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I want to share with you that one of my clients was expelled from his yeshiva for inappropriate advances to bochurim, and he came to see me. I did some work with him around SSA and boundary setting, and directed him to GYE.

GYE has changed his life! He has adopted the TaPhSik programme and is well on the way to his 90 days. He is now back in yeshiva and sober. The Yeshiva gave him access to the office computer so he can check in to GYE for chizuk. Another zechus in your ever-increasing portfolio. Tizku le’mitzvos.

Jonathan R*****n

Family & Couples Systemic Psychotherapist

Hello,

Thank you for your wonderful site.

I am a teacher in a religious, Jewish school in Germany.

The children in the school often have unfiltered access to the internet (there is little awareness of the dangers here).

There is one 10-year-old boy who, from his speech, jokes, and drawing, appears to be regularly accessing inappropriate material.

We have 2 questions:

1) His Rebbi would like to approach him to discuss this topic. Do you have any suggestions of how to do this successfully?

2) We would like to make an internet awareness event here for the parents of the school and our community. Are there any good speakers you could recommend who could talk (from a professional standpoint) about the dangers of the internet? English speakers are also fine.

GYE Replies:

In general, here is what we would suggest:

1. Have "the talk" with him - what's mutar/asur and harmful. You may use this script for the age-appropriate conversation about the dangers of pornography.

2. Make sure his parents are aware of his issues and restrict his access to the internet.

3. The parents and teachers should keep an eye out for unusual behavior or attempts to access inappropriate sites again.

4. If you discover such attempts, have another talk with him and keep an even more careful eye.

5. If it persists - have a professional speak with the child.

A boy this age who may be already addicted to these things will probably need therapy by a professional.

We are almost finished preparing a booklet of information for children in Hebrew, which we will then translate to English. Perhaps that can be of help as well. Be in touch with us in a month or two to see if it has come out yet.

We are also in touch with a mechanech in the US who has developed a series of talks that he has with children (age 12 or so) to teach them some basics about sexuality and inyanei kedusha. We are developing a series of videos now together with him, be in touch with us about this as well in a few months.

You can also see this article that may be helpful: https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/rabbi-twerski/item/caught-my-15-year-old-watching-porn

Lastly, some of the videos on this page may be helpful for the child to watch: https://gye.vids.io/tags/349cdbb916b1/understanding-addiction (particularly 01, 02 and 03)

Regarding your question about speakers, I do not know any in your area but there's an org called thedigitalcitizenship.com that developed a series of talks and a curriculum for schools.

Alternatively, you can set up an evening in your school where you show the parents videos on a big screen which will give them a much better understanding of the dangers. You can take videos from our "Parenting in the Digital Age" section.

Hope this helps.

Reply:

Thank you very much for your helpful and thorough response. We are grateful to have this resource to turn to!

I appreciate all the extra information, since perhaps the situation may be more serious.

Hi. I'm 15 years old and I care about Hashem a lot, but why should I stop hanging out with girls?

GYE Answered:

Please see page 15-16 of this booklet called "Dear Bochur".

It would be better if you read from page 9 already, to understand more about the issue.

And if you can read the whole thing, that would be the best!

Hatzlacha

P.S. By the way, do you also struggle with porn or masturbation?

The boy replies:

I once did suffer from these things. I have not seen one pornographic image in around a year and a half, maybe more. I have exercised much perishus and have not socially interacted with girls for 2-ish months. I find it very hard to not think about how good it once was, especially because I am going through extremely rough times right now, and girls always accepted me (as opposed to the yeshivisheh boys I am in school with now). This pamphlet gave me so much strength, Tizku LeMitzvos.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.