4 Guidelines for Modesty, Mussar, and Darash Moshe
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1268  
In Today's Issue
Image of the Day: Take a risk for your recovery.
Editor’s Note: Four Guidelines for Modesty
Torah: The "struggle" is the flower before the fruit
Sayings: a little lusting wouldn't make it even worse
Torah: Addict Chashuv Ki'Meis
12 Step Attitude: Attitude of Gratitude
Announcements: Free Hard Copy of GYE Handbook
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Take a risk for your recovery.
Take a risk for your recovery.
Editor’s Note
Four Guidelines for Modesty

Perhaps the modesty guidelines below are too obvious for the frum world. They are taken from Michael Hyatt's blog titled Whatever Happened to Modesty? Michael is a self-proclaimed "virtual mentor" and is not a frum Jew (if Jew at all). However, his blogging about it is an important indicator of how modern woman's dressing culture is getting out of control and affecting both men and women, regardless of religious views on modesty.

We thought it worthwhile to share these guidelines with our audience, to show that concerns with modest dress is a universal one, if nothing else.


"Don’t get me wrong; I’m not a prude. But I do think some basic guidelines are in order. These are not rules about skirt length or the amount of cleavage you can show. I’m just not a very good legalist; they are simply guidelines.

I gave these to my girls when they were growing up. Frankly, they haven’t been perfect in following them. Modern culture exerts a powerful influence. Nevertheless, I wanted them to have something that would transcend current fashion and guide their attire once they were older and, perhaps, a little wiser.

Here they are: “Four Guidelines for Modesty”:

  1. If you have trouble getting into it or out of it, it is probably not modest.
  2. If you have to be careful when you sit down or bend over, it is probably not modest.
  3. If people look at any part of your body before looking at your face, it is probably not modest.
  4. If you can see your most private body parts or an outline of those parts under the fabric, it is probably not modest.

If you think these guidelines are helpful, you might want to pass them along to the young women you know. Evidently, not many are getting the message elsewhere."

The "struggle" is the flower before the fruit
By Yosef Hatzadik

V'hinai parach matei Aharon... vayotzei perach vayatzeitz tzitz vayigmol shkeidim. (17:23)

Quote from: Harav Moshe Feinstein Zt"l, Sefer Darash Moshe:

"The blossoms stayed on Aharon's staff even after it was laden with almonds! (Usually, the blossom falls off & the fruit grows in its place)

This is to teach us that, in Kedusha matters, all the toil & pain which we endured in attaining our goal doesn't get washed away with the focus being only on the end result. Aderaba, that stays in the person's 'account' to his everlasting credit!"

Many of us wish for the day when we will be 'cured' & will be able to leave this whole process behind...

We should know & remember: This is not just a path toward our destiny, this IS our destiny!

Hashem doesn't care for us being perfectly clean. He put us here FOR the journey.

He wants our growing pains! He wants to watch us blossom! Our current experiences are being recorded by Hashem. He is gonna treasure them FOREVER!

"I have never felt bad enough - or been in a situation that is bad enough, that a little lusting wouldn't make it even worse!"Ani ma'amin be'emunah sheleimah that however much it hurts not to act out, acting out will only make things even more complicated and even more difficult for me. There's gottabe something else I can do!
Addict Chashuv Ki'Meis
By An Honest Mouse

Rav Chaim Shmulevitz says (in Sichos Mussar) that the reason why a metzora, someone without kids, a poor person and a blind person are choshuv kemais (considered as dead), is because they all have something in common which they are lacking.

Read more
12 Step Attitude
Attitude of Gratitude

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Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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