Someone wrote to Dov:

"I have a hard time considering the addiction in any form, even in terms of recovery. It's triggering. The best thing for me is to think of other things. I'm concerned that if I speak to another addict, I will spend too much time discussing the pitfalls which would only be detrimental."

Introduction

I basically keep the rules.

I wake up early, daven with a minyan, squeeze in a breakfast (sometimes) and a daf, and I'm off to work. After a long day at the office, I come home and try to be a good husband and father.

I try to do what's right ... but shmiras einayim is a really tough one.

Because I do not live in a ghetto. I am out there in the "real" world. I work, shop, travel, and interact with all types of people. I am exposed to all sorts of sights and sounds, some real and some virtual, and much of it is not all that kosher. Yet I have been told, and I myself recognize, that I still must maintain standards of kedushah andshmiras einayim ... but I wonder how this is even possible.

The whole topic of shmiras einayim leaves me frustrated because the world I live in is enticing and I know I will slip. This leaves me with a choice. Should I face the nisayon and my failures and feel guilty, or ignore the entire topic and feel numb. Either way, my relationship with Hashem suffers.

I want to feel deserving of having a connection with Hashem. When I stand to daven Shemoneh Esrei I want to be proud of who I am, and comfortable with the person I am presenting to Him.

The average shmuz on this topic just leaves me feeling bad, so what's the point? Not that I am unwilling to try to improve. I really would like to, but I will need a program that clarifies the struggle, not a shmuz. I want to know what happens to me when I see something improper. What exactly is kedushah, and why should I struggle to attain it? Will shemiras einayim make me a better and even happier person? I will need effective, down-to-earth strategies to help me along the way and help restart my engine after inevitable failures.

I want to grow.

I really do, but I am looking for someone to talk with, rationally and logically.