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90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 78247 Views

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 02 Apr 2015 11:24 #251736

  • shlomoy
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Hi shteeble you were the one that was counting seriously many of the reasons, yishar koaich to you

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 18 Apr 2015 19:44 #252534

Guard Your Eyes Handbook
14 No. Pain No Gain

Fear of the pain, loss of "pleasure" are factors in one's attempt to quit this habit (although this pleasure that leads to negative consequences is not really pleasure).

If there were a "true pleasure" meter and someone would measure one years worth of "true pleasure" once in Mr A that does lost on the Internet and once Mr B that does not, who would have more pleasure?

Sure, Mr. A does the Internet but what about all the pain he gets from his losses? Health, opportunities, relationships, problems. The pleasure although intense is not healthy and does not direct you towards a good life.

Mr B misses out on the Internet. Yet everything in his life is better.

Mr B gets much, much more pleasure than Mr A.!

The question is, if I am not even gaining in pleasure then why in the world am I doing this?
The answer is: because it is a very difficult habit to stop.

To cope with this fear of loss of pleasure and increased pain I hang on to this idea:

An idea by the Steipler that has helped me in many ways. "Anyone who keeps away from these forbidden pleasures is promised to receive the pleasures of life from other areas instead. Conversely , those who accept the suffering that breaking free entails, will save themselves much suffering in other areas of life. "

So the pain I get by committing myself to breaking free from this, is discounted from the pain I have in other areas of life. Pains such as the loss of self worth, self esteem, losses in relationships, in professional life, in prayer and study, in health.

The pleasure I lose by quitting this habit is made up by additional pleasures in other areas of life. Pleasures of better relationships , tranquility, peace of mind, financial.

This means that my deep fears of loss beginning down the road to recovery are somewhat quieted. Am I really going to suffer that much by quitting? What will I do without my pleasures ? How will this all end?

There are absolutely no losses down this road for every pain taken on is discounted from pains in other areas of my life and every lost pleasure is credited to pleasures in other areas of my life.

While it may be difficult to quit (all habits are difficult) you have to, because this is one habit that can take you down. Eventually as the Steipler says, you will make it all up with healthy, strengthening habits. All the pleasures you had, you will still have (and much better) but in other areas of life. All the pains you went through, are discounted from other pains you had.

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 19 Apr 2015 00:31 #252543

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i agree. personal experience talking

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 11 May 2015 05:59 #254302

Anecdotes, Tips, Torah, & Chizuk from Rebbe Nachman of Breslov
Download from this, site.
Most important points

