Anxiety, Depression, and Addiction
  Breaking Free Chizuk#1301  
In Today's Issue
Image of the Day: Efshar Letakein
12 Step Attitude: The Demise of Guys
12 Step Attitude: Dealing with Depression
Daily Dose of Dov: Getting Ourselves Out of the Way
Links: Anxiety and addiction
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Image of the Day

Artwork courtesy of Maydel, GYE member.

Efshar Letakein
Efshar Letakein
12 Step Attitude
The Demise of Guys
By The GYE "Prevention" Team

Excerpts from this great TED Talk by Philip Zimbardo.


Note this disclaimer.

I want us to reflect on the demise of guys. Guys are flaming out academically; they're wiping out socially with girls, and intimately with women. Girls outperform boys now at every level, from elementary school to graduate school.

What's the evidence of wiping out? First, there’s this new fear of intimacy. Intimacy means physical, emotional connection with somebody else -- and especially with somebody of the opposite sex who gives off ambiguous, contradictory, phosphorescent signals. And we're seeing a steady increase of self-reported shyness among male college students. It's a social awkwardness. The old shyness was a fear of rejection. But today, it’s a social awkwardness, like you're a stranger in a foreign land. Guys don't know what to say, they don't know what to do, especially one-on-one [with the] opposite sex. They don't know the language of face contact, the non-verbal and verbal set of rules that enable you to comfortably talk to somebody else, to listen to somebody else.

One of the main causes of this is pornography, which is an arousal addiction. With drug addiction, you simply want more of the same. But with arousal addictions, you want different. You need the novelty in order for the arousal to be sustained.

And the problem is that the industry is supplying it. Cindy Gallop said that today men don't know the difference between making love and doing porn. The average boy now watches 50 porn video clips a week. (And there's some guy watching a hundred, obviously). And the porn industry is the fastest growing industry in America -- 15 billion dollars annually. For every 400 movies made in Hollywood, there are 11,000 porn videos being made.

So it's a new kind of arousal. Boys' brains are being digitally rewired in a totally new way, to expect change, novelty, excitement and constant arousal. That means they're totally out of sync in traditional classes, which are analog, static, interactively passive. They're also totally out of sync in romantic relationships, which build gradually and subtly.

Who should care? Well, the only people who should care about this are parents of boys and girls, educators, gamers, filmmakers and women - who would like a real man who they can talk to, who can dance, who can make love slowly and contribute to the evolutionary pressures to keep our species above banana slugs.

No offense to banana slug owners.

Thank you.

12 Step Attitude
Dealing with Depression
By Elya

Some of the most common causes of the addiction to inappropriate stimulation and lust are depression, anxiety or resentment. People who feel an inner void or darkness because of these emotional issues, either genetically or because of external circumstances, are more prone to feel a need to seek self-soothing behaviors to "medicate" themselves and make themselves feel better.

Read more
Daily Dose of Dov
Getting Ourselves Out of the Way
By Dov

Not only can't I cure myself from my sickness, but as the Kotzker might say, perhaps neither can G-d Himself, necessarily, for He only comes in where people "let" Him in.

The 12 Steps are about letting G-d in, by learning how to get ourselves out of the way. This is not always simple for people who engaged for years in self-gratification. Especially since even our religious experiences are all revolving around our Teshuva, our sins, our mitzvos, our kavanah, our blah, blah, blah... you know what I mean?


This link will take you to a site outside of GYE network. While we vetted this site and found it to contain no objectionable imagery, viewer discretion is advised.

Anxiety and addiction
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit

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