, clothes, rights, and especially technology, the poor person today enjoys things that kings of yesteryear, only dreamed of think of air condition, instant communication (indoor plumbing-my personal favorite) running clean water-unlimited, etc..
now it is very easy to be pulled and sunken into this world of gashmiyus, like a lot of people here can testify, more than any other generation, and to boot we are much weaker than the previous generations, so if, despite our tremendous challenges can choose right over wrong, (despite the tremendous pressure) that maybe a clincher to end all our troubles. it may be, that one of famous giants of previous generations, if he where to be put in our times, he may of not been able to reach his high level. maybe just us, with all our newfound complications and dizzy high speed lives, can be the ones to end it
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 09 Sep 2014 16:48 #239168

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korop cordnoy
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: Tryin' 09 Sep 2014 16:56 #239169

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TehillimZugger wrote:
korop cordnoy


Keep
On
Repostin'
Old
Posts

I like 'em
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 09 Sep 2014 18:30 #239173

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korop is also Hungarian for spicy tuna tempura
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ

Re: Tryin' 09 Sep 2014 19:49 #239181

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as long as it ain't Romanian, i'm fine.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 10 Sep 2014 18:44 #239298

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allergic to romania?
cooked or raw?
when going forward gets tough, its merely a sign that you are going uphill, just give more gas
put your sobriety first; before your wife, before your kids, before your avodas HaTorah (except for the 3 that are יעבור ואל יהרג) Without sobriety you won't have any of those things!
Last Edit: 10 Sep 2014 18:45 by Shmeichel.

Re: Tryin' 10 Sep 2014 18:49 #239299

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Shmeichel wrote:
allergic to romania?
cooked or raw?


mmm....to answer that question, I'd have to give in to my lust behavior.

I will need to leave it hangin' in the meantime.

you can always read this thread or my others to catch up on what you missed.

I will conclude by sayin' that I wish I was allergic to Romania or better said, Romanian women, but I am not a big fan of wishin'.

thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 10 Sep 2014 20:16 #239318

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Dude I don't see how all this Romanian talk can possibly be beneficial to you. You don't hear me talking about Chicago girls all day just because I once had a Chicago GF... Why obsess over Romania. It's ridiculous.
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: Tryin' 10 Sep 2014 20:34 #239322

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TehillimZugger wrote:
Dude I don't see how all this Romanian talk can possibly be beneficial to you. You don't hear me talking about Chicago girls all day just because I once had a Chicago GF... Why obsess over Romania. It's ridiculous.


good point; thanks; much appreciated
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 10 Sep 2014 21:49 #239327

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I guess you could cross off the country on "Cordnoy's Places to Visit" list
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: Tryin' 10 Sep 2014 22:10 #239330

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What's wrong with the country?

...Oh you mean THAT country
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Tryin' 11 Sep 2014 04:14 #239361

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Gevura, when I hear you mention the country it makes me think of birdies...
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: Tryin' 11 Sep 2014 04:20 #239363

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Then I guess you should cross off the country on "TZ's Places to Visit" list.
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Tryin' 12 Sep 2014 17:32 #239443

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doin' well
feelin' of slight sadness/loneliness developin' though
sit by a Simcha and look around the table...my real friends (that means you guys) aren't there with me.
Wife doesn't know...can't really talk to her about it.

nu nu...don't think so much

two years ago, was it any better?
livin' the other life
I don't know
don't really remember my feelin's then; perhaps there weren't any, I was so preoccupied.

Thanks for listenin'
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 12 Sep 2014 18:05 #239444

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Thanks for sharing.

Can very much relate.

גוט שבת

Re: Tryin' 12 Sep 2014 19:24 #239450

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dearest cordony
i have exactly this dellema with myself
is it good or important to tell my wife, now after 2 years of being o.k.
on one side she might say:
now i know that all that we suffered with... was all because of you
you are disgusting
i knew that i shouldn't of married you, i always felt something is wrong
i (she) am a failure, by not giving you enough satisfaction
or on the other hand she might say:
really? how did you stop? you are a real tzaddik(not real though)
you decided to only love me, wow, now i really love you
now that you came over that, you are really strong (lets hope)

so שב ואל תעשה עדיף is always a winner
when going forward gets tough, its merely a sign that you are going uphill, just give more gas
put your sobriety first; before your wife, before your kids, before your avodas HaTorah (except for the 3 that are יעבור ואל יהרג) Without sobriety you won't have any of those things!

