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Living Without Him Isn't Really Living

GYE Corp. Wednesday, 04 January 2012

Someone wrote to Dov:

"I have a hard time considering the addiction in any form, even in terms of recovery. It's triggering. The best thing for me is to think of other things. I'm concerned that if I speak to another addict, I will spend too much time discussing the pitfalls which would only be detrimental."


Dov Responds:

Agreed. The more we focus on our problem, the more we are living in it... and that's really a bad idea. The trick is to recognize our ill-ness, tendency to goofiness, etc. (living steps 1 & 4)... and still move right into steps 2 and 3 (living with Hashem and the people we are found with).

So, in that spirit, on a good day, I see every healthy choice of any kind that I am zocheh to make as a direct enactment of my third step in general; every heartfelt tefilah I am zocheh to make (whether in shul, the subway, the shower, or even on the potty) as a direct working of my 11th step; every interpersonal problem that I have as an opportunity to either just (naturally and passively) sit in my addiction and react in the same way I always have and surely act out again as a result - or work my 4-7th step, sometimes 8 & 9, too; and every emotional swing I have as an opportunity to be in steps 2 & 3, sometimes 4-7, as well. There is basically nothing in my inner life - my reality - that is not helpable by using the steps. I do not see working the steps in my life as a mitzvah, but as a choice to just keep on 'surviving' through life - or to really live. And the only real living is living with the truth. If G-d is true, then it means living with Him - or I am not really living. If I really have friends, then it means really being a friend - or I do not really have friends. Same for a wife and kids - I am through with 'playing husband', just to get by. As Rav Noach zt"l used to say, if living your real life is not exciting enough and you feel you need TV or movies to really be entertained, then you must not really be living yet.... (or something like that).