Wednesday, 11 January 2012

Learning from "Farm Boys"

by Dov (See all authors)

Do you expect me to say you can't get better without live meetings? Well, I won't!

If you get 'better' with the virtual friendships (and using your virtual name), then that means that it works. I believe that also depends on how you define 'getting better', too.

For me, the fake name and my hidden presence would conspire against me - for that is the very way I protected my acting out in the first place. So it's not my cup of tea when it comes to recovery. But like I said, if it works for you, then it works!

All you can do is try, and the truth will reveal itself for you.

Of course, if you define 'success' as 'participating in the valiant fight', then your definition is something I cannot relate to. For me, my actions, lifestyle and attitude had become such an irritant, that all I wanted to do was to stop. I couldn't stop, but I had to. So to me, success means one thing: not having to act-out today. I learned that the reason I ended up having to 'mess up' was not that I went too far with the shmutz. (That's what I had always truly believed, so I made an art out of searching and looking - but stopping in time. I presume you know firsthand exactly what I mean.) Rather, my problem was the first drink. I discovered that I do not even possess the power to consistently avoid the very first drink! So I started to learn how to trust G-d.

SA - a bunch of goyim - taught me how to do that. And now I am here with you. Am I goyish? I don't think so. So maybe the meetings wouldn't be that bad.

Furthermore, even though I am not - repeat NOT recommending SA to you (for I do not know you at all) - the act of a bekovodikeh ben-Torah/talmid chochom having to go and be machniyah himself to a bunch of 'farmboys' to learn how to keep his marriage and stop behaving like a rosho, is quite a humbling experience. I like that for myself. I'd like to wish it on anybody with a porn/masturbation/whatever problem, especially if he is a talmid chochom. Because when we act out our lust, somehow we learn to maintain the kovod of a respectable talmid chochom, don't we? And that is a lie. If the masses watched a video of us doing what we do and thinking what we think before, during, and after we do it, we would not be 'respectable' any more. Period.

So I am happy I am friends with a bunch of otherwise prusteh goyim - who taught me how to be not prust, one day at a time.

Just for the opportunity for a grain of precious anivus, this experience is priceless to me.

So try whatever you want, and may Hashem help you and all of us take action accordingly. If what we choose to do works for us, great. If not....better try something else or we just get worse.