Re: Tryin' 12 Sep 2014 21:26 #239462

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thanks so much to all of you.

the dilemma of tellin' wife is a back n' forth one.

this time it came about in a different manner than usual.

it wasn't as a marriage bond thing, but just for my sake; for my loneliness. Dov has said several times that many things we lust addicts do are really for ourselves. We would tell our wives, for they are the safest, for they won't disclose to others.

oh well

think about all the good stuff
and there is plenty...even without too much thinkin'

ill conclude with this:
I hardly ever say good shabbos on this site (check it out; you probably won't find too many); you know why? cuz it's like sayin' i'm done with you fellows for the day, and you know something....I'm not!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 13 Sep 2014 23:19 #239485

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Thank you cordnoy for sharing!

I have the feeling of not being able to share my feelings with anyone quite oft. The truth is, by me (and I don't mean anything here, just purely to share), that I could probably tell someone like my wife or some family member, it's just below my dignity to do so, they might look at me a little funny, not with the complete tolerance and acceptance of my GYE friends.

There I go again, ME.......
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: Tryin' 14 Sep 2014 19:27 #239527

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The fellows here tryin' to change the loneliness thing.

What a great group!

Thanks.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 14 Sep 2014 20:42 #239531

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cordnoy wrote:


What a great group!



I agree.

Re: Tryin' 15 Sep 2014 06:20 #239566

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Cordy, you said good shabbos because this week was a special one here on the beach...
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: Tryin' 15 Sep 2014 08:26 #239571

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Pidaini wrote:
Thank you cordnoy for sharing!

I have the feeling of not being able to share my feelings with anyone quite oft. The truth is, by me (and I don't mean anything here, just purely to share), that I could probably tell someone like my wife or some family member, it's just below my dignity to do so, they might look at me a little funny, not with the complete tolerance and acceptance of my GYE friends.

There I go again, ME.......



Yeah man, same here. i have not spoken to a soul about my struggle. People just won't take it the right way, and even if maybe they do, i don't trust 'em.

gye- Grants Your Emotions, a healthy release.
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 15 Sep 2014 17:42 #239588

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Football is a game played by men
Gotta run, hit da ground and get up again
Preparation durin' the week is a definite must
and so it is with recovery from lust.

Gotta shvitz, gotta train, muscles to build
Otherwise, you gonna get killed
Guys on the other side can be pretty tough
Scrownin' and growlin' their looks pretty gruff

If you ain't prepared and you're just skin and bone
Da coach (memories) will bench you - you'll be sittin' alone
you go on that field with a sly silly smile
Cornerback will kick you - for at least half a mile

And so it is when we wake up each morn
And that desire hits - I wanna watch porn
Are you prepared? Did you work on the steps?
Or were you preoccupied with women and sex?

The ultimate goal is to score a touchdown
But a cheerleader, a mascot or a silly clown
Won't get you those points if youre in the band
Playin' the game with the ball in your hand

Yippee I, yippee o; Go team go!
Silly jumpin' jacks - performin' a show
Makes you feel good - bit it takes no courage
Unless you join the big boys on the line of scrimmage.

It may be a sport, but it ain't for no patsies
No style points awarded - unlike the Grammies
All men are welcome to don the uniform and helmet
Work hard and get ready - you won't get the hatchet.

While the ultimate prize is one hundred yards
It's a large playin' field - must always be on guard
Can't do it all at once with a heave and a bomb
Do it methodically - must remain calm

Several yards at a time - over and over
Focused and vigilant - cant afford a turnover
Accumulate first downs - your opponent gets weary
Every ounce of confidence - it begins to get scary

Again and again - you knock him to the grass dirt
he's left starin' at the sky - flat on his bloodied & hurt
Not sure on the nimshal, but one thing's certainly known
To score points - you gotta get outta your comfort zone.