⚫Sexual lust can only be kept away by avoiding provocative sights and thoughts
⚫Do not enter negotiations with your desires, for the elaboration of your thoughts, even directed at a annulling desires, will have the effect of reinforcing the desires, and they can overcome you.
⚫Anyone who refrains from acting upon an opportunity to sin will have a miracle done for him.
⚫One who is pogem habrit (פוגם הברית breaches the covenant ) is as if he transgressed all the commandments. (and distances himself from G-d)
⚫One who wants to guard his sexual purity should always say the truth, and should also do kindness for one from whom he does not expect repayment.
⚫Sexual fantasies come as a result of the "Breaking of the vessels of kindness" and according to the degree of fallen sparks, so is the degree of sexual fantasies.
⚫A repair for spilling seed inappropriately is to make efforts to bring people to repent.
⚫The Zohar asks who is the winner in the battle against the evil inclination? The one with the ammunition in hand. Because he is prepared for this fight at all times.
⚫A good way to rectify the sin is to recite these 10 Psalms : 16, 32, 41, 42, 59, 77, 90, 105, 137, 150
⚫The desire for sexual transgression is the all encompassing trait that represents all 70 evil traits and desires. One who succeeds in conquering this desire will find all the other desires of the world easy to conquer. And he will be worthy to have Torah secrets revealed to him.
⚫Pirkei Avot says; "Let the poor be members of your household and don't talk much with women" . The fact that the first part is linked to the second hints that charity saves from sexual fantasies. Let the poor be member of your household = charity. But this will only be good if you do not talk to women more than you need to.
⚫צדקה תציל ממוות = Charity saves from sexual fantasy.
⚫The evil inclination is like a prankster that fools everyone into thinking he has what they need. In the end it opens his hand and there is nothing in it and no desire is ever fulfilled.
⚫Wordly pleasures are like sunbeams in a dark room. They may actually seem solid but when a person tries to grasp one they find nothing in their hands. The same is true of all worldly desires.
⚫Never underestimate the power of heartfelt prayer before G-d. Without G-d's constant assistance you would not be able to win the battle against this tenacious enemy.
⚫When sexual fantasies come to a man and the man beaks his passion and averts his thoughts he rectified his past transgressions to the brit.
⚫There is no need, to get depressed if these fantasies come as they are for repentance and rectification.
⚫If one would be able to see in advance the way he would feel after he would give in, he wouldn't even have a struggle.
⚫Rabbi Nachman said that these desires are the greatest test a man faces in this world.
⚫Our Sages called שמירת הברית the יסוד the foundation. The foundation of a building is "underground" and no one sees it, yet it holds up the entire building.
⚫Shmirat Habrit is the hidden part of a Jew and it is the real you. If the foundation of a Jew is weak, his whole spiritual structure is fragile and is in grave danger of collapse. And if the foundation is strong one can build sky scrapers of holiness on top of it.
⚫The key to teshuvah and breaking the aveirot we are addicted to is believing we can change, rejuvenate and renew ourselves . That the me of yesterday is not the me of today. We can always renew ourselves
⚫The whole world is a very narrow bridge. And the main thing is the secret of success is - not to fear at all. Never look down from the tightrope.
⚫Simcha is the key to success in religion and to coming close to Hashem. Depression constitutes the main bite of the serpent.
⚫Hashem will resurrect the body through a certain invisible bone called the "luz", the luz defies destruction. No matter how fall we've fallen there is an indestructible part of our self that can form the base for a new life. Focus on the luz.
⚫The first step in getting close to Hashem is to be truthful.
⚫"There is a small limb in a man, if one feeds it, it is hungry, if on one starves, it is satiated."
⚫Don't challenge your evil inclination or your bad thoughts. Just leave them and think of something else.
⚫Vanquishing bad thoughts is the key to teshuvah.
⚫How do you vanquish bad thoughts? It is totally impossible for a person to think two thoughts at the same time. Therefore to banish bad thoughts elect not to think them and instead think Torah thoughts.
⚫Thoughts are like a horse, although it veers off the path, by grabbing the harness one can steer it back on to the right path.
⚫How can one undo the damage of שמירת עיניים and שמירת הברית? By תשובת המשקל by accepting suffering and thus balancing off the pleasure one took when sinning.
⚫In our generation to break the taava and remove it from your mind is considered תשובת המשקל
⚫Sexual desire is the greatest test a man faces in this world.
⚫The first thing one should do after a pgam is go to the mikvah.
אם יש מקווה יש תקווה
⚫Everyone must say the world was created just for me. This means that humility is not that one should feel lowly and worthless, rather humility is knowing that all your attributes and accomplishments are a gift from Hashem.
⚫One, should humble about one's past and "arrogant" about the future in that he can accomplish much, and use his, strengths to, serve Hashem.
⚫Reb Nachman was told, "I doesn't do teshuvah because I just know that I will just go back to doing the same sins again" . Reb Nachman answered , teshuvah is not about not doing the same sins again but about bringing Hashem down into the world and into our hearts.
⚫Every soul is a piece of Hashem and is connected to Him, but our sins makes a blockage between the light of Hashem and us. The more we seek to bring Hashem's honor and glory to the world, the more teshuvah we do. Automatically all our past sins are forgiven and automatically we won't end up repeating our past mistakes.
⚫If you believe you can destroy, believe you can fix.
⚫There is no such thing as Yiush in the world
⚫The entire strength if evil inclination is through the power of dimayon, imagination
⚫This whole desire is a blown up bubble of hot air. Experience has shown us all that as soon as we get what we thought we wanted, the bubble pops and we are left with hot air. We are left not believing that for this we were willing to sell our very souls.
⚫Rebbe Nachman says to live only this moment to its, fullest. If you live one moment at a time then a week, a month or even a year are all the same.
⚫Any person who understands the intrinsic holiness and spirituality of a Jew, knows that sin has no relationship with a Jew at all ; a Jew can't naturally reside in sin.
⚫Don't challenge your evil inclination or your bad thoughts. Just leave them and think or do something else.
Last Edit: 11 May 2015 06:03 by anonymous_14.

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 11 May 2015 13:47 #254321

  • Bigmoish
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1,284. But who's counting?
Thank you for sharing the tips that work for you, though I think you missed the point of this thread.
FAQ's (Great for newcomers!!!)
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 08 Jul 2015 22:01 #259074

  • waydown
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I admit I didn't read all 90,000 reasons however the little I browsed I did not see the most obvious reason.

Here are my 20 words or less.

"Its a slippery slope".

The more engrossed one gets in these tavos the more wild and higher level of fantasy is needed and craved. And you end up just doing very irrational stuff. It usually doesn't just stay on the same level of tavios.

Again I appoligize and hope this isn't a repeat. Nevertheless its an important pointer. as a new comer its something I must realize as I embark on my journey.
Last Edit: 08 Jul 2015 22:03 by waydown.

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 16 Jul 2015 23:25 #259687

  • startanew613
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#14(?) You can manage to hold out just for today. Thats right. Today is all that counts. Right now. Today. I will not fall.

Re: It ruins character 22 Jul 2015 23:59 #260144

  • shlomoy
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I insist and its not me its Hashem in his holy Torah that says....Everything is in Torah....admiting to be sick like my respected Dov says is also part of Torah.....Its the real Teshuvah

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 23 Aug 2015 08:09 #262547

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because you are trying to be holy.

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 23 Aug 2015 14:27 #262566

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oreinsof66 wrote:
because you are trying to be holy.


If that method works for you, work it for all it's worth!

B'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 25 Aug 2015 10:16 #262681

  • shlomoy
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NO....because its my obligation.....which means I have no other choice,

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 20 Sep 2015 00:27 #264169

  • shmulyz19
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You should not participate in sexual acts for a lot of reasons.
One that comes to mind is it's unclean.
I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT. 

Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You
Thank you... Shmuly

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 20 Sep 2015 02:01 #264175

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YH it sounds exciting. I'm scheduling an appointment to discuss this with you, first thing tomorrow
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Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 20 Sep 2015 13:36 #264201

  • Gettingcloser
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I promise you eat your favorite ice cream it's a lot better then this illusion
My Email address shulemc@gmail.com

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 20 Sep 2015 20:34 #264213

  • cordnoy
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Gettingcloser wrote:
I promise you eat your favorite ice cream it's a lot better then this illusion


Firstly, we can do both.

Secondly, it is not!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
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