GYE Responds:

We are looking forward to hearing more about your multi-page plan about steps that you think can be taken to improve the situation in Klal Yisrael.

Regarding your point #1--chavrusah’s, this is indeed an important and powerful tool if we can convince people of its necessity (which will not be an easy task). Tool #11: Accountability and Tool #12: Group Support from the GYE Program discusses this in great depth. Let me just quote an anecdote from an older bochur who was clean for over a year (an excerpt from Tool #12). He wrote:

Yes, it is possible to be shomer habris, both before marriage and after. How did I make it this far? At the time it seemed impossible but, Baruch Hashem, I have a few friends who realize the importance of this mitzva as well. The six of us are unmarried bachurim, currently learning in a prominent yeshiva. Together with my friends, we formed a group based on the idea that this is an important focus of our lives. We meet once a month to stress the importance and beauty of what we have undertaken, and also to make some pledges. The rules of this group require that if one falls chas v'shalom, we are required to inform all other members of the group and to pay a fine of 200 dollars to the tzedaka of our choice. The number is arbitrary and serves as a number that is a significant amount, yet doable. The members have managed to be shomer habris from one month to six months, as of today, Baruch Hashem. Your amazing website guides many aspects of our group. It all starts with accountability. If you have someone to answer to, and especially to a group, it will be that much easier and it becomes that much more real.

Regarding your point number #2 for rabbanim and principles: This is a wonderful idea. I am wondering if we can tie it in somehow to what we have already begun in Israel.

This past year, we launched an educational campaign in religious high-schools in Israel with the cooperation of the Ministry of Education (but without their funding) and we lectured in over 80 schools to approximately 15,000 students.

The Ministry of Education encouraged us to continue our activities and we developed more extensive curriculum and booklets for teen boys and girls on this sensitive and important subject that were approved by the administration.

We already created and distributed tens of thousands of booklets for teens in schools, with special versions for boys and for girls. We are also currently working on a ground breaking book for pre-bar-mitzva boys to introduce them into this sensitive topic. There is nothing like this in existence. These booklets and presentations will all be translated into English as well, and we are hopeful to work with Torah Umesorah and other organizations to get this into the hands of Jewish teens everywhere.

Please see more information about the project, the presentations and booklets here: tiptipa.org.il

We would also like to develop a curriculum for schools and mechanchim world-wide, on how to best teach these sensitive subjects in schools and Yeshivos. I have begun putting together large amounts of material that, if organized properly, I believe can be a gold-mine of chizuk, guidance and advice to the younger generation. I am looking for talented writers and visionaries who can help organize all this material into a coherent curriculum for rabbanim and teachers.

I believe that this project can empower hundreds of thousands of our next generation in today's challenging world, and it has the potential to be a game-changing initiative in the frum world. Perhaps you could help us and be involved in this, especially for the U.S. community.

Regarding what you wrote about TAG being reactive as opposed to proactive, we have a website called www.venishmartem.com (or useitsafe.com) that not only lists all the TAG offices worldwide, but also helps people find the best filtering solutions on their own, for whatever device they may have. The new Wizard we created makes this easy for anyone, with just a few clicks. Once the Wizard if fully ready (we are working on it now) we hope to begin advertising this website in a more proactive way. Perhaps we can use some scare-tactic articles on frum websites to help encourage people to take the important step of filtering their devices. TAG, by shitah, does not have a website and will not advertise on frum websites. But we can do this, and start to be more proactive in this area.

Well, I am at day 36 and, thank G-d, still clean. This experience has been tremendous. For the first time in my life, I have had whom to reach out to for help: people who really understood me, having been through it themselves. Unlike speaking with a therapist, where there is the constant background feeling of "he is normal while I am sick/bad," I spoke with people who made me feel normal and even good about myself. I have been able to open up in ways that I never could before.

I was even able to be in contact with some of the chevra about how to prepare properly for mikva night. Instead of that discussion being a trigger, it helped me focus on giving to my wife in a way not done before, and I was free from my own desires and able to achieve real intimacy.

I can't thank all of you enough - those who I have gotten to know by phone and email - and even those who take out the time to respond on the forum. Hashem should bless all of you with hatzlocha.

"DovekBashem" writes:

I am down in the dumps again. I fell again today (and last night) and just feel like I have no control over my own body or my own life. I know that G-d is watching this whole thing and I can't help but wonder why, if he hates it as much as I do, why he doesn't stop me before I go too far.

Right now, I feel like I'm doomed to porn and m**bation forever... Like I will have no choice but lie to my wife and children (when I someday have them) and to keep pretending to my friends and family. But, in the back of my mind, I know that I am wrong. I believe I will have my 90+ clean streak. All I have to do is keep working on it. Keep picking up my head, smiling to G-d, and telling G-d that even if it looks like He doesn't want a relationship with me - I won't take 'no' for an answer!

Dov Responds:

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.