If you keep at what's easy - it'll be good for a while
But eventually you'll return to your old lifestyle
Try somethin' new - that you won't necessarily like
for otherwise, you will have that same old psych

Lust that's inside of us - it wants the big fix
"Connect with me; make me whole" - we were true addicts
Reality driven inward - the connection was magic
the remorse and emptiness - the cycle was tragic

End on a high note - the super bowl shuffle
One can get there - if his feathers he does ruffle
And yet, the focus gotta remain on the play that's ahead
and that decision is really a "life or death"

b'hatzlachah

:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 15 Sep 2014 17:51 by cordnoy.

Re: Tryin' 15 Sep 2014 18:03 #239590

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Gevaldigggggggg!!!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Tryin' 15 Sep 2014 18:30 #239591

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too many "g"s in gevalidi'!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 15 Sep 2014 18:37 #239592

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You can have the extras
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Tryin' 16 Sep 2014 04:23 #239651

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Someone was tellin' me tonite that the yesod behind all of the tools....whitebook, reachin' out, SA, 12 steps is to obtain a higher degree of willpower greater than the will of actin' out. I'm not sure by all of them, but this is not the way I would summarize them. The steps, I believe, is precisely the opposite, or close to it. The surrender of my will and of my bein' to a Higher Power. This fellow is doin' very well with his beliefs, but I just didn't see it that way. He also went on that obtainin' this strong willpower is by connectin' to God.

b'hatzlachah
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

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Re: Tryin' 16 Sep 2014 08:47 #239664

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cordnoy wrote:
Someone was tellin' me tonite that the yesod behind all of the tools....whitebook, reachin' out, SA, 12 steps is to obtain a higher degree of willpower greater than the will of actin' out. I'm not sure by all of them, but this is not the way I would summarize them. The steps, I believe, is precisely the opposite, or close to it. The surrender of my will and of my bein' to a Higher Power. This fellow is doin' very well with his beliefs, but I just didn't see it that way. He also went on that obtainin' this strong willpower is by connectin' to God.

b'hatzlachah


am with you.
i consider myself a strong-willed person ( some call it stubborn!!!)
but after using all my willpower, i couldn't shake it off.
what's more, the actual realization of how powerless i trully am when i get hit, shows me the strength gotta come from somewhere else [latching onto power that isn't my own].
i seriously doubt if that fellow was addicted. maybe he was struggling with lust in a non addictive way.
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 16 Sep 2014 15:40 #239679

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Gevura Shebyesod wrote:
Gevaldigggggggg!!!


After reading those lines
of pure ingenious rhymes
my heart is brimming full
by knowing what is the goal

the talent included
not at all convoluted
the message is clear
for everyone to hear

Thank you so much
for giving such a special touch
to my experience on GYEee
and to the meaning of my journey
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: Tryin' 16 Sep 2014 16:29 #239683

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i guess poetry is in
as a way to beat sin
so please understand
i'm "tryin" my hand

gotta keep away, a MUST
from that slimy biting LUST
reminds me of a snake
my soul he wanna take

i run away, yes siree
despite my famous karate
no fight is left in me
i head straight for G.Y.E

there i got my good friends
we tie up the loose ends
posting day and night
learning wrong from right

Thank Hashem for this place
it really saves my face
and thank all you readers
the newies and the leaders

have to run, gotta go
life is like a yo-yo
beg you all, pray 4 me
i love you all, lavi
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 16 Sep 2014 17:48 #239689

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I don't have much time
To respond to you in rhyme
So just a Haiku

Thank you one and all
Keeping us away from falls
And for Chizuk too

May you all be blessed
A new year full of the best
this whole holy crew
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Tryin' 16 Sep 2014 19:54 #239706

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Roses are red
Violets are blue
I stink at poetry
Unlike the rest of you.

