Tuesday, 27 December 2011

Not a Candy Machine

by Dov (See all authors)

Our problem is not sex, but lust. And the solution is an inside job and not a behavioral one... Though only by behaving differently can we ever seem to experience any inner change at all.

It is no wonder that we lust addicts will have some sex problems - heck, even many (maybe most) 'normals' do! I want sex every day, and sometimes more than that. But this schedule does not work in real life - unless other aspects of humanity and marriage are jettisoned to make it possible. And for many healthy, self-respecting wives, catering this way will lead to horrific twisting of her job as a wife and woman. No real woman is a sex candy machine for her husband to put in a quarter and get what he wants when he wants it. I have been there with my wife in many different ways. Such a way of life eventually damages the very humanity of a wife, in my experience.

It is torture for us at first, but it is plain that as good people in recovery, we deserve better than this. So may Hashem continue to help us grow and improve as lust-free people, as good husbands, and as Avdei Hashem who can truly appreciate the riches in our lives so that we can finally focus on serving Him rather than on serving ourselves.