Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Sharing Pain Can Help Others - And Ourselves

by Dov (See all authors)

Dov wrote to "Tried-123":

Don't give up, keep reaching out for help. Oh, and you may find that you will get more recovery by reaching out to help others rather than by mainly helping yourself cope. And one great way to help others is just by sharing your real pain them, strange as it sounds. We're addicts - we lead with our weaknesses!

 

"Tried-123" responds:

I always thought that people are very uncomfortable with another person's pain... You think it helps people to hear someone else's real pain? How would that work?


Dov answers:

Well, first of all, it only works for people who already have pain of their own, like other addicts, for example. And then, only when they are open to it, like, for example, if they are throwing up their tzoress all over you. Or if they admit they have tzoress but are not willing to go any further and actually open up about it. Or for folks that are so ashamed of themselves, that they think they just need a rock to climb under.

These types generally feel quite relieved when they hear a real live mirror talking to them, and they see that their lives are not over - by a long shot. They often begin to undergo quite a life change as a result, and they have only you to thank, for sharing your tzoress with them.

A bit nutty?

Maybe.
So?

One more thing, and this goes for Torah as much as for recovery: I believe that as long as I am sharing with other what I have actually experienced by using it in my life, they can benefit from it. On the other hand, "teaching" or "saying over" great and true stuff, bounces off their hearts and is relatively useless - except to cause more guilt. Their brains get lifted while their bodies are still in the garbage - and they know it. I have seen this.

More true ideas and inspiration is not what we really need. We seem to need experience from action - more real, personal Truth. It's like talking about our relationship with Hashem vs. saying your netilas yodayim or shehakol like you are plainly and simply talking to Someone.

It's in the action, not in the thinking about action. Gevalt.

So, all your struggles and pain will help someone someday, for certain.
Your deep hashkafic he'aros? - maybe they will, maybe they won't.