Re: Tryin' 16 Sep 2014 20:41 #239715

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i can just pick a boo
and shmeichel back to you
although i came from the zoo
but now with friends like you
who helped me all the way through
all i can say is thank you
when going forward gets tough, its merely a sign that you are going uphill, just give more gas
put your sobriety first; before your wife, before your kids, before your avodas HaTorah (except for the 3 that are יעבור ואל יהרג) Without sobriety you won't have any of those things!

Re: Tryin' 16 Sep 2014 21:49 #239729

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The peer pressure is there
to make up a rhyme.
though for me it is quite rare
to put in the time.

but how can i be quiet
and stand on the side?
i guess i must try it
and not just go hide.

Guard Your Eyes has for me
opened up a new world
i have grown like a tree
since i joined the fold

there are so many as I
that have gone to the slums
but now we don't ask why
we just deal with what comes.

we look forward to the day
in the near future, we pray

that we can honestly trust
that we have won over lust

So i want to wish all my new pals
before i shall tear
to be finished with gals
and have a healthy new year.

Re: Tryin' 19 Sep 2014 17:23 #239936

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Lately, the topic has been about composin' a rhyme
but I'd like to switch to the 12 steps - one day at a time

ok....forget that (the rhymin' that is)

A new book is bein' published, and we have gotten hold of the rough draft of it.
from Rabbi tannenbaum.

firstly, he discusses the necessity and the purpose behind the 12 steps.
That is crucial stuff!

but then, he gets into the main topic: Are the steps against the Torah? Are they sourced in other religions? Are we veerin' from our tradition?

Here is the openin' question:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- that our lives had become unmanageable.
In this step, the Jew is asked to admit that he cannot stop his addiction on his own, and that his life has now become unmanageable as a result.
Certainly, admitting to one’s self a fault or shortcoming does not need a source. The idea of admitting that his shortcoming has caused his life to become chaotic also does not need a source.
The question that people ask on this step lies in the word “powerless”. This word seems to imply that the alcoholic or addicted Jew does not have free will to stop their maladaptive behavior-here, the Jewish AA critics scream “but this cannot be because Hashem gives every Jew free will, and the Ramban teaches that God does not give any Jew a test that he cannot pass!? Surely, then, Jewish addicted people can stop drinking or drugging at any time, and step one of AA is against the Torah?!”
By adding an exclamation mark and question mark at the end of the previous sentence, I attempted to convey to you the excitement and bewilderment that the AA critics usually show on their facial expressions when asking this question.
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 19 Sep 2014 17:24 by cordnoy.

Re: Tryin' to Rhymin' (thanks Gevurah) 20 Sep 2014 00:15 #239970

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SOOOOOOO......whats the answer?
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: Tryin' 20 Sep 2014 00:17 #239971

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DMS123456789098765432123456789 has requested not once, not twice, but 1234567890 times that I should provide the answer before Shabbos, for otherwise, he is throwin' his free will into the chollent, so to avoid that.....here goes:



The truth is that there’s nothing to get excited about, and as we shall soon see, R’ Shlomo Volbe says that this question is founded on what he calls “a complete mistake”.
Here are the words of the Mashgiach, R’ Shlomo Volbe, who qualifies for us what free will is, and what it is not:
Source-See R’ Volbe in Alei Shor, volume one, p. 156
“It is clear from this that free will isn’t something that is on the daily schedule of a Jew. Rather, free will is a trait that needs to be learned and acquired….and it takes a lot of work to be able to have “free will”….
We are able to acquire this trait with hard work, and that is why we are held responsible to learn it. According to this concept, we have arrived at a major idea in how to relate to ourselves and to other Jews-we should relate to ourselves and to other Jews as if they have no free will, and that their behavior is governed by his natural temperance, education, habits, and interests….
The great Rishonim indeed teach us that the idea of “free will” is the cornerstone for the whole Torah, and no one argues on this. However, a mistake leaked out amongst the simple Jews of our nation that “free will” means that any Jew has the power to choose good or bad, yes or no, in any situation that ever occurs-and this is a complete mistake.”
According to R’ Volbe above, who bases himself on Rabbeinu Yonah and R’ Yisrael Salanter, Jews do not have “free choice” automatically.
“Free choice” is something that needs to be learned, and maintained throughout one’s life by learning mussar, prayer, and working on one’s self. Therefore, any Jew who has not yet learned “free will” simply doesn’t have “free will”. This doesn’t mean he can shoot and steal and do whatever he wants-because as R’ Volbe also mentioned, every Jew is responsible for learning how to choose freely.
It comes out that according to R’ Volbe, an alcoholic Jew may not have free will to stop drinking, and at the very same he is obligated to do whatever he can to find and learn “free will” so that he can eventually stop. Interestingly, this is exactly the intention that AA authors had in step one. Celebrated AA advocates say “You may be powerless over your addiction but you are responsible for your recovery” (Source-see Carnes, “A Gentle Path through the 12 Steps”, p.7). This is also taught by R’ Avigdor Miller, who explains that it is possible for a Jew to lose free will in one area while still having free will in another area. In our case R’ Miller would say it is possible to lose free will over drinking, but still have free will to join AA or seek other forms of help (Source-see Lev Avigdor, Sha’ar Habechira, siman 4, paragraph 43).
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 20 Sep 2014 00:26 #239972

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Scary stuff!
This was news to me.
I will try to look up sources over Shabbos.
Sheez!!!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 20 Sep 2014 01:27 #239975

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Hey i know I said I crave attention but....

And I didn't start the rhyming thing anyway...
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Tryin' 21 Sep 2014 02:57 #239988

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thanks for posting all the above.
it is a toeles for me, and, i think a lot of others.
i love you all

Re: Tryin' 21 Sep 2014 03:24 #239989

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Cordnoy i have a question on this matter,

Why is powerless against the idea of bechirah b'chlal?

The whole idea of powerless doesn't mean its not possible to over come. It means i'm powerless of doing it on my own. I myself can't overcome the addiction. But with help from hashem and the other steps i could. This is something we see in chazal too. אלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו אינו יכול לו. Many times in chazal and in the seforim hakdoshim we see the idea that a person can do nothing on his own even good or bad.

In the deeper seforim like R' Tzodak Z"l sfas emes etc we see that even the good we do we aren't really doing.

Maybe i'm missing something if you could please explain.

Thanks Avraham!!!!
Last Edit: 21 Sep 2014 03:25 by dd.

Re: Tryin' 21 Sep 2014 06:30 #239999

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Well, I wasn't gonna go out of order, but once DD asked his question and mentioned this Gemora, I will skip to a later portion where R"T quotes R"T:

We cannot complete this discussion without bringing Rabbi Twerski’s favorite Gemara on the topic. Rabbi Twerski is fond of quoting the Gemara (source-see Kiddushin 30b) which says “the evil inclination of man becomes stronger than him each day and tries to kill him…and if God did not intervene and help out, there would be no way for the man to overcome it [the evil inclination]”. The Maharsha and Iyun Yakov explain that this Gemara is actually referring to a righteous person who truly wants to do the right thing, and nonetheless, the evil inclination is so powerful that it is actually impossible to overcome him without Hashem’s aid (source-see Maharsha and Iyun Yakov in Kidushin 30b). So what is this Gemara teaching us? That even people who have free will and truly want to choose good are powerless! Understand the chidush of this Gemara because it is a great chidush! Is there any better source for “powerlessness” than this?! I suppose that is why Rabbi Twerski is so fond of it.
This powerlessness over the evil inclination is certainly true of the wicked people who have no strong desire to overcome their evil inclination. This is supported by several other chazals, vian kan makom liha’arich.
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' to Rhymin' (thanks Gevurah) 21 Sep 2014 07:17 #240005

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I, too, don't (anymore) see being powerless as taking away free choice.

The way I see it is like an allergy.

Someone who has a peanut allergy is powerless to peanuts. No matter how much he may crave peanuts, he must stay away, because once he partakes, he is powerless to the reaction, and it may kill him.

