A New Version of the Old Problem
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1941  
In Today's Issue
Testimonials: 90 Days Clean
Links: Daniel's Step Workshop
Text: Digital-Age/Conditioned Porn Addiction: A New Version of an Old Problem
Q & A: What are My Choices?
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90 Days Clean
By GYE Member

Dear GYE!

First of all, thank you so much for your site, it really does give strength!

I tried it once before but without success. This time, however, when I was fighting my yetzer, I decided to look at your site. As soon as I came on to the site, a few people popped up starting a dialog. The truth is, I was not in the mood to talk and even though I was anonymous, I was embarrassed to be there at all. But something magical happened when I started speaking (writing) with this person who seemed like he needed help: on the one hand, I felt totally unable to help him at that moment and was myself in need of help; on the other hand, just giving him a few words of encouragement did something to me that I can't explain. Suddenly, my yetzer (for that moment) was neutralized! I was able to walk away from the computer without sinning and have maintained the momentum since then by watching your videos and reading some of the material I found on your site to download.

I know where I was holding 90 days ago and I know where I am holding now and there is an amazing difference.

Just a personal note, I am in my mid 50's and also married and so it could be that my battle at this point in my life is easier than for someone who is young and single. But if there is one message I would share based on my experience over the past 90 days, it is this: "Don't give up and don't despair!"

May HaShem bless you with all your efforts to continue to help people and give them spiritual strength!

Daniel's Step Workshop

Audio recording of DanielUK's Big Book workshop.

Overview and Step 1.

Digital-Age/Conditioned Porn Addiction: A New Version of an Old Problem
By Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S

For a long time, therapists treating sex and porn addiction found that all (or at least the vast majority) of their clients had deep and powerful underlying early-life trauma issues—neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, covert incest, etc. This put sex and porn addicts very much in line with alcoholics, drug addicts, compulsive gamblers, and the like. In fact, there is a large body of research showing unresolved early-life trauma to be a huge risk factor for later-life addiction (of all types).

Read article
Q & A
What are My Choices?
As the spouse of a sex addict, what are my choices?
By the.guard

Being in a relationship with a sex addict does bring up the question of do I stay or leave? These questions are legitimate. In this exercise, I want to expose you to some options you may or may not have thought of before.

1. Stay and stay sick - This option is taken by those who do not desire change or grow. Familiar, no matter how bad, is better than different, no matter how good. Those who take this option rarely consider what is familiar today will be a walk in the park compared to his continuing disease.

2. Stay and be uninvolved - It is his problem; he needs to recover; and, I don’t want or need to know anything.

3. Stay and be overinvolved - Tell him what to read, what therapist to see, what groups to go to and you’re putting more energy into his recovery than he is.

4. Stay and both recover - Both work their own recovery program. Both have support people,both work the steps, and, if therapy is needed for the marriage or either or both, they get it as soon as possible. This option has the highest success rate of couples staying married and having real intimacy.

5. Stay conditionally - State the boundaries or conditions you will stay in during the relationship. If these boundaries are violated or conditions not met, separate from each other until these conditions are met.

6. Divorce - Get a lawyer and leave.

The above are real choices that many women have already had to make. This choice is yours to make. This choice affects the rest of you and your family’s life. Give yourself time to think through this, and, if you need professional help with this, Miriam has seen many women through the choices they made. Discuss the choice from the above (or your own) options with your recovery group or coach.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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