Saturday, 21 January 2012

More of the same, or REAL change?

To understand this beautiful post from Dov it may be necessary to see this link for a quick summary of the steps.

by Dov (See all authors)

When the White Book mentions 'facing resentments' as part of recovery, it seems to me that it is as part of a process. The steps before the 4th are quite simple, yet often not as straightforward as we make them, early on. For example, simply having a true emunah in Hashem as any yid - particularly an educated and practicing one - must have, is not necessarily even scratching the surface of Step 2, or 3. In my recovery it seems plain that my working the 1st, 2nd and 3rd steps must begin to change me. After that, looking closely at my resentments and other character defects will bear tremendous fruit. But in my experience, looking at my defects before working the first three steps is just more self-analysis. I remain at the helm, no matter how much emunah I have brought to the table with me. And I was at the helm when the ship strayed way off course repeatedly and for decades....uh oh.

In other words: If acceptance of my own inability to stop lust behaviors on my own (step 1); my reliance upon Hashem to save me from myself and help me heal a bit just for today (step 2); and my comfort with Hashem as my own personal Master and Best Friend (step 3) are not significantly different than what I had before (while I lived with all that crazy behavior), then I see no reason to expect I will succeed at living life differently. If anything, Recovery is simple - but not easy. And early on, it is truly "rachok m'tziyur sichleinu" (far from our imagination)!

It all depends on what we want: more of the same but with "a deeper awareness" and "more control", or a different life - one free of lust as a destructive force. If I want more of the same but with more "understanding", I will read through the steps and think them over. That's all. The only way my life changed was by working the steps in order, though very imperfectly. I needed the help of others to do this. I found people near me who have been this way before in the "gan ham'vucha", whom I could talk to, practically daily. The benefit was - and is - incredible. It made no difference for me if they were yiddin or goyim - the only real issue for success was the simplicity and honesty of my faith, not what I have faith in, at all. I hope you get my meaning here.

If meetings are impossible, perhaps you can get a sponsor - a real live one. After all, your problem isn't virtual... you gotta trust someone. Your Father wants you to go only for the bulls-eye. There is a price to pay for that, and it may not be attainable behind a screen.