Sunday, 15 January 2012

Turning Our Wires Around

by Dov (See all authors)

It is not the woman's body, her face or whatever that is the problem - the problem is in me. So I need to ask Him to help me with me. With what my priorities are and to help adjust what it is that I find precious in this world.

I might ask Him to please give me what it is that I am really seeking in the image of that woman. That is, the real fulfillment and connection that is actually to Him. He's gotta be where all the beauty, love, and pleasure is - cuz he made it! Now this idea may sound bizarre to some, but it is simple. "Li hakesef v'li hazohov omar Hashem tzvo'os" is the nechoma He gives to the money-hungry - "Don't worry, I've got it all right here - for you!"...well, how about for those who crave what we do - it's our currency. Does He have that? Sure he does!

This may not work nor make any sense at all for a normal Jew who is having a tayvoh for some schmutz. It feels nice and he wants it, period. He may not be after anything remotely resembling "no'am Hashem". But paradoxically, for addicts - chronic users, who are repeatedly and cyclically duped by this garbage (like my story here!) and obviously have lost control over it - we are lost. We are so far past cheit that we have come out the other side: it has become a 'higher power' for us. Sort of like a god. An obsession - like the way Jews are supposed to feel about Hashem! - obsessed and in love with Him (as the RMB"M clearly puts it in hilchos De'os, (I closely paraphrase) "the way a man is infatuated and even crazy in love with his woman".

The program I know is all about the fact that we addicts need to take the same wires and turn them around: replace lust with what it now most closely resembles for us: connection to G-d and His Will, His sweet love for us. We take action to replace our overpowering need for connection with people (in sex with self, and with them), with being of service to others. Being useful and getting busy with real life - what we like to run away from a lot.

We need a lot of help to do that.