Change is a process
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1774  
In Today's Issue
Testimonials: Nedarim Seyag L'prishus
Sayings: Change is a process, not an event.
Daily Dose of Dov: Appreciating What We Have
Announcements: Live Group Meetings
90 Day Journey
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Nedarim Seyag L'prishus
By Shoimer88
By GYE Member

I grew up with full internet access and became addicted at a young age. It had been about fifteen years and I don't believe I had gone a full week without acting out. Now I have become a member of GYE and through the Taphsic program I have been clean for 50 days! I didn't believe there was any hope for me as I was so sucked into the garbage, but through making a Shvuah I have been able to control myself from "just" doing it because I could and there was nothing to stop me. Now when I'm bored or feeling down and the urge comes, I realize that I can't "simply" do it anymore as I would have to pay the price for doing it! I made a Shevua that if I act out, without first calling a friend and telling him that I am going through a hard time - I'll have to fast from dawn until nightfall. If I DO call a friend first, then I "only" have to pay 50 dollars to GYE. With these Gedarim up it makes the urge to "just do it" much, much weaker! I don't want to pay 50 dollars for this! Kein Yirbu I am going strong and hope to make it to 90 days without a hitch.

Thank you GYE!

Change is a process, not an event.
Daily Dose of Dov
Appreciating What We Have
By Dov

There's a nice Chazal about the fact that appreciation of a spouse is contingent upon faithfulness in the heart:

"kol hanosein eynov b'mah she'eyno shelo - ma she yeish lo, notlin mimenu - whoever puts his eyes on that which is not his, even what is his they take away from him" - in other words, there is a bracha we get to appreciate and enjoy the attractiveness of our spouses. It is from Hashem. We can't even lust our way to it, for that lust will eventually spill over onto other people.

Should I choose to be masbiyah eynee with a lust image (of a real person or of a picture), it is always at the expense of my happiness with whatever I've actually got. Whenever a lust opportunity comes up, I have a choice in that moment: do something in this moment that will increase my appreciation of my wife in some respect (take the actions of love) - or take this lust and use it - and as a result want it and believe in it even more than I already do. Which will it be? Often the addict chooses poorly...till the pain gets too great. Then he is really, finally, in trouble. But it is the best possible trouble to be in, and that pain opens the door to recovery.

[The actions of love can be calling my wife just to say "hi!" and ask how things are going/daven for her real needs/get back to the shopping I was doing for her in the first place before the 'image' came along, whatever. Being useful to her. She's my wife! Don't I want things to be better for us? Well, this is the only way....]

Live Group Meetings

GYE recommends joining the new 12-Step fellowship of Porn Anonymous (PA).

See or

See Rabbi Twerski speaking about the new PA initiative at GYE's recent conference in Jerusalem:

Check out their site for information about existing meetings and about creating new meetings:

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit

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