Testimony from Hearing on Pornography's Impact on Family and Marriage

Beginning pornography use associated with increase in probability of divorce

In our tefillah, we say, “Remove Satan (the yetzer hara) from before us and after us.” The Talmud says that “A person’s yetzer hara (evil inclination) renews itself each day and seeks to destroy one” (Kedushin 30a). The yetzer hara has only one goal: to crush and destroy a person. It will resort to any technique to do so. It may begin by enticing a person to engage in self-destructive behavior. If it succeeds in doing so, it will then say, “Look how degenerate you are. Look at the terrible things you have done.” That is why we ask Hashem’s help to remove the yetzer hara from before us, not to tempt us to sin, and after us, not to depress us because we yielded to his wile.

In the season of teshuvah we must remember the words of Rambam, that whereas a person who sins is despised by Hashem, once he changes his ways and does sincere teshuvah, he is dear and beloved to Hashem. The yetzer hara attacks this vigorously and wants a person’s past to haunt him the rest of his life. We should be happy that we have the mitzvah of teshuvah and not allow the yetzer hara to crush and depress us.

It is a mistake to be preoccupied by the past. When King David said, “My sin is before me always” (Psalm 51:8), he did not mean that he ruminated on his sin. The Rebbe of Kotzk said, “A sin is like mud. Whichever way you handle it, you will get soiled.” With teshuvah, the sin is erased “like a fog.” When a fog clears, no trace of it remains. What King David meant was, “Inasmuch as I sinned, I must remember that I have this vulnerability, and I must keep my guard up.”

Mitzvos should be performed with simcha, and the mitzvah of teshuvah is no exception.

May Hashem inscribe you for a healthy and joyous year.

I am holding by 22 days clean. Hashem just sent me a really hard test now, but I read what you just sent me (at least five times!), and now I'm feeling better. Thanks. My Rosh Yeshiva said today in the name of R' Yerucham, that we small people reach Yom Kippur with lorries full with sin, and we really need many days Yom Kippur for all that. So he suggests that a person take one sin that he's really struggling with, and at the end of Yom Kippur when we are on the highest level of purity, we should imagine as if we are at the height of passion to sin and instead we say "no", for Hashem's sake we are going to overcome it. That is the best teshuva, and Hashem will automatically forgive us for all our sins. I could imagine how that felt right now, when I was tested. Hopefully I will reach ninety days. This site has really helped me, including the daily emails. I have no words to describe how they are helping me little by little. Every day I eagerly await to receive these emails.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.