Yetzer Hara: You're such a shaigetz, you need to go to shul and daven the entire thing. If you don't go to shul, your worthless, and even if you do go, you have to be zoche for your teffilos to reach Hashem. Shaigetz.

Me: Right, I am a shaigetz, I give up, I hate myself.

... I put teffilin on at home, and 4 minutes later I get into my car and drive to office, feeling guiltier and guiltier every second...

Yetzer Hara: I told you you're a goy, you're going to have a lousy day today, I promise you. How could you have a good day after skipping davening?

Me: your right, I'm a shiagetz, I give up, I'm such a loser.

Dov Responds:

Moshe - Though I don't know you, and as I'm not trying to convince you of anything, this "share" is probably safe:

What you describe here was a regular for me too, for many years, until about two and a half years sober when things started to radically improve.

Anyway, at times like those, I need to remember things like this: The Gemara is Berachos says: "If you want to accept completely that Hashem is your king, wash your hands, go to the bathroom, say k'riyas sh'ma and daven sh'moneh esrei." I know that halacha developed to include brachos, p'sukei d'zimrah, birchos k'riyas sh'ma, kedusha, borchu, aleinu, etc, etc, all for our own good, but: There is something very, very big to be said for a Yid who does just those 4 simple steps.Very big.

When even that doesn't work for me for some reason, I would remember that I was sober. If that isn't great news enough for me to be happy about, regardless of what I am doing wrong (or not doing right), I'd paraphrase the powerful Lecevitcher story that Guard once posted:

(The Lechevitcher Rebbe, a student of R'Shlomo of Karlin, once went as far as to say that even if a person just killed someone and the knife is still dripping with blood, but he feels can't stand up and pray Mincha with all his strength and with all his heart, then he has not yet tasted from the waters of Chassidus!)

"If the fact that an addict is sober today is not good enough for him, he has not yet tasted from the waters of recovery."

This, I believe, is the spirit of "Dayeinu" at the seder: "Even if He would have taken us to har sinai and not given us the Torah; etc, etc... It would have been enough for us." Enough for what? Enough for us to feel like we got a good deal, i.e. to feel OK about things - even without x, y, and z.

For more from Dov on the difficulties of Davening when starting out in recovery, see this page for a whole discussion on the issue. [Scroll to the bottom to see Dov's beautiful reply].

I appreciated Miri's Sharing about completing the 4th Step. I remember how difficult it was for me as well. How could I actually put down on paper all the history and "stories" that I had that I considered to be so shameful? And how could I possibly share it with another person; my sponsor; who was practically a stranger??

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.