Who Wants Their Sanity Back?
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1312  
In Today's Issue
Announcements: GYE Event with Dov and Duvid Chaim in Jerusalem
Image of the Day
Daily Dose of Dov: Getting back our sanity
Torah: How can I make this Ellul different from every other Ellul?
Practical Tips: Elya's Secrets to Success
90 Day Journey
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GYE Event with Dov and Duvid Chaim in Jerusalem

Good News! Dov (from the Daily Dose of Dov) is visiting Israel.

We'll be having a special GYE event this Thursday evening in Jerusalem where you can meet Dov - and Duvid Chaim from the 12-Step calls - in person!

Under the Title: "Recovery is not a spectator sport!"

Dov and Duvid Chaim will discuss their experiences and practical insights into the Action Steps of Recovery.

Spouses are invited too, to join Duvid Chaim's wife Miriam for a special Wives's Q&A Get Together in an adjacent room.

Please RSVP by e-mail to: gye.help@gmail.com so we can know who will be joining us.

Dov and Duvid Chaim will be answering all your questions - you are welcome to send them to Duvid Chaim in advance at duvidchaim@gmail.com.

This Thursday, August 20, 2015 at 9 PM at "The Place" in Jerusalem

2/19 Rechov Sheshet Hayamim
Ramat Eshkol, Jerusalem

Suggested fee to help cover costs: 20 NIS

Image of the Day
Daily Dose of Dov
Getting back our sanity
What does "Restore us to sanity" mean?
By Dov

Someone asked Dov:

"I never understood why our Higher Power would restore us to sanity. Someone from SA told me it just works and never mind why."

Dov Replies:

"Wasn't your motive for desperately searching out and drinking in porn, fantasy and masturbation *always* in order to restore you to *sanity*?

Consider this, please:

*Sanity* here, does not mean that one is *objectively sane*, intelligent, healthy, or sound of mind - it means on a personal, innate, gut (real) level, that our feeling of living right now makes sense right now, feels 'right', and is really 'OK'. If our lives are a mess, then we must be sick in the head in some way - our decisions and reactions are clearly 'off'.

So...why do we addicts act out now, at all? Are we just resho'im? Ooh, that'd be soooo simple, wouldn't it?

No. We all know that we run after the sex goddess BECAUSE SHE HAS THE SCHOIRAH, don't we? What schoirah does she have? Her figure, smile, privates? No.

What we always so deeply crave from her is the 'OK-ness' that using her will give us inside. Relief. It's powerful. *Far* more powerful than shacharis is (usually). It is therefore a higher power that must be reckoned with.

The second step (accepting that a Higher Power can restore us to sanity) cannot be done until we first recognize that we have *already* been using a few false higher powers for years and years - though we did not understand *them* that well, either. Does the orgasm really fix anything? No. But I run after it like I'll die without it, anyway, in acting out. With true sacrifice sometimes (mesiras nefesh), too. Right?

Think it over.

- Dov

How can I make this Ellul different from every other Ellul?
Part 1/3
By Boruch

I was addicted to sexual thoughts, fantasy, pornography and masturbation. Every year, Ellul after Ellul, I would launch a full scale attack on my addiction, But sooner or later year after year, I fell and failed.

There were times I stopped in Ellul and did not even make it through Ellul. I would stop again for Rosh Hashana and sometimes not make it through aseres yemei teshuva to Yom Kippur. I would stop on Yom Kippur and not make it through Sukkos. Sometimes I did not even start getting stopped until Rosh Hashana came around. Sometimes I held out from sometime in Ellul for a month or even a little more. But one way or another, come Rosh Chodesh Cheshvan, I was back again to my addiction as if Ellul had never come.

I had tried mussar seforim; Shaarei Teshuva, Chovos Halevovos, Maalos Hamiddos, Orchos Tzaddikim, Sefer Charedim, Mesilas Yeshorim, Yesod Veshoresh Ho'avoda, Nefesh HaChaim, Cheshbon Hanefesh and Sifrei Maharal. I learned these seforim with absolute desperation and determination and tried to implement them and follow their instructions, but I always failed to get anything that would last beyond Rosh Chodesh Cheshvan. I listened to Rav Avigdor Miller's tapes and learned his seforim. I had a Rebbe who gave excellent mussar and I almost never missed any of his Shiurim. I cried out to Hashem every Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur and I was absolutely determined to make that year the last of my addiction, but all to no apparent avail.

Then on January 20th of this year I posted my Teshuva here on GYE. Bechasdei Hashem, I have been sexually sober, one day at a time, since then. What did I find in GYE that I did not find in all the mussar seforim?

Even more puzzling, 10 days after I joined GYE, I joined a face to face meeting of Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). It was there that I discovered not just how to avoid pornography and masturbation, but how to recover from fantasy and lust to the extent that on a daily basis they no longer interest me at all.

And through SA's 12-Step program I was introduced to Overeaters Anonymous (OA) and was able to lose 40 lb in 4 months. I was also introduced to Debtors Anonymous (DA) and today, for the first time in over 20 years of marriage, my wife and I have stopped borrowing money. We have a monthly spending plan that is in the Black for already three months, and we have stopped incurring overdraft fees after having racked up over a thousand dollars in overdraft fees in the year before we began our recovery.

What did I find through SA, OA and DA that I did not find in all the mussar seforim?

Looking back, I now realize that what I had found through GYE, SA, OA and DA was everything I had learned in the mussar seforim! But somehow, I had been unable to get it to work against my addiction. So why did it take GYE, SA, OA and DA for me to discover it?

The question of "Torah vs Steps" has been much discussed on this forum. At certain points I have added my own two cents to those discussions. I now believe though, from my own experience and from my experience working with other Frum Jews, that there is no "Torah vs Steps" at all.

To be continued...
Practical Tips
Elya's Secrets to Success
By Eye.nonymous

I have been pretty regular about a morning 11th step-seek conscious contact with my Higher Power through prayer and meditation. This was something that was difficult for me for a very long time, but I recently came across a suggested approach for meditation which I have found very easy to work with.

Read more
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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