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90 Day Journey |
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Daily Dose of Dov |
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Recovery can't mean just not acting out |
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By Dov |
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In the groups, we have learned that professing one has "finally really hit bottom" is silly. The only time it becomes clear to anyone that a person has hit bottom is after they find they have taken real steps to change the way they live. That is the closest thing to any proof to myself that I am taking my problem seriously. The day I start living life (in every department of my life) exactly as I did before - even without any shred of acting out - will be the day I sign my death certificate. It would mean that recovery for me means "not acting out". That lie was how I never recovered for decades.
The acting out is a symptom of living a sick life inside me and outside me, and I need to change my life, motivation, and behavior, besides the acting out, or else I'm doomed to the same slop. We simply cannot change our clothes while keeping the same exact body. That's why I instinctively slowly changed: including the way I spell my name, my nusach of t'fillah, and other things, to make a new life for myself from now on. Sounds like the Rambam's description of Teshuvah, but I don't care about that Teshuva business - it's not my affair. Whether I did Teshuvah or not is Hashem's business. You see, intentionally doing it for "Teshuvah" would mean that I have succeeded in proving something to myself or others, and that's a lie. I am still on the same exact road as before - nothing has changed. I have not "made it" and I do not consider myself as having done any shred of Teshuva. (How do you do Teshuvah for an illness, anyway?) |
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12 Step Attitude |
"Join us on Monday, June 10th and all week for our Launch into the Twelve Steps - Chapter 5 - How it Works" |
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The 12 Steps or the 10 Commandments - which will keep you sober? |
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By Duvid Chaim |
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It's not an exaggeration! I've attended many 12 Step Meetings and I am surprised how few of the attendees really know the accurate or deeper meaning of the Twelve Steps. |
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Q & A |
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Progress not Perfection |
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By GYE |
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I recently went thru my toughest and worst stage of my life.
I've always struggled with the internet and I've been constantly fighting. But last week, I broke my leg forcing me to stay in the dorm alone for a couple of days. I borrowed my friend's smartphone out of boredom and even asked him to restrict it but after a couple of hours, I broke the restriction. I went back and forth with guilt and sadness and "yiush" and fell again and again.
Eventually, I gained the courage and returned his phone. However, how to get the guilty feelings out of my heart and, most importantly, how to prevent it in the future?
I just read a Medrash today that asks, "Why does Hashem forgive the sins of the Yidden and not those of the goyim?" Answers the Medrash, that when a goy sins it's because he wants to throw off the yoke of Heaven. But when a Yid sins, it's only out of taavah or laziness, but deep down he really wishes he could do Hashem's will.
I can see from your words how much you want to do Hashem's will, but the pain, loneliness, boredom, and taavah overtook you and caused you to fall. You wanted your friend to restrict you, but it was too much to handle. And in the end, you gave back the phone and feel so bad...
Hashem loves you and understands you. He is so patient and caring and understanding. As long as you are trying, which you ARE, He gives us so many chances to do better. All He asks from us is progress, not perfection.
The Yetzer Hara wants us to feel down and dirty even MORE than he wants to get us to sin. Because once we feel that way, he has us wrapped around his little finger. Don't fall for this trick! You are a holy Yid. Be happy! Throw yourself right back into learning and don't look back!
Hashem is so proud of your progress, but if you just "beat this once and for all," you would be done with your tikkun. Hashem could take you back upstairs c"v if you finished all your work. But of course, you have much more work to do. Now it's time to take NEW steps, and work on NEW approaches. You can even turn the fall into a zechus if you use it as a LEARNING EXPERIENCE to figure out what caused you to fall and set up new fences. And you can use it as a growing experience to ask yourself which tools you have tried already and which you haven't yet. That's what life is all about, progress... falls, get up, more progress... until finally you FINISH your work and go back up to Shamayim after 120! |
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Do you think you may have a porn addiction? |
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Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use?
Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better?
Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.
Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA).
If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk.
For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).
Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA).
To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk.
For more information visit www.sa.org.
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