Torah Tavlin? I'm an Addict!
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1378  
In Today's Issue
Image of the Day
Chizuk: Hilchos Yichud
Sayings: Sobriety is a journey, not a destination.
Daily Dose of Dov: Torah Tavlin For Addicts?
Personal Stories: Stark accountability and brokenness before Hashem
Announcements: GYE App is available!
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Image of the Day
Hilchos Yichud
Part 3/3
By Krakowski, Rabbi Y. Dov

9. It is permissible for one man to seclude himself with a woman and her daughter in-law, or a woman and her stepdaughter.

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Sobriety is a journey, not a destination.
Daily Dose of Dov
Torah Tavlin For Addicts?
Part 3/3
By Dov

The missing ingredient for us frum guys to recover is not the "l'shem Shomayim" part. We know that idea already (though we are so upset at how we fail to put it into action, still doing crazy aveiros on a regular basis, etc.).

The one definite missing ingredient for me (and per AA, for many other addicts) was the "l'shem Atzmi"! Enlightened self-interest, as AA puts it.

I always thought that the struggle of lust was between my doing what Hashem wants me to do, or not doing it.

I never got better that way.

I see now that I was completely wrong.

When Hashem brought "kol mageifosai el libecha", I got the missing ingredient. I began to actually do what is best for me, for a change. And since then, I've been getting closer to Him than ever!

In recovery, the struggle of lust is actually being good to myself vs. punishing myself. It's a self-centered affair, really.

As Dovid Hamelech said, "Ainai tamid el hashem, ki hu yotzi mereshes raglai - my eyes are always to Hashem, for He will extract my feet from the trap".

I attach myself to Hashem because he saves me.... enlightened self-interest is not such a bad thing, it seems. (Especially if you are shayach to malchus, like Dovid Hamelech, who recognized that he has nothing of his own anyway).

Once I have a "me", I can give that "me" to Hashem.... not before. And I give Him most of the credit for getting me there, and keeping me there.

I hope this is a bit clearer. Do you see how it's the same thing I was always saying? My very first post on GYE was about this, too.

Personal Stories

If you can't access the on-line version of this article, email and I will email you the full copy.

Stark accountability and brokenness before Hashem

I am in my 40's. My second marriage. My first ended because of multiple affairs. At that time, I spent hour upon hour in Torah study. I attended the place of assembly regularly (SA groups). I formed small groups of men for accountability, and yet I failed again and again.

Two things led to success: Stark accountability and brokenness before Hashem's presence. And two things keep me safe now: Full accountability to my wife, and the fear of losing again what I lost: my reputation, my children, employment, the respect of my sons and first wife, thousands of dollars of child support, etc.

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Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit

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