Training the muscles for an uphill journey
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1715  
In Today's Issue
Image of the Day
Daily Dose of Dov: Training the Good Muscles
Testimonials: The imperfect victories of a spiritual baby.
Chizuk: My Uphill Journey
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Image of the Day
Daily Dose of Dov
Training the Good Muscles
By Dov

"Yiddle" wrote on the forum:

"Hashem: I am talking directly to you. Please, I sit here with tears nearly streaming down my cheeks. Please give me the power and the will I lack to overcome this. Please allow me to live. Please take away the source of the pain. I want to break free of this more than anything in the world. Bli neder, I will not use my computer for a month. I can use other people's computers for no longer than 15 minutes at a time, and no more than 30 minutes a day. I am also making a plan to get rid of my laptop for good. I don't need it. I just make excuses to have it."

Dov responds:

Yiddle, I love you so much! You are pouring out your heart here and saying words that I have cried over, too, and still cry over them. I want to be close to Hashem, instead of to Lust. I want to be His, not Lust's. I want to be free of lust today more than anything in the world - no question!

Please consider the positive side, too. You speak to Him of "not doing this or that, limiting something, etc." The entire solution includes lots of positives - the positives is where we gain the condolence that we need to remain free of the schmutz! To be OK without it! The positive for me, is talking to Hashem calmly and humbly a few times a day, before and after davening for 5 seconds, 10 seconds, a minute, whatever, and before I leave my house in the morning, go to work, leave my work, come home, etc. When I do anything that in the past may have led to getting distracted by lust, I talk to Him and ask Him calmly to just help me do this right.

It seems clear that you recognize that the connection you need will not be supplied for you by the schmutz and acting-out behaviors any more. True. That is over, whether you like it or not, I believe (feeling a little terror here is quite normal, by the way...)

But we are not G-d. Only He is One and Alone! We, however, need to be plugged into something greater than ourselves, something we worship, a Higher Power. That is how we are made!

But then where will it come from? Answer: You need to create it - it will not happen by itself. I do not need just "tahara" (i.e. not sinning)! Stopping there will assure my failure. I need to start growing in kedusha and d'veikus! The "freedom from sin" part is a gift! But the connection with Hashem? That I have to fight for!

Not because He makes me fight for it for some cruel reason, nor because I need to "deserve it", chas vesholom. No way! It's a gift I will never deserve! Rather, it's simply because I spent years and years connecting to my lust instead of to Him and to people in a healthy way, whenever I felt empty. See, besides just an addiction it is a trained reaction - so I need to start training the good muscles, with His help.

I hope this is chizuk to you, my friend.

Much love,


The imperfect victories of a spiritual baby.
By Anonymous

Yesterday, Hashem graced me with 1 year of sobriety, and I owe GYE a HUGE "thank you" for their part in it. When I found GYE, I had stopped my bottom line behaviors thru the help of "The Garden" series books and working on personal prayer, but I couldn't stop pornography and masturbation. After white-knuckling it for 4 months, I eventually fell and went to my first SA meeting.

Read more
My Uphill Journey
By Anonymous

It's an uphill journey

A steep road to trudge

The surroundings unfamiliar

In fear's grip, I dare not budge

Yet as I squint before me

and look past my narrow path

I see a widened expanse

Of opportunity to unmap

Around me trees are barren

Yet the familiarity keeps me deceptively warm

But ahead, up on top, buds are forming

Waiting to burst into full form

And tentatively I step forward

Though my shackles fight to hold me back

You see, the metal is formed of habit

And that takes strength of iron to crack

The way winds around and widens

The air feels crisp, clearer and pure

There's something different-tangible and real

It offers freedoms appeal and lure

Though right this minute I feel lighter

My heart beat quickens with the incline

There'\s something raw, completely frightening

Letting go of the emptiness I've left behind

I struggle and pant, beg and pray

I feel alone-I need help to walk

This steep path I ventured out on

I turn to G-d and begin to talk

"Hashem," I cry, "I'm too bogged down

Familiarity grasps me in it's stead

Help me see, open my eyes

To the beauty that's promised just up ahead"

He lovingly heeds my heartfelt cry

And lifts me up so I can steal a peek

Of the splendor, vibrant colors, expanses of green

In reward for the fact that truth I seek

This gives me strength to carry on

With the knowledge that I'm not alone

With determination, I set out once more

One foot forward, on my own

The trees, they tower, larger than life

They offer fruits of labor delectably sweet

My path now boasts color and vibrancy

The pavement, soft as clouds, cushion my feet

It feels so blissful, I'm so thankful

My senses adjust to a new reality

Because they feel real happiness here

Once having let go of fateful familiarity

Don't be disillusioned, this treck is always uphill

I'm breaking a sweat, consciously avoiding road blocks

But be sure of one thing, I'm still walking

Eyes and heart on my pulse, with my goals climbing over those rocks

As my uphill path continues to expand and blossom

Feelings of ease replace the constant aching lack

There's a rainbow up ahead, birds flying over head

And a clarity in the knowledge that......there is NO LOOKING BACK!!

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit

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