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  Breaking Free Chizuk #1300  
In Today's Issue
Testimonials: You don't have to be an addict to benefit
Image of the Day: Remember:
Daily Dose of Dov: The First Drink
Chizuk: The Value of Failure
Q & A: Comparing is Deadly
90 Day Journey
Click below to update your 90 day chart
Still Clean Had a fall
Haven't begun the 90 day journey yet? Click here to join.
You don't have to be an addict to benefit
By Finally Finally

I can't tell you how much I appreciate what you do!

I am not and never was a real addict.

My problem was only when I found myself with the yetzer hara right in my face (alone in front of unfiltered internet, business trip in a hotel alone, etc).

BH since I joined GYE I have not had one fall.

Just the feeling of achrayus and having a sponsor to email if I need him and the 90 day chart have done the trick for me.

Thanks so much!

Image of the Day

Think you are in a rut?

Daily Dose of Dov
The First Drink
By Dov

Someone wrote:

When it gets impossibly hard, all it takes is for me to drop my guard for one stupid second, and I'm a gonner. That's what I really need help with.

Dov replies:

I understand the "dropping guard for a second" business, but how do you tolerate living in an "impossibly hard" situation to begin with?

Maybe I'm missing something here, but it really, really is not the last drink that gets us in trouble, it's the first one. Maybe you know this, but - for me - putting it into action means one thing: pain. It just plain hurts to walk the other way and not take the "drink" after noticing something tantalizing, for example. For me, it feels like mourning a real loss, crazy as it may be - to mourn over poison.

But like I always need to remember, surrender and freedom from temptation ultimately has nothing whatever to do with goodness, intelligence, Torah, G-d's Will, my potential, my neshoma, or how I should be / could be, etc. Yes, being truly aware of these things may prove useful tools, but for me - and the addicts I know, they remain "half-measures" in the end.

It eventually comes down to acceptance of my inability to successfully use lust, and learning to live honestly with the implications. This grows out of the 1st step (which is; "admitting powerlessness").

I do not believe that anyone who is not an addict can ever understand that pain without judging it or trying to analyze it (which is just as useless for me!). It's like becoming an expert about all aspects of driving, but without ever getting into a car. Useless, really.

Oops, I got off point again - the question was, "how do things get bad first?" I have almost no will-power, nor any real strength, and I am more powerless today over lust than I ever was! I just can't afford for the fantasies to start, nor to take that "second look", even though I may wish I could, much of the time.

(Admittedly though, my early surrender mechanism took a while to engage)...

The Value of Failure

In Chinese, the word for disaster and opportunity is the same. No one is immune to the fear of failure; all of us have failed and misinterpreted its meaning. The experience of failure is painful However, it is this pain that can initiate a search for its sources.

We can begin to realize that to fail in an endeavor in no way indicates our failure as a person. Nor does it necessarily have to upset our peace of mind or self-esteem, unless we allow it to.

In the Spirit of Business (p.72)

Robert Roskind

Q & A
Comparing is Deadly
If people who have been working on this for years still consider themselves weak, how will I ever overcome my addiction?
By Elya

Some people on GYE have been in recovery for years and yet they still say 'I'm weak'. This gets me depressed. If they're weak, what chance do I have? I expect someone in recovery for years to say "I'm strong" not "I'm weak".

Read more
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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