Looking for volunteers to help with our annual High Holiday campaign who want to give something back to GYE (besides financial support). If you want to help, please be in touch with Yaakov at eyes.guard@gmail.com.

Tizke Lemitzvos and have a Ksiva Vachasima Tova!

Someone who is clean for 5 months wrote on the forum:

"I'M GOING NUTS!!! I wish all these nisyonos would stop already.

I haven't had a decent income to speak of in at least a year. I'm really getting worried.

My wife, under normal circumstances, spends half her time bringing our children to different doctors appointments.

Now she's in the hospital for hopefully no more than another day or two, but worst-case-scenerio could be six weeks.

I might as well add: I did teshuva and pretty much lost the rest of my family--they all stayed behind. Can barely relate to them anymore. It's been like that since at least 15 years ago.

My learning hopes and aspirations have totally fallen apart.

I don't want to hide these feelings. I don't want to pretend like I made it to 90 days and, presto, suddenly became a superhuman or angel or something.

I don't feel like acting out, but I feel totally crushed. Paralyzed.

Right now my children just came home. They are playing downstairs, and I am ignoring them upstairs to write this. I've been running around like crazy all morning taking care of different things. Pretty soon I'll log out, go downstairs and make lunch, and spend the rest of the day taking care of them."

Dov replies:

Apparently, nisyonos always do stop at some point, but they will be replaced by other ones that may (or may not) be easier in many respects... We just have to grow, I guess.

We just need to all do the best we can under the circumstances - and see the good in that. If I don't, I'll end up acting out c"v, and that may actually kill me. The things that I wish - no matter how objectively "good" they are - just can't be allowed to take front row any more emotionally... that's recovery in action. A real miracle. Otherwise, the next step for me will be trying to "fix it all up" using my magic (lust) toolbox... it has only one tool in it, and it's a, ummm, errr... let's just call it "fantasy".

As far as not being able to relate anymore to your family (I assume by "family" you mean your parent(s) and siblings) after becoming a baal Teshuvah, Youch, that hurts. In recovery, I have discovered that I can maintain my mental and spiritual distance from these people while relating to them more and more. Your serenity will fill you and protect you. Just don't give it up for their sake - or for anybody's! Looking down on others in any way, does just that to me, and soon I start to slip.

You have come a very long way and Hashem is helping you in spades. Please consider using this pain. By working my 4th-9th steps from within the pains of life I have found freedom and growth, and lots of nechama in hard times. Countless others have, as well. Keep up the good work. You are worth it, and so are your wife and kiddies.

You may not be perfect at anything, may not be the talmid chochom you wish, may not have the money for the comfort and normalcy you want for your family yet, and may not be as happy a person right now as you wish you'd be, but at the very least, you are trying to be a responsible person and a decent father and faithful husband. I believe that your kids will forgive you for all the insufficiencies you have. Every child needs a decent, loving father and every wife needs a decent, loving husband - like you are. Not a great, wise, nor wealthy one.

Gevalt! We all hope that things get easier quickly for you and yours!

In our tefillah, we say, “Remove Satan (the yetzer hara) from before us and after us.” The Talmud says that “A person’s yetzer hara (evil inclination) renews itself each day and seeks to destroy one” (Kedushin 30a). The yetzer hara has only one goal: to crush and destroy a person. It will resort to any technique to do so. It may begin by enticing a person to engage in self-destructive behavior. If it succeeds in doing so, it will then say, “Look how degenerate you are. Look at the terrible things you have done.” That is why we ask Hashem’s help to remove the yetzer hara from before us, not to tempt us to sin, and after us, not to depress us because we yielded to his wile.

In the season of teshuvah we must remember the words of Rambam, that whereas a person who sins is despised by Hashem, once he changes his ways and does sincere teshuvah, he is dear and beloved to Hashem. The yetzer hara attacks this vigorously and wants a person’s past to haunt him the rest of his life. We should be happy that we have the mitzvah of teshuvah and not allow the yetzer hara to crush and depress us.

It is a mistake to be preoccupied by the past. When King David said, “My sin is before me always” (Psalm 51:8), he did not mean that he ruminated on his sin. The Rebbe of Kotzk said, “A sin is like mud. Whichever way you handle it, you will get soiled.” With teshuvah, the sin is erased “like a fog.” When a fog clears, no trace of it remains. What King David meant was, “Inasmuch as I sinned, I must remember that I have this vulnerability, and I must keep my guard up.”

Mitzvos should be performed with simcha, and the mitzvah of teshuvah is no exception.

May Hashem inscribe you for a healthy and joyous year.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.