Don't go it alone!
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1919  
In Today's Issue
Chizuk: Kol Hagadol Mechaveiro
Attitude & Perspective: Identification
Q & A: How to deal with a woman having affairs
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Kol Hagadol Mechaveiro
By Yaakov from GYE

It is brought down in many places, especially in the chassidish sefarim, that a person needs friends to help him in avodas Hashem.

Chazal say: כל הגדול מחבירו יצרו גדול ממנו.

The Beis Aharon of Karlin read this in the following way:

כל הגדול - מחבירו - Whoever is great, it's from his friend/s.

יצרו גדול - ממנו - If his Yetzer is big, it's from him.

In other words, when one remains isolated and not connected with friends who can help him in avodas Hashem, his Yetzer Hara will be much bigger.

So make sure to find a good friend you can be open with about your struggles, and use the power of GYE's forums, chat-rooms and phone conferences to reach out to others who can give you chizuk!

Attitude & Perspective
Reprinted with permission from Mirror of Intimacy.
By Alexandra Katehakis, Staff Clinical Director, MFT, CSAT, CST

"Mirror of Intimacy" is a daily blog published by Center for Healthy Sex, offering professional help with sex and lust addiction.


"I wonder how many people I've looked at all my life and never seen."

~ John Steinbeck

It's been frequently noted that to tell anyone, "I love you," we need first be able to declare the "I." And only when we develop a personal identity may we respond personally to life. So identification with another and with life is an art that starts with identifying ourselves. But there's a risk to thinking of all that happens only in terms of ourselves. Solipsism, the antique philosophy affirming that the universe is knowable solely through the knower's unique perspective, may become unhealthy if it justifies personalizing everything to the point of self-absorption. Someone with a preoccupied attachment style filters the world through a distorted, unmeasured egocentrism. Such a person sees a partner's independent preferences in décor, friends, or movies as a threat to the relationship. Because enmeshment was the parenting style, autonomy was never encouraged or even permitted.

In fact, most people tend to identify themselves rather narcissistically through narrow personal preferences and patriotic allegiances. It seems bizarrely superficial to build an identity based on our taste for certain flavors, clothes, or locales. Doesn't it make better sense to affirm our true selves by identifying with the universal experiences of others beyond our range of sheltered familiarity? Humanity is not one-size-fits-all, and any definition of ourselves or of others which applies stereotypical experiences broadly must miss the richness of genuine human relatedness.

Participation in support groups or community events lets us identify with people we never thought of as similar. By letting down our guard, we begin to uncover shared humanity. Like checking a side-view mirror, observing those we usually disregard can expose our own psychological blind spots. When we identify with others' trials and tribulations, we often discover unexpected truths for ourselves that might never have been brought to light.

  • Today, use "I" statements in all your communications. Focus only on your knowable feelings and thoughts, instead of assuming you know what's true for anyone else.
  • Stop the judgments. They only serve to isolate you. Identify with everyone you encounter on their terms, not your interpretations of them, by listening carefully to their words as if each moment held special meaning. 
Q & A
How to deal with a woman having affairs
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit

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