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  Breaking Free Chizuk #1309  
 
 
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Q & A: Symptoms of Sexual Addiction
Attitude & Perspective: Principle 5: Breaking the Cycle
Daily Dose of Dov: Who's the Dirty One Here?
 
 
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What does happiness have to do with gratitude?

 
Q & A
 
Symptoms of Sexual Addiction
 
By Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S

Sexual addiction or hypersexuality is defined as a dysfunctional preoccupation with sexual fantasy, often in combination with the obsessive pursuit of casual or non-intimate sex; pornography; compulsive masturbation; romantic intensity and objectified partner sex for a period of at least six months.

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Attitude & Perspective
 
 
Principle 5: Breaking the Cycle
 
Daily Dose of Dov
 
Who's the Dirty One Here?
 
By Battleworn

"Nurah B'Amram" calls "FIRE" on the forum! (His nickname and his calling "Fire" is based on a story in the Gemara Kidushin 81a, see Tool #9 of the GYE handbook).

Nura writes:

I'm coming off a very loooooong project at work, about to wrap it up. I'm burned out and depleted, both physically and emotionally - easy prey for that BIG FAT FAT BEAST commonly known as the Yetzer Hara. Last time I fell, it was under similar circumstances - and I seek no encore performance!

Recently I passed through the city of Sedom and Amorah on the Hudson. I try to minimize my visits to that lovely island, but when I do pass through there I make it a point of taking the FDR drive instead of the West side highway because I believe there is less "view" there and less billboards etc. (all those unfortunate enough to travel there can relate).

The advertisers on these "un-holy" billboards don't spend millions of dollars for nothing - they know exactly what they are doing. I make it a practice of keeping my eyes strictly on the road and cars ahead.... Nevertheless, there were two huge-multi-story billboards at which I sorta glanced at from my peripheral vision... Perhaps because I've been in a good state with Guarding-My-Eyes for the past few months through the kindness of Hashem, I believe that I may be in heightened state of sensitivity, and I can't get these images to stop replaying in my mind!

So I'm going to YELL: "NOORA BEI AMRAM - FIRE IN THE HOUSE OF AMRAM!!"

I pray the Ribono shel Olam should douse this fire... NOW!

 

Dov responds to the cry:

Dear R' NBA (Noorah B'Amram),

Here's a water-bucket for you, Be"H: Yesterday, walking through the very unholy-appearing NYC (from the Megabus dropoff three squirmy blocks to Penn station) and then to my parents' home in Queens, I had the peripheral vision experience you described at least 10 times. It's one thing driving around at home where I'm used to the:

  • very brief eye-closing,
  • diverting my mind to reality,
  • the surrendering of curiosity to Hashem, and
  • the choice of safer routes to avoid "trouble".

It's an entirely different experience having the sewage poured on me as I go through that town! Now, I do believe Hashem has the "brawn" and the "brains" to save me from that too if push comes to shove, but I wasn't used to that feeling (anymore).

So, here is my share to you, NB'A:

I became aware that I was starting to feel "dirty" at some point, after getting "splashed" by a few "lust-puddles". I started to feel quite the victim. Not good. But what was worse was that I started to feel dirty. Dirt attracts only more dirt, of course. I realized that no matter how "dirty" I was, it'll do me no good at all to "live in the problem".

Then the thought occurred to me, that Chazal talk about "Im paga BOCH menuval zeh - if this pervert accosts you....". And with Hashem's loving help (He is wild about me, you know), it dawned on me that Chazal are calling the Yetzer Hara the "menuval", not me. I'm the "boch" who they are referring to, of course. But on a deep level, I realized that while feeling "dirty" I was actually identifying/confusing myself with the menuval!

As soon as I became aware of that, I chuckled again at how goofy an addict can be (very, very goofy, in fact!) and I asked Hashem for help, being that I am an easily tricked man. Then we (Him and me) went on to my parent's home (my earliest acting out incubator!!) and had a great time with them, clean as a whistle.

He really is the best Friend one could ever ask for, no?

And I don't care how low any Yid goes; as soon as he doesn't want to be so, he is not really dirty at all!

So if I ever feel farschmutzed (dirty) again, I guess Hashem will help me just "close my eyes" to my own craziness and help me have simple faith that I am actually a holy man with a blazing, ancient light inside, and a burning flame in his heart, walking through this "big city filled with people who don't know their right from their left"!

Sorry about waxing poetic. Hope you get the practical suggestion.
Just an addict sharing, really.

Love,
Dov

 

Battleworn responds to Nura's Cry:

Now that you screamed "FIRE", I would humbly suggest that you start screaming at the menuval, "SHUT UP YOU LIAR!" and tell him that he's making a big deal out of nothing. All you saw is a piece of raw meat that some weird people worship. There's nothing there at all (except a lot of pain). And most important to remember is that everything will be absolutely FINE if you just walk away.

The menuval makes it in to a whole emergency and tells us that we're going to explode, etc., when all we really have to do is turn our backs on the whole thing and let go of it. And of course when we do that, we've accomplished the greatest accomplishment in the whole world!

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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