E-Mail Subject: Climbing High
 
 
  Breaking Free Chuzik #1922  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Videos: Climbing high after a fall
Chizuk: A Letter to a Dear GYE Friend
Daily Dose of Dov: Dov Defines His Understanding of GYE's Role
 
 
90 Day Journey
 
Click below to update your 90 day chart
Still Clean Had a fall
Haven't begun the 90 day journey yet? Click here to join.
 
Videos
 

alt

Climbing high after a fall

The Stiepler says that the Pasuk "Seven times does the Tzadik fall and get up" doesn't mean that one becomes a Tzadik in SPITE of his falls, but rather that the only way to become a tzadik is by falling and getting up again. He explains that when it comes to physical things, we tend to always want more and more, but when it comes to spiritual levels we quickly become satisfied and complacent. If not for falls, most of us would never end up growing further and just be content with our current spiritual level. So, like the mother bear in this amazing video, Hashem allows us to fall so that we have to start once again from the very bottom, and climb all the way to the top! It is specifically through this process of falling and getting up again and again that we can finally become the Tzadik that Hashem knows we can be!

Chizuk
 
A Letter to a Dear GYE Friend
 
By GYE Member

To a dear friend,

Over the past few months

Discovered each other by a shared goal

As we each struggled and worked on a similar challenge

Relating and encouraging, sharing and trusting

A new world opened

Breathing the freshest air of growth

Breaking old habits

Attempting to practise new tools

Hope of recovery driving us forward

Between the ups and downs

Enthusiastic at times

Holding on tight during weak periods

Available and present you were

Through it all you really cared

Zest and humour utilised

Lest depression overtake

Answered with such sensitivity

Chizuk you provided generously

Hashem yeshalem lecha,

Always grateful

Daily Dose of Dov
 
Dov Defines His Understanding of GYE's Role
 
What is the definition of staying clean?
 
By Dov

"StrugglingGuy" asked on the forum:

I'm a little unclear. When we say "staying clean" from mast**** on this website, do we mean causing an erect***, or just not ejac**** -?


Dov Responds:

Dear StrugglingGuy,

You are hitting on something wide-ranging that many folks get all caught-up in, so this is gonna be a megillah. First, I need to remind you that I do not speak for GYE. Guard does. I am sober today b'chasdei Hashem through SA, and I do as they do, even today. GYE serves a wide range of yidden. Many are addicts, but many are not. As an addict in 12-step recovery, I firmly maintain that no one is able to tell anyone else if they are an addict or not: the entire meaning of the 1st step is that a person comes to that conclusion themselves, without any outside assistance. That is the only way they know it's really the truth and that they will never be able to run from it. If the facts are to make any difference at all for change in living, they need to really be known by the person. That only happens in the heart (which is also why "Rachmono liba bo'I"). Thankfully, GYE leaves the truth about us, up to us.

Surely there are many sweet yidden who are occasionally nichshol in terrible aveiros for whatever reason, but consider it a rare occurrence. They see they need help to keep their avodah clean. Perhaps they have never even been nichshol, but fear they may soon be. They need to find a place where they can let the truth out and get advice to protect themselves from the mess out there, and perhaps even from the mess inside them. GYE has tools, friendships and chizuk to help many. Some may thereby gain the freedom to choose to open up to their Rabbeim, wives, safe friends, or to a professional about their struggles and fears and get help that way. Some may get the strength and clarity they need to successfully stay away from the fire of lust and temptation, and remain clean and happy - just by opening up!

Some members of GYE consider their main problem that they are doing specific aveiros. Many of those are looking at schmutz, fantasizing, and masturbating; others are doing other embarrassing behaviors, others are using women (or men); some are single and others are married. They see their problem as encapsulated, "under control" but still a problem, and it pains them to no-end. They seek advice and chizuk, but if they really want to stop, they also come to GYE for the opportunity to admit - and thereby confront - the whole truth about themselves before it grows to proportions they'd rather not face, at all.

Some members concede that they are doing aveiros, but consider their main problem "a lifestyle of sin". They see that correcting individual aveiros as not enough for them - they sense that they need an overhaul of their entire perspective on kedushas habris, or maybe even on serving Hashem. They also come to GYE for the honesty, chizuk and eitzos. Perhaps GYE will help them make strong friendships that will guide them to the lifelong help they will need to serve Hashem truly.

Other members sense that their lives are actually out of control because of their lust habits. They may not yet have lost jobs or homes, but they doubt that even those ends are far off. They suffer with the knowledge that they live a double-life. Good, trustworthy, frum people on their outside - but they know the trance they get into pursuing their next high - and that they are like different people then. They hide their activities. At first they see the privacy as discretion, later they discover they are actually hiding in order to protect their ability to keep doing it! They truly wish to serve Hashem, but know that they could not possibly live like other servants of Hashem do - unless they can take their drug along...

These folks are often addicts, identical to the alcoholics and heroin-users. True, my body odor typically doesn't bother me much, but there is really no difference in the methods and desperation of SA's to AA's. And they too only get worse, never better. There ain't no easy way out.

This last group can find resources, advice and chizuk at GYE, too. They may get help to face to truth about themselves - whatever it may be, and to get the help they really need to save their lives. Often there are wives', husbands' and children's lives in the balance, as well. I am glad that GYE does not decide for members what they need, but members are encouraged to share what actually works for them, rather than simply 'teaching' more true and good hashkofa. (Hey, you can go anywhere for that!) Many addicts feel they need to know where even abject losers go to become 'winners'. I am one of those losers, who found help in one of the resources that is made available by GYE.

So, to your question: Of course, the standard of halacha is simple and clear. But once you ask about "defining staying clean" it depends on what you are coming from, and will change and grow as you do. "How do you define staying clean?" I'd answer by saying that it truly depends on what you consider your 'dirt'.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

Contribute
 
Please help us continue helping others!
 
Contribute Securely Online
(Anonymous recurring credit card donations possible)
To donate by phone, call (24 hours): 718-878-3075
 
Checks can be made out to: "GYE Corp." and mailed to: GYE Corp. P.O. Box 32380 Pikesville, MD 21282 U.S.A.
Quick Links