Let's see. If you're used to not having any amount of significant days of sobriety and now you're accumulating hundreds of days clean, what does that mean? Just like gamblers or drug addicts, after a certain time in the program, they only go to a meeting once a week (instead of every day) - that indicates that after a certain point, less aggressive intervention is needed to continue to be sober. That's exciting. Feel it - believe in it - it's a fact. (Of course, there are exceptions but why should you think that you are not part of the majority?)

That being said, we never graduate from being considered "recovering" to being cured. We always have that hovering upon us.

Do you remember the famous question on why the NACHASH is considered cursed if in reality his nature is changed after the sin and AFAR is his food - now, he need not exert as much effort to get food, there is plenty all over the place? In fact, it sounds like a blessing. Our Chachomim say that the curse is the very fact he has it so easy. He no longer is forced to turn to Hashem to ask for sustenance. The same question is on Eretz Yisroel - why is it considered such a blessed land if, in fact, ample rainfall is never certain? Again, this forces us to turn to the Almighty for assistance. This keeps our relationship current throughout our journey in this world.

My dear friends - as we are all so acutely aware - a fall is always only a step away (by the way - in Pirkei Avos it states a person should never be certain of themselves until the day of death - so this insecurity of perhaps falling applies to all Jews - not only addictive personalities) - but precisely because of the apprehension of a possible failure - our relationship with Hashem must always be current.

Are we not in fact blessed?

Someone asks on the Forum:

To lust is something very normal, we just over do it. So why are we carbon copying AA and saying "don't lust"? In the SA book, it even mentions complete abstinence. Why? We aren't allergic to lust in a physical way. We just have to learn not to let lust control us. So why all this talk of "the first drink"? To me, this sounds like telling an overeater to stop eating. If our issue really starts after the first drink, then the twelve steps won't help us at all.

Elya Responds:

All "S" groups use the Big Book of AA as their guide. There are two types of addictions,physical addictions (drugs and alcohol) and process addictions (sex, gambling, food, work). We parallel the first drink in AA to the first look of porn or the first look of lust. Who says lust is very normal? We just overdo it. Addicts overdo it. Some people could care less about looking at porn or other women. But we have a mission to fill up an emptiness inside us. Some people do this with alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, food or work. Pick your poison. And because of this, we can exchange books. The principles of powerlessness, prayer, resentments, viduy (5^th step), working on our midos, working with others, are all globally applicable. I can show you each step and its corresponding issue in both the Rambam and in Shaarei Teshuva.

We're not saying you cannot have and enjoy sex, as long as it is with your spouse. But just like overeating and drinking too much whiskey will make you fat and drunk and sick, engaging in lust for an addict will progress into more exotic and dangerous situations, if you keep feeding the lust. Also when we substitute being with our wives in true mutual intimacy for lust, it is no different. The lust chemicals take over our brains and we're drunk once again.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.