Some of us have an allergy to lust. It's not good for us, no matter how much we may think we like it, we must stay away, because if we partake, our body and mind will get stuck on wanting more and more and more, until it takes over our lives.

We have the free choice to indulge or not, just as the guy with the allergy has the choice. But we are aware that we are powerless to the effect it has on us.

Re: Tryin' to Rhymin' (thanks Gevurah) 21 Sep 2014 09:32 #240019

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Thanks cordnoy and skep!!!!

I know this is a whole sugyah. But it think for the time being its not even so relevant. The main thing is i need to do what works for today. Right?

Cordnoy i'm trying not to do to much think. Actions are what count.

KOL TUV!!!

Re: Tryin' to Rhymin' (thanks Gevurah) 21 Sep 2014 16:07 #240039

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thanks cordnoy and skep
in my humble opinion you are so right
we are so powerless that the only power we are left with is to scream for help
when going forward gets tough, its merely a sign that you are going uphill, just give more gas
put your sobriety first; before your wife, before your kids, before your avodas HaTorah (except for the 3 that are יעבור ואל יהרג) Without sobriety you won't have any of those things!

Re: Tryin' to Rhymin' (thanks Gevurah) 21 Sep 2014 18:41 #240047

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Continuation:

Once we are discussing ways to qualify “free will”, it is fitting to tell you what R’ Eliyahu Dessler famously says about it; this also sheds light on step one and closely resembles the idea laid down by R’ Volbe.
R’ Dessler coined a concept called “Nekudas HaBechira”, which means that a person always has a choice in every situation of temptation, but what exactly is the nature of a person’s “free will” will depend on the individual at that time, and with those circumstances; the nature of his free will may even change every day of his life.
According to R’ Dessler, free will is when a person’s level of truth meets face to face with his level of sheker, thereby creating doubt. In this place of doubt, where one can choose either way, we say that he has free will. Of course, it must be a situation where the person’s nature plays no role on choosing one way or another, because if so, then this again is not considered “free will”.
If I am correct, this teaching of R’ Dessler seems to mirror the words of R’ Volbe above.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' to Rhymin' (thanks Gevurah) 21 Sep 2014 19:54 #240054

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gr8 words
is the choice of seeking help, equal to the burning desire of seeking addictive behavior?
when going forward gets tough, its merely a sign that you are going uphill, just give more gas
put your sobriety first; before your wife, before your kids, before your avodas HaTorah (except for the 3 that are יעבור ואל יהרג) Without sobriety you won't have any of those things!

Re: Tryin' to Rhymin' (thanks Gevurah) 21 Sep 2014 20:40 #240057

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Shmeichel,

If the question was directed to me, please explain.

Thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 22 Sep 2014 15:56 #240119

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As we continue on:

R’ Dessler gives several clear examples to illustrate his point-a Rosh Yeshiva will never take a gun and murder people in a shopping mall when he is angry. Therefore, in regards to murder he has no free will to murder. Similarly, an angry, disgruntled neurotic man with a loaded assault rifle in his car trunk will have no free will not to murder people after being laid off from his job. In either case, their nature will motivate them to kill or not kill.
Free will exists only be in a case where either the neurotic man or Rosh Yeshiva has a doubt about what to do, and choose one way or another.
R’ Dessler continues to explain that as a person does teshuva, his level of free will moves up. Conversely, when a person sins, his point of free will moves down.
See R’ Dessler in Michtav Me’Eliyahu, volume one, p. 10, p. 113, and volume 4 p. 95.
In either of the two extreme cases where a person does total evil or total good, they will also lose their free will entirely, and be subject to the whim of their evil or holy nature, and their free will is taken away (See Tanya chapter 17 who discusses this at length, and the Ba’al Shem Tov in Kesser Sheim Tov 152 who mentions this in passing).
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

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Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 23 Sep 2014 00:09 #240178

