R' Avraham Alter ran a Yeshiva in Chicago for many years. He worked together with Baalei Teshuva. There was one fellow who was straddling the fence for a number of years. R' Avraham very much wanted this fellow to make a commitment. And he told the fellow, "You got to do something. You can't keep wavering." The fellow made a commitment to keep kosher, but he needed one more Superdog.

GYE is looking for a volunteer in Brooklyn who can help with approx 5-10 hours of work in the coming week or two (for help with packaging and mailing). If you would like to help GYE, please be in touch with us at casriel@guardyoureyes.org.

Tizke Lemitzvos and may the zechus of helping GYE help you be strong in your own journey!

Someone wrote:

I think that seeing your own wife's beauty is a zchus - if you're grateful for her, and have humility and shmiras habris - you will see her beauty. Otherwise you don't. It's no chochmah to see other women's beauty. Marry them and it will soon disappear!

Dov Responds:

So true. But really, why will it disappear? And what really is "it"?

When you say inside, "Wow, look at her", what are you really saying? What does that mean?

I believe that it means you are religious. You worship women with power - women who are beautiful to you. It is a religion, you know. It doesn't have to have a name (Lustism?), but when I observe that my mouth drops open from what I see, that my eyes follow her, and that I fantasize (use) her image, that I focus and hope (and maybe even pray!) for attachment to it...well.....isn't that worship?!

Don't we speak of desiring more than anything to be dovek - attached to Hashem and of the ziv of the Sh'chinah? Isn't it supposed to be a lust of some kind? Doesn't the RMB"M describe it as "the way a man is preoccupied with desire for his woman all day long"?

There is nothing 'anatomically' wrong with you and me, but we have a problem: we have all the right ingredients and 'parts' - and naturally use them for the wrong thing! For a broken cistern. And no amount of religiosity will break me out of it. There is no 'teshuvah' for me to 'snap out of it'....except for maybe a few minutes or days. I need more than any single act, sh'vuah, takanah, chizuk or whatever, can provide.

I need to be immersed in recovery, to hang out with recovering people, be a member of a society of recovering people, use their tools, and learn how to live a little bit differently on a daily basis in the context of my real, mundane, daily life.

Cuz my body 'knows' and tells me that the 'babe' over there, is actually a goddess. Really, not just figuratively. To me, she has power. Real power....and I need her. I feel like she will take care of me if I could only get closer. But as you put it so nicely, once we have a real relationship with them, all that disappears....because that takes them off the pedestal and they are no longer goddesses. "Uh oh...gotta find another one who really is a goddess!" And on it goes....

I am screwed up, and how. Until I recognize and admit that, there is just no starting point at all.

Our children love to play, but today's dolls are often not the type you would want to bring home with you. Introducing: The Shpielmans!

Adopt a frum doll family with all the bells and whistles. Your children will love the Shpielmans!

Note: One of GYE's warmest supporters is involved in this project and asked us to help spread the word.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.