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I'm about to FALL!!
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: I'm about to FALL!! 157764 Views

Re: I'm about to FALL!! 22 Jun 2017 16:17 #315895

  • Dov
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breakfreegye wrote on 07 Jun 2017 14:26:
I have really been struggling the past couple of days. I have had trouble sleeping and I am really tired. In addition my wife has been unavailable for a number of weeks following a miscarriage. I dont find myself struggling with desire to look at inappropriate material very often but these conditions are making it very difficult.

Exercise is often great and can help - but it is no solution. Sex w your wife is often great and can help - but it is no solution. Finding things that will distract you is often useful and can help in some limited situations - but it is no solution. Davening is often great and can help - but it is no solution. 

(Earlier this month) Your wife recently had a miscarriage. 

Are you hearing the solution yet?

There is 'an elephant in the room'. Have you gotten closer to her since the miscarriage? How much closer? The closer you get with her, the LESS you will need sex. Love - real love - kills lust. Sexaholics know this, experience it, and it works. Though you are probably not an addict, this path can still work for you and it can start to really solve a great deal of your problem. 

Exercising, davening, distracting yourself...gevalt. Your wife may have just had deep hopes dashed, blood coming out of her where a baby should have, and who knows what fear and sadness are coursing through her for the past few weeks (I do not know her personal state and issues around the miscarriage, but the above is pretty normal, though many women do not admit it especially to men). You may have talked w her a lot - but if the sex is bothering you, that probably means you may not have talked w her enough. Not gotten deep with both of your feelings yet. 

I am not faulting you for having selfish sexual desire, Good L-rd no. I have that plenty of that, too. But the miscarriage is a unique opportunity to get closer instead of running away deeper into your sex-starvedness, and demanding nature that we all suffer with. May Hashem help you, me, and all of us use every one of these opportunities to grasp onto the real solutions to life's problems, the greatest of which is our own ego and neediness. Hatzlocha reaching out to her more than ever before and letting this miscarriage bring you closer and really solve your loneliness that sex screams to fill. It worked for my wife and me when that happened to us. It can work for you, too.

Helpful at all?

- Dov  
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Re: I'm about to FALL!! 22 Jun 2017 17:53 #315901

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Dov wrote on 22 Jun 2017 16:17:

breakfreegye wrote on 07 Jun 2017 14:26:
I have really been struggling the past couple of days. I have had trouble sleeping and I am really tired. In addition my wife has been unavailable for a number of weeks following a miscarriage. I dont find myself struggling with desire to look at inappropriate material very often but these conditions are making it very difficult.

Exercise is often great and can help - but it is no solution. Sex w your wife is often great and can help - but it is no solution. Finding things that will distract you is often useful and can help in some limited situations - but it is no solution. Davening is often great and can help - but it is no solution. 

(Earlier this month) Your wife recently had a miscarriage. 

Are you hearing the solution yet?

There is 'an elephant in the room'. Have you gotten closer to her since the miscarriage? How much closer? The closer you get with her, the LESS you will need sex. Love - real love - kills lust. Sexaholics know this, experience it, and it works. Though you are probably not an addict, this path can still work for you and it can start to really solve a great deal of your problem. 

Exercising, davening, distracting yourself...gevalt. Your wife may have just had deep hopes dashed, blood coming out of her where a baby should have, and who knows what fear and sadness are coursing through her for the past few weeks (I do not know her personal state and issues around the miscarriage, but the above is pretty normal, though many women do not admit it especially to men). You may have talked w her a lot - but if the sex is bothering you, that probably means you may not have talked w her enough. Not gotten deep with both of your feelings yet. 

I am not faulting you for having selfish sexual desire, Good L-rd no. I have that plenty of that, too. But the miscarriage is a unique opportunity to get closer instead of running away deeper into your sex-starvedness, and demanding nature that we all suffer with. May Hashem help you, me, and all of us use every one of these opportunities to grasp onto the real solutions to life's problems, the greatest of which is our own ego and neediness. Hatzlocha reaching out to her more than ever before and letting this miscarriage bring you closer and really solve your loneliness that sex screams to fill. It worked for my wife and me when that happened to us. It can work for you, too.