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R’ Avigdor Miller also says that by (Source-see Lev Avigdor, Sha’ar Habchira, siman 4, paragraph 53) using free will properly, Hashem gives him more free will; by misusing bechira to choose bad, Hashem reduces his ability to freely choose. This is exactly what R’ Dessler says above about Nekudas Habechira.
In another place R’ Miller writes that (Source-see Lev Avigdor, Sha’ar Habchira, siman 3, paragraph 27) because it is possible for a person to lose or decrease his free will, a Jew is therefore responsible to guard his ability to choose and not to lose it. Sometimes people place themselves in situations where they lose their ability to choose as a result, and they are responsible for putting themselves there, because it was their choice that they entered that situation. So although the Jew may not have free will once he is already in this situation, he is still responsible for walking into it. This is another place where R’ Miller would say that it is possible that a Jew has no free will to stop drinking, although he may be responsible for creating the addictive cycle in the first place.
The point is, according to all these sources, it is possible for a Jew to have no free will over drinking or drugging and to be powerless to stop.
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

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Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 23 Sep 2014 15:45 #240217

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Just to support this idea even further, the Ramchal (source-see Mesilas Yisharim, chapter two, end) says “it is obvious that even if a person supervises his conduct, it is not within his power to overcome the evil inclination without the aid of Hashem”.
This idea is so transparent in the Torah that the Ramchal said it is “obvious”; it is therefore truly astounding how ignorant AA critics make an empty fuss over the world powerlessness in step one! It is astounding that they err about something so “obvious”!
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 23 Sep 2014 21:04 #240269

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Conclusion about step one
Conclusion: We have seen from R’ Avigdor Miller that it is possible to lose free will in one area, while still having free will in other areas of behavior. We also saw from R’ Volbe, R’ Dessler, R’ Miller, and R’ Nachman that although every Jew has some sort of choice, he may not have choice over his behavior. The only choice he may have is to learn how to choose better than the way he is choosing right now, by joining AA, talking to a Rebbi, or in other ways. We also saw from R’ Volbe that some Jews never even learned how to choose in the first place, and they are held responsible for not learning how to have free will, but they still have no free will over their actual actions at the end of the day, making it correct to say that they are “powerless” to stop. Finally, we saw from the Gemara in Kidushin 30b that even Tzadikim who have free will and want to choose good are still powerless to the overwhelming power of their evil inclination. So to wrap it up:
a) Some people don’t have free will
b) Even the people that do have free will are still powerless to the yetzer hara without Hashem’s assistance, and this is true even about Tzadikim, and certainly about Rishaim
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 23 Sep 2014 22:18 #240276

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great thread! Keep em comin!

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 23 Sep 2014 22:22 #240278

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thanks; gotta do it slow a bit.
Give ample time for people to digest or comment or ask.
Me as well.

there are some interstin' discussions comin' up.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' to Rhymin' (thanks Gevurah) 23 Sep 2014 22:38 #240285

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skeptical wrote:
I, too, don't (anymore) see being powerless as taking away free choice.

The way I see it is like an allergy.

Someone who has a peanut allergy is powerless to peanuts. No matter how much he may crave peanuts, he must stay away, because once he partakes, he is powerless to the reaction, and it may kill him.

Some of us have an allergy to lust. It's not good for us, no matter how much we may think we like it, we must stay away, because if we partake, our body and mind will get stuck on wanting more and more and more, until it takes over our lives.

We have the free choice to indulge or not, just as the guy with the allergy has the choice. But we are aware that we are powerless to the effect it has on us.

According to AA (or SA in our case) it is a 2 part "disease".
1) obsession of the mind
2) allergy of the body

The obsession means we can't just ignore it, for we are obsessed with it. The allergy means that once we take a sip, we cannot stop.

One of the big AA gurus says that powerlessness is not only the second stage (the allergy stage), but for the first stage too (the obsession stage). The guy who is allergic to peanuts can simply avoid peanuts - relatively easy. Now imagine that he had a crazy "lust" for peanuts and he was obsessed with it. Not easy at all. THAT is our situation.

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 24 Sep 2014 03:30 #240306

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Yes, I am aware of that.

