A teen member who is clean for over a year wrote:

Hashem doesn't like me. Look how hard I've worked to be the best person I can be and now I am finding it so hard to find a yeshiva. All my friends and normal people and I'm just a loser.

GYE Responds:

My dear friend,

This is a test in your Emunah. Every test is given to us to make us stronger. There are so many tests we will face in life, but the test of Emunah is the crux of them all, as the Gemara says: בא חבקוק והעמידן על אחת: צדיק באמונתו יחיה.

Your journey has been so inspiring. You could be a leader for the next generation. But to be a leader, you need to get through some difficult tests. Hashem is building you up, bit by bit.

Be strong. Never say "Hashem doesn't like me". He is CRAZY about you. We have to believe that with all our heart. And we have to believe that even if he would take away our very LIFE, He is doing it ONLY for our good. Hashem is perfect. He is not CAPABLE of doing anything bad. בכל לבבך ובל נפשך - אפילו נוטל את נפשך.

Hashem hides Himself sometimes to build us up, to see how we will react. He is playing hide and seek. Don't give up the game just cuz you don't see Him now. He is just around the corner.

Member responds:

Thank you so much for that message. You have literally put me straight back onto my feet.

I am going to save that for whenever I am feeling down. Emunah in Hashem in all circumstances is the key!

I love Hashem because He wants so much from me. The more He tests me the more He wants from me!

The core of the famous "12-Step" program and the secret to its great success, are the first 3 steps:

1. We admitted we were powerless over lust, and that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.

All wisdom can be found in the Torah, and Rabbi A.J Twerski has a book called "Self improvement? I'm Jewish!" which shows how the 12 steps are essentially the same strategies described by the Sifrei Mussar.

A: What do you mean "you just can't say no"? If your mother walked into the room just before you acted out, or if someone put a gun to your head and threatened to kill you if you acted out, would you still not be able to say no?

This proves that you can say no, you just don't have enough will-power or enough of a deterrent. That is where the TaPHSiC method comes in. If you make a shvuah for a month that every time you feel you "have to" masturbate you will have to first exercise 20 minutes - and if you don't, it will cost you a painful and big knas, you will see how much less often you "can't say no".

This will help you drastically cut down. And the less we feed it, the less we need it. Over time, you will see it will get much easier to say no.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.