Sunday, 25 December 2011

Talking to Hashem

by GYE (See all authors)

Sometimes we just need to get down on our knees and beg Hashem to save us (see here for the halachos of kneeling by R' Simcha Feuerman, Director of Nefesh). We need to get used to stopping whatever we're doing when the lust attacks, and just have a talk with Hashem. If we get an attack while driving, pull over to the side of the road and write a letter to Hashem. "Tatty, help me find in you what I seek in the image of that woman", or "in that fantasy"... "Tatty, I am powerless over lust".

Powerless

Powerless doesn't mean we have to use it. Powerless means we recognize that if we start using it, we will get an "allergic reaction" and need to use it more and more. We can't use lust 'a little' like most people. If we start using it, we'll need to use it till it kills us. And when we recognize that we are powerless over it, we become free from using it. Because we recognize that we simply can't use it anymore. We have to stop.

No Matter What

We have to be willing to take pain. No one said that recovery won't hurt. But the chiddush of the program is that we won't die. We are actually free to choose. We don'thave to use it, even if it hurts not to. We always thought we need it and that we'll die without it. That's a lie.

And once we decide that we won't act out anymore even if our tush falls off, we become free of the obsession. The obsession only remains with us when we leave even a 1% opening of the door saying, "maybe I really need it". Because then we tell ourselves that it's only a matter of time until we'll NEED to act out. But it's not true. We don't need to. We can choose to endure a little pain and not act out. And the pain gets less and less over time. We won't die. It passes. Everything in life passes, both the good times and the bad. We are truly free to choose.

Just for Now

All we have is the NOW. The future is not our business, and neither is the past. Otherwise, how can we possibly find the strength to stop? If we tell ourselves that "now" is just a spec in the overall picture we will ask, "what's the use of staying clean just now?". The only way to succeed is to recognize that all there truly is, is the NOW. And I can choose to stay clean now. I don't have to worry about the future. It doesn't belong to me. That is why "one day at a time" is such an important Yesod in the 12-Step program. It is the only way; it is the truth.

The Secret

Harvey, one of the founders of SA, says that the secret of the program is just two things: (1) decide you won't act out even if your tush falls off, and (2) make that call. Just pick up the phone and call someone when you feel weak. All the self-pity and loneliness that causes us to fall is just an illusion. It scatters like the wind when we pick up the phone and find that we aren't alone, and that other people care about us. The lust quickly dissipates when we connect with others...

The Only Thing

One experienced SA sponsor used to say: The reason many people continue to fall is because recovery is still not the most important thing in their lives. We need to put it before everything else; before our jobs, before our families and even before "Hashem"! G-d wants us out of the mud before anything else, for Heaven's sake! We can't do Mitzvos and learn Torah and serve G-d when we're in the mud, can we? That's why recovery comes even before religion! Addicts need to tell themselves that their ONLY real job in life is to STAY CLEAN. After all, if we don't have that, what do we have?