We need to be aware that the obsession is just as deadly as partaking, for it will drive us to indulge eventually. We need to let go of lustful thoughts as soon as we realize they were thought, and move on.

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 24 Sep 2014 15:33 #240328

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2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
This step is about emunah (faith), proclaiming that Hashem can help us do things that we cannot do ourselves. This does not need a source.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
We do not need a source to rely on Hashem.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
We do not need a source to make a cheshbon hanefesh.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
To admit to Hashem and to ourselves that we did something wrong does not need a source.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 24 Sep 2014 20:23 #240344

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i would like to share a sentiment that i saw in mishpacha magazine...

because of my struggles with sa and ssa, many times i would look up to hashem and ask, WHY ME? why do i have this problem? what is the reason? i saw a peice in mishpacha that had a great impact on me...

sorala krigsman was a great woman who unfortunately died young. while she was sick, her son asked her,"mommy, why you?". she responded, "When I first started dating and immediately found the love of my life, I didn't ask 'why me?'. When I became pregnant in the first year of marriage when so many of our friends struggled for years to conceive, I didn't ask 'why me?'. When I was fortunate enough to never struggle financially as my husband was blessed to be making a good living, I didn't ask 'why me?'. When my older children got married with the same ease and started their own beautiful families, I didn't ask 'why me?'. So I'm not going to start asking now!"

everything hashem does is for our good, just in our feeble mindsets we sometimes can not see it. if we look back on our lives then we will realize all the greatness hashem has bestowed upon us.

for me, even though i have sa and ssa, im not gonna ask "why me?" anymore. did i ask "why me?" when my wheelchair-bound friend died and i am healthy? did i ask "why me?" when i was named captain of an international science project? did i ask "why me?" when i am a sensitive, caring person with a lot of friends? am i going to ask "why me?" now? no of course not.

a moshul to this is about a poor person who won the megamillions, he was so overjoyed that he climbed to a roof of a building and threw down dollar bills to the passerby. because everyone was busy collecting, no one noticed him. he began to throw 20 dollar bills, but that just increased that havoc of the collectors. finally, he threw rocks. then everyone noticed him.
not to say we understand the ways of hashem, but sometimes when there's something that we are dealing with that is very painful, it may just be a wake-up call.

rosh hashana is tonight and we will be begging for mercy from hashem, if we realized the true magnitude of our ineptitude in relative to the greatness of hashem, our tefillos will have even extra meaning. hashem doesn't owe us anything and yet he still showers us with brachos, even in dark times.

we should all take inspiration from a great woman and hopefully this will be the last rosh hashana before the geulah.
What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

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Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 24 Sep 2014 21:43 #240349

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The 12 Steps for the Frum Addict

skeptical

Step 1: Cheshbon Hanefesh- Realizing and being aware that we have a problem that we have allowed to take over our lives. If continued to be left unmanaged, it has the ability to ruin us.

Step 2: Bein Adam L'Makom- Reminding ourselves that Hashem exists. He gave us our first heartbeat and first breath and continues to do many kindnesses for us, many of which we aren't even aware of. Because of our selfishness, we have largely ignored Hashem, doing what felt good for us, while ignoring what He wants from us.

Step 3: Bein Adam L'Makom- Renew our relationship with Hashem. Deciding to do Hashem's will and trusting in Him that He is taking care of us.

Step 4: Cheshbon Hanefesh- Taking an honest accounting of our actions, the positive and the negative.

Step 5: Cheshbon Hanefesh/Bein Adam L'Makom- Admitting to ourselves, to Hashem and to another human, the exact nature of our shortcomings.

Step 6: Cheshbon Hanefesh/Bein Adam L'Makom- We desire for Hashem to help us remove our negative middos.

Step 7: Bein Adam L'Makom- We sincerely ask Hashem to take away our challenges and to help us remove our negative middos, as we are unable to do it alone.

Step 8: Bein Adam L'Chaveiro- Make a list of all people we have harmed in the past and work on internalizing the concept of asking mechila/forgiveness.<