Helpful at all?

- Dov  

Thank you Dov,
very useful post..
My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו
כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון,  והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים

Re: I'm about to FALL!! 19 Jul 2017 13:55 #317453

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i am expiriencing some difficulties these days:
i learn software engeeniring, and we have a month of exams. each week has 1 exam. and the problem is that after the exam i feel like נפילת מתח.
and its pretty hard. i fell last thursday 12/07/017. and also 11 days before. fall=only MZL no bad movies BH.
my usual streaks are like few weeks.
what 2 do in order 2 be stronger? i dont wanna use tapshic method..
thanks

Re: I'm about to FALL!! 19 Jul 2017 14:40 #317455

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Brother you a long timer with us

What tools have you discarded, what are you willing to try?

Spoken to Dov recently?
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Re: I'm about to FALL!! 19 Jul 2017 16:44 #317464

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It sounds to me that you are anticipating a fall after every exam, just take it one day at a time. What helps me when I'm triggered is to reach out to my network of people( by email or whatsapp) and talk it out with them

Re: I'm about to FALL!! 19 Jul 2017 18:07 #317472

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Call someone when you need chizuk.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: I'm about to FALL!! 19 Jul 2017 20:13 #317490

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Exam time used to be brutal for me. Lots of masturbation to cope with the stress. I just couldnt survive without it. Im grateful that i dont need to resort to masturbation to cope with my stress anymore. 

If you want to chat: dms1234ongye@gmail.com
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: I'm about to FALL!! 19 Jul 2017 20:57 #317503

  • botty
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i dont fall after every exam, but like after 2-2.5 weeks average...
i used only the 90days chart and chizuk emails.
i guess i need to find some1 to talk with always when i feel week...

Re: I'm about to FALL!! 19 Jul 2017 21:10 #317504

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Feel free to email me at 360gye@Gmail.com

Re: I'm about to FALL!! 13 Aug 2017 21:09 #318724

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I just signed up for this although I've been considering it for a week or so.
I just had a meeting with a married woman.
I'm sure she is very frum and well meaning but from different circles.
W/o details I saw more than I can see outside of the internet or wife.
She wasn't even that pretty, just in my office for an hour and I am disturbed.
I so much want to just watch porn I'm going nuts.
I have loud jewish music and I'm talking about it will help.
I really had enough of shmutz.
RH/YK is coming and this year I went 10 years backwards
Last Edit: 13 Aug 2017 21:11 by Needtoclearmyhead. Reason: typos

Re: I'm about to FALL!! 13 Aug 2017 21:13 #318725

  • Needtoclearmyhead
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its been 2 hours already and not going away.
I have so much work to do.
I need to leave the office soon.
I can't focus on anything but I want to see !@#$%^&
I hope this forum is fast enough to help me.

Re: I'm about to FALL!! 13 Aug 2017 21:33 #318726

  • 360gye
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Hang in there. i think you need to distract yourself and talk about it

Re: I'm about to FALL!! 13 Aug 2017 21:37 #318727

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I ask Hashem to remove your craving to watch porn.
Get the hell out of the office ASAP and be as helpful as you can at home.
My experience may be different to yours, but they're both correct
"Give me news - not views"

Re: I'm about to FALL!! 13 Aug 2017 21:45 #318731

  • Markz
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Needtoclearmyhead wrote on 13 Aug 2017 21:13:
its been 2 hours already and not going away.
I have so much work to do.
I need to leave the office soon.
I can't focus on anything but I want to see !@#$%^&
I hope this forum is fast enough to help me.

Welcome brother 

What happened 5 days ago
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Re: I'm about to FALL!! 14 Aug 2017 00:42 #318734

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Welcome. Have you ever spoken to anyone about this challenge?
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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