What has helped me stay clean, b”H, the past 90 days?

Firstly, all the incredible support of GYE and its members. There is no doubt that this is the strongest point.

Also, seeing the fantasy thoughts as the nisayon they are, clarified it as something outside of me and not a reflection of me, as I used to think. Once I identified it for what it was, I could now actually work on overcoming it.

Making it disgusting in my eyes, helped sometimes.

Focusing on one day at a time, trusting Hashem that He helped me up to this point, He will continue to guide me as long as I turn to Him.

Another point that helped a lot was starting to focus on being a giver in any situation. It changed my perspective and gave me fulfilment so that I didn’t need to seek the good feeling in other areas.

A practical tool when an inappropriate thought came was to stubbornly insist on changing the subject, doing whatever necessary to do this. Whether it was an easy one of saying ‘go away’, or to put on music, or to even chant to myself ‘clean, clean…’ until eventually the message penetrated.

When feeling triggered, staying in a room of people keeps me from falling. Just thinking, if they knew what was going on in my head, jolts me back to reality.

Ultimately, the most effective tool is to daven, with the genuine feeling that only He can overcome and to trust Him with the results after doing hishtadlus.

The Gemara in Brachos brings a contradiction between two p'sukim: one says everything is Hashem's, the other says the earth is given to mankind. Nu?

As you probably know, it answers: It all belongs to Hashem - until we make a b'racha. Once we say a b'racha, it is given to us. "v'ho'oretz nosan livnei odom" - it is ours!

I ask you: What was said in that b'racha that gave all this stuff to us? What is the power of the bracha that makes the switch?

It seems to me that all we say in a brocha is this: It's Yours, not mine. You made this fruit - Konei Shomayim vo'oretz - You made it, so it belongs to you.

That is why the brocha gives it to us. We remember that it is His, not ours. So we 'get' it. Do we ever really get it? Of course not. We are His, the food we eat is His, etc. But that is the way things work: if we give it away, we get it - as much as a person can ever get anything in this world...to use it on loan.

That is why the program suggests we need to give up to 'win'; lead with our weaknesses to stay 'strong'; and 'let go' to get free. And I believe it is one meaning (closest to the Chofetz Chayim's p'shat in it) of the Chazal, "ein divrei Torah miskaymin ella b'mi sh'meimis es atzmo aleyhem" - the only way to get Hashem and succeed in His Torah is to totally let go of our grasp on ourselves - our pride, fears, resentments...all that baggage we hold onto so tightly.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.