Conversations with GYE
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1413  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Image of the Day: GYE's Favorite Saying
Editor’s Note: Helping Others
Q & A: Hashem doesn't like me
12 Step Attitude: Overcome the Yetzer Hara
Q & A: Don't "Just" Say No! Mean It.
 
 
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Image of the Day
 
GYE's Favorite Saying
 
GYE's Favorite Saying
Editor’s Note
 
Helping Others

We have become privvy to the following conversation between a member and the Guard:

GYE Member: "I was on the GYE website when some chatted with me and said that he is triggered. This was the first time someone else complained to me about their situation, since usually I am the complainer. However, I am still new to this, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do and what ideas to give him. So I just told him to call a friend, or read some good jokes on the forum to help his urge pass and chatted with him. I also offerd him some words of encouragement. However, I had to stop chatting with him since it became late. I felt bad and hoped that I was giving him the right ideas to help him overcome the urge. I would like to know what would be the best way in the future to help someone through their triggers. I hope that he did not fall due to lack of my good helping him through this."

 

The Guard: "Don't worry about it. 

You should never feel it is your job to "stop" or "save" anyone from falling. That is something each person must learn on their own.

You did well! The main thing is having friends to chat with and get out of isolation. 

In the future, just assure the person that everything will be "Ok", i.e. that they won't die if they don't give in. Sometimes, that's all a person needs to hear from another addict."

 

We'd like to ad to this that helping others is a sure-fire way to help ourselves, and you can likely testify to that. All the advice you gave this other member as golden. You shared your own experience and what works for you, and that's all we can really do.

Keep up the good job!

Q & A
 
Hashem doesn't like me
 
Why does Hashem make so many things go wrong?
 
By the.guard

A teen member who is clean for over a year wrote:

Hashem doesn't like me. Look how hard I've worked to be the best person I can be and now I am finding it so hard to find a yeshiva. All my friends and normal people and I'm just a loser.


GYE Responds:

My dear friend,

This is a test in your Emunah. Every test is given to us to make us stronger. There are so many tests we will face in life, but the test of Emunah is the crux of them all, as the Gemara says: בא חבקוק והעמידן על אחת: צדיק באמונתו יחיה.

Your journey has been so inspiring. You could be a leader for the next generation. But to be a leader, you need to get through some difficult tests. Hashem is building you up, bit by bit.

Be strong. Never say "Hashem doesn't like me". He is CRAZY about you. We have to believe that with all our heart. And we have to believe that even if he would take away our very LIFE, He is doing it ONLY for our good. Hashem is perfect. He is not CAPABLE of doing anything bad. בכל לבבך ובל נפשך - אפילו נוטל את נפשך.

Hashem hides Himself sometimes to build us up, to see how we will react. He is playing hide and seek. Don't give up the game just cuz you don't see Him now. He is just around the corner.


Member responds:

Thank you so much for that message. You have literally put me straight back onto my feet.

I am going to save that for whenever I am feeling down. Emunah in Hashem in all circumstances is the key!

I love Hashem because He wants so much from me. The more He tests me the more He wants from me!

12 Step Attitude
 
Overcome the Yetzer Hara
 
By GYE

The core of the famous "12-Step" program and the secret to its great success, are the first 3 steps:

1. We admitted we were powerless over lust, and that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.

All wisdom can be found in the Torah, and Rabbi A.J Twerski has a book called "Self improvement? I'm Jewish!" which shows how the 12 steps are essentially the same strategies described by the Sifrei Mussar.

Read article
Q & A
 
Don't "Just" Say No! Mean It.
 
Q: I feel like I just have to masturbate every so often, I just can't say no.
 
By GYE

A: What do you mean "you just can't say no"? If your mother walked into the room just before you acted out, or if someone put a gun to your head and threatened to kill you if you acted out, would you still not be able to say no?

This proves that you can say no, you just don't have enough will-power or enough of a deterrent. That is where the TaPHSiC method comes in. If you make a shvuah for a month that every time you feel you "have to" masturbate you will have to first exercise 20 minutes - and if you don't, it will cost you a painful and big knas, you will see how much less often you "can't say no".

This will help you drastically cut down. And the less we feed it, the less we need it. Over time, you will see it will get much easier to say no.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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