E-Mail Subject: Positive Vision
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1921  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Daily Dose of Dov: Living Without Him Isn't Really Living
Prevention: Positive Vision
 
 
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Daily Dose of Dov
 
Living Without Him Isn't Really Living
 
By GYE Corp.

Someone wrote to Dov:

"I have a hard time considering the addiction in any form, even in terms of recovery. It's triggering. The best thing for me is to think of other things. I'm concerned that if I speak to another addict, I will spend too much time discussing the pitfalls which would only be detrimental."


Dov Responds:

Agreed. The more we focus on our problem, the more we are living in it... and that's really a bad idea. The trick is to recognize our ill-ness, tendency to goofiness, etc. (living steps 1 & 4)... and still move right into steps 2 and 3 (living with Hashem and the people we are found with).

So, in that spirit, on a good day, I see every healthy choice of any kind that I am zocheh to make as a direct enactment of my third step in general; every heartfelt tefilah I am zocheh to make (whether in shul, the subway, the shower, or even on the potty) as a direct working of my 11th step; every interpersonal problem that I have as an opportunity to either just (naturally and passively) sit in my addiction and react in the same way I always have and surely act out again as a result - or work my 4-7th step, sometimes 8 & 9, too; and every emotional swing I have as an opportunity to be in steps 2 & 3, sometimes 4-7, as well. There is basically nothing in my inner life - my reality - that is not helpable by using the steps. I do not see working the steps in my life as a mitzvah, but as a choice to just keep on 'surviving' through life - or to really live. And the only real living is living with the truth. If G-d is true, then it means living with Him - or I am not really living. If I really have friends, then it means really being a friend - or I do not really have friends. Same for a wife and kids - I am through with 'playing husband', just to get by. As Rav Noach zt"l used to say, if living your real life is not exciting enough and you feel you need TV or movies to really be entertained, then you must not really be living yet.... (or something like that).

Prevention
 
Positive Vision
 
Part 1/10
 
By testchart1

Introduction

 

I basically keep the rules.

I wake up early, daven with a minyan, squeeze in a breakfast (sometimes) and a daf, and I'm off to work. After a long day at the office, I come home and try to be a good husband and father.

I try to do what's right ... but shmiras einayim is a really tough one.

Because I do not live in a ghetto. I am out there in the "real" world. I work, shop, travel, and interact with all types of people. I am exposed to all sorts of sights and sounds, some real and some virtual, and much of it is not all that kosher. Yet I have been told, and I myself recognize, that I still must maintain standards of kedushah andshmiras einayim ... but I wonder how this is even possible.

The whole topic of shmiras einayim leaves me frustrated because the world I live in is enticing and I know I will slip. This leaves me with a choice. Should I face the nisayon and my failures and feel guilty, or ignore the entire topic and feel numb. Either way, my relationship with Hashem suffers.

I want to feel deserving of having a connection with Hashem. When I stand to daven Shemoneh Esrei I want to be proud of who I am, and comfortable with the person I am presenting to Him.

The average shmuz on this topic just leaves me feeling bad, so what's the point? Not that I am unwilling to try to improve. I really would like to, but I will need a program that clarifies the struggle, not a shmuz. I want to know what happens to me when I see something improper. What exactly is kedushah, and why should I struggle to attain it? Will shemiras einayim make me a better and even happier person? I will need effective, down-to-earth strategies to help me along the way and help restart my engine after inevitable failures.

I want to grow.

I really do, but I am looking for someone to talk with, rationally and logically.

Read article
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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