Monday, 13 February 2012

GYE Isn't Always Enough

Dov writes to someone who keeps having repeated falls:

by Dov (See all authors)

Dear friend,

You may need more support than you are getting, particularly the non-virtual kind. After all, our problem isn't just "virtual"...

I am absolutely positive that, in my case, there was no substitute for biting the bullet and meeting to talk in person with other guys who were sober. Specifically other guys who were at least as bad off as I was (or worse) to start with (in fact, worse off was better, cuz it proved more to me of the power of recovery!).

All of the people in the live SA groups know exactly what it feels like to think of something that is totally self-destructive and to desire it anyway. We all know the excruciating pain of not acting out our crazy ideas - even though they are totally nuts. So we are not ashamed of admitting it to each other, thank G-d, and we can finally get - and remain - completely honest about it with somebody.

How long will the addict remain afraid to get the gruesome details - in all their shameful stupidity - out into the light? Well however long it takes, that is probably how long this stupidity will still hold sway over him. (The tzetel koton of Reb Elimech of Lizensk is similar on this - he says that we need to tell our every deed and thought to a close friend in order to break the power of the evil)...

And that is just the very first step, you know. G-d has a lot of work to do on us, cuz we can get a lot better, you know.

Stop accepting the scraps off the table. Get a big bite of the main meal!!

This virtual thing (like the GYE forum) is a giant leap in the right direction, don't get me wrong please. But if we see that we need more to make it, then how much more do we need to suffer and put our precious relationships at risk before taking the necessary painful steps?

For me, those steps were coming face-to-face with other addicts who saw right through all my BS and also knew my pain exactly - and yet they came out the other side alive. I needed meetings, a sponsor, and a LIVE and open, open, open fellowship with others like me to get better.

We are all afraid of a different life, until the one we have becomes totally unbearable, of course.

It all depends on what you want: